13, 17.
13: whatâs something that made you smile today?â Ter coisinha pra responder aqui! Eu gosto de atenção.Â
17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?â Eu queria pintar de cinza quase branco. Estranho, nĂ©?

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13, 17.
13: whatâs something that made you smile today?â Ter coisinha pra responder aqui! Eu gosto de atenção.Â
17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?â Eu queria pintar de cinza quase branco. Estranho, nĂ©?

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âWell, this is awkwardâŠâ
(2. yelling at an inanimate object for not functioning properly.)
âDROGA! FUNCIONA, CARAMBA!â Alice gritava constantemente, irritada, batendo no celular que nĂŁo funcionava por nada. âPor que vocĂȘ faz isso, hm? Eu te trato com tanto carinho, nunca te deixo cair, E VOCĂ ME DEIXA NA MĂO?â Continuou, começando a ficar desesperada. E foi nesse momento que notou que nĂŁo mais estava sozinha na sala â Hazel havia chegado, e lhe olhava como se fosse um ser estranho. NĂŁo a julgava por aquilo. Uma pessoa conversando no telefone era normal, mas conversando com o aparelho era⊠Raro. Sentindo-se um pouco tensa e constrangida, Alice riu brevemente para a mais nova antes de pegar o celular e guardar na bolsa com movimentos lentos, como se assim ela nĂŁo fosse perceber o que fazia. Quando terminou, cruzou as pernas e passou a olhar para frente, concentrada em parecer a pessoa normal e sĂ©ria que deveria ser.
Hazel.
My name is Lynn.
Iâm dressed up in this gown like the ones they make you wear at the hospital. Mine is blue and it feels too big for me but I donât complain because at the very least, it isnât too small.  I just sit there, in my room while I wait for the time to pass.  My feet are dangling off the edge of my bed and Iâm swinging my legs as I'm holding to the side of my mattress. Itâs quiet, now; I like that. I am content, I am calm and I have to keep telling myself this.
I am okay.
But itâs a bit of a lie.
I know Iâm not okayâthatâs why Iâm here, in this place with the doctors and the nurses who pretend like Iâm alright. Most of them talk to me like Iâm either really stupid or really young. Iâm not stupid or young â maybe a little bit on the under aged side considering I just turned fifteen last month â and neither is Hazel.
She doesnât come to see me very often any more, but occasionally sheâll drop by. I like it better when sheâs gone. At least nothing bad happens. Nobody gets hurt. I donât get in trouble.
âGood morning, sunshine!â calls a cheerful, singsong voice. Itâs a female and theyâre on the other side of my door.  I look up just in time to see Meryl, one of my nurses stepping in. Sheâs smiling too wide and looking too perky.  I can see it in her eyes so easilyâsheâs scared of me.
She shouldnât be, really. Iâm nice and I donât hurt people.
Meryl should be terrified of Hazel.
âHello,â I greet her with a timid, strained smile. Itâs nurses and doctors who treat me the way that she does that make Hazel mad. She doesnât like that. I reach up to brush my hair out of my face. Maybe theyâll take me for a haircut soon. Itâs becoming harder to manage it and just becomes a long, tangled and knotted mess of light brown strands on my head. âItâs afternoon, Meryl.â
âMorning to me, since Iâm just starting my day with you, Hazel,â she laughs and it sounds so fake. I wince a bit.
âLynn,â I correct her automatically. I sigh because we do this every time.
âRight, Hazel Lynn,â Meryl amends.
She never gets it right.
I fidget uncomfortably as she watches me for a few minutes. I stare down at my bare toes, still kicking my feet out in front of me like I had been before she walked in, but my grip on the mattress was tightening. I know Hazel will be here soon.
âWhy isnât Crystal here?â I ask. I know I sound very disappointed because I actually am. Crystal is the only one who never treats me like a child. Hazel likes her enough to let me stay with her.
âSheâs sick today,â Meryl tenses slightly as she walks over to sit beside me. She wonât relax and I donât blame her. It must be scary not knowing when Hazel will show up.
