Esque

so called "free thinkers" when there's a bug on the ceiling

Stripey jumping geiger counters

writing your fave having sex with with their love interest is OUT writing your fave shamefully jerking off and coming pathetically fast at just the idea of fucking their love interest is IN

there is nothing quite like asking a cat in a doorway “in or out”

Kitchen tip: you can set glassware on a hot burner to make exploding glassware

Did you hear a new love language just dropped? yeah its crazy. Its called just fuckin biting them.

*ungreats your dane*

Tumblr banned porn to appeal to advertisers only to exclusively host ads for links you wouldn't touch even while wearing full PPE

Old dude came in the shop and when I said "lemme know if you have any questions" he goes "what was the name of Alexander the Great's horse," thinking he was so funny. I told him Bucephalus, and he was so disappointed. Like his whole day was hanging on beating me at trivia. He says "you're only the second person who knew that" and I said "well, probably the third if you count Alexander the Great." He left without buying anything, and did not say goodbye. I think I honestly hurt his weird little feelings! Sorry I'm a bitch, old man!

I had one of these once, bookshop customer randomly challenged me to name, quote, ‘the only word in English where two u’s are next to each other’, and when I immediately said ‘vacuum’ he looked disappointed and when I pointed out it isn’t even the only word with two u’s next to each other in English and offered ‘continuum’ as an example he looked like I’d just punched his ribcage out his back like a Mortal Kombat character

People claiming this didn’t happen have never worked a day in retail