E!!

The breeze rustled through the trees that lined the park where the Kansas City Farmer’s Market was taking place. Booths manned by local businesses lined the sides of the open fields, causing you to be giddy when you saw things you were interested in. Sammy trailed behind you with a few reusable bags, eyeing up various booths. 

“Sweetie, why do we have to start all the way at the back?” Sam caught up to you, grasping your hand and gently swinging your arms back and forth. 

“One, the booths all the way in the back may get overlooked because everyone starts at the front. Two, it is much less crowded back here. And three,” you stopped at the end of the market, smiling up at him. “We have time to enjoy and won’t stress about missing anyone.” 

Sam loved your love for humanity and the way you wanted to take care of every person. How you were on hunts towards him and Dean translated to soft smiles towards strangers and lovely conversations that brighten not only their day but his. Sam has always enjoyed seeing the love you give others, and he would do anything he could to give you as many days out he feasibly was able to. Unfortunately, with the life you both lived, he was not able to give you this time the way he wished.

You browsed all of the handmade knickknacks that people had either welded or knitted in awe. The craftsmanship and talent that people had never ceased to amaze you. There was one woman who was an independent author and selling some of her romance novels. You picked up three, thanking her and following her on social media so that you could be updated on her newer books. An older gentleman and his wife were selling homemade lemonade, and you grabbed the largest size for both you and Sam. Sam, who was not browsing as much as you. 

“Are you having fun?” You looked up at Sam with a sparkle in your eyes. The sun had started to cause your skin to darken along your cheekbones and the tip of your nose, and the heat was leaving a sheen of sweat on your upper lip. “We’ve still got the rest of the market.” 

Sam leaned down, planting a kiss on your nose. “Baby, I will do anything with you.”

You giggled softly, crinkling your nose at Sam before tugging on his free hand. “Come on, handsome. Let’s go find some nerd shit.” 

“Okay, sweetie,” Sam said, squeezing your hand tight. “I wanna see if anyone makes any sort of leatherbound notebooks.” 

“If we can’t find it here, maybe we can go back to the Renaissance Faire,” you exclaimed, jumping on the balls of your feet before tugging Sam to random booths that had no line or crowds around them. 

Sam continued to watch you look around and interact with the vendors, and his heart swelled. He knows how creative you are. He knows how much you’d love to do something like this if it weren’t for the fact that you guys were hunters. Sam cleared his throat, fighting off the tears that formed behind his eyes. He’d do anything to live a normal life with you. One where he could be a lawyer and where you could do virtually anything you wanted. 

But he knows he would’ve never met you if it wasn’t for meeting you on one of his first hunts back with Dean. As far as he was aware, a life without you just wasn’t worth living. 

The guy sitting across from you at your dad’s kitchen table has been making your skin crawl for over 20 years. Being only a year younger than Sam Winchester made you the prime picking on target as you guys grew up in the same circles. Dean, the older of the two, had a soft spot for you, like the second little sibling he never had. Their dad, John, always dropped them off at your house while he went away on “work trips.”

You dreaded seeing Sam. He was always rude to you, especially since you were the youngest. When you were both little, he’d always push you off your scooter or steal the chalk you were drawing on the concrete with before smashing in to little pieces. More often than not, a week with Sam Winchester was a week full of crying and hiding all of your favorite toys since you were scared he’d break them.

Sam never minded spending time with you. Sure he teased you, but Dean teased him. Dean stole his stuff and messed with him and shoved him around, so he wanted you to be included in the roughhousing. You’d scrap your knees and immediately go crying to Bobby, getting Sam in trouble and making him progressively grow an animosity towards you. An animosity he couldn’t quite explain why it had grown into your adulthood.

When he hit high school, Sam fought tooth and nail with his dad to get him to stay with Bobby so he could stay in the same school and focus on his education. So, for 4 beautiful years, Sam stayed in the bedroom across the hall from yours and went to the same school as you for the first time ever. All of your friends thought he was so cute, but you knew how much of an asshole he was. He was selfish, always finishing the milk before you could come down for breakfast and have a bowl of cereal. He was rude, constantly bumping you in the halls while rolling his eyes.

