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synopsis:from the moment you two made eye contact he hasn't been the same. it's like you've got him completely under your spell, not that he was complaining. when he wants to be more than a stranger in your bed you push him further away. choi soobin has what it takes to be your lover and more, he's sure of it. but after all he's done for you, was it worth all the pain and frustration?
word count: 17.3k
warnings: mentions of drinking alcohol, intoxication, foul language, stds and other sexual diseases, depression, parenting struggles, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, sex while inebriated, voyeurism, sex while pregnant, oral sex (m&f receiving), and breeding kink
note: tada! the long awaited part two of atilwat has arrived! I'm very happy with how this came out, i've been grueling over this fic forever now and i can confidently say this and atilwat are my magnum opus of 2025!! (also this is not proof read sorry) i hope you guys enjoy it, it's a bit long so take some time to read! also p.s. today is my birthday! i've been trying hard to release this on time, i wanted to celebrate with this lmao. but thank you for all the support an love towards this series, i really appreciate everyone who thugged it out with me bc ngl i was going through it with school and work, which really affected my writing time and abilities. but we made it!! let's go! cheers and happy reading!!
Soobin doesnโt know where heโs going. Heโs been driving down various roads for how long now. He just knows he needs to get away from you.
Was he being immature? Rude? Irresponsible? Yes, but so were you.
Heโd just confessed his undying love for you, expressing how you mean the world and more to him, and all you did was dismiss him. You lied straight to his face.
While he was usually level-headed, like any normal person he has a breaking point. And today was that day.
Without much of a thought, his feet took him outside and into his car, and Soobin began to drive.
Itโs been 20 minutes since he left the apartment. He contemplates turning around.
But as he stops at a red light he closes his eyes and as if itโs been burned into his retinas, he sees your crying face. Youโre shaking your head as you refuse to face him.ย
โNo I donโt,โ You whisper.
The sound of your voice echoes inside his brain, it's haunting.
The car behind him honks, and Soobinโs eyes shoot open. The light is green now.
He begins driving again, farther and farther away.
Maybe this was for the best, he thinks to himself. Heโs been entranced by you the moment you two first locked eyes, this could be him finally waking up from the illusion you presented him.
Another 45 minutes later Soobin pulls into the parking garage of his sisterโs apartment complex, putting his car into park and turning off the ignition.ย
He noticed during his drive that the sky was pitch black, not a single star up above.
Soobin canโt even bring himself to leave the car. He sits in the driverโs seat, quiet and alone. And all he can think about is how youโve made a permanent home in his heavy heart.
With a sigh, he closes his eyes and leans back into his seat, jaw clenched as he tries to figure out where it all went wrong.
Wedding bells.
That's the first thing Soobin hears when you two make eye contact for the first time. Theyโre loud, rattling his brain. Or maybe that was just the music blasting from the speaker right by his ears.
Heโs currently forced up against the wall of some randomโs living room, gripping his red solo cup of Sprite for dear life, all alone.ย
Yeonjun has ditched him to lock himself in a vacant room with a girl he just met. Taehyun and Beomgyu are stoned out on the balcony, and Kaiโs thighs are currently a comfy seat for a pretty little freshman with bleach blonde hair.
And Soobin was pulled into this mess to be the designated driver.
Heโs in an uninteresting conversation with a couple of classmates he kinda knew when his eyes linger to observe the crowd.ย
Heโs taller than 98% of the people here, (the other 2% were getting their dicks wet) so it immediately catches his eyes when he notices someone the same height as him, maybe even taller.
It takes him a second but he realizes youโre in fact not taller than him, but instead youโre sitting on the kitchen counter surrounded by friends.
Your side profile seems to glow as youโre turned away from the yellow ray of the ceiling light of the kitchen. Youโre in nothing but a short denim skirt and a floral hand tied halter top. Your hair flows down your back in waves as you tuck a lock behind your ear.ย
Heโs so busy admiring you, he doesnโt realize youโve turned away from your conversation with your friends and caught him in the act.ย
Your eyes are intense, even in the dimly lit room. Itโs like you can read his thoughts, his soul, his desires. Pair that with your plump and juicy lips seducing him, your messy hair framing your face.
One look from you and Soobin is sold.
He feels his heart begin to race, his cheeks heating up itโs almost painful. His hands are sweaty and his throat closes up. He has to look away, but his eyes find their way back to you.ย
Youโre unmoving, gaze trained on him like a lioness on a hunt for her prey.
Soobin chugs his soda, and for the sake of his life he excuses himself from his acquaintances, and hurriedly rushes down the hall to the bathroom.ย
After forcing a couple out, he leans against the bathroom counter with his head in his hands. Thereโs only one thing on his mind and itโs shaped identically to you, the mysterious girl sitting on the kitchen counter.
Soobin looks at himself in the mirror, yet he canโt since itโs covered in watermarks and slightly scratched in the center. But he looks at his reflection regardless, trying to control himself. Even heโs never seen himself look thisโฆ disturbed. With a sigh and scratch of the head, he stands back up.
Was there such a thing as love at first sight?
The look of fear, confusion, and surprise is apparent on your face as you wake up. Soobin didnโt expect you to remember last night, mainly because he had little memory of the events that led to this moment as well. But seeing your expression harden at the sight of him had his stomach turning in unpleasant ways.
He canโt seem to pinpoint the reason for your reaction though. Maybe itโs because you were hungover, maybe you didnโt want him here, or maybe itโs because youโve caught him in the act of trying to leave. Heโd already slipped on his shirt.ย
You suddenly begin to cough and turn away, trying to get your throat under control.
He doesnโt know why, but Soobin waits for you to stop, thereโs an inkling of worry building inside him as your coughs begin to subside.ย
โFuck, my throat is so dry,โ You croak, voice crackly as you were fresh from sleep. Soobinโs head swivels away before you turn back around, unable to even look in your general direction.
He reaches over and picks up his pants from the floor and quickly pulls them on. He glances at you, your attention is now on your blankets as you rub the sleep from your eyes.
โI-Iโm sorry,โ He sputters out, unaware heโs even apologized until you look up at him in surprise. You blink, likely processing this information.ย
โWhy?โ You ask him. Youโre hugging your blanket protectively against your chest, your hair is sticking out in random directions, and you still have remnants of last nightโs makeup on your face.
Despite all of this, your eyes still hold the same intensity from last night. Pair that with the warm bright sun peeking through your window and the softness of your sheets. Itโs a view that Soobin never imagined heโd witness, a juxtaposition to yesterdayโs setting, yet his heartbeat speeds up nonetheless.
โFor what happened. Itโs a little weird, donโt you think?โ Soobin shuffles in his place. He stuffs his hands into his pockets as you both are stuck in silence. He waits for your answer patiently.
You suddenly scoff, a smirk lacing your lips as you run a hand through your messy hair. โIs this your way of telling me you gave me something?โ
Just like that, Soobin's calm facade crumbles. โNo! Oh God, no!โ He immediately shakes his head, like an excited dogโs tail. Is that what he made it seem like?! Soobin was clean- he was sure of it. He wasnโt the type to sleep around, and he went to every yearly check up-
Your laughter has him quickly realizing this was a joke.
ย โIโm joking,โ You chuckle, lips curved up in a smile. Soobin sighs, his stress levels lowering. As you giggle to yourself, Soobin quietly watches as he finishes pulling on his socks. You have a pretty smile, and an even prettier laugh.
You look up at him again from your spot on the bed, and Soobin swears his heart skips a beat, a single smile from you could heal all of his problems.
โDonโt take what happened last night too seriously, itโs not like weโre dating or anything.โ
Those words specifically have Soobinโs fantasy disappearing faster than a plume of smoke.ย
The air suddenly grows stiff and stale, itโs like time has suddenly stopped and trapped him inside of your room.
Heโs ashamed to have even thought he had a chance with someone like you. Of course, he was nothing but a good fuck to have around. You could have anyone, youโd probably pick someone more entertaining and social than himself. To you, this was simple fun.
So Soobin just nods, grabbing his wallet and keys off the floor and excuses himself.
โWait, you slept with L/n Y/n?!โ Beomgyu sounds flabbergasted as Soobin takes a giant bite of his pizza. He nods innocently as he chews.
His friends all look at one another. It was rare for Soobin to have romantic feelings for someone, even rarer for him to date, but to sleep with a complete stranger? That was practically unheard of.
โWas she good?โ Taehyun asks shamelessly, he leans over the table, wanting to hear every detail. Soobin shrugs. โNo idea, I canโt remember a thing.โ His friends groan, disappointed and annoyed.ย
โThen how do you know you guys even slept together?โ Beomgyu argues, stealing some of Yeonjunโs french fries. โI mean I woke up in her bed, bare ass naked, Iโm pretty sure we fucked.โ Soobin scoffs before he takes a sip of his soda.
โOr! You two went to sleep and later got really hot so you both stripped and slept naked?โ Kai suggested. โYeah, like thatโd be possible.โ Yeonjun chews with his mouth open.
Soobin rolls his eyes. โCan we stop talking about this? It was a one time thing, she made that very clear.โ He sounds almost sulky as he says this, taking another bite.
His friends shrug and change the subject back to their original topic: how Beomgyu ended up almost getting arrested last night.
Soobin wasnโt exactly following along with his best friendโs grandiose story. If he was being honest, he didnโt know your name until today. His friends had obviously figured out Soobin had ditched his position as DD that night, but had no idea as to why.
When he revealed the reason, all he had to do was describe you for the boys to immediately know who you were.
Apparently you were one of the best friends of Yu Jimin, Lee Heeseungโs ex and current girlfriend to Shin Ryujin. You didnโt necessarily have a reputation, but you were known to have a big personality and lots of friends, aka the exact opposite of him. You would never in a million chances hang out with someone the likes of Soobin.
As heโs lost in thought mindlessly eating, he feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket. He pulls it out to see an unknown number calling. He reads over the contact, it seems familiar.
โWho is it?โ Kai asks. Soobin shrugs, answering it. โHello?โ He clears his throat.
โHey, is this Soobinโs number?โ
The sound of your voice has him standing straight up at the table, knocking his chair over in the process. Itโs so abrupt he causes Yeonjun to jump in his seat.
โY-Yes, yeah this is him,โ He prays he doesnโt sound stupid. You're quiet on the other line, as if youโre thinking. He hears you hum, thereโs some shuffling.
โItโs Y/n. Do you think you could spare me a minute?โ
Soobin could spare you more than a minute. He could spare you an hour, a day, a week, the rest of his life if you wanted. Of course if it meant he got to see you like this.
Your tight little crop top is now pulled up over your breasts, your panties pushed to the side as Soobinโs raw cock slips in and out of your heat like a mad man. You lay underneath him with your legs wide open, moaning as you grip his sheets, eyes fully rolled back.ย
What started as a simple conversation about last week ended with you both fucking like two dogs in heat.
