When I was living at the trailer I had no heat at all so when I woke up in the winter I would put my blankets over my head while i got on my phone and ever since then I've done it every morning, for like 7 or 8 years even though it's never cold 😂😭

1. 1.

I had to retrace my steps almost back to the gas station to find them but at least no one found them 🥴 they fell out of my pocket

Cause like nobody ever accused Guyotat either, for his extreme descriptions of various things. Because it was well understood that his work was about the violence and rape of war, including the trauma he suffered in the army. Today? Not a chance.

I'm gonna go to the methadone clinic tomorrow morning. Probably shouldn't try to switch to it tho... ik it's a bad idea. It's close to my house, relatively, but I'm not gonna walk for 45 minutes every morning to get it... then again I would actually get high. And if I go there to get my suboxone I might have to do it anyway even though I have never had to go in anywhere to get it!!! Idk I was gonna try to switch to sublocade anyway, a once monthly shot. I might see if they'll do it for me. Cause clearly online doctors are being pushed out.

I feel so depressed. I wish I could get my suboxone filled, if they don't do it on Monday I'm just gonna relapse, fuck it. Cause I hate dealing with these overwhelming emotions.

I want to make myself throw up oh my god. Like I actually want to KILLLLL myself sometimes when I see a guy that's hot and I know he'll never love me, or like this time it was literally just from going through that Mormon girl in the lavender marriage's ig (Parker! appropriate dancing!) and her gay husband isn't even my type but there was a video where he was shirtless in bed next to her and it only showed his back and the back of his black hair which looked kind of sweaty so that the hair, which is, you know, fairly short, separates into spikes.

Plus I've been way more horny since becoming less chronically dehydrated. I also can remember words much more easily and my writing and speaking is more fluid.

It kind of depresses me that this is true, but I write erotic literature way more than anything else because I get like 10x the feedback. But my erotic literature is lazy garbage lmao. I know I've posted this before. I wish I could just not care at all what anyone thinks and focus on my horror stories but it's nice to hear people say they like your writing. Plus it's all just the stuff I've imagined every night my entire life. Dumb emotional crap that helps me fall asleep with sexual stuff thrown in.