#(i'm back!)

Unrevised

After twenty-five years of marriage and three beautiful daughters, not to mention a granddaughter they spoil rotten, Dana knows her wife better than anyone else. She is her soulmate, the mother of her children, and the person she trusts with her life. That’s exactly why she immediately notices Y/N’s grimace when smelling the freshly brewed coffee, even though it’s exactly the same coffee she drinks every morning before getting ready for work as an elementary school teacher, and how her lips twist to hold back the nausea that returns minutes later, while they’re brushing teeth.

“My love, you should stay home,” she whispers before planting a kiss on her temple. “I’m advising this not only as your wife, but as a nurse as well.”

“Nonsense! It’s probably just menopause saying hello, or I caught a virus from the kids.”

Dana doesn’t want to disagree; the symptoms are similar to those of the climacteric, she knows there will be hell to go through soon. However, curiously, she hasn’t noticed any of the other major symptoms that usually appear first. Maybe it is a virus, she tells herself before following her wife down the hallway. The girls’ childhood photos, family trips and wedding pictures line the walls on both sides. They stop in front of the closet near the entrance, helping each other finish getting ready for the day. As she slips the coat over Y/N’s shoulders, there is a glimpse of one of the photographs from their first year of marriage.

The nurse leader, at that time finally establishing herself in the career with some experience, has her arms around a young and very pregnant version of her wife as she stands behind her; both are reading a book of fairy tales to their daughter, who was born two weeks after the photo was taken.

Alice wasn’t planned; they had barely started living together and the fact that the blonde came home too late for two weeks in a row wore thin on Y/N’s patience, leading to a heated argument followed by an equally heated reconciliation. They didn’t leave the bedroom for an entire day, Dana wasn’t even surprised when Y/N couldn’t stand the mere smell of coffee from across the room, an aversion that, after lasting more than two days, led them to buy some pregnancy tests at the corner pharmacy near their first apartment. All positive. As a good Christian and traditional woman, Dana got a ring and a mortgage on a house in a neighborhood considered safe, proposing to Y/N as soon as she got back from the store, kneeling at the edge of the bed and giving a whole speech to her then-extremely sleepy girlfriend, the first trimester was marked by extreme fatigue that made her sleep for hours on end with ease. Dana rushed everything; she didn’t want the child to be born out of wedlock and wanted to get married before her baby bump showed. Even so, she couldn’t escape the questions about how Alice was born in April and they got married in September. It was an easy pregnancy, perhaps the easiest of the three, and her routine was to have breakfast ready for her wife, something light, since even without severe morning sickness, Y/N still struggled a bit with her stomach in the mornings. After work, she would stop by the bakery to pick up chocolates, then come home and pamper her beloved with massages on her swollen feet and, to her secret delight, on her sensitive breasts. Those were peaceful months, filled with planning for the new moms and many classes, which Dana insisted were important, so they also took courses on breastfeeding and first aid; she wanted them to be the best and most prepared mothers. With their busy schedules, they often met only in front of the Lamaze class building and shared their last meal of the day. The labor and delivery were smooth and quick, so much so that the baby was born fifteen minutes after the blonde parked the car, that sums up how Alice’s arrival and upbringing unfolded. She was sweet and charming, rarely cried, and paid close attention to Dana’s voice, which had told sleep stories throughout the pregnancy and as soon as their firstborn came into the world. The little family was complete.

“If anything happens or you feel worse, call me or text me, just talk to me, okay?” it’s not a question, it’s an order.

“Okay, Mrs. Evans! Have a good work!"

“You too, my love!” Dana leans in and captures Y/N’s lips in a lingering kiss, leaving a lipstick mark on them, then they head to their respective cars.