โHarder,โ You moan, eyes blown out as you selfishly cry for a release. Soobin does as heโs told, because right now with the way you look under him, heโd be a fool to not listen.
โKiss me.โ You order again, and Soobin dives in, snatching your lips in a tantalizing sloppy kiss. Youโre so soft, warm and inviting, he canโt resist you at all. Itโs like heโs been put under a spell the second you entered his life.
He feels you clenching around him and Soobin lets out a whine, how the hell did he spend an entire night with you and now he canโt even last 10 minutes?!
He doesnโt get the chance to figure out the answer, because you suddenly push him away.
Immediately Soobin begins to panic.
โW-What- Whyโre you-โ Heโs cut off when you push him against the mattress, your hands dance their way to his hard yearning dick, and you begin to tease him.ย
โHow does a quiet guy like you have such a big fucking cock?โ You mutter as you begin to pepper kisses across his face. Your question has Soobin feeling both embarrassed and proud. He thought he was pretty average.
โI- didnโt know- ah!โ Soobin gasps when you delicately run a finger over his tip. The feeling of you leaning over him, your chest pressed against his, your legs tangled together, and your soft gentle hands rubbing his hard on, Soobin canโt think straight.ย
You distract him even further by littering his neck with hickeys, earning more and more soft whimpers from him.ย
โFuck, Iโm gonna cum,โ Soobin grunts, eyes closed shut as you jerk him off. His announcement has you sitting up again, your hand moving faster and faster.
โCum for me baby,โ You urged, your voice so sweet and alluring. He feels you kiss his tip and that completely sends him over the edge.ย
Soobin can feel his body shake as he cums, heโs out of breath and as he comes down from his high, youโre still sucking his cock.ย
His chest is rising and falling dramatically as he finally opens his eyes to take a peek at you.
Youโre looking up at him with those innocent eyes, tongue tracing the length of his softening dick. You pause and lick your lips, before asking him a simple question.
โMy turn?โ
Everything about you has Soobin in pure awe. From the gentle curves of your body to the fine details of your soft eyelashes, he observes you as you sleep soundly in his arms.ย
You two were currently cuddling in his bed, youโre smushed against his side while he cradles you like a doll.
Well, it was more like you passed out from exhaustion after Soobin pounded you for almost 2 hours straight to be exact.
But you look absolutely too adorable right now for Soobin to not admire you. Your little snores make him smile, and the way you fit perfectly into his favorite hoodie has his heart fluttering.ย
Heโs no longer watching TV, but he doesnโt care because heโs already seen the entire series twice now. All of his attention is focused solely on you.ย
Itโs not very often he gets to see you like this.
Usually after spending time together, you had a habit of either leaving as soon as possible or kicking him out. This would mark the first time you ever spent actual time with him.ย
In a peculiar way, Soobin finds it entertaining to see you act so docile and vulnerable with him. Itโs an odd juxtaposition to how you act in bed: bratty and bossy.ย
You like to be manhandled, but always have something to say to him. Whether it be instructing him how to eat you out, telling him to shut up, and most often, teasing him to the edge, you always knew how to push his buttons.ย
Soobin is unfortunately a pushover. He lets you do all these things in the hopes of you returning his budding feelings.ย
Sure during sex he can be dominant if he wants, but really itโs because he knows you want it too. Your eyes are so telling. He can read you like an open book with a single look.ย
So he also knows that you have no interest in him other than sex.
He hasnโt found the courage to ask you out on a real date yet, and his friends are horrible at convincing him that youโd say yes.ย
You suddenly sigh and turn to lay on your back, head still tilted in his direction.
Soobin watches you as your breath regulates again, youโre still deep in your sleep. He brushes a stray hair out of your face and decides to get some rest too, finally closing his eyes.ย
He dreams of you and wakes up hours later to an empty bed and his favorite hoodie missing.
Soobin doesnโt know exactly what entails in being someoneโs fuck buddy. His friends have way more experience than him when it comes to doing these kinds of things, but this? No one ever warned him about this.
You assured Soobin that you two wouldnโt get caught, that no one would even know. And of course he listened, he trusted you. But when you pulled aside your bikini bottoms, sitting atop him and his hard cock, Soobin began to realize why you were insistent on doing this.
The thrill of others catching you two in the heat of the moment, it was enough to have him bucking his hips up into your cunt like a madman.
The water in the hot tub was already erupting with bubbles, add splashing of water from you bouncing on his cock and you had created a nasty sea storm.ย
Your lips are locked onto Soobinโs your hair is wet and stuck to your skin, but neither of you could care less.
Soobin canโt believe it, your pussy was hotter and wetter than the actual jacuzzi, and he might actually lose his mind if you kept teasing him like this.
He can feel your erect nipple piercing through your thin bikini top, pressed against his chest. Youโre whining against his mouth as you canโt seem to stop the movement of your hips.
His lips travel down to your exposed neck, and he suddenly decides he must cover you in marks. Youโre moaning so loud right into his ear, itโs true music.
โSomeoneโs gonna hear you,โ Soobin murmurs, as if he wasnโt also panting like a dog. โWhy, you want them to join?โ You laugh as you grind yourself on top of him.ย
He doesnโt take your joke lightly, grabbing you by the ass cheeks as he slams you down harder onto his cock.
You have to bite your tongue to shut up, your face contorted in a mixture of pain and pleasure.
โNo one gets to see you like this, only want you wet and pretty for me,โ He growls into your ear, his jealousy rising at the mere thought of having to share you.
Heโd rather consume you whole than even let a sliver of you be taken from him. And you let him devour you with no resistance.
u free tmrw? letโs grab coffee need to talk
Soobin reads your message over and over again as he sits in his car in the parking lot of the cafe you suggested.
Heโd arrived a couple of minutes earlier than the time you agreed on, he was so worried that traffic would set him back that he left 15 minutes early.ย
Luckily for him, there was no traffic, unluckily he didnโt want to seem too desperate so now heโs hiding out in his car.
But right now his heart is racing, his fantasy has turned into a reality. He was finally going on his first date with you. Granted, he didnโt get to ask you out like heโd originally planned, but he didnโt mind when you messaged him first.ย
As he sits in his car, his attention is stolen by a familiar figure. Youโre walking across the street to the cafe, looking gorgeous as ever. Youโre in nothing but a simple pair of pants and a hoodie thrown on, your hair is a bit messy from the wind but he thinks you look perfect.
As you disappear from his view as you enter the cafe, Soobin looks down at his own outfit, suddenly feeling overdressed. Would you be able to tell he was excited?
He fiddles with his glasses, cleaning the lenses and adjusting them as they sit on his nose. After a few more minutes of stalling, Soobin takes a deep breath and exits his car.
Maybe you guys could go for a movie after, or maybe visit the river. He wanted to spend as much time with you as he possibly could.
Soobin slows to a stop as he approaches the large glass windows of the cafe to peek at you from outside. Youโre sitting at a table tucked in the corner.
Leaning against your seat, you busy yourself by sipping your mug and looking around the cozy interior of the cafe. The warm lighting is so soft against the cold gray sky outside.
Snapping back into reality, Soobin builds the courage to finally walk to the front door. He opens it and steps inside, heโs greeted by the warm air and strong, dense smell of coffee. He barely hears the doorbell ring as he starts making his way towards you, wearing a shy smile and his heart on his sleeve.
Soobin notices your knees are facing the passenger door as he drives you back to your apartment.ย
Actually, your entire body is leaning away from him, as if trying to jump out of the car as soon as possible.
Soobin holds in a sigh as he tries to focus on the road ahead, but itโs hard when heโs trying not to have a mental breakdown. All because just one hour ago youโd made a confession: you were pregnant with his child.ย
Youโd dropped the bomb at the cafe, successfully crumbling all of Soobinโs expectations.
The music plays softly in the background and fills the void as you two drive in silence. But thereโs a lump in Soobinโs throat that is fighting to get out. He wants to say something, needs to.
He promised you heโd be there for you, that heโd be a helping hand. Soobin didnโt need to read your eyes to know you didnโt believe him. And if he were being honest, Soobin wasnโt sure if he could believe himself either.ย
A baby. His baby.
There was so much that came with bringing life into the world, and as a college student, Soobin wasnโt sure if he was ready for that.
Heโs not even sure why he agreed to support you if he were honest. You just looked so scared, so vulnerable, he couldnโt bear to see you so helpless.
You said you would give the baby up for adoption upon giving birth, which meant no real responsibilities for the two of you, but the fear and guilt still weighed in the air.
Your apartment couldnโt arrive fast enough. Soobin slowly pulls into the lot, putting his car in park in an empty space. You quickly unbuckle your seatbelt and jump out of the passenger side before Soobin can even reach for his buckle.ย
โWait-โ Heโs barely able to catch the sleeve in time, forcing you to stop and look back at him.ย
You two donโt say anything, as if you were scared that speaking would make everything worse. The words pile up in his mouth, Soobin can only stare at you. His hand is shaking as his fingers tightly grip the thick cotton material of your hoodie.ย
You look panicked. His stomach drops.
โI-Iโll call you, yeah?โ He stumbles over his words as he finally lets go of you. His hand falls to your seat. You just nod and your arm resumes your side, you step out of the car.
He watches from the comfort of his car as you hurry inside. You donโt turn around to wave goodbye.
Not that you ever did before.
It takes longer than expected for Soobin to actually call you back, but three weeks later youโre running out of Soobinโs apartment in angry tears.
And heโs stuck standing at the bathroom door holding a bottle of water in shock.
All heโd done was tap you on the shoulder to hand you the water, and you slapped him away before dashing out the front door.
He breaks out of his daze and finally shuffles to the door, its gaping wide open.
Soobinโs apartment building was massive, a total of 15 floors with more than 30 rooms each. You could be anywhere, but he ventures down to the garage anyways.
There he finds you crying to yourself as you sit in your car, all in your lonesome.
He watches from a distance for a while as he contemplates whether or not to go and comfort you. But ultimately he feels guilty, because you wouldnโt be crying if it werenโt for him.
Had you never met Soobin, you might be living an entirely different life right now.
You wouldnโt be experiencing constant nausea and pain. You wouldnโt have moved out of your apartment into his.ย
You wouldnโt be pregnant.
Soobin swallows thickly and sluggishly makes his way back to the elevator. He rides it all the way back to his floor and he quietly reenters his apartment.
The water bottle sits alone on the kitchen counter unopened. He ignores it and sits on his sofa with his head in his hands. The only thing on Soobinโs mind is you.
What were you thinking right now? How could he comfort you, make you feel better? Youโve suffered so much, the least he could do is make the situation a little more bearable.ย
As Soobin tries to think of an answer, he soon realizes he doesnโt have one because of one simple reason: He doesnโt actually know you.