And worst of all, Sam was just plain fucking mean. That was what made you hate him. His attitude towards you and your decisions always circles around how bad they were, as if he was better than you for making the effort to finish school and not falling into the hunting life.

You had brought your first boyfriend home at 17, a boy from down the street named Luke. Your dad invited him over for dinner, and the entire time, Sam was staring him down and asking him uncomfortable questions about any ex partners and about his grades.

Luke never came back over and stopped calling you after that night.

At the end of Sam’s senior year, you had brought home another boy named Gregory to do some studying with. You both weren’t together, at least officially you weren’t, so you convinced your dad to let you bring him over while he was away on a short hunt. Sam, his room being across the hall, watched you bring the guy in. It made him angry. So he banged on your door.

“Sam,” you ripped the door open, wiping your lips from kissing Gregory. “What the fuck are you doing.”

His eyes were wide, looking over to the boy that was on your bed and scrambling to put his hands over his crotch to hide his boner. “Don’t be a fucking slut.”

“What did you just call me?” Your hand was white from where you were grabbing on the door handle. When Sam continued to just stare at you without answering, you scoffed at him. “Sorry not all of us can have an intimate connection with others. Maybe stop being a dickhead and people will actually like you.” You were on the verge of tears when you slammed the door in his face. 10 minutes later, Gregory was leaving. You stomped your way back to your room, angry at Sam and upset that Gregory decided that things weren’t going to work out.

Safe to say, Sam Winchester’s being at the kitchen table was the worst situation you could’ve found yourself in on a Saturday night. But he definitely grew into his looks. His lanky body was slightly muscular, and his longer hair complimented the shape of his face. He’d laughed a few times since getting here, the sound giving you involuntary butterflies.

The Winchesters had shown up late last night for a place to crash, and you’d been enjoying Dean’s company before he decided to go out and grab some lunch from a local diner in order to motivate all three of you to continue researching a set of ritualistic sacrifices that were being done in a few towns over while your dad and some of his buddies were handling the situation.

Sam broke the silence by clearing his throat. “You really won’t talk to me?” He looked up from the lore book he had been taking notes on with a look of reluctance on his face. “I know I was a mean fucking kid but-“

“I don’t have space in my life for a man who calls someone a slut.” You looked up to meet his face, his brown eyes sparkling. “But I appreciate you acknowledging you were mean.”

“Hey, I’ve apologized before and-“

“Just because you apologized doesn’t mean it didn’t change the way I thought about myself for years,” you cut him off, slamming your hand on the table. “Imagine having a cute guy tell you you’re a slut.”

He sat with what you said for a minute. “Cute guy, huh?”

You scoffed at him, going back to your laptop. Of course that’s what he’d focus on.

“In all seriousness, you’re right. I shouldn’t have done that and I’m sorry. I was a dumb stupid kid who didn’t know his feelings, and I should’ve been honest with you instead of letting my jealousy take over.”

Jealousy? You let his words sink in, silence filling the room once again.

An hour had gone by, Dean had come back with burgers, and you finally had a lead.

“I think it’s a blood witch,” you mumbled, mentioning it to no one in particular.

“Why do you think, sweetheart?” Dean asks, stretching as he stands up of the couch to go see what you had found.

“The way the rituals look to be done are evocative of the style of sacrifice that’s common with them. Plus, there’s been a lot of sightings of different runes in those woods.”

“Damn. You know a lot more than you did when we were kids,” Sam chuckles. “I’d say our research is done.”

“Great.” You packed up the lore books and your laptop, stacking the books back on the bookshelf before immediately heading upstairs to your room and closing the door.

“I don’t think they’ll ever forgive you, Sammy,” Dean mumbles around the rest of his fries. “I don’t think I’ve seen them speak a word to you in years.”

“Yeah, they had a small conversation with me today, which is leagues better than normal. I should’ve confessed my feelings that night instead of being a dick.”

“Go talk,” Dean said, his eyes fluttering shut. “Maybe you’ll get some answers.”