But I do. I know.
Her footsteps are quiet but they aren't the only set that I hear. The other set is familiar and I see her bare feet stop right beside my bed. I donât want to look at her but I know who it is. She doesnât say anything right away; she doesnât have to. I feel sick. I donât want this. Why is she here today?
Go away, Hazel. Go away.
I look at Meryl instead. She wasnât youngâthough didnât mean she looked old. Not a strand of grey hair in her blond bun was visible; I'm sure she didn't have any yet. She did however, have a few wrinkles around her mouth from smiling too much. Her eyes were blue, in the way mine never could be. Bright, clear, vibrant. Mine were just like murky water.
Hazel is still standing right there, so close to me, just being silent and waiting. Iâm pretending that she isnât there.
âCan I be alone today?â I whisper. Iâm desperately terrified, trying to show her that she should not be here without outright saying it. Leave, Meryl, I plead silently. Please run. Lock the door behind you.
She doesnât.
She shakes her head and looks at me with an expression that's almost apologetic. Almost. âNot today, Hazel Lynn. We need to see Doctor Jefferson today.â
I can practically hear Hazel grinning. Â She loves outings.
No, no, no.
âI donât want to. Iâm tired and I want to go back to bed. Canât we do it tomorrow?â Iâm begging her, now.
âItâll be fun, Lynn. We get to see Doctor Jefferson!â Hazel finally speaks. Her tone is sweet like honey. If I didnât know any better, Iâd think that she was sincerely nice. The truth was that I do know better and it makes me want to vomit.
Meryl still hasnât left. Sheâs sitting there, concerned. Iâm panicking internally but Iâm frozen. I canât move. I just stare at her, helpless.
âHazel, you have to go in for your check up. Itâll be quick, I promise. You can go back to bed afterwards.â As if âlaterâ would help anyone.
âStupid bitch canât even get our names right, can she?â Hazel laughs bitterly and I cringe.  She's not sugar sweet anymoreâshe's the burning feeling when stomach acid hits your throat. âMaybe she wants to talk to me instead, Lynn? Show her that sheâs wrong. Hit her.â
âNo,â I whisper, alarmed. I didnât want to hit Meryl. I just wanted to curl up and disappear so that nothing bad would happen today.
âNo?â Hazel isnât pleased and thatâs even worse than going for my checkup. I shut my eyes really tight, holding my breath. I know what sheâs going to do before she even does it. I donât want to let her. Her voice is a quiet and threatening hiss in my ear. âYou donât have the right to tell me no, Lynn. Open your eyes.â
My body is not my own and despite how unwilling I am, my eyes fly open. I struggle, but itâs no use. No matter how hard I'm trying, nothing will force my limbs into doing what I want them to do.  None of it is working. Hazel has me.Â
I am her puppet.Â
I am her toy.
I canât do anything to stop it.
âHazel Lynn?â Merylâs voice sounds very far away. âAre you alright?â
I want to scream, to tell her to run away while she has the chance but I canât. Iâm silent and Hazel is taking more of me. Suddenly there is no more Lynn, sitting on the bed with that not-so-sympathetic blonde nurse. Itâs her, itâs Hazel and sheâs going to make her suffer.  It's all so horrible and I canât even cry.
Sheâs using my lips to smile, bright and cheery. Iâm attempting to regain control of myself but all my efforts are in vain; she wonât give my body back until sheâs bored. Sometimes sheâs nice and lets me fade into the darkness so I donât see and wonât remember. Other times, like right now, she makes me watch so Iâll suffer.
My hand lifts up but not of my own accord.  Itâs her, brushing her fingers against Merylâs cheek and pushing stray, unruly strands of her golden tresses behind her ear. Meryl looks relieved that I seem so normal, so kind.
Sheâs so wrong.
Hazel doesnât like you. Sheâs going to hurt you. Please, please, please run away, Iâm shrieking but no one hears me.
âIâm fine, Meryl. We have time to play today, donât we?â