He has no idea what you like and dislike, how you think, how you like to be comforted. Youโre the idol of his affection, the one person who could make him fall to his knees with a single plea, yet youโre also unfamiliar and unwilling. An extreme case of one-sided love.
He doesnโt know how long heโs been sitting here, but eventually thereโs a knock at the front door. Soobin is slow to get up and answer it.
You stare up at him with red eyes and pouty lips. Even when you cried you were pretty, it was baffling.
He steps to the side and you come in, your entire demeanor has shifted to someone who is full of shame. Itโs heart wrenching to watch.
โIโm sorry. I didnโt mean to.โ You cough out, refusing to make eye contact. Youโre focused on the floor, shoulders slumped as your hair hides your face from him. Soobin notices the sleeves of your shirt are still stained with your tears.
Instead of accepting your apology with words, Soobin leans down and tilts your head up to look up at him. Thereโs something about your flushed face and teary eyes that makes him feel territorial.
He enraptures you into a soft kiss, one that quickly evolves into a kiss of sloppy hunger. He pulls you down the hall and into his bedroom, hands slipping underneath your shirt to feel the heat of your skin.ย
Because Soobin does know one thing about you, and thatโs how to make you feel good.
Soobin wakes up to your hair in his face. Your back is pressed against his chest as he has his arms thrown over your figure. His nose is nestled into the crook of your neck, he can hear your gentle snores as he struggles to open his eyes.ย
He must have not closed his curtains all the way last night, because the morning sun peaks through and shines right into his eye.
WIth a groan, Soobin rolls over and checks the time on his phone. It's 7:37 am. He has a class at 8:10. It takes him 12 minutes to drive to school, 9 on a good day with no traffic. He should probably get out of bed and get dressed so he could leave right about now, but the warm heat of your body underneath his blankets is much too alluring right now.ย
So instead of getting ready, Soobin decides he can skip a lecture for today and snuggles back into bed with you. He could probably beg Wooyoung later for his notes.
Just as heโs about to fall back asleep you begin to rustle around, conveniently rubbing against him. Your movements actually cause Soobin to hold his breath. His eyes shoot open and he lies beside you frozen.ย
You calm down and find a comfortable position, but that does nothing for Soobinโs half hard dick poking at your behind.
A part of him wants to wake you up, just so he could indulge in himself, the other knows youโve also woken up three times in the middle of last night to either pee or puke.ย
So Soobin decides the best thing to do is to torture himself and stay as still as humanly possible so that you wouldnโt notice, and hopely by the time you wake up for work his morning wood is gone.
But again, things never go as planned.
Soobin is busy trying to distract himself by imagining all of the least attractive things he can think of when he suddenly lets out a strangled moan.
Youโre rubbing him. With your hand. You were awake.
โW-Wait,โ He hiccups, turning you around so you can face him. You still look sleepy, but you smirk at him nonetheless.
โShould I call out today? Hmm?โ You hum, your hand is now fully in his boxers, your thumb running over the head of his cock.
โFuck yes please,โ Soobin exhales as he closes his eyes. He feels you shift, then you tug at the waistband of his boxers, pulling them off.
You sit up and stretch your arms before climbing on top of him, sitting atop his hardening cock. Soobin sucks in a breath, God he loves being engulfed in you.
You rock your hips slowly, finding a comfortable rhythm for this lazy morning. You both donโt bother to fully undress, just enjoying the moment together.
Heโs so consumed by his own sensual pleasure, Soobin doesnโt realize you had reached over and grabbed your phone from your nightstand until you start to speak.
โHi, can I speak to the manager?โ You ask, slightly out of breath. Youโre still on top of him, hips bobbing up and down as you talk to your management on the phone.ย
โYeah, I canโt come in today, feeling sick again.โ You moan, one of your hands falling onto Soobinโs chest. His heart is beating rapidly, his lust growing by the second.
Your movements slow, making him frustrated. Your attention should be on him. โ-have enough hours to co-over!โ You gasp as Soobin lifts you slightly, holding you by the hips so he can take control, thrusting into you hungrily.ย
โI-Iโm fine! Just got a really bad cramp.โ You lie, glaring at Soobin. He only scoffs, he knows you like it, you wouldnโt be clenching around him like a vice if you didnโt.
You quickly hang up the phone, tossing it to the side. โYou sound so hot when you lie, did you know that?โ Soobin teases as he lets you resume control.
โShut up and fuck me already,โ You groan. He smirks, proceeding to flip you over so you lay on your back.
You two share a soft and sweet kiss, tongues meshing together as he slowly fucks himself deeper into your cunt.ย
โAlways so needy,โ He jokes, but you donโt hear him, basking in the pleasure.
The blank page on his screen is blinding. His cursor blinks at him, waiting for him to begin typing. But the words never come, because how can Soobin even write an essay when all he canโt think about is this morning.
Just hours ago you and Soobin were sitting in the doctorโs office, getting your first ultrasound. The little pea-sized dot in your tummy was his baby.
โActually,โ Your doctor clears her throat. โYouโre just far along enough that we can try and see if we can detect the babyโs heartbeat.โย
Soobinโs eyes go wide as she moves the transducer around your gelled belly. Heโs laser focused on the screen trying to search for the little blob the doctor referred to as your baby.
โHere we are,โ Your doctor hums as she slows to a stop. Soobin holds his breath, he doesnโt realise heโs leaning closer to the screen. The entire room is in complete silence, the anticipation has his stomach twisting.ย
Then, from the scratchy low quality speaker of the computer screen, out bellows a single thump. And then another. And another. Itโs fast yet regular, it feels familiar to Soobin.
โOh my god,โ He whispers, itโs barely audible, but the doctor hears and it makes her chuckle. โIsnโt it unreal?โ She asks him, and Soobin can only nod, eyes still stuck on the screen.
He knew you were pregnant, but to hear the babyโs actual heart, it was so- Soobin whips his head around to you.
He doesnโt know what to expect with your reaction, but he never really expected to see you with your eyes closed shut and wearing a frown of discomfort.
And now heโs sitting at his tiny dining room table, trying to focus as he has to write about how minimum wage affects the economic state of the nation and how the problem of poverty can be solved. But how can he when he canโt get the look of pain on your face out of his head?
Heโs dazed when you come waltzing in. You changed out of your old outfit into something more comfortable: yoga pants and his sweatshirt.ย ย
โIโm going to work, want me to pick up dinner?โ You ask, opening the fridge to grab a cup of juice. But Soobin doesnโt answer, his eyes are glazed over. โSoobin?โ You ask, still digging through the fridge.
โSoobin, hey!โ You snap your fingers in front of his face and he magically comes back to reality.
โHuh? Sorry.โ He shakes his head.
โAre you okay?โ You ask, looking at him concerned. โYeah, just tired.โ He lies, rubbing the back of his neck. You step back and nod slowly.
โOkay, well did you want me to pick up dinner tonight?โ You ask again, and this time he responds.
โSure, whatever you feel like.โ He complies, looking back at his blank screen. You watch him, confused but also curious. He starts to type slowly, but ends up deleting it all. His head ends up in his hands as he struggles to even form a sentence.ย
โIโm gonna get going, okay? See you later.โ You say. Soobin grunts you goodbye, just as you lean over and ruffle his hair. His head shoots up, eyes wide as you giggle to yourself and leave with a mischievous smile.
You shut the front door as you leave and Soobin is left alone, his cursor still blinking against the blank sheet of paper. At this rate heโs never gonna pass his class.
With a sigh he slumps in his seat. He canโt get the image of the ultrasound out of his head.
Itโs then that he remembers: the doctor gave you photos of the ultrasound. Last he saw the photos, you were holding them in your hand as he drove you two home. Where did you put it?!
Soobin soon finds himself digging around the bedroom, hoping you hadnโt thrown the photos away or taken them with you. But luckily for him, youโd tucked the strip of photos into the back of your nightstand drawer.ย
It was slightly bent, but he smoothed it over, his thumb grazing over the familiar little fuzzy white dot in the sea of black.
He makes his way back to the kitchen, holding the photos gently as he sits back down at the table. His document is still blank, but Soobin doesnโt care and he opens a new tab. He begins to type immediately:
What to expect when pregnant?
โSo! What was it that you wanted to talk about?โ
Soobin finds it hard to breathe at the moment as he squirms in his chair. Sitting across from him, his boss Jung Hoseok smiles unknowingly.
โYou know, Iโm actually surprised you asked to speak to me personally. Youโre a diligent worker Soobin, Iโm loving your results.โ Hoseok grins as he overlooks a file on his desk. โKeep up the good work and Iโm willing to promote you from assistant manager to manager. Maybe even the branch manager!โ He chuckles as he tosses the file to the side.
Soobin clears his throat, sitting up straight. โActually sir, that relates to what-โ โOh come on Soobin! You donโt have to call me that here, weโve known each other long enough. Call me by my first name.โ Hoseok interrupts.
Soobin is sweating. Hoseokโs good mood was making him nervous. โWell, uh, Hoseok. Sir.โ His mouth feels numb as he repeats his name, but the other man gets a good laugh out of it.ย
โI wanted to talk to you about my position actually.โ Immediately his bossโ smile falls. The air grows thick and itโs like thereโs a loud buzzing noise filling the room.ย
โWhat exactly are you telling me Soobin?โ Hoseokโs eyes are dark, they scare him. Soobin has to look away, focusing his attention on the wall behind him as he forces the words out of his lips.
โI-I-Iโm ex-expecting.โ His voice is small, itโs like heโs whimpering. Immediately Soobinโs eyes meet the ground.
For a couple of seconds, no one moves. His head remains slumped, his hands shaking as they rest on his knees. Then his boss adjusts his seat and sighs.ย
โ... Expecting what? Am I missing something here?โ
Soobin whips his head up in surprise, he actually raises a brow at Hoseok, looking at him like heโs lost his mind. His boss is equally confused.
โIโm expectingโฆ a baby, Hoseok.โ He speaks slowly this time, but by the time he finishes his sentence, Hoseokโs signature smile returns.ย
โReally?! Oh my, congratulations! And here I thought you were resigning! I wouldโve really thrown a fit if you tried leaving haha!โ He laughs hysterically, and Soobin finally loosens up.
โUh, thank you. I just wanted to see if I could request more hours or ask for a promotion of some sort.โ Soobin tries to shrug his worries off. โOh yeah, sure sure. Iโll talk to Seokjin and Yoongi, Iโm sure we can figure something out.โ Hoseok waves him off.