——————————————————————————

You settled into your bed, a random TV show on while you stared up at your ceiling and calmed down. Sam had always made you so upset, and it didn’t help that now you were an adult and had enough separation from him that your feelings weren’t as strong. He had always made you blush growing up, even when he was being rude. Sam was just always so cute looking, and you’d hope that the feelings would go away as you got older.

They’ve proven themselves to be stronger than ever.

Frustration burned in your chest when you heard a soft knock on your door. “Come in!”

Sam popped his head in the doorway, and you rolled your eyes. You were hoping Dean would come hang out with you like he did when you guys were younger. You’d both squish in on your bed, and he’d hear about all of the drama you’d learned about at school.

“I really want to talk to you,” Sam spoke quietly as he awkwardly stood in the doorway. You sighed, sitting up and pointing at the end of your bed.

“I did say ‘come in.’” You offered him a soft smile, showing him kindness that you hadn’t given him since you were both little. “What’s up, Sammy?”

“I’m sorry for who I was when we were kids. Like, really sorry. I had a lot going on and only knew about being tough. You didn’t deserve it. I should’ve…protected you from the lifestyle I had. I’m sorry.” He looked down at his hands, wringing his fingers together.

“Thank you for your sincere apology,” you whispered back, scooting closer to him as you placed your hand on his. “Your dad was really hard on you.”

“And Bobby was so kind with you,” he exclaimed, switching his gaze to your eyes. “I was so…jealous. Jealous of that and jealous of you living a normal life with partners and…” Sam’s voice trailed off.

“And?” you questioned, rubbing your thumb up and down his hand.

“And that they were kissing you and I had fucked it up so bad that you wouldn’t even consider kissing me.” Sammy blushed, and you noticed his throat bob as he swallowed.

“Sammy,” you started, “kissing you would’ve been even better. You just never made yourself accessible to me when it mattered. You weren’t here often. When you were, you teased me and made fun of me.”

“That’s what love was to me when I was younger. Growing up with other guys you’ve gotta-“

“Pretend you’re tough,” you finished for him.

“Yeah. Jess…taught me how to unlearn that. She showed me how to love. I realized then I really messed it up with you.”

You smiled at him. “I’m glad she taught you how to love kindly and softly. You needed that. I know that my dad was much better with that.”

Sam stared into your eyes. You felt your cheeks heat up, knowing that the feelings of anger you had harbored towards him were melting away and your forever crush on him was starting to take center stage.

“Do you wanna…come lay in bed with me and watch,” you quickly glanced at the TV, “Buffy?”

Sam’s toothy grin spread widely across his face. “Yes, absolutely!” He crawled under the blankets with you, tentatively reaching his hand out so you could curl into his chest.

“It’s going to take me a while to be okay with this. There’s a lot of emotions I’m dealing with.” You sighed into his chest, rubbing your hand up and down his stomach absentmindedly.

Dean Winchester didn’t express his emotions. There were no ‘I love yous’ or soft confessions of what he appreciated the most about you, especially in his older age. Dean was a man of very few words; those words usually revolved around hunts or what you guys were going to do for lunch.

Despite the lack of verbal assurances in more recent years, you had no question that your man loved you. You and Dean had met on a hunt where you both had picked up the scent of Blood Mary, and he invited you out on the road with him once he saw how badass you were. The first few months were full of meaningless conversations and getting to know one another, but once Sammy came along and John died, Dean got quiet. The silence never bothered you.

He no longer said “I love you” to express how he felt towards you. Sure, you’d hear it whenever he was going on a hunt or simply whenever he felt the need to stay it to you. But for him, words were never as meaningful as actions. His childhood was full of empty promises and deception, so as he found himself falling in love with you, he made the choice to show you how much he loved you.

It was a fresh cup of coffee in the morning before a day of research in the bunker. Freshly dried PJs and a towel left in the bathroom after your shower so you could wrap yourself in warm clothes. Your favorite blanket on the comfy corner of the couch in the Dean Cave so you had your own spot during movie nights. His face between your legs as he made you scream his name over and over again.

