stuck in reverse

im taking baby steps.

slowly, one at a time.

it’s like im learning how to walk on my own again. although i had never unlearned it, i just couldnt remember how to be myself without you.

i still feel lost when i honestly know thing that i must do and how to deal with these but i, i.. i just couldnt make myself move or do. i guess i must let myself harbor all these feelings until i, get sick of it all and pour ‘em unto other things or better, give all the love i have left for you, to myself.

i must rethink how, i lost myself in the process of saving you and what we had. i have put you first in my everything and left my priorities, including my career, family, friends and myself on the least. it was never easy being with you when we both know we’re both unsustainable. but it was even worse not being with you. despite the fact that getting cheated on is the worse feeling tops.

i can never blame you; i allowed myself to be treated less than i deserve, or maybe, i do deserve it, for all the lies and excuses and reasons that took me just to be with you, for a little while, when i know this wouldnt get us any further.

i could never say that i was never happy when i was with you, yet i am certain i am still filled with doubt even after everything (and even from the start, but i dared and took every chance and im glad to say that there was no single chance wasted but maybe only a little dash of regret). i still get lonely (though i am a sad person ever since), but maybe i’ll just let it linger within me, until im tired of everything,