โNow tell me, when is your baby due? Boy or girl? Do we have any names picked out yet?โ Hoseok leaned over his desk as if he wanted to gossip.ย
If he were being honest, he believed this meeting to go a lot rougher. Hoseok was notorious for being a dedicated and hard worker who pursued professional perfection like a rocket. Soobin half expected to get demoted, or worse, fired.
But there was a spark of excitement in his bossโ eyes that was shocking. It seemed like he had a soft spot for children, lucky for Soobin.
โIn August, itโs still too early so we donโt know the gender yet. Iโm not sure about any names.โ Soobin answers.ย
โBut thank you, really. My partner's been really sick recently. She hasnโt been able to go to school or work much. I donโt want her to worry about our finances right now on top of the baby.โ He admits.
Just last week you came home crying angry tears. You confessed your manager decided to reprimand you for all of your call outs by giving your shifts away to other coworkers. โWeโll be okay,โ He patted your back as you cried into his shoulder that night. Soobinโs sad attempts to comfort you did nothing to soothe your wails. Hearing your frustrations led him to wanting to do better for you.
Hoseokโs smile softens. โOh I completely understand. My sister was always tired or in pain when she was pregnant. I tried to be helpful when I visited her. I canโt imagine what your girlfriend is going through.โ
Girlfriend. That word makes his cheeks hot.
โY-Yeah, I really want to relieve her stress in any way I can.โ Soobin coughs.
Hoseok suddenly claps his hands. โWell that settles it! Iโll talk to the guys, weโll get back to you as soon as possible about this.โ He smiles as he stands, signaling for Soobin to be on his way as well.
โThank you sir, Iโm really, really grateful.โ Soobin tries his best to convey his thanks. โDonโt mention it! Just invite me to the baby shower,โ Hoseok winks as he leads Soobin out of his office.
Soobin wasnโt even sure if you wanted a baby shower, given your circumstance, but he nods anyway. โYes, of course.โ He says before turning around to head back to his desk.
โOh! Soobin!โ Hoseok calls out, and he backtracks. โYes?โ
Hoseok pats him on the shoulder. โDonโt forget to talk to HR and apply for paternity leave, you wonโt want to miss out on special quality time with your little one.โ
Youโre so quiet, Soobin has to gently kick your leg to get you to talk.
โS-Sorry! What was the question?โ You stutter, laughing at yourself in embarrassment as you try to smile your pain away.ย
โWhat are you going to school for my dear?โ Soobinโs mom asks you from across the table. She has a sweet smile on her face as she holds her mug of tea.
As you nervously explain your career path to his parents, Soobin watches intently, sitting next to you.ย
Today was the day he introduced you to his parents. And tell them about your pregnancy.
If anything, Soobin should be the one who is nervous. His stomach feels like it might collapse on itself, and he canโt stand up properly without gripping onto something for stability.
The entire 30 minute drive was so nerve wracking, that Soobin actually had to pull over and calm himself down for 10 minutes.ย
He shifts in his seat and makes eye contact with you. You give him a sheepish smile which oddly comforts him. He guessed he liked knowing you were also anxious.ย
โSo remind me again how long you guys have been dating? His last girlfriend lasted 5 months,โ His dad jokes, laughing loudly.ย
Soobin cuts in before his parents can say anything else embarrassing. โSince August, so about two months? Almost three.โ He lies. You laugh awkwardly as you nod in agreement.
You and Soobin decided itโd be best to let his parents assume you two were dating. That way theyโd feel less awkward about the pregnancy, but also so that they wouldnโt react like your parents, whom youโd visited just two weeks.
You two havenโt exactly figured out what to tell his parents after birth, but he assumed you two would decide eventually.
โOh thatโs so nice! Iโm so glad Soobin and you are getting along so well.โ His mom smiles and stands up. She pinched Soobinโs cheek, making him whine, before walking to the kitchen.
โNow, whoโs hungry? Iโve made some mandu-guk, kimchi, and japchae. I also grilled some meat and made spicy pork!โย
She sets the plates of food out, everything looks appetizing. But your face contorts at the strong scents, and you quickly excuse yourself to the bathroom.
โSorry, uh, she really has to pee I guess.โ Soobin laughs. His parents stare at him with an unsure expression. โSoobin, you never really bring your girlfriends to visit us. Are you sure this girl is the one? She seems awkward and stiff.โ His dad admits.
โI know, just trust me.โ He winces. โI mean she barely speaks to us! I donโt know if I can trust my baby with someone who canโt even hold a conversation with your father and I.โ His mom sighs.
โSheโs just nervous, sheโs usually not like this.โ Soobin defends you. Hearing his own parents nitpick at you begins to make his blood boil, slowly forgetting his nerves.
โAnd now she wonโt eat your motherโs cooking? Now thatโs just plain rude!โ His dad exclaims.
Soobin slams a hand on the table, scaring his parents and even himself.ย
โSorry sorry, Iโm sorry. We wanted to tell you this later, when sheโs ready, but I guess we canโt keep hiding it.โ Soobin rubs his hands over his face.
โWhat is it? Soobin?โ His mom sounds worried. Fuck. He wishes you were here to help him, but you were probably trying to hide the vomit from your nausea in the bathroom down the hall.
โDonโt tell me youโre in trouble with the law and youโre covering for her.โ
โWhat? No.โ Soobin sighs. โMom, dad. Y/n is pregnant. Weโre having a baby.โ
The room becomes so silent you can hear the ticking of the clock that hangs in the hallway. And with every tick, Soobinโs heart pounded with fear.
Suddenly he hears a sniffle, and he immediately looks up to find his mom crying. โMom, please donโt-โ
โIโm so happy!โ Her voice breaks as her husband leans over to hug her. He gives Soobin the warmest smile. โYouโre all grown up, arenโt you?โ
Soobin feels his own tears well up in his eyes. He blinks them away, nodding with assurance. โYeah. I am.โ
โYou told them?โ You step out from the hall looking ashamed and scared. โMr. and Mrs. Choi, Iโm so sorry, I never meant to burden Soobin. I get it if you hate me but please donโt hate him-โ
โY/n, itโs okay.โ Soobin smiles at you, and pats your seat for you to sit.ย
You look confused, almost in denial. โโฆItโs okay?โ You squeak, your eyes looking at him for approval.
โItโs more than okay.โ His dad interjects, wiping a tear. โWeโre so blessed! Oh my baby is having a baby!โ His mother weeps.
You stand still unable to move your eyes from his joyfully woe parents. Soobin has to stand up and guide you back to your seat.ย
โWhatโd I tell you? Itโs okay.โ He whispers into your ear, and you finally relax.
Heโs staring. A lot. Itโs too obvious for anyone to not notice.ย
But Soobin canโt find it in him to tear his eyes away from the little stuffed bunny plush stuck in the claw machine. It sat pretty on a little shelf, its light gray fur looked so soft, paired with the plush pink nose, the stuffed animal was unarguably adorable.ย
Personally, Soobin didn't really care for any plushies. But he knew you did. When you moved in with him, you created a designated spot on the bed for your favorite little bear.ย
And this stuffed bunny was the perfect companion in Soobinโs eyes. So after staring through the glass for a solid five minutes, he finally fishes out some cash out of his wallet and inserts it into the machine.ย
It dances alive, corny music playing as lights blinked to the beat. The automated voice instructs him that he has 2 tries to win a prize and cheers him on.
Soobin moves the joy stick around, trying to get the right angles before he hits the button. The claw goes down, and narrowly misses the bunny. He frowns and huffs. This second time he moves the claw a bit to the right. Heโs off by a couple centimeters again.
As the claw machine turns off, Soobin quickly pulls out another bill, stuffing it into the machine. It turns on again, repeating the same process. He was determined to win this bunny, even if it meant heโd go broke.
By his 12th try, Soobin is starting to get increasingly frustrated. Heโs contemplating sticking his arm through the hole and just snatching the plushy himself.ย
โSoobin! Dude, we were supposed to meet at the lobby, what the hell?!โ Yeonjun shouts as he and the others approach him.
Weโre gonna miss our reservation if we donโt leave right now.โ Taehyun reminds them. โOkay, just give me a second,โ Soobin waves them off as he tries to use his height to see the best angle.ย
โOkay your second is up, letโs go.โ Beomgyu says sarcastically, only to earn a cold glare from Soobin. โShut up, Iโm trying to concentrate.โ
He presses the button once more, only to fail another time. He lets out a long and tired grunt, closing his eyes. The bright neon colors of the claw machine were starting to burn his retinas.ย
โWhatโre you trying to get? Let me try,โ Kai suddenly speaks up, wiggling his way to the front. Soobin concedes, allowing Kai to pay for his own turn. โThe bunny.โ He mumbles. Kai only nods and in three swift moves him aligns the claw perfectly, catching the stuffed animal in one try.
โDamn, that was smooth as hell,โ Beomgyu laughs. Kai pretends to tip a hat before handing the prized bunny plush to Soobin. He swipes it, looking more glum than he did before.
โWhat? I thought you wanted it?โ Kai asks as they all begin to make their way to the restaurant they reserved.ย
โI did. Thanks I guess.โ He mutters. Just like he suspected, the plushy was incredibly soft. He hopes you like it.
โI didnโt know you liked plushies too Soobin, whenโd you start collecting?โ Kai asks enthusiastically. Soobin looks away embarrassed, stuffing a hand into his pocket. โItโs not for me, itโs for Y/n,โ
โBro you are such a simp.โ Beomgyu suddenly guffaws. Soobin doesnโt hesitate to punch him in the arm.
โFuck off,โ He growls. โIโm just trying to be nice.โย
โYou do know you guys arenโt dating, right?โ Taehyun asks, and now Soobin is even more ashamed. โI know weโre not.โย
An awkward silence fills the group. Soobin knows theyโre all staring, exchanging looks as he walks ahead of them.
So instead of talking about his feelings, he looks at the stuffed bunny, petting its soft fur. He wonders what your reaction will be.ย
Somehow he pulls himself out of his car and into the elevator, going up to the 5th floor. It was late, Dokyung was probably already asleep. His sister and his brother in law might be too. Maybe he should just go back home.
But the thought of facing you again is more painful as time passes.
You and Soobin have been together for 10 months, almost an entire year together, yet you canโt seem to admit youโre in love with him. Heโs in denial, he knows you love him.
But what if you really didnโt?
There were multiple times he could point out where you treated him more like a friend or a brother rather than a partner.
You used him constantly, it was painful.
He steps out of the elevator and makes a beeline to his sisterโs door. He raises a hand to knock but hesitates.
Was this right? Was it worth it? Was he making a mistake? Soobin cut his sister off after she exposed his ruse, but in the end she had good intentions. He and you were planning on fooling his parents, especially his mother.ย
His sister might have been harsh and stern to you, but he also knows that she probably had predicted this exact moment would happen. Her words that freezing night in February were colder than the ice, maybe he should have listened.