Dean was always more concerned about how your day was before his, and he made that known with how his routine revolved around your schedule. Years had gone by, and he still knew the importance of your 2pm snack before thinking about what to make for dinner. You were a very opinionated person, and Dean knew to let you have the time to make the decisions. He usually made you a weekly menu, swapping days out depending on your mood. This was a big change for him, especially because for the last 20 years, most of his meals took place on the road at random diners. But you went grocery shopping now that you guys had a permanent home. So, he cooked the food you provided.

Sam thought that you were spoiled. He noticed the way Dean waited on you hand and foot, and when he first joined you guys in the road, he had never seen you do a single thing for yourself. Sam’s thoughts changed once he got to know you; he learned you were plenty capable of doing these things. (Anyone who held themselves together on the hunts you all tackled had to be someone who could survive on the bare minimum.) Dean just chose to do these things for you.

It made sense. Dean was a natural born caretaker, Sammy being his pride and joy before you. He was always a protector, of both himself and you.

Dean didn’t tell you about Sam and his dad until you were forced to come into contact with them. They were the biggest contributors to who he was as a man, and he was fearful of the layers of himself that knowing them would clue you in on. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust you fully; he just believed that he needed to keep parts of his life separate. Dean knew that you’d learn more about him, and he was scared that it would make you run away.

But it didn’t. The way he loved his family made you love him more. You saw the subtle ways he took care of Sammy and made sure his life ran as smoothly as yours did. Despite the constant bickering between the two, Dean never held it against Sam. He dragged him back into this life, so he made sure he was taken care of.

Your rusty 1985 Buick LeSabre rattled along the gravel driveway that led back towards your parents’ house off of Maple Street. Air was stuck in your lungs, your body refusing to let out any breaths until you knew you were safe. The kick was…you had to be safe. Your mother’s funeral was just held last week in Hartford, and she would’ve been the only dangerous thing that was left in this house. You pulled the Buick to a stop at the dilapidated shed that sat about 30 feet from the main house and stared. It hadn’t changed a bit: the house was still beige, the shutters were still a baby blue, and the porch was painted a stark white. The front door, however, was no longer mustard yellow. It was painted a rich, burgundy color. Your father must’ve gotten tired of the cheeriness. 

Grabbing your keys and purse, you climbed out of your car cautiously. The steps up to the front door were rickety, the weak spots having worsened in the 15 years you had been gone. Lifting up the doormat, your heart tugged as the spare key stared back at you. Shaking, you reach down for it quickly before rushing to unlock the door and walk in before you had the chance to change your mind. The foyer, low ceilings that were yellowed from cigarette smoke, seemed smaller than you remembered, yet it was still full of all of the shit your parents had left behind. 

With your father dying last August and your mother following less than a year later, you didn’t have time to prepare yourself for inheriting the mess they had created in Stars Hollow. While the house was beautiful, the nightmares you had of it the first 5 years after you moved away should have been enough to deter you from ever living here again. Yet…here you were, 33 and planning on staying here for the week in order to clean it out properly. Then, it was going up on the market. As is and undervalued, just so it could get out of your hair faster. Throwing your purse onto the entryway table, you went to the kitchen and looked in the cabinets for trash bags.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6 hours and 5 trash bags later, the coat closet and the kitchen were gone through and separated into trash and donation piles. You had found some boxes tucked in the coat closet by the foyer, (thank God because it was getting confusing sorting by trash bag), and were ready to take them up to be donated at any local charity. You were tired and your stomach was growling, so you decided to venture into town for something to eat. Going into Stars Hollow was not something you planned to do; you had hoped that you could simply grab some groceries for the week and make do, but your mother clearly had not been one to clean in the last few months of her life. Mold filled the fridge and microwave, while the oven didn’t even turn on anymore. As you walked out of the front door, not bothering to lock it behind you, you heard a gasp from next door. 

“(Y/N)!” Someone was yelling your name from the house next door. “Sweetheart, what are you doing here?” You looked up to see your old dance teacher, Miss Patty, making her way from Babette’s yard to yours. 

“Hi, Miss Patty”, you answered softly, a tiny smile and wave accompanying your greeting. “Just cleaning out the house.” 

