411: Clarity  Well, I am just surprised I handled it so well. There were a few hours of emotional turmoil and wondering if I’d made the right decision, but of course I did. Well, I knew practically that it was the best thing to do, even though my emotions haven’t really caught up to what I’ve done. The parent teacher interviews, I mean. Afterwards I realised how much was at stake now that it’s…

409: Intoxicated I think I am drunk, but I’m not sure. Maybe a light buzz. While I was taking sips I was feeling these warm tingling feelings in my ears, in the soles of my feet, blossoming warmth in my chest, my throat on kind of embers. I had a big glass of wine. My sister said it was two standard drinks. I took a shower afterwards and I think it’s worn off. My family is mostly made up of…

408: Last Day of Seventeen

408: Last Day of Seventeen And school started!!! Gross…although today was a good day, and by that I mean there was an absence of bad things in my day, so it was a good day. Yay! Tomorrow I am going to try red wine for the first time in my life as an eighteen year old and it will be an interesting experience. I think I have high alcohol tolerance because most of my family does, but maybe I will…

407: Carousel I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel like life was just one big carousel, going around and around on a wooden horse and feeling alive, but also feeling dead at times. Today I want to go on the carousel. The music, the lights, the painted horses. With my honey. His smile, his laugh, his whistles make the carousel just a little more enjoyable. I fear that the carousel will…

407: Closed Indefinitely I can’t hear anything anymore. I can’t write. I can’t. I will be back when I heal. I am thinking possibly November, so I can finish Year 12 and hopefully get my dream course. Dentistry, if you will. Things with me are not good and I just need to take time off. From myself, from the world. To heal. To study. To rest. Thank you for reading, for sharing a part of my soul, my…

406: Like I’m Falling in Love, All Over Again

406: Like I’m Falling in Love, All Over Again Hmmm, today I feel like I’m on top of the world. This feeling has carried on from yesterday. I feel a sense of purpose, and I feel renewed. It’s like the first time I fell in love with him in August last year. Oh man, what a feeling. I don’t know how long this feeling will last for, but it feels so wonderful and plasters a big smile on my face. I love…

405: Helplessness There is this lake that I know of. That we know of, actually. Sometimes I visit it alone, sometimes he visits it alone, but over the last few days I’ve accompanied him when he pays a visit. I take a lot of walks, but sometimes I stumble upon the lake when I least expect it. Not today, though. We come to the lake together and I beg him not to go too deep because the last time I…

404:  You can tell me you love me in several different languages stumbling over the pronunciation and laughing about it with me afterwards, but we still can’t meet on a regular basis to talk about our lives face-to-face.   ~ Serendipitous  

403: Hallucinogens The first time I listened to this was in the full album which is on YouTube. I was in Maths class. It was a working period. Truly hypnotic. I’ve never taken heavy or illicit drugs, but every time I listened to this song, I was in some kind of bliss, some kind of high that you probably get from drugs as well. The…

402: Tumour Bad thoughts are poisonous for you. They can seep into the deep recesses of your mind and fester like an infected wound until it’s too late to seek treatment. They’re like cancer cells, killing healthy ones and multiplying until they have major dominance over the body. Then the body dies. There is nothing left to save. Same thing. It starts off as dark, heavy liquid pooling in the…

401: My Cute Blob

401: My Cute Blob  I sit in my room, door closed, listening to upbeat Korean rap. I think of you, watching the minutes pass by me slowly. I wonder what you’re doing. I wonder how you felt seeing me today. We haven’t seen each other in a while. I miss you. I think of you. My subconscious and conscious mind are in tune with each other now because I think of you so much. Every minute that passes is…

400: Sylvie Sylvie was asked by her boyfriend of two years to wait for him by the crooked streetlight at the end of the road. He said he’d come pick her up sometime past midnight, that they could run away together and get married so they could build their own lives together rather than under the oppression of society and their families. She agreed and arrived at the streetlight a quarter to…

400: Not Sylvie I decided yesterday that I wanted my 400th post to be about Sylvie, this wonderfully tragic character that I had created in my head with the help of my English teacher, but this can’t wait. I’m too upset, depressed, angry and lowkey suicidal to not talk about it now. See I have had these insecurities about my weight for a while and insecurities regarding my honey. It’s not like…

399: Yesterday Once More

399: Yesterday Once More I cried like a fucking baby. I thought this was a tragicomedy to start out with, but it was actually just tragic at the end. Though I shouldn’t spoil. This film is about a girl who comes first in the class and she’s class monitor as well and there’s this dropkick in her class she looks down upon, but then for one of the big tests she cheats and he covers for her. Cue the…

398: Suddenly Seventeen My friend in English was not exactly paying attention in class. Actually, neither was I, for my eyes were focused on her screen. She was watching this Chinese film, but she was watching it for the pretty red dress the lead female wore. The sweetheart neckline was amazing the colour was so vibrant and popped on-screen. So I came home, slept, and wasted spent a large part of…

397: To My Honey

397: To My Honey  Hello. I like the draft of your essay. I wish you all the best for your essay, which you will probably end up acing anyhow. Hmm. Thanks for being a realist, but sometimes I just need to believe that something will happen and everything will fall into place soon. You are very supportive of me and I am grateful for that. So thank you for sticking with me even though I say stupid…

396: Stormy  Be still my beating heart for I have stumbled and fallen into a ravine. It will take me a miracle to escape to better times but I have to push on and take out the thorns and look for other ways to get out of this hellhole. Be still my beating heart for I have been burned, scorched, tossed, stomped on. Yet I’m still expected to end up doing well or end up in a lowly place wasting away…