Many hours later, after a brutal shift, Dana returns home, her soles throbbing and head ringing with every noise, which irritates her. She expects to find her wife preparing dinner and waiting for her with a hug that would melt her heart, followed by a long shower, dinner, half an hour of whatever’s on TV, and, if she has the energy, some cuddling and a long night’s sleep in each other’s arms. Instead, she finds Y/N snuggled up with one of Riley’s plush toys, one of the dozens she leaves behind every time the couple offers to babysit their granddaughter. Alice got married right after college and soon had the little girl, who is the joy of the entire family, being thoroughly spoiled as the first and only granddaughter, daughter, and niece. Her wife is stretched out on the big couch, the Charmander wrapped around her arms and the Totodile used as a pillow, the crocheted blanket draped over her shoulders and the book abandoned on the coffee table.

“Hey, my sweet…” the blonde murmurs, sliding her lips across her blushing cheeks until reaching her earlobe, which she tugs with teeth. It’s impossible not to flash a smug smile as she watches her wife’s legs writhe and a moan escape her parted lips.

There’s a better way to cure a headache than a few pills, and that’s being inside the woman she loves. God, maybe that’s the cure for all her ills and her miracle remedy, especially on these excruciating days. But instead of being greeted by the passionate kisses that would make her collapse onto the couch and undress, she’s shoved and almost falls onto the plush rug.

“Not today, honey…” Y/N murmurs without even opening the eyes and rolls over on the cushioned surface, trying to find a comfortable position. “My lower back really hurts.”

“Love, I told you to call me if anything happened.” now the irritation is back, for a different reason; it’s as if her wife were determined to be stubborn, just as she was when she had terrible pain that kept her from getting up during Grace’s pregnancy.

When Alice turned three months old, her sleep finally began to become regular, a small victory in their routine. They could sleep through the night and rely more on the baby monitor. For Dana, it was a relief to be able to sleep without their daughter between them and to hold her wife all night long, snuggling up, kissing. That’s exactly how it had started, she had taken on a double shift for extra money and still taken care of the baby, who had recently caught the flu, just like Y/N, whose role was full-time mom. It felt like it had been a long time since the last time, but the couple was finally embracing, kissing and whispering words of love, the blonde’s long fingers lazily tracing Y/N’s waist, caressing and squeezing just the right spots. It didn’t take much convincing, but even so, she begged her wife to let her leave just the tip, the oldest trick of all. Those were the most agonizing fifteen seconds of her life until she was allowed to sink in completely, letting those months of longing play out through their bodies and reaching as many orgasms as she could, filling her to the brim countless times until they both passed out from exhaustion. Neither of them worried much about this time or the times that followed; they’d agreed to use birth control (even though Dana was raised as, and remains, a Catholic, she would never impose her beliefs about contraception on her wife and she’s certainly not a troglodyte), and the pills seemed like a great option, except that the flu had caused Y/ N throw up her entire breakfast, and that powerful miracle of science, for three days straight. That's how Grace was conceived and crashed the party earlier than planned.

The second pregnancy was by far the most difficult; while there were no serious complications, it was nonetheless grueling and exhausting. This was to be expected, considering that Y/N’s body had barely recovered from the first pregnancy, it demanded a great deal of effort, both mentally and physically, since they had a daughter less than six months old and another on the way. Reluctantly, but considering the possibility and respecting whatever decision her wife might make, since it wouldn’t be her own body going through the whole process again, Dana even asked if she was considering an abortion and almost cried with relief upon hearing a clear and exasperated “no.” The morning sickness was severe and lasted two full trimesters, occurring at any time and without warning, accompanied by vomiting; then came hypersensitivity to smells, they had to hide all perfumes and sleep in separate rooms because she couldn’t stand the nurse’s natural scent, let alone the hospital’s. Then came the alarming weight loss, anemia, nutrient deficiencies and occasional dehydration; the fatigue went beyond the first few months and stayed with her throughout the entire pregnancy. There was no way to stop completely, Y/N had Alice to care for and breastfeed, while Dana wanted her to barely get out of bed. Dana planned meals, cleaned the house, took on most of the care for their firstborn and organized a support team with her siblings for when she wasn’t home, yet she still felt helpless for not being able to do more or help ease all the chaos that little Evans 2 was already causing. Neither her experience nor her strength seemed a match for this little bundle of joy on the way. In the end, many of these symptoms had disappeared, replaced by others such as irritating cramps and debilitating back pain, keeping her in bed longer than she would have liked. And there was the risk of premature labor.