Miss Patty pulled you in for a giant hug, one you’re ashamed to say that you missed, before looking at you sadly. “I am so sorry for your losses, dear. Your parents were amazing members of the community the last few years.” 

Yeah, you thought. Amazing to their contributions to the tobacco and alcohol economy in Stars Hollow. You smiled, nodding your head as you quickly planned your escape from Stars Hollow’s biggest gossip. 

“Yeah, I was just going to go somewhere to grab dinner. Is Al’s still open?” You walked briskly past Miss Patty and began to make your way down the street. 

“Oh, yeah, but he’s really fallen off the last couple of years. Why don’t you try Luke’s?” Your heart skipped a beat. Your Luke? Or was it just a coincidence? “His diner is on the corner next to Doose’s Market. Where the hardware shop used to be!” Definitely was your Luke. 

“Thank you, Patty! I’ll, uh, be sure to stop by your studio before I leave.” You turned towards the main street of Stars Hollow, making the familiar walk to the center of town. 

The town was surprisingly lively for a Sunday night in the middle of June. Sure, the weather was nice, but there was an unusual amount of people coming in and out of the different shops along the street. You spotted the sign for Luke’s and took a deep breath. You hadn’t spoken to Luke since the end of summer after you both had graduated from Stars Hollow High. Luke was always a grumpy person, but you had never seen him as angry as he was that night when you told him that you were moving to live with your friend who had gone to college in Florida. He was yelling, something he never did, and cursing you out in his truck. That was the only time he ever reminded you a lot of your father. 

You were pulled from your thoughts when you smelled the aroma of burgers, a food you always had a weakness for. Another breath caught in your chest as you pushed open the door of the diner, quietly finding an empty table in the back corner. You browsed the menu, hoping that it would be different than every shitting diner you had encountered on your drive up from Florida. Before you could figure out what you were ordering, you heard sneakers smacking roughly against the tile. You looked up, your heart falling into your chest when your gaze settled on his familiar face. 

“Hi, what can I g-” His words were cut short when you met eyes. He gulped and cleared his throat, his tone softer when he spoke again. “What can I get for you, today?” You absentmindedly smiled at his voice. Just as gruff 15 years later. Still with a venomous edge, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. 

“Are burgers popular? Just kind of wanted one. No cheese but with-”

“Ketchup and lettuce. Yeah, I-I’ve got it. Still medium rare?” Luke gave you a thin lipped smile when you nodded. “Great. Normally, I wouldn’t be serving someone so close to when I closed, but I think we need to have a little chat while you enjoy your meal.”

In 10 minutes, your burger was ready and the last customer had left the diner. Luke locked the door behind them and came and sat across from you at the table. He had aged fairly well, especially for someone who seemed to be under a lot of stress. His naturally curly hair stuck out in little tufts around the brim of his backwards hat and a flannel hung loosely around his muscular frame. 

You both sat there and stared at each other for a moment, and you knew your cheeks were heating up as he raked his eyes along the upper half of your body. You felt like a lovesick teenager again, heart beating rapidly as you tried to shift your focus to eating your dinner. 

“How is Florida?” Luke asked, crossing his arms as he leaned further back into the tiny chair. 

“Gorgeous. Always sunny and plenty of opportunities to go to the beach. How is Stars Hollow?” 

He scoffed. “Nowhere near as amazing as what it was like before Dad died…” He paused, casting his eyes down to the table as he began to fidget with his fingers. “Or before you left.” You could sense the bitterness in his words, the venom he was trying to hide. The venom you took personally.

“Luke, I had to go. I couldn’t be near them any longer.” Your parents had been the bane of your existence for as long as you could remember. Even now, in their deaths, they were still causing you so much stress and anxiety. Just being in the house was triggering your fight or flight. 

“I know,” Luke snapped back, his eyes meeting yours. “Doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt any fucking less.” Tears welled up in your eyes, and you blinked them away. “I needed you.” His voice was soft, filled with sorrow as you remembered the struggles he had been going through once his dad got sick while you were in high school. 

