── .✦ S

“But what if all of this was just a huge waste of time?” I let out a small scoff at your words.

I moved back to stand in front of the stove to stir the sauce I was making, “I wouldn’t seem to mind that as well. At least you’d get to eat something made by me.” Saying that I brought the spoon in front of your mouth so that you could taste it. 

“Some salt.” You replied while hopping off the counter to start preparing the salad. I nodded and added a pinch of salt. 

“You know…I am really glad you knocked on my door that day.” I said after a beat of silence. “I mean you did just barge into my house before I could invite you but weirdly enough, I didn’t care.” You stopped chopping when I said that and placed the knife down to pour the vegetables into the bowl. 

“Why? I mean…you didn’t know me.” I nodded my head, my hands busy with stirring the pasta on the pan. 

“I felt a bit adventurous that day. If you turned out to be a serial killer then so be it.” I turned off the stove and stared at you. 

I never said it out loud, but you were the reason who brought me life. With your restless knocks, the way you carried yourself as if your feet were always off the ground and head in the clouds but despite you always had a sense of surroundings and the people around you. 

“You still don’t know if I am a serial killer or not. Might just kill you in your sleep one day.” I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard you say that. 

I let out a small chuckle at your words and shook my head slightly, “I’d gladly die if that’s by your hands.” I said that while nearly plating the pasta on a plate. 

I watched as you placed the utensils on the table, “Babe…” I called out as I placed my hand on your arm to pull you in front of me. “If I ever take you for granted…make sure you remind me not to do that, yeah?” I said while placing my head on your forehead. 

You simply nodded and placed a small kiss on my lips but before you could pull away, I placed my hands on the back of your forehead to deepen our kiss. 

I'll pay my dues for the rest of my life if I ever took you for granted and that’s something I’d never do. 

“Martin! Earth to Martin!” I blinked my eyes when I heard someone calling out my name. 

Looking around, I found myself in the studio with James, “What were you thinking about?” I stared at Juhoon when he asked that, no particular thought inside my head except for you. 

Back when you were still mine. Back when we were still together. “Just…nothing.” I mumbled as I rubbed my eyes to hopefully stop myself from thinking about you. 

“Uh well…Juhoon and I were thinking about checking out that new pasta place which opened up recently. You wanna come?” I looked at James, shaking my head with no energy. 

My body barked off loneliness, my body craved for you but I knew I didn’t have you anymore. I mean, how could I when I was the one who fucked it all up?

I told myself to never take you for granted yet I did just that and now here I am, thinking back to the time when we used to cook in my kitchen. 

When you used to accompany me to the recording studio just to watch me do my work but at this point all of it feels like it’s a big waste of time. 

“I miss her.” I mumbled just before James left the studio to catch up with Juhoon who left a while ago. 

He heaved out a sigh and sat on the vacant chair beside me, “Why don’t you just give her a call?” I shook my head at his words. 

I was a coward who couldn’t deal with that. I mean that was one of the reasons I broke things off only to suffer alone in the end. 

“I don’t deserve her.” James shook his head at my words and let out a small laugh in disbelief. 

“Why are you both so scared of commitment? Geez, just call her.” I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to the computer screen to work on a new track. “You know what, if you won’t then I will.” I whipped my head in James direction when he said that only to see him dialling your number. 

I shot up from my seat to snatch my phone from him but I was too late. James gave me a  victory smile and passed the phone to me with a pat on my shoulder as he turned around to leave.

My attention drifted back to my phone when I heard your voice, "Hello? Martin?” I opened my mouth to speak but stopped when you spoke again, “Open the door.” My eyebrows creased in confusion at your words only to let out a small gasp when I heard faint knocking coming from the door to my studio. 

I didn’t waste any time to sprint towards the door to open it only to find you standing there, “What are you…” I trailed off as you let yourself in. 

“Juhoon helped me get inside the company.” You said with a small smile as you sat in my chair as if it belonged to you which I obviously didn’t seem to mind. You looked better sitting there either way. “Do you know what Purgatory Silverstar means?” I looked at you in confusion when you asked that. 

You weren’t much of a person to go out of your way to research something. I shook my head and sat beside you, my hands naturally moving to grab your hands in mine. 

“Well, neither did I until yesterday. It means waiting in an emotional limbo, guided by a hope that exists but isn’t strong or clear enough to save you yet but I think mine is clear and strong enough now. I want to be with you for however long forever goes on.” I didn’t waste any second to pull you in for a kiss with our hands still interlocked together. 

“I want to be with you for however long forever exists.” I mumbled to which you giggled.  “Well good, cause you are now stuck with me.” I smiled happily at your words and pressed our foreheads together again.