load-bearing
Sometimes people hit a place in their life where things are going really well. They like their job and are able to be productive at it; they have energy after work to pursue the relationships and activities they enjoy; theyâre taking good care of themselves and rarely get sick or have flareups of their chronic health problems; stuff is basically working out. Then a small thing about their routine changes and suddenly theyâre barely keeping their head above water.
(This happens to me all the time; itâs approximately my dominant experience of working full-time.)
I think one thing thatâs going on here is that there are a bunch of small parts of our daily routine which are doing really important work for our wellbeing. Our commute involves a ten-minute walk along the waterfront and the walking and fresh air are great for our wellbeing (or, alternately, our commute involves no walking and this makes it way more frictionless because walking sucks for us). Our water heater is really good and so we can take half-hour hot showers, which are a critical part of our decompression/recovery time. We sit with our back to the wall so we donât have to worry about looking productive at work as long as the work all gets done. The store down the street is open really late so late runs for groceries are possible. Our roommate is a chef and so the kitchen is always clean and well-stocked.
Itâs useful to think of these things as load-bearing. Theyâre not just nice - theyâre part of your mental architecture, theyâre part of what youâre using to thrive. And when they change, life can abruptly get much harder or sometimes just collapse on you entirely. And this is usually unexpected, because itâs hard to notice which parts of your environment and routine are load bearing. I often only notice in hindsight. âOh,â I say to myself after months of fatigue, âhaving my own private space was load-bearing.â âOh,â after a scary drop in weight, âbeing able to keep nutrition shakes next to my bed and drink them in bed was load-bearing.â âOh,â after a sudden struggle to maintain my work productivity, âa quiet corner with my back to the wall was load-bearing.â
When you know whatâs important to you, you can fight for it, or at least be equipped to notice right away if it goes and some of your ability to thrive goes with it. When you donât, or when youâre thinking of all these things as ânice things about my lifeâ rather than âload-bearing bits of my flourishing as a personâ, youâre not likely to notice the strain created when they vanish until youâre really, really hurting.Â
Almost two weeks after reading this, and Iâm still kind of blown away at what a ridiculously fruitful definition this is. Like I had no idea that load bearing things were a thing that needed to have a word for them, but now Iâm like holy shit Iâm so glad that thereâs now a word I can use to refer to this really important class of Thing.
This is astounding. Load-bearing. Forget spoons, this concept is wonderful. Iâm going to update my Spear Theory with this.
This is one of those turns of phrase that has crystallized my amorphous feels morass into something I can name and express and understand, so I'm sharing it in hopes it helps someone else.
