#;;mockingjay

There was a KNOT in her stomach as she sat down beside Annie. So few people in District 13 understood what she was going through with Peeta. Everyone was focused on other things, less important things. There was a pain that could not be ridded of just by SHOVING it to the back of her mind. She was loosing h o p e.

❝ Do you know?  Do you know what all they did to him? ❞

She just STARED at him, unsure of how to respond. How could she? There was once a time when she believed that nothing could ever cause her to STOP caring about him, until the moment he told her. Perhaps they were only pointing fingers but someone had to be a fault. Her gut CLENCHED as she started to think deeper on the subject. The reason Prim wasn’t with her might be because of the only thing she had ever been truly sure of. 

❝ That didn’t answer my question, Gale. WAS IT YOU? ❞

❝ Do you miss it? District 4, that is? I’m sick of being STUCK in this cement prison.  I think I forgot what sunlight feels like. ❞

An unsettling twisting consumed her intestines as she stood in front of the door to Peeta’s room. For it was finally time to see him again after the incident. His hands clenching around her neck, his eyes lackluster compared to their usual shine. They had taken apart the pieces of his being then put them back together in the wrong order. The voices would claim there was hope, that he would recover but Katniss couldn’t BELIEVE that. A beeping alerted her that she was now safe to enter into the room. Upon her first step her heart started to quicken, the first feelings of concern wrapping around her. 

She now  F E A R E D  the only thing she really knew was real.

❝ How’re you feeling? They told me you REMEMBERED something. ❞

F E A R.  It thrust through the Mockingjay’s veins as she stepped towards Peeta. He could easily kill her, he’d already gotten closer than most. She had always been defenseless against him. Everyone else in their unit was asleep and it was her watch, but she needed to talk to him, she needed to figure things out FOR HERSELF. With a quivering hand she reached back to pluck an arrow, bringing it to her bow, and pointing it to him once she was ready. She kicked his boot a few times to wake him up. 

❝ I don’t want to hurt you, but I also don’t want you to hurt me. Alright? I just want to know what’s going on INSIDE YOUR HEAD. ❞

❝ Maybe it’s a good thing that people don’t like you, it’d make you a better MOCKINGJAY than me. At least you wouldn’t let your FEELINGS get in the way of things. ❞

All of the dumb mistakes she’d made only to protect people that she knew she never really could. As hard as she tried, she’d never be able to SAVE them all.

Katniss sat beside Peeta in the bunker in Tigris’ home, listening to the commotion outside. If they just stayed put they’d be fine. His handcuffs stayed tightly wrapped around his wrists which only caused her stomach to churn in an painful manner. That pain was what was keeping him with her, it was the reason they were able to have a decent conversation without any concern that he was going to K I L L her. 

❝ Is that the only way you can keep the visions at bay? ❞

Snorting at her piss-poor attempt to insult him, Haymitch grabbed the bottle of his precious white liquor back and swigged a good mouthful.

Finally. 13 was strict about alcohol, but he’d managed to sneak just his last bottle in. Helped to numb the pain, much like Katniss, even if Haymitch didn’t realise it right then.

“Yeah, you wish, kid. I’m the smartest damn bastard you’ll ever know.”

Katniss raised an eyebrow as she watched him. If he was so smart he wouldn’t still be drowning himself in his drinks. She considered herself quite intelligent until she sat down to really think it through. The choices she made were either because she was angry or she was being selfish. Why she was chosen as the Mockingjay would forever be unknown to her. Her eyes met his as she let out a huff of a laugh.

❝ If you’re the smartest one then we’re all doomed then. You would’ve gotten Peeta out instead of me if you were smart. ❞