0/10 would not recommend

It’s like watching a raccoon try to eat a hermit crab.

Why the fuck would you go big when u can go home

i knew where he was the whole time. i wasn’t fooled.

AWWWWW

@pararow

Do you think people with UV headlights know that everyone hates them? Like…really hates them in an oddly personal way? Do you think they know?

Okay of course I’m happy that Malala got accepted to Oxford, but I really want to know more! What did she write for her personal essay- “Just google me bitches”? Did she have to do an interview and if so did she just plonk her nobel peace prize down on the table? Did her student counselor advise her to apply to other crappier places just in case she wasn’t accepted? Was there anyone who actually turned down freaking Malala Yousafzai, I need to know!!

#she just walked in and was like ‘i go here now’  #and they were like ‘thank you’

Black Mirror season 4

is there a word for “i was instantly good at a lot of things as a quote-unquote gifted child, and, as a result, i was able to skate by without ever being taught how to actually learn a new skill, and now that i’m an adult trying to learn new things that i can’t be good at instantaneously, i don’t have the patience or knowledge to improve on them, because skills that don’t come naturally to me just make me angry because i lived off instant gratification my whole childhood due to not ever being challenged intellectually or taught basic learning skills?” asking for a friend

There was an attempt. [full video]

mistakes were made.

but how do we know that isn’t where the lizard intended to go all along?

all the internet did was give him a place where he didnt have to worry about being punched in the face when he says what he thinks

oh i am so genius

instead of purchase one sandwich i can purchase the materials (bread, soap, etc) and make more than one sandwich

sorry I haven’t replied to ur texts I’ve been overwhelmed by literally anything that’s ever happened or will happen

bruh

how was that a physical possibility