Grace ended up being born a week earlier than expected; even though she had kicked a lot, hinting that she was already losing patience in there, she held on long enough to develop properly and be safe, a long labor with few complications. She was born a few days before Alice’s first birthday, still in April, and there’s a photo of the party in a frame on the bookshelf. The four of them sitting together on the couch, Alice on Y/N’s lap and Grace on Dana’s, surrounded by gifts and educational toys that took a while to be used; the girls were adorable, healthy, and deeply loved, that was what mattered.

“I’ll get a heating pad and find that massage oil you love, what do you think? Want some tea?”

“Please, yes. My stomach just wouldn’t give me a break, it’s as if those little rascals knew it and kept shaking me until I threw up my breakfast in the trash can.” it’s not uncommon for her wife to complain about the kids, years as a teacher and a lot of baggage that sometimes needs attention , but she’s never used such a fragile tone, so close to giving up, as she does now. “I think they hate me, at least half of them hate me.” and then the tears well up suddenly, in her half-groggy state, more asleep than awake, muttering as she does when she talks in her sleep.

“I’m sure they don’t…”

“One of them said he wanted to live to be 100 like me, and I’m approaching menopause, menopause!” she continues to mumble, hugging the blanket tightly and curling up inside it.

“It’s a natural process of the body, darling." Dana tries to comfort her and kisses her on the temple, stroking away the stubborn strands of hair.

“Dana, I’m waking up after a six-hour nap, and I slept almost nine hours yesterday. I’m getting old!”

“And what am I, then?”

She always fires back with that question. There’s a seven-year age difference and that’s never been a problem, even though they started a family quite early, but it always brings her wife back to reality as she tries to argue that Dana isn’t old, that she’d never grow old in her eyes, that she was perfect like a bottle of wine, only to fall into the trap of her own words. Not this time.

“Another old woman!”

After a brief, friendly discussion filled with many valid arguments and some made-up ones, the couple comes to the conclusion that they’re starting to get old, which is natural, and that seems to be enough to stop Y/N from crying about how she’ll die soon. Dana forgets about her own headache, now replaced by something bigger, a huge nagging doubt. From a distance, she analyzes the symptoms and lists all the commonly known and lesser-known signs of menopause, a viral infection, and other possibilities that might explain how her well-adjusted wife, who has been dealing with children for years, was so affected by a comment from someone missing two front teeth. She also decides to prepare something light for dinner, since her wife doesn’t seem able to stand for very long and wants to keep sleeping for another half hour after drinking some tea. Soon the chicken soup is ready and its comforting aroma fills the air, but the other woman doesn’t seem to feel the same way; she abruptly gets up from the couch as she approaches with the bowl and rushes to the bathroom, unmistakable sounds of vomiting echoing through the thick walls.

“What the hell is going on?”

After that, Y/N comes out of the bathroom and devours an entire basket of peaches.

Dana has a little trouble falling asleep; she lies on her back with one hand behind the pillow and the other resting on her wife’s thigh, who continues trying to read the same book from this afternoon, now on Kindle. As a healthcare professional, she goes over all the symptoms again and decides that if this continues, she’ll have to take her to the doctor, nothing is making sense or having any effect, not even mild medication. As usual, she caresses the exposed skin of Y/N beneath the babydoll and traces irregular patterns across the softness, thoughts wander far away and then return. Her wife’s fingers intertwine with hers, and she brings their joined hands to her lips, kissing the knuckles of Dana’s fingers, then moving down to her wrist, the inside of the arm, neck, and finally her lips, asking for entry with her tongue between soft moans. In a matter of seconds, she’s in the older woman’s lap, rubbing herself against her sweatpants in search of friction that leaves her breathless.

