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fight scenes between sam and dean are so funny because they always look like this

#del.........#i'm.#okay it has to be some situation where dean is walking into certain death he wouldn't do it otherwise.#he'd only do it to say goodbye#i am in physical pain typing this out right now#so dean is positive he's going to die and he's saying goodbye to cas again#but this time he manages to say something.#it's either completely spur-of-the-moment or he's rehearsed the entire speech a dozen times there's no middle ground#he apologizes first because he doesn't want cas to bear the weight of dean's love#especially once he's gone#but he doesn't know that that's not even what he'll be sorry for in the end#i think they're saying goodbye and he wraps cas in his arms. hooks his chin on his shoulder like the purgatory 1.0 hug#and he says he's sorry#and he whispers it in cas' ear#'​i love you'#not because he doesn't want to shout it but because he's afraid of letting those words carry. they're so fragile.#and for a second cas relaxes into him all soft and dean thinks okay. okay. he knows.#and then cas goes rigid with panic as he sees the empty coming for him#and dean can't see it it's behind him so he thinks cas is panicking about dean#dean tries to pull away to see cas' face but cas holds him tighter#'don't let go'#dean doesn't understand but he also can't break free from cas' hold#not when cas is begging him not to let go#babbling that he's sorry that it's okay#and right before the empty takes him cas manages 'dean i--' and then he's gone#dean is left clinging to empty air and he has no idea why. all he knows is that he said he loves cas and now cas is gone because of it#and he just has to carry on#(somewhat inspired by jay's post about cas grabbing dean's face and not letting him look away)#don't let go.........

my love hate relationship with 9x03