Soobinโs hand falls to his side, heโs lost all his confidence.ย
How could he face his sister? After all the mistakes heโs made since then, sheโd only make him feel worse by bragging about how she was right. It would grind his already shattered heart.
He should just go home and talk to you-
The door to the apartment swings open suddenly, and Soobin comes face to face with his sister. She looks frazzled, her hair is thrown into a messy ponytail, sheโs still in her pajamas, but she has a jacket on top. She wears slippers, her purse lays over her shoulder.
But the second she realizes itโs Soobin standing in front of her, she lets out a giant sigh. โOh my God.โ Her voice is shaky, and she immediately pulls him into a tight hug. She then pulls away to grab him by the cheeks, checking him for any signs for injuries or mess before hugging him again.
โIโm so glad youโre okay,โ She breaks down, crying into his shoulder. Soobin hugs her back, feeling relief for the first time tonight. But he suddenly pulls away, grabbing his older sister by the shoulders.
โWhat do you mean youโre glad Iโm okay?โ
Soobin feels a bit relieved learning you were having a boy. Heโs only ever babysat Dokyung a handful of times, and the idea of raising a little girl was frightening to him.
But then heโs reminded that you two were not in fact raising a baby, just growing one.
He didnโt have to worry or think about these things, because they would never come to fruition.ย
Yet he still fantasizes.ย
He goes to bed and dreams of taking his son to the park, going shopping together, and playing around the house.
He sees you in every dream too. Sometimes youโre smiling serenely from afar. Others youโre right there next to him, being a mother looks good on you he likes to think.ย
The only disturbing part of his dreams were the fact that he could never actually see the face of his son. Whether it be blurred or heโd be turning away, itโs as if he can never see his face clearly. It bothered him, he was so curious, what would a baby between you and him look like?
As he turns to your napping figure on the couch. You lay on your side, a throw blanket over your legs as you snore gently. Youโre so tired you donโt even realize that the Tv is still on, playing the next episode of the show you were watching.ย
Soobin quietly pads over to the couch, leaning down to pick up the remote that had fallen to the ground as he turns off the TV.ย
He kneels beside you, watching as your chest slowly rises and falls in a rhythmic pattern as you sleep. If he could choose, Soobin would hope that your baby boy would look like you more than him.ย
Sure, he understood he was above average when it came to looks, and heโs sure youโd probably want your son to have his height, but Soobin would feel more satisfied knowing he could look at his own son and see you in him.ย
You and your soft eyes and pretty smile. Your soothing voice, your healthy hair. Your smooth skin, your wonderful laughter, all of the above he wishes for.ย
You suddenly sigh and turn over and Soobin leaps back up to pretend he was never there. You donโt wake though, and he calms down.ย
You look so comfortable, the thought of joining you was enticing. Falling into his urges, Soobin lifts the blanket and scoots you over to make room for him. Even though half of his body is hanging off the couch, he hugs you close and closes his eyes.
Just as heโs about to fall asleep, you wiggle yourself around to face him. Soobin opens an eye to find you yawning as you blink yourself awake.ย
โSorry, I didnโt mean to wake you,โ He mumbles. You only grunt and nod, snuggling into him. You go back to sleep, and as Soobin holds you in his arms, he can only imagine what itโd be like to nap with not only you, but your son.
To hear the word โDadโ come out of his sonโs own lips seems like a dream far away.
โStill havenโt told me what all this is for,โ Soobin groans as he fishes his dick out of his pants, unzipping his jeans and letting them fall down to the floor.
You ignore him, pulling away from his kiss to sit on the bed, legs wide open and waiting for him. Youโre uncharacteristically sweet today, wearing a soft smile and adoration filling your eyes.
โYouโre being really nice today,โ He smirks, throwing off his shirt before laying you down on the mattress. โIs it because it happens to be a certain someoneโs birthday?โ He plays dumb.
โI know another way we can celebrate you if you insist,โ You tease, pushing him away, but he playfully yanks you back towards him. โIโd rather not,โ He murmurs against your lips, capturing you into a kiss.ย
Today was Soobinโs birthday, December 5th, and so far heโd argue this was the best birthday heโs had yet.ย
This morning you snuck out and bought his favorite pastries from the local bakery down the street for breakfast. When he went to class after you sent him off with a sweet smile and a wave.ย
After acing his last final exam, he went straight to work, where his coworkers gifted him a mini cake and a signed card, and even sang him a cheesy birthday song. As soon as he was off the clock his friends whisked him away to go get dinner and drinks.
But all day youโve been sending him the most risque texts: of you begging for his cock, a photo of your bare ass, an audio of you moaning his name as you touch yourself, and lastly an old video of yours where he had recorded you in the mirror as you rode him in his desk chair.ย
Now itโs late at night, heโs slightly drunk, and youโre wearing the prettiest lacy lingerie set heโs ever laid eyes on, with a wet pussy on full display.ย
โHappy birthday Soobin,โ You whisper as if itโs a secret. He thanks you by stuffing you full of his cock.
Outside the snow falls rather hard than delicately, yet itโs still a beautiful scene to watch from the comfort of his bedroom window.
Soobin yawns. Itโs late and practically everyone in the house has retired for the night except for you and him.
Both you and Soobin were spending Christmas with his family this year. Heโs just finished laying out the little cot on the ground beside his bed for him to sleep tonight, making it as comfortable as he can. His mother had originally been so worried when she found out you two were going to spend the night.
But Soobin assured her heโd be fine sleeping on the floor for one night, it would have to be done because his twin bed would not fit the both of you, nor would the snow let up enough for him to drive you guys back to the apartment.
Feeling more tired by the second, he sits on his old mattress just as you walk into the room.
Thereโs something that makes Soobinโs stomach flip as he watches you make yourself comfortable in his childhood room.ย ย
Youโre fresh from the shower, drying your hair with your towel as you wear an old large pair of sweats and a long sleeve. Both of them were his.ย
โYou might want to hurry if you want hot water,โ You warn him, standing in front of his mirror. โThe water was getting a little cold as I finished.โ
Soobin hates cold showers with a passion, but he doesnโt mind suffering from them if it means he gets to see you like this.
So instead of hurrying to the bathroom, he pats the empty space beside him on his old bed for you to sit. You donโt hesitate to plop down next to him, letting him take the towel from your hands as Soobin begins to gently dry your hair for you.ย
With your back to him, he thinks your eyes are closed, enjoying the quiet serene moment. That is until you speak up.
โSo,โ You hum. โWhen were you going to tell me you have a furry fetish?โ
Soobin drops the towel. โWhat?!โ
You raise your hand and point across the room. On his wall was a hung poster of his favorite girl group Kara, the members all posing as each one of them is wearing a variant of animal ears and fuzzy matching gloves.
Soobin physically spins you around to face him, you give him a teasing grin. โI donโt- Itโs a poster! I got it for free when I was a kid, leave me alone!โ He complains as you begin to laugh.ย
As he pouts, you stand to hang your wet towel on his old desk chair. โIโm just joking with you, I know,โ You chuckle and stand between sulky Soobinโs legs to pull him into a hug. He gratefully does so, resting his head atop your tummy. You run a hand through his hair, the other one rubs small circles into his back.
Soobin closes his eyes and sighs. He loved being close with you like this, a fantasy he wishes he could live in forever.
โYour nephewโs really cute,โ You say, but itโs so quiet itโs practically a whisper.
Soobin hums in agreement, eyes still closed as he listens intently to the sounds of your womb and growing son. โHeโs funny too, kept poking my belly earlier.โ You giggle. He feels the baby kick as you laugh.ย
Thereโs a new unique sense of comfort and familiarity as you cradle him.ย
Soobin cracks his eyes open, taking in the scene: the room he grew up in, lit by the dull yellowing light of his lamp. The quiet hum of the A/C unit blowing warm air throughout the house. Your soft skin and the gentle smell of your santal body wash. It all seems too good to be true.
Your right hand moves from his hand down to cup his chin. You gently guide him to face you, peering up at you like a curious puppy. And to him youโre an angel heaven sent.
โCome on, go shower so we can go to bed.โ You say delicately, sweeping his bangs out of his eyes.
Soobin frowns, but stands up anyways. He often forgets how much taller he is compared to you. He doesnโt exactly keep a record of it. But he towers over you, your head tilted up to look at him curiously.
His hand comes up to caress your cheek and he leans down to kiss you.
Itโs unlike any other kiss you two have shared, where sex is usually involved and made of raw lust. This kiss was innocent, full of endearment and vulnerability. A simple kiss to convey his true feelings.
You kiss him back with the same vehemence and Soobin feels hopeful.
In January you seem happier, even though you spend your days going to work and doing nothing all day. You barely passed this last semester, all thanks to Soobinโs help, but with your pregnancy progressing you decided to take a break and skip out of qthis upcoming term.ย
Soobin notices your new relaxed state quite quickly.
โUh, whatcha doing there?โ He tries to hold his laughter in as he walks up behind the couch.ย
You donโt move from your spot, eyes focused on the TV. You spoon yourself another bite of your ice cream, not even paying attention to him. โEating ice cream,โ You say monotonously.ย
He watches you with amusement, leaning over to observe you closer.
Youโre slouched down, a fluffy blanket laid tucked on top of you, and your bowl of Ben & Jerryโs sits not in your lap, but rests right on top of your bulging belly. Your hands rest on your sides when youโre not feeding yourself.
The image of you using your own stomach as your own personal table was incredibly entertaining to Soobin, so much so that he pulls out his phone and snaps a photo.
You hear the click of his camera and actually turn around, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and concern. Soobin giggles to himself as he looks at the photo, his hand covering his childlike grin.ย
โWhat? Did you take a picture of me? Why?โ You ask, holding the bowl in your hand now as you try to lean over to get a look.ย
Soobinโs laughter slowly dies down, and he ruffles your hair before showing you the photo. You scoff, pouting even as you realize why heโs been giggling at you. โItโs not funny,โ You pretend to be upset, but he can see through you.ย
He hops over the couch to sit next to you, snuggling into your side. โOh but it is,โ He teases. You roll your eyes and sigh, returning your bowl back to its spot on your tummy.
โWant a bite?โ You ask, offering him a spoon. He opens his mouth and allows you to feed him. โThis is good, holy shit.โ Heโs astonished, having never actually had a bite of your favorite ice cream.ย
โI told you!โ You laugh. โWant some more?โ You spoon him another bite, which he graciously eats.ย
โAs long as you feed me.โ He continues to joke. You pretend to scorn him, wagging a finger in his face as if to lecture him.ย
โYouโre playing dirty.โ You hum. His grin widens. โI thought you liked me better when I played dirty.โ He retaliates, smirking at you.