“I can’t sleep either.” she murmurs irritably as she tries to untie the drawstrings of Dana's pants, struggling with the tight knot. “And my back still hurts a little, can you do something about that, nurse Evans?”

“Of course, my love.” Dana replies softly between kisses, trying to help her get rid of the pants, hating herself for choosing to wear them.

“Darling, I can’t wait…”

Before Dana can even process what’s happening, Y/N brings her ring and middle fingers to her lips, and the blonde could come just from the sensation of that velvety tongue swirling around them, their eyes locked on each other in the brief seconds before she guides it down to her soaking wet, slippery and inviting intimacy. They both moan when, in a single motion, she reaches that sweet, sensitive spot inside her wife, thumb teasing the clitoris in torturously slow circular motions as she moves even more slowly. Dana leans in and captures one of her breasts, nibbling on the nipple through the thin fabric, her tongue circling the areola and sucking vigorously, gradually increasing the rhythm of her thrusts until Y/N is riding her and clenching around her fingers as she devours her. Usually, it would take them more than a few minutes, at least, but 30 seconds were enough to make her wife’s body tremble and announce an orgasm that causes her to melt, limp and sweaty, against Dana’s strong body.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened, it’s just that… your mouth, my breast... they’re sensitive today.”

“Oh, my love…” Dana is still inside her wife, lips pressed against those sinful, soft, swollen mounds. “Oh…”

The realization hits her, and she can’t help but show the terror in the eyes. The pieces fall into place like a perfect puzzle and she wants to hit herself for not noticing sooner. She knows Y/N’s body like the back of her hand, even with her eyes closed, and yet she hadn’t noticed how her breasts seem to be bigger, incredibly bigger, almost bursting out of her usual clothes to fit.

She still remembers the day she had to unpick a section of her wife’s summer dress so she could wear it to a family event without feeling suffocated. It was the first sign that Sophie was on the way, along with the jars of olives devoured in minutes, even though olives weren’t her favorite thing to eat. And the crying while watching Jurassic Park. They’d been extremely careful for years, especially after having to deal with two babies under the age of two; they still couldn’t believe they’d survived having Irish twins. Condoms almost always, birth control pills religiously, abstinence when there was a switch or they were sick, still traumatized by the second pregnancy. Sometimes Dana felt almost like a predator because they’d started dating when Y/N was 19, gotten her pregnant at 20 and had two daughters before she turned 23; she didn’t want to force her into having a huge family like hers, it’s not as if they could. With school, extracurricular activities and unexpected financial expenses, they were living without luxuries but comfortably; nothing was lacking, there had always been stability and love, not to mention their college savings accounts. She’d wondered many times how her parents managed with five children. Dana was working the night shift for the extra money; she liked being able to get home in time to take the girls to school and kiss her wife before she left for work, then be woken up by a kiss from Y/N coming home with the kids, sometimes one of them, the least tired, would take Alice to piano lessons and Grace to soccer, other times Alice to baseball and Grace to choir; weekends would be filled with games packed with other parents or Scouts. On days without activities, they’d spend the rest of the day doing something as a family or trying to get the girls to sleep, only to end up sleeping more than them. They barely had any time alone, let alone romantic time. It got worse when Dana was offered a promotion to nurse leader and started working the day shift, the pay was good, but the hours were short and the exhaustion doubled. It was the worst crisis they’d ever faced in their entire marriage; they even considered divorce and slept in separate rooms for weeks, almost a semester without intimacy. The infamous seven-year crisis, they hated being a cliché. And they hated not being together even more.

