chaos

this song.

so, i don't rly know why am i writing this right now.. i got scammed, i wanted to buy a vape cause i rly wanted to smoke, but i got scammed and basically just flushed my money down the toilet. and i am sad and angry both at myself, for being addicted and stupid, and at that scammer. but still i'm trying to keep the positive mindset, like maybe it's just a sign to quit.

————

Liam and Theo aren’t friends, but you can’t call them enemies anymore either, not after everything that happened. They don’t know each other, don’t know the past or the life of the other, but still, Liam is the only one Theo trusts, the only one he can call at night, the only one he can drag onto some random rooftop. Like now.

“So, why did you call me?” the werewolf asked. At first glance he might seem angry. His brows were furrowed, his jaw clenched. But the chimera already knew, without analyzing the boy’s chemosignals, that it wasn’t true. Liam isn’t just an angry werewolf with IED. He doesn’t even like being aggressive. It just so happened that the young beta’s body is prone to impulsivity.

And Theo doesn’t see that as something bad. Chengel noted that anger is an emotion that activates certain “reward” systems in the brain, causes an adrenaline rush and lowers the stress hormone - cortisol.

Sometimes anger is necessary to motivate us to deal with injustice. That’s why Liam has been constantly frowning lately.

The school rooftop was empty and cold, but for some reason felt welcoming to Liam. Theo lay down right at the edge, as if the few meters down and something like gravity didn’t scare him at all. Or maybe it really didn’t scare him, this was Theo after all. Ten years with the Dread Doctors probably taught him not to fear simple things like crashing to death. That’s why the werewolf stepped closer, in case he really fell.

“You dragged me out in the middle of the night, made me come to the school,” Liam muttered, standing beside him. “I hope you’re at least going to explain why.”

Theo smiled a little. Then he finally sat up on the concrete, pulling his knees to his chest. Liam hesitated but sat next to him.

“A person lives between what they cannot forget and what they cannot understand,” the boy finally answered.

Liam only rolled his eyes.

“Of course. You brought me here for a quote.” He was already about to stand up when he heard a quiet:

“I read it a long time ago,” Theo continued calmly.

The beta exhaled heavily and sat back down. “Alright, I didn’t come for nothing,” he thought. “And Theo wouldn’t call me to a rooftop at night without a good reason.”

“It… sounds sad,” Dunbar said, giving his opinion.

“Maybe. But I think it sounds honest,” the chimera began. “Most people think they live for the future. But actually…” he waved his hand lazily in the air, as if choosing words. “They live stuck in their memories. In what they can’t let go of. Or in what can’t be explained.”

Liam looked at him closely, squinting a little.

“Are you drunk?” Liam decided to ask directly, and Theo’s question amused him so much that the boy started laughing. Real laughter, not fake. “Turns out Big Bad Chimeras can actually laugh,” was the first thought that crossed the werewolf’s mind.

“I wish.” Theo raised his head, looking at the stars, but even with supernatural vision they were hard to see in the city.

“And you? Where do you live?” the werewolf suddenly asked, unable to hold back.

Theo smirked, but without malice.

“Me? Between, I think.”

Liam stayed quiet, but his curiosity won.

“And what do you want to understand?”

“Myself,” Theo said so simply, as if it were something ordinary. “Why I do what I do. Why I keep coming back to places where I’m not welcome. Why…” he fell silent, then quietly added, “why I call you.”

Liam swallowed.

“Because…” he hesitated, choosing words. “Because you know I’ll come.”

Theo tilted his head, as if studying him.

“I know. And that’s exactly why it scares me.”

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. The wind was cold but not unpleasant. Liam wrapped his arms around his knees.

“And what about the first part?” he asked. “The part about ‘what you can’t forget.’ Are you also… stuck in that?”

Theo nodded slightly.

“Some things sit too deep. They… shape you and hold you.”

Liam thought for a second.

“Maybe it’s not about the things you can’t forget and want to understand. Maybe it’s just the desire to understand why you can’t forget. You need to figure it out sooner, or else you’ll be stuck in the past.”

Theo looked at him for a long moment.

“That’s why I called you.”

Liam blinked. “What?”

“I heard about the fight in the classroom.”

“It’s not your business.”

“You could’ve fought back.”

“You know exactly why I couldn’t.”

“But still, why did you just stand there and let them beat you?”

“I’ll repeat, it is not your business.”

Dunbar turned away sharply. Theo studied him, unbothered by the irritation.

“They didn’t just die, they were killed and…” Liam began, but was interrupted.

“Exactly. Monroe killed them,” Theo said calmly. “Brett and Lori died because some psychotic bitch decided to kill two kids, not because you couldn’t save them.”

Now Liam did start to get angry. But Theo remained calm, which he proved with his next words:

“Sometimes anger is necessary to motivate us to deal with injustice. But your target for that anger is wrong.”

“So, you just want me to kill Monroe?” Liam snapped.