Instead of fighting back like he thought you would, you sigh and sit up, pushing him off you.ย
โCome on Soobin, donโt act like youโre my boyfriend, we arenโt dating.โ You say in a joking tone as you walk to the kitchen.ย
He stays stunned on the couch, smile fallen and body limp.
Soobin watches with pure adoration as you are sat on the ground, legs splayed out as his nephew shows you every single one of his toy dinosaurs he has in his room.
Dokyungโs current obsession was dinosaurs, and the young boy was happily yapping to you about the many figures heโd brought from his toy box. Youโre sitting beside him, listening to every little thing he has to say, nodding along and even asking questions.
You and Soobin have come to visit his sister and her family, a request from Dokyung after he enjoyed your company at Christmas. You didnโt mind seeing his nephew, as you found him amusing. In fact you liked him a lot.
The two of you are busy reenacting a dino fight when Soobinโs sister taps his shoulder.
โHey can we talk?โ She asks, already leading him to her bedroom. โUh, whatโs up?โ He asks nervously, hanging by the door as his sister settles atop her mattress.ย
โNothing, just wondering why you never told me you were expecting?โ She hides her irritation behind a stiff smile.ย
Soobin knew this would happen. Heโd been anticipating it all day. All week actually. Heโs been mentally preparing for this moment that heโs already got his responses memorized.
โIt was a surprise, really.โ He recites. โNeither of us were really expecting for this to happen.โ He shrugs.
โBut I want to be there for her, Sheโs already going through a lot with the changes of her body, itโs the least I could do.โ His sister nods as she listens.ย
โHow chivalrous of you.โ She chuckles. โBut raising a kid is hard, thereโs so many things you have to consider before deciding to have a baby.โ
โIโm worried Soobin, youโre both so young and still in school. Mom and dad are excited but they arenโt gonna always be able to help. Theyโre getting old too, you know.โ
Soobin feels guilty as his sister speaks. If only she knew what you planned to do after birth, none of these were a concern of yours for that exact reason.
โYouโre going to have to make a lot of sacrifices, I know my husband and I did with Dokyung, but weโre grown adults with stable jobs. You and Y/n should have thought about this more.โ
Soobinโs heart grows heavier with each word. The concern in his sisterโs voice is killing him inside. This woman practically helped raise him. Him and his siblings have a large age gap, his sister being 10 years older than him. She would take Soobin with her on errands, babysit him every summer break, feed him meals when his parents were working late.
Does he have the heart to hide the truth from her?
โSoobin, Iโm not trying to make you feel bad, I promise. I just want you to make the right decision. Okay?โ She looks at him with earnest eyes and he just nods.ย
His sister stands, walks over to him and gives him a hug. โYou know you can always come to me for help, right? Iโm here for you.โ
She pulls away and gives him a soft smile. Soobin canโt dare to look at her and lie. So he swallows thickly, lips thin.
โSis, thereโs something I need to tell you.โ
The drive to the hospital is unbearingly slow despite the fact that Soobin was driving 20 kms past the speed limit.ย
โSlow down,โ His sister hisses, sheโs gripping the door handle stiffly. But Soobin ignores her and speeds up.
In fact, he doesnโt even hear his sister and her warnings of him being pulled over or causing a crash. Instead all he can hear is your name. Over and over and over again, he can hear your name, see your face, feel your touch. Itโs fleeting and that scares him.ย
Upon entering his sisterโs apartment, Soobin was quickly informed that you had suddenly gone into labor and could not contact him. You called his mother and let her know that Soobin was missing and that you were going to the hospital. His mother contacted his sister who was just about to go out and search for Soobin, just to find him standing at her doorway.
And now Soobin is zooming to the hospital, his body is moving on his own without any control.
Everything was his fault. He shouldnโt have left, he shouldnโt have yelled at you, he shouldnโt have made you cry. Soobin felt guilty beyond belief. His tears begin to flow, and suddenly heโs blind, he canโt see.
โSOOBIN STOP! BRAKE! BRAKE!!โ His sister is slapping his arm as she screams, and he instinctively hits the brakes, stopping centimeters from the car in front of him. The car lurches to a stop. Soobinโs knuckles are white as they are wrapped around the wheel, but theyโre shaking.
โGet out.โ His sisterโs voice is coarse yet quiet. He doesnโt move, still breathing heavy as he tries to calm his heart. โSoobin, get out.โ Sheโs stern this time, unbuckling herself and his own seatbelt. She steps out and runs around the car and opens his door, practically dragging him out of the front seat.
โGo sit in the passenger,โ She instructs, and he nervously follows her directions. His sister now sits in the driverโs seat and continues the drive.
Soobin sits lifelessly in the other seat, tears silently flowing down his face as he tries to fight his own emotions before itโs too late.
Soobin looks around the empty apartment. Since youโve moved in, it feels more like a home now. Before you lived with him, Soobinโs apartment was plain, he only had the necessities, with barely any decor.ย
But the second you stepped inside you changed everything, with your houseplants, copious amounts of throw blankets and pillows on his couch, and your need for a candle to be found in every room.
He likes how your clothes filled the empty gap in his closet. He likes how your skincare and makeup litter the bathroom counter next to his toothbrush. He likes how you hung up frames and posters on his bare walls.
He likes you. And you like him back too. At least he thought so.
Yesterday was Valentineโs Day.
Soobin bought you flowers, chocolates, reserved your favorite restaurant for dinner, and gifted you the purse youโve been eyeing online for the past month. He never asked for anything in return, because just being with you was a gift enough for him. He couldnโt care less about gifts, he just loved spending time with you.
But when you saw all of this, all that he did for you, you looked at him confused.
โThank you, these are beautiful,โ You smile as you hold the flowers and glance at the purse.ย
โBut Soobin,โ You have to look away as you put the flowers in a vase. โIsnโt Valentineโs Day for couples? We arenโt dating.โ
Those words from last night lead him to his question now: What was he to you?
Your actions and words never matched up, and Soobin was constantly filled with confusion.
One day he acts as your boyfriend, your lover, your husband if you will. And the others he was a stranger. You treated him like he was expendable.
You two werenโt a couple, this was something you constantly insisted on, but neither of you canโt seem to pull away from each other no matter how hard you try. This awkward stage of will-you-wonโt-you was frustrating to him.
The only thing was that Soobin was a bit of a coward. Heโs always struggled to express his true feelings, and with you itโs even harder when he has what feels like his entire life on the line.
Sometimes when heโs alone, his brain reminds him of the consequences of his actions- more like the consequences of his inaction. With his inability to convey to you his own desires, you walk all over him like a rug.ย
But Soobin knows deep down you do care for him.
He can tell with the way you look at him, how your eyes always soften when heโs in view. You speak to him with such a sweet tone, even when youโre unhappy.ย
He notices the little things you do, like how you called his mom a week before his birthday to learn how to cook his favorite meal. Or whenever heโd come home late from work youโd stay up to help him get ready for bed.ย
That time he went out with the guys for Yeonjunโs birthday, and he got so drunk that you had to pick him up from the club. You held his hand the entire drive home and tucked him into bed with a kiss on the forehead and a promise to see him in the morning.
You might not outright say it, but you like Soobin. Your actions scream louder than any word.ย
He just wants you to be happy, and if that means he has to suck it up and let you ruin him for your own dignity, heโd do it, absolutely.
The sound of the front door opening has him sitting up, his senses high alert. You were finally home.
Yesterday after you had rejected his gifts, you unexpectedly spent the night at Minjeongโs. You claimed it was because she was feeling extra lonely since Valentineโs Day would have been her anniversary with her ex, but Soobin knows better than that.
You open the door and immediately you two make eye contact, faces frozen in fear.
โHi,โ You choke out, hurrying to lock the door and take your shoes off. โHey,โ Soobin stands up, awkwardly stuffing his hands into his pockets.ย
You purse your lips and drop your bag onto the dining table, almost waiting for him to speak first. He doesnโt want to, but he does.
โHow was Minjeong?โ He asks, voice dry. โSheโs holding up alright,โ You clear your throat. He nods though you donโt see as you busy yourself in the kitchen.ย
โSo, um, I was thinking we need-โ โHey Soobin,โ You interrupt him. He looks up and sees you staring right back at him.
โI-โ You take a deep breath. โIโm sorry about how I reacted yesterday, You were just being nice, and I see that now. Thank you, really, for the gifts.โ You smile at him, but itโs not genuine.
โItโs nothing,โ He lies through his teeth and returns your smile. You sigh and look relieved. As you disappear into the bedroom, Soobin remains standing in the middle of the apartment, just as confused as before.
Youโre staring so hard at the couch, Soobin is starting to think youโre trying to mentally set it on fire or something.
โNo, itโs too long, and the color is too light and I donโt like the material.โ You decide and shake your head. He scoffs, and follows you as you walk down the aisle to the next one.
Currently, he was stuck inside of an Ikea with you, in search of a new couch. And you were taking it very seriously.
The only thing was that his old one was completely fine, it was a little beat up from the last couple of years of wear and tear, but it was still sturdy.
But he needed to get you out of the house, and what better way than making up a fake excuse to go out and furniture shop?
After Seollal at his familyโs house, youโve been depressed, and for good reason. His sisterโs forced confession damaged not only his reputation, but your mental health. To Soobin that was not acceptable.
You already struggled with your own family, heโs seen it with his own eyes how broken you become when your parents disowned you.
Not to mention your recent mental breakdown at 2 am. Youโd woken up in tears, sobbing so hard he was afraid youโd break.
He refused to see you hurt like that again, so he was going to use everything in his power to make you feel better.
โWhat about that one?โ He drags you to a different showroom, this one was a stark difference from the fake and moody one you two were just at. Itโs bright with pops of color coming from the house plants and window drapes.
But you frown, shaking your head as you watch Soobin sit on the neon blue sofa. โNo, that thing looks so uncomfortable. And itโs way too small, your legs barely fit.โ
Soobin gets up and sighs, following you as you examine each and every showroom with the eyes of a hawk. You guys barely arrived 30 minutes ago, but he was already wanting to go home.
โHow about that one? Itโs kind of nice.โ He suggests, pointing to an earthy green mid century modern sofa.ย
โThe color isnโt cute, I want something practical.โ You argue, already onto the next showroom.
He doesnโt even know why heโs trying to help when you already have a vision. But seeing you act all serious has him worked up. He liked it when you were direct and stern, it turned him on.
โOh what about this! This is cute! And itโll fit in the living room.โ You plot yourself onto a beige loveseat, sinking into the cushions.ย
โWhatever you want.โ He smiles, enjoying your interests. You pat the seat beside you and he sits down, leaning all the way back.ย
โNot bad, right?โ You look at him expectantly. โItโs kind of stiff, but we just have to break it in.โย
He turns to you and smiles, you looked like you were actually enjoying yourself for once.ย
โCome on, letโs go to the next one, maybe we should get a sectional!โ You stand up and pull him with you, leading him to another room.