Grace had been hospitalized; Y/N barely had time to call her wife as she rushed to the hospital with one child who could barely breathe and was turning purple, and the other who was terrified. She’d had a severe asthma attack and would be under observation overnight, Dana was furious when she found out only after passing by the bay and recognizing her family. That was the last straw, either they resolved the tension that had been building for nearly a year, or they’d contact their lawyer to file for divorce. They fought in the break room, never done that in front of their daughters, and said things they didn’t mean to say. The blonde was the first to apologize and pulled her into a firm, long-awaited embrace. They kissed with such emotion and haste that they didn’t even take the time to undress for the act; they’d been without each other’s touch for so long that they didn’t mind having to keep an eye on the door over their shoulders, pull the panties aside and lower the uniform pants just a few inches.

A quickie that saved their marriage and led them to take a pregnancy test in the middle of the night a couple of months later, they were both scared and delighted at the same time. There was no morning sickness or lower back pain; instead, it was accompanied by constant hunger and strange cravings that made Dana have to get up in the middle of the night to get whatever her wife wanted to eat. In the second trimester, she had to satisfy her in other ways; it was as if hormones had turned her into some kind of sex addict. Even though her body couldn’t last more than a few seconds under Dana’s skilled hands and over her member, everything was sensitive and needy, insatiable. Sophie was also the most active baby, constantly pressing against Y/N’s bladder, kicking hard, hiccupping and stretching. It wasn’t as easy as with Alice, nor as difficult as with Grace, it was the perfect middle ground. The girls were thrilled to welcome a little sister. They helped pick out her clothes, since their own had been donated once they no longer fit the youngest, and took care of Mummy when the nurse was at work, which meant behaving themselves, keeping an eye on things, and calling Dana on speed dial if anything happened. They also helped choose the name; of course, the couple had made a list of possibilities beforehand, and they preferred Sophie because of Sophie Hatter from Howl's Moving Castle; without the list, they probably would have ended up with Cinderella or Mulan Evans.

Dana had a vasectomy; she couldn't bear to be away from her wife or deal with any more Irish twins, surprises, or babies in general until their third daughter grew up. Besides hating barriers and making Y/N have to take birth control, like injections and pills, she would hate to watch her have to get an IUD, so the minor surgery was the most practical option given their careers.

Sophie was born close to Dana’s birthday, waking Y/N in the middle of the night with a soaked bed and already crowning, ready to be held for the first time by her Mama Dana, who ended up having to deliver the baby on the spot. She still calls her the best early birthday present; SoSo is also still her little princess, the baby of the family, also made her suffer a lot when she decided to study out of state, though she was also very proud that she’d earned a full scholarship. The youngest is already eighteen and living her own life; for the first time, the house is empty. Ten years earlier, they tried to have another child right after the vasectomy reversal; the age gap between the sisters and the baby would have been manageable, they were more settled, and, who knows, maybe they could have had a boy; at least one of their children could have been planned. However, after months of frustrating negative test results and tense doctor’s appointments, their only remaining options were IVF and fertility treatments. Despite being disappointed, they decided they didn’t need any of that, the three girls were incredible and if nature wouldn’t give them another baby, that was fine.

Dana can’t help but think about just how damn wrong they were.

And she laughs out loud at the irony, they are already grandmothers to a one-year-old baby who drains what remaining energy they have. A bout of Y/N’s jealousy a few weeks ago might be making them mothers again at ages 45 and 52. Mothers when their oldest daughter is already a mother, the middle one has just graduated, the youngest is starting college. She’s seen cases like this at work, it’s becoming more and more common, but she never imagined it would happen to them, especially since she thought they were basically infertile after that one year they tried SO HARD, and with no pregnancy scares in the last decade.

“What’s going on?” Y/N asks, startled, and hugs her instinctively.

Dana feels her stomach drop and buries the face in her wife’s breasts, letting out an incredulous laugh. The nurse in her wants a whole bunch of different tests, including the confirmation one, while the wife in her wants to cry and laugh, probably at the same time, at the absurd twist of being almost certain that they are about to raise a baby when they were discussing where they would spend their retirement.

“My love… I think menopause decided to take a huge detour. Have you been praying for a miracle, by any chance?”