gag blog

Mr. Lester was a 25 year old English teacher. Although it was the middle of the second semester it was the first time his student, Dan Howell 16 had bothered to speak to him.

“Hi uhm, I have a question about tonight’s assessment,” Dan said, his voice slightly wavering.

Phil pushed his glasses up by the tip of his nose, “Ah, Dan Howell, what a refreshing face to see, what’s your question?”

Dan stumbles back a tad, his face flushed red, “Actually, this worksheet, I was wondering -”

“Worksheet? I don’t remember assigning you guys a worksheet, am I starting to become old and forgetful?” Phil joked.

Dan nervously pulls out a crumpled piece of paper. Phil squints his eyes, taking the paper from him. Before he’d gotten the chance to flatten the paper and read what it said, Dan was already out the door.

In the center, in very very small writing, it read, “I like you. Sorry.”

 Phil chuckled putting the piece of paper inside his desk.

The next day, Dan was absent from class, Phil was slightly concerned, he’d pulled over one of Dan’s closest friends. “Hey, do you know why Dan’s absent today?”

“Uh, must be sick,” he sad unconvincingly, Phil nodded, pretending to buy it. Dan had obviously skipped today. But regardless, he still marked him absent.

On the way back home Phil made a quick stop to the grocery store. He planned on buying orange juice as he’d ran out of it. As he wrapped up shopping, he felt a piercing stare at the back of his neck. It was Dan.

“Hello, Dan, I heard you were sick, are you feeling better?” Phil asked.

Dan’s face plastered with confusion as he grabbed the sleeve of Phil’s shirt. “How could - did you read it?”

“Read what?” Phil said innocently with a bright smile.

“I - it took everything in me to give you that, how could you be so non-nonchalant?”

“Dan...”

“You, do you even care about me?”

“Of course I do, you’re my student, of course I care.”

“Can’t I ever be more than your student?”

“You are my student, you will always be my student.”

Dan’s eyes starting to water, “I don’t need to be your boyfriend, I just want to be someone, I just want to be someone important to you.”

Phil gently brushes off Dan’s grip, “You are important to me, Dan. You’re my student, I’ll always love my students.” 

“Why, why can’t you see me for who I am?”

imagine in 10 years, dan and phil suddenly post a “new dil video” and everyone’s extremely confused bc dil stopped a while ago

they start out the video like they usually do, then dan says, “alright, so let’s visit our son - dil”, the screen recorder footage starts playing but instead of the sims there’s a footage of a little boy about 6 years old

he looks straight into the camera and whispers, “my parent’s named me after a pickle brand and that is the reason why people pick on me at school”

then phil jumps in and says, “i think you meant - pICK-LE ON YOU” they both (d&p) laugh

dil looks dead in the camera unamused and says nothing

phil: fuck u howell

dan: lol k I'm down

phil: same let's go make out under the bench

dan: lol