virtue

briefly, he felt conflicted. confused. betrayed in every path he’d taken. perhaps, yet, there's a distant star bordering their solar system that would beckon him forth beyond himself. to gain a better, clearer understanding of self and intent. the chase of existence had long since played into his being. from moment of awakening to moment of death & resurrections beyond then. everyone he’d encountered. each met by his own glow & impending career within the vanguard. yet with age came pain, and this pain, though turned anger and sadness remained within him.

he who could not escape his life of servitude to a divine entity above a final temple of admiration would not escape his self either. there was no commencing anew. no, there was no hope for a change of name. a change of heart. a change of destiny. he would forever remain immortal. he would forever remain bound by weapons & war. he would forever remain bound by a thanatos complex so strong perhaps it had influenced his companions.

              or so he hopes, or so he tells himself at night——– at least then, the rejection by those above the mountain clouds & separation of Sol could be rationalized. 

by this point he’d recognized that his left arm had pulled the other close, imposing his figure against hers & holding her well in place. the free hand motioning to just below her jaw, grasping with an unexpected tenderness, thumb passing over the lips which had uttered words he held as gospel. a tongue like silver, yet so delightfully honest it was painful he had yet to learn his own honesty.

he’d lead many lives. he’d once been an essential figure in the battles with five other dearly beloved friends. another life he was commander of scouts & climbing the ladder of politics within the vanguard. & yet within the same decade he had altered somehow. a piece of him had shattered. so much death. so much blood. yes, he enjoyed a battle or another since that point—– but now, no, it was mere habit. natural. it was disturbingly mundane. at least, without her by his side. nights that felt like a blink now instead of being seen as a chore, he desire more of. 

perhaps his greatest success was buried under a year of security & knowledge of technology, his many experiments to awaken his memories & further himself to protect those around him. to cease failure. to eliminate it as an option. those were above ground—- hidden well. or so he hoped. instead, there was a concoction of hive magic & vex alloy, a housing unit with which volatile siva melded and panicked within. a condensed, brutal bomb that would devour perhaps a tad over an acre in area and many a stories towards the heavens. a permanent truth. a finite end. control over his life.

the hand which once held her now passed through locks of delicate wisps, each strand charged with a familiar lightning. each passing motion of his hand through them creating a core within his chest, the vacant space overflowing with a guilt so powerful the ocean itself would drown. seconds—- minutes passed. his hands moving to be placed one upon each cheek, fingers that were a tad too long just brushing past her ears when he breathed in.