“I needed you, too,” you admitted, reaching across the table to cup his hands in yours. “But I was never going to get you to leave here. I gave you my new number. I told you my new address. You had every tool to come to me at your disposal. You yelled at me that night, Luke. Screamed at me so loud that I thought…” Your voice trailed off, your past ringing in your mind as you fought off the memories of your father’s anger. You moved your hands back onto your side of the table. “Plus, your dad needed you. I couldn’t ask you to uproot your life for me. You always fit in more here than I could’ve ever wanted to.” 

He couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. “I am actually Stars Hollow’s worst citizen. I stopped getting involved in just about everything when my dad died.” 

“How long after I left did he…” You couldn’t help the question from rolling off of your tongue. Finally having some food in your stomach was making you ballsy. 

“Not even a month. So it all kinda…” 

“Mixed.” 

“Yeah.” His eyes went back to the table. “I didn’t get the chance to breathe. Then, I renovated the hardware store to keep my mind off of it all. Now, I’ve got the busiest restaurant in town.” 

“The town needed more food options. I heard Al’s fell off big time,” you joked, picking at your fries. “It’s cute here. Still feels like your dad’s around.” 

“You know, he asked about you,” Luke blurted, looking up at you with the biggest smile you’d seen on his face all evening. “He wanted to know that you were okay. He never did like your parents.” 

You felt your shoulders relax, the comfort of knowing Mr. Danes continued to think about you after you were gone washing over you. He had been a very pivotal part of your teenage years, especially after you and Luke began seeing each other in your sophomore year. Mr. Danes made sure you had meals, that you got home safe, and he even had you work at the hardware store a few nights a week for some extra cash. The Danes’ had always treated you like their own. You never did stop regretting leaving them. 

“I always feel so guilty I never got to say goodbye to him. He was better to me than my entire family ever was or could be. No one told me my mother had died. The funeral was held, and I had heard nothing about any of it until I got a call last Wednesday from her lawyer mentioning that I was in the will. That was a shock.” You didn’t realize you had let your tears fall until you tasted the saltiness of them on your upper lip. “I missed so much. But…” 

“You were safer elsewhere.” Luke finished your sentence before reaching across the table to take your hand in his. “I wish you had stayed. With me. My dad. It wouldn’t have been a big deal.” You felt his thumb start to rub across your hand, and it made you melt. The familiarity of his touch was all you needed to let your sobs finally take over. 

“I’m sorry, Lukey,” your old nickname for him slipping out. “I don’t think I would’ve been able to escape it any other way. I needed the space.” 

He came to your side of the table, crouching down to wrap you in a big hug. “It’s okay, sweetness. I’m here. You’re here now. You came back to me.” He wiped the tears from your eyes. “Come on, let me walk you back to the house.” 

“I-I’m not planning on staying long.” You really were having a hard time holding your tongue. “Once the house is clean, I am gone.” 

“Can we discuss this later?” Luke guided you out the door and locked it behind him. “Let me live in the delusion that you’re never leaving.” 

“Why wouldn’t you want me to leave? I hurt you.” The sidewalk scuffed up your sneakers as you dragged your feet against it. 

“I forgave you a long time ago,” Luke said quietly, stopping to make you turn towards him. “I wished every fucking day that I would be able to see you again. After 5 years, I stopped and just started to date around town. No one was like you. I was perfectly content to be alone if it meant letting you live your carefree life somewhere else.” 

Tears cascaded down your face as you stared into his eyes. “You were always it for me, Luke Danes. I secretly wished you’d come find me.” 

“I still have that slip of paper with your address and new phone number in my wallet. It felt too awkward to call you after a while. Just…,” Luke wrapped one arm around your waist, tugging you close to him in another hug. “Was never going to beat this.” 

“Wanna help me clean out my parents’ house?” You looked hopefully into his eyes. “There’s nowhere to sleep but my old bedroom if you stay the night though. We can talk more. I wanna hear about your diner endeavors.”

“Is there a chance I can convince you to come back home?” Luke’s voice dripped with hope, his eyes searching your face. “I know it’s been a while. Shit, I don’t even know if it would be worth it for you to come back, but…Stars Hollow has never been the same without you.”