One by one you try out each couch, not fully satisfied.
โThis is the last one, โ Soobin warns. โJust sit,โ You roll your eyes and the two of you sit side by side. This sofa was dark gray in color, three seats with a chaise lounge included, and extra soft.
โWoah, itโs like sitting in cotton candy.โ You sigh. โI donโt want to get up, this is bad.โ Soobin nods in agreement. You close your eyes and lean against him.ย
โI think this is the one. I could nap here all day.โ You yawn. โAre you sure itโs not just because youโre tired?โ He teases. You pinch his side, making him giggle.ย
I want this one. Maybe a lighter shade of gray if they have it,โ You add. Soobin hums, too lazy to find the tag right at this moment to keep note of which sofa to buy.
Right now, here with you was perfect. Even if you guys were in a crowded furniture store with hundreds of other people who were busy shopping.
He couldnโt care less where you two were, it could be in the middle of nowhere, a haunted house, a busy freeway. Soobin would go anywhere for you.
As long as heโs got you, everything will be okay.
Soobin thought that when you got pregnant, your lust would die down.ย
It did not. In fact it was amplified.
โWe canโt do this here, Iโm at work.โ He tries to push you off him, but youโre persistent, kissing up and down his neck.ย
โWeโre at a work party, you're off the clock, and no one is here. Weโre alone.โ You insist, rubbing his hard on through his pants. โYou like it donโt you? You like it when I let you fuck me anytime anywhere.โ You mock him.
It was true, while he lived the comfort of having sex at home, he canโt forget the adrenaline you give him when you two are out and about.
But fucking inside of conference room where just a few feet away all of his coworkers are socializing and could potentially hear or catch you two? That was a bit terrifying.
โPlease? Fuck Iโm so horny,โ You whine, already unbuttoning his shirt. โYou look so good I canโt help it.โย
This is news to Soobin. The theme for this yearโs annual work celebration was Blast from the Past! so heโd gone and worn a denim on denim look: a denim button up paired with a random tie and jeans. His hair was down and messy, and heโs been eating barbecue chips for the past half hour straight.
โWhat?โ He has to laugh, thinking youโve gone crazy. But you donโt relent and continuing to unbuckle his pants and shoving your hand down his boxers.
Heโs ashamed to admit heโs already half hard the second you pulled him into the empty room. Now your soft hands are massaging his erect cock like itโs your job, kissing up and down his exposed chest.
Youโre getting on his nerves. You always act like a brat when heโs under pressure.
So he removes you from him, earning a grin from you as he pushes you against the table, seating you so that your legs are wide open for him.
โYou never listen,โ He scowls, lifting your dress up and pushing your panties to the side. โIโll listen now,โ You blink up at him innocently. You begin to play with yourself in order to relieve the tension, head rolling back.
Soobin slaps your hand away, grabbing your wrist and pinning you down. โLiar, you always like to test me, donโt you?โ He doesn't let you answer as he quickly lines his cock to your seeping hole, sliding in without warning.ย
You let out a sensual moan, fully laying down on the table now. Your free hand pulls down the top half of your dress to reveal your plump and aching tits. You look like youโre fresh from a painting.ย
โWhy arenโt you moving?โ You groan, trying to grind yourself against him. Soobin stands there taking you in with a smirk plastered all over his face. He sees how your face begins to turn red as he refuses to look away from you.
He finally leans down, grabs you by the jaw and whispers, โAlways a slut for my cock, arenโt you?โย
You gasp and clench around him. He canโt take it anymore. Without warning he begins to thrust into you like a piston, fast, swift and hard. You canโt control your moans, youโre breathing heavily as he holds both of your wrists in one single hand above your head.
The other hand quickly goes to cover your lips. โBe quiet, want someone to find us?โ Soobin growls into your ear. Heโs barely holding on himself as he mocks you.ย
โYou want my boss to come in here and see you all fucked out on my dick, yeah baby?โ He threatens and you can only bite your tongue. โDonโt worry baby, no one but me gets to see you like this,โ
โAll hot and wet for me and me only, right?โ You nod desperately and he removes his hand from your mouth. โYou love my cock so much you just had to have my baby, didnโt you?โ His hand goes to rub your swollen stomach, before traveling down to your clit.ย
โF-Fuck!โ You squeak out as he simultaneously plays with your clit and pumps you full. โGod youโre so fucking tight, I-Iโm gonna cum,โ His tough act begins to crumble as he struggles to chase his own high.
โWant me to cum in you baby? Or you wanna drink it up like a good girl?โ He brushes a lock of hair out of your face, caressing your cheek.ย
โDonโt pull out Iโm so close,โ You cry, hands searching for him. You were always pretty, but seeing you beg for him was something else. Soobin canโt help but kiss you, ramming into you with so much intensity and vulgarness he completely forgets where you two are.ย
You cum in seconds, he follows you with insane speed, the way you convulse around him has him falling through the cracks. Youโre both breathless and tired, but your lips stay connected.
Eventually he peels himself off you, pulling his softening dick out of your warmth. Both of you are sticky and wet, sweating like youโve run a marathon. But his eyes are trained on your pussy as his cum leaks out, thick and white.
Unconsciously he sticks a finger into your sore hole, pushing it back in. You wince, catching your breath. โSoobin-โย
He shuts you up by sticking that same finger into your mouth. โI donโt want to waste a drop.โ
โBeomgyu! Get your ass over here and help me with this banner!โ Jimin orders, she spots Beomgyu hiding behind a tree. The man sulks as heโs been found, trudging over to the canopy.ย
โI never signed up for this! I just came to drop off the cateringโ He whines, but Jimin doesnโt care, handing him the banner to hang.ย
โCan you shut up? At least youโre not lugging around the damn table!โ Yeonjun yells. Heโs currently dragging the folding table all over the patio area, under orders from Ningning.
โMore to the left- no my left! No go back, more to the right now- your right!โ She tells him and he obediently listens, though he seems tired.ย
โHi! We picked up the cupcakes!โ Minjeong sings as she and Aeri arrive, though theyโre not carrying a thing. โUh, where?โ Soobin asks, confused.ย
โHere! We offered to help,โ Taehyun announces as he and Kai waltz over to the canopy, carrying the boxes of cupcakes. โLow sugar with whipped cream frosting,โ Aeri recites as she and Minjeong begin to organize the food on another table.
โWe need chairs! Where are the chairs? Beomgyu you were supposed to bring the chairs!โ Jimin glares. โI would grab the chairs, but Iโm holding your stupid banner!โ He argues.
โGo get the chairs! Ugh, Kai, help me with the banner, youโre taller.โ She waves off Beomgyu.ย
โWell, looks like the baby shower planning is going well,โ Soobin jokes as Yeonjun approaches, finally free from Ningningโs grasp.ย
โWhat are you doing? Donโt just stand there, do something!โ He complains. โNope, Iโm gonna go pick up Y/nโs dress and drop it off, then Iโve got to grab the drinks and ice.โ Soobin states.ย
โSave me!โ Beomgyu sobs, only for Jimin to glare at him again. โHurry up! We need more chairs!โ
โActually, I can grab the dress, Minjeong and I are gonna leave to go do Y/nโs hair and makeup anyways,โ Aeri checks the time. โBut you can take Beomgyu with you, I think Jimin might burst a vein if she has to be with him for another minute.โ Minjeong whispers.ย
Soobin sends her a thumbs up and pulls his best friend away from starting a spat with Jimin. โLetโs go grab the drinks! Weโll be back.โ Soobin waves a goodbye.
โTurn on the A/C, Iโm melting,โ Beomgyu groans as he jumps into the passenger seat. The cool air hits his face, refreshing the pair.ย
โSo, why are you guys throwing a baby shower again? I thought you guys were gonna chuck the baby or something?โ Beomgyu asks. Soobin punches his arm, making him cry.ย
โWe are not chucking the baby, weโre just giving the baby up for adoption for the time being.โ He corrects.ย
Beomgyu looks confused. โFor the time being? You mean you plan to get custody later?โ Soobin goes quiet.
If he were being honest, he might be a bit attached already to your unborn son. He hasnโt said anything, but he canโt bear to even think about signing the adoption papers.ย
โNo,โ He sighs. โI just- I might just ask for full custody if Y/n says no.โ He admits. Beomgyuโs eyes bulge out of his head. โSo youโre saying youโd become a single dad?!โย
Soobin slowly nods. The idea was daunting, but he believes he could do it. He knows his mom will help, theyโve spoken a few times privately since Seollal. He considered moving back home to make his life a bit easier if it came down to it.
โSoobin, you canโt be serious, this isnโt some kind of game you can speedrun. This is a real human being that youโre gonna have to raise for 18 years-โ โI know Beomgyu,โ Soobin says tensely.ย
โBut you donโt get it.โ He clenches his jaw. โYou wonโt get it until youโre in that room, and the doctor shows you the ultrasound and you get to see your baby grow- did you know you can hear their heartbeat?!โ Soobin stops at the red light, looking over his best friend with desperation in his eyes.ย
โI canโt get the sound out of my head.โ He reveals. Beomgyu goes silent.ย
โAnd what about Y/n? You said youโd do anything for her, right?โ
Soobin continues the drive, eyes trained on the road. โYeah, but maybe not this time.โ
The car is quiet again, the radio so low itโs a whisper. Beomgyu suddenly lets out a howl, his head leaning against the glass window.ย
โYouโre insane,โ He mumbles. โBut youโre also my best friend. So if youโre really going to go through with this, Iโll be there.โย
Soobin smiles. โThanks Beomgyu, I appreciate it.โ The other man just nods, looking out the window.ย
โJust so you know, Iโll help out but I am not changing any poop diapers. Give those all to Yeonjun.โ Soobin begins to laugh, feeling relieved from his friendโs support.
He waits until youโre asleep. Outside on the balcony, the air is cool and thereโs a slight breeze. Itโs way past midnight and heโs struggling to keep his eyes open as he presses the call button. It rings five times before his mom picks up.
โHello?โ She sounds like heโs just woken up. โHey mom, sorry, did I wake you?โ He worries.ย
โHuh? No, no, Iโm fine,โ She lies. โHow are you? Did you eat today?โ She asks. โYeah, yeah,โ He answers.
They go through the formalities, checking on each otherโs health, asking about their days and such. But eventually, as the night goes on, the topic changes to something more serious.
โAnd how is the baby?โ Soobin goes stiff. โFine, the doctor says heโs healthy.โ He hears his mom hum on the other line.
Silence.
โAre you still going to give up my grandbaby?โ
He hates this question.
โSoobin, are you listening to me?โ She repeats and he fights the urge to yawn, losing as he leans against the railing of his balcony. โIโm listening.โ He assures her.
