#<>

cosmo and wanda are still not slick, trans or no trans

Zircka has complicated relationships with her quadrants

i want so badly to not be this size. i know i can’t hate myself into a body i’m supposed to love

but the lingering thought i always have is that people would find me more attractive or something if i was thinner. which, even if that was true, why does it matter? why do i wanna be attractive to everyone? why do i want to appeal to men? why can’t i let go of the obsessive thought of “other fat girls are hotter than me even if they’re noticeably bigger than me” knowing that it doesn’t matter either way?

i just want to be not fat. and i wish it was as easy as going back to disordered eating habits but that just does more damage in the long run. maybe i just need to actually rearrange some shit in my life and start actually making an effort to do something about it. having multiple autoimmune disorders that influence how my metabolism runs and if it’s even effective. so i think i’m nervous that if i try hard that it won’t work and i’ll end up like the other people with endocrine and metabolic disorders who have been trying their hardest to lose weight but can’t.

i don’t like that i have the same thoughts as i did at 12-18 any time i see someone who i want to look like or hear someone else’s weight. “i wish i was that thin” “i wish i weighed that much” “i’d look so much better if i lost X amount of weight” “i shouldn’t eat that”