His mother sighs, mumbling something under her breath. โYou do know what youโre doing right? That baby deserves to be with his dad and mom.โ
โNo yeah, I know,โ He hums. This was the fifth time theyโve had this conversation in the last two months.
โI know that you and Y/n are struggling, but thatโs why your father and I are here. We love you Soobin, and we love Y/n too, please donโt do this.โ
He closes his eyes, making a face. โDonโt say that.โ He urges. โBut why? You two are so good together. You love her, why canโt you two make this work for your son? Put your differences aside! Couples have differences and fight all the time, you two need to learn to compromise.โย
Maybe it was because it was late and he was extremely tired, or maybe it was because he hated the way his mom talked about his relationship with you like she knew better. But either way Soobin snaps.ย
โY/n and I- We- stop acting as if weโre dating mom, you know we arenโt.โ He sighs and rubs his face. โYou can stop pretending.โ The line is quiet, and he wonders if he should just say goodnight and end the call.
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees something from inside move. โHold on,โ He murmurs. โI think Y/nโs up.โ He immediately mutes the call, tip toeing inside. He makes his way to the bedroom, from the door he sees you cuddled up with the blanket. Your back faces him.ย
โNo sheโs still asleep,โ He says into the phone as he unmutes the call. As he turns to leave, he shuts the door. He doesnโt want you to hear any of this.
โSoobin, I just want whatโs best for you,โ His mother finally says. โHow do you know this is good for me? For all you know, I could be digging my own grave,โ He argues, stepping back outside onto the balcony.
He hears his mom shuffle, then hum. โWell, I see how you are with her, and my son, you glow.โ His heart aches as he hears her speak with such sincerity. โYou look at each other with love, and now you can share that love with your baby. You two just need to sit down and talk.โ
โI-โ
Soobin sucks in a breath. He canโt speak. He canโt respond, argue. Because he wants his mother to be right, he desperately does. Just the idea of living that fantasy of growing a family with you was enough to bring him to his knees.ย
Heโs tried so hard to get you to like him back, so hard to break down your walls. He just wants to be able to love you openly. No more lies and secrets.
The only thing stopping him is you.
โIโm gonna go to bed mom,โ He bites his cheek, holding back. โOkay,โ he can hear the tone of his mom. Sheโs disappointed. He hears that more often these days.ย
โIโll talk to you next time, okay?โ They bid farewell and instead of going back to bed with you and sleeping his stress away, Soobin goes to the living room and sits on the couch.
The one you picked out and he built.
He doesnโt realize heโs fallen asleep there until the early morning when the sun blinds him. Quietly he slips back into the bedroom and into the mattress next to you.
Just like last night, your lonely back faces him.
โY/N!โ Soobin bursts into your hospital room looking like heโs run through hell and back. He scares you awake, Beomgyu jumping up from his spot on the waiting chair.ย
โYou made it! Thank God,โ Beomgyu looks more relieved than Soobin. โI was starting to get worried, they said I would have to go into the room with her when it was time to push,โ He gags. โThanks,โ Soobin pats him on the back as Beomyu slips out of the room as soon as possible.
His attention turns to you.
Youโre sitting on the hospital bed, wearing your gown and hair in a mess. Just like him your tears have dried up on your face, leaving streaks.
He hesitates.
His body wants to move, his legs are screaming at him to run to you, pull you into a hug, kiss your face and promise to never leave you alone again.
But his brain stops him. Just hours ago youโd rejected him and broken his heart into a million pieces.
You suddenly start sniffling, and his body reacts automatically, coming to your side. He canโt bring himself to hold you just yet, so he settled by petting your hair as you cry.
โIโm sorry,โ He begins to apologize. โIโm sorry, I didnโt- I should have- I was being stupid and I-โ He shuts up when you lurch forward and hug his waist, sobbing into his shirt.ย
He finally relaxes and leans over to sit on the edge of the bed, pulling you closer. โIโm an idiot I know,โ He murmurs and kisses your head. โPlease forgive me,โ
You canโt even answer him properly, you're crying so hard your body is shaking violently. So instead he just holds you, holds like you're made of glass until you fall back asleep from the pure exhaustion this entire night has been.ย
Soobin lays you back down, wiping your tears from your cheeks.
You didnโt deserve him. He was a jerk, and he could never forgive himself for what heโs done to you. He was selfish for trying to force you to pursue him, for feeding into his own desires. If only he could go back in time.
Quietly, he attempts to leave you to rest on the little stiff loveseat by the window. Except the grip tightens around his hand. He looks up to find you awake again.
โYou should try to rest, youโll need the energy.โ He tells you, though he doesnโt move.
You shake your head, confusing him. But suddenly you scoot over, and gesture for him to lay with you. Soobin is surprised. After everything tonight, you still want him around.
Feeling guilty, he struggles to squeeze in without hurting you. But once heโs next to you, you snuggle into his side, your head resting on his chest. He holds you dearly, his other hand playing with your fingers as if to distract himself.
โYou were right, you know,โ You suddenly speak up, breaking the comfortable silence. Soobin quirks an eyebrow, confused on what you were talking about.ย
You shift so that you could face him.
Even with your tired eyes, tear stained cheeks and pouty lips, your beauty amazes him. He feels lucky just to have made eye contact with you.
โI love you,โ You whisper, as if you were scared to speak up. โWhat?โ He mumbles, unable to believe you.
โI love you Soobin,โ You repeat. โIโฆ Iโve been lying to myself, to you. Iโve loved you for a long time now. Iโm sorry.โ You look away, feeling ashamed. Your tears return and he does you a favor by gently guiding you to look at him again.ย
Delicately, Soobin kisses you. His heart begins to bloom as you two become intertwined. This was all he could ever want, and youโve finally gifted him his greatest award: your love.ย
โDo you hate me?โ You ask in between kisses. He smirks. โHow could I ever hate you baby?โ He teases, kissing your salty tears away. โBecause Iโm such an asshole, and you always treat me so well,โ You hiccup.ย
His lips return to yours as a way to reassure you. โI love you so much. Thereโs nothing you could do that could make me hate you.โ
You shudder under his touch, pulling him by his collar, trying to get closer. Your anguish has him pulling away faster than you or he wants.
โYou need to rest,โ He insists, despite the fact that heโd rather kiss you for longer. But he can see and tell youโre exhausted. He can sacrifice his affections for the time being.
โDonโt go.โ You pout. โIโm not going anywhere, never again.โ He promises, fixing the pillows to make the both of you more comfortable.
He watches as you yawn, your sleepiness consuming you. Just before you fall asleep though, he whispers in your ear.
โCan you say it again?โย
You glance at him, eyebrows furrowed. You nuzzle into the crook of his neck and sigh. โI love you Soobin,โ You mumble into his soft skin.
And his heart soars, heโd been waiting to hear those words all along.
โI spend nine- almost ten months carrying him in my womb, and he comes out looking just like you,โ You frown. โItโs like Iโve been scammed.โ
โHeโs got your uh, your eyebrows I think? Baby itโs okay, look how cute he is,โ Soobin giggles as he sits beside your hospital bed, carrying your sleeping son. Heโs been in the outside world for a total of three hours, yet heโs the cutest baby ever.
โEunjae, youโre gonna be handsome just like your daddy, huh?โ You lean over to gently boop the babyโs nose.
โEunjae? When did you pick a name?โ Soobin asks, you two had never really talked about names ever. โHe picked it himself,โ You shrug.
Soobin is even more confused now. โWhat do you mean he picked it himself, Y/n heโs three hours old.โย
Before you can answer, thereโs a knock on your door. โHi mom and dad! How are we doing?โ The nurse asks as he comes in holding what seems to be paperwork.
โGood so far.โ Soobin answers. โGreat! Iโve actually got some documents for you guys to sign, as well as the birth certificate,โ
He hands you the papers, and you read over them. As you flip through the documents, you stop at a specific one.
โUm actually, we arenโt going to be needing this one anymore,โ You hand the nurse the paper, he reads it over. โSounds good, Iโll come back later once everything is filled. Let one of us know if you have any questions.โ He says as he departs.
โWhat was it that you gave back?โ Soobin asks. Youโre already signing some papers as you speak. โThe adoption papers.โ You donโt look at him, but Soobin is smiling.
You finally look up at him and smile back, this one was real and filled with pure love.ย
โWe canโt give up on this little guy, heโs too adorable,โ You coo as you poke your sonโs cheek. The baby squirms in his arms before resuming his sleep.
Soobin watches as you fill out the birth certificate, thereโs a weird sense of pride he feels as you complete the documents.ย
โYou know I like the name, Eunjae.โ He agrees. โWell you better like it, I already wrote it down on the certificate with permanent marker,โ You joke, making him chuckle. He leans down and presses a kiss to your temple.
โI love you,โ You say. He smiles at you. โYouโve told me that like 150 times since last night.โ He pretends to complain.ย
โAnd I never get tired of saying it.โ You grin, sealing your vow with a kiss. And for Soobin, he never gets tired of hearing those three words, patiently waiting for the next time they slip from your lips.
Heโd wait for you tomorrow, the next day, a week from now, a month, a year, a decade, a century and for eternity.ย
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My favorite part about writing is that first spark of an idea. It can happen at any time, for any reason. The idea for the Opalite music video crash landed into my imagination when I was doing promo for The Life of a Showgirl. I was a guest on one of my favorite shows, The Graham Norton Show. For those of you who arenโt familiar, itโs a UK late night show where Graham Norton (the insanely charismatic and lovable host) invites a random group of actors, entertainers, musicians, etc to be on his show and we all sit there and chat like itโs a dinner party. They even serve wine. Anyway. I remember thinking I got ridiculously lucky with the group I was paired with. Cillian Murphy, Domhnall Gleeson, Greta Lee, Jodie Turner-Smith, and Lewis Capaldi. All people whose work Iโve admired from afar. When we were all talking during the broadcast, Domhnall made a light hearted joke about wanting to be in one of my music videos. Heโs Irish! He was joking! Except that in that moment during the interview, I was instantly struck with an *idea*. And so a week later he received an email script Iโd written for the Opalite video, where he was playing the starring role. I had this thought that it would be wild if all of our fellow guests on the Graham Norton show that night, including Graham himself, could be a part of it too. Like a school group project but for adults and it isnโt mandatory. To my delight, everyone from the show made the effort to time travel back to the 90โs with us and help with this video. You might even recognize some friendly faces from The Eras Tour. I got to work with one of my favorite people in the world, Rodrigo Prieto, again! I had more fun than I ever imagined - Made new friends, metaphors, and fashion choices. It was an absolute thrill to create this story and these characters. Shot on film. The Opalite video is out now on Spotify & Apple Music.ย
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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