Observing Fandoms

i have been thinking a lot about the heavy energy. I’ve expressed my anger at what happened to my darling (and I won’t go into it again), but it especially hurts because it’s not only that bothering Hudson. It’s a shit sandwich served up to someone that’s already tired, frustrated and fatigued from tension that has been coursing through his blood for weeks.

It’s hard to speak about the energy right now. It’s low. He’s tired. He’s so damn tired. Previously I was getting strong emotional currents but right now it’s like he doesn’t want anyone in. Like he’s withdrawing to tend to his wounds and to hopefully not sink too far inside his own thoughts.

As tired as he is, he can’t get out off the train. It roars on. He’s too tired to relax, but he can’t rest well enough to get all of his strength back.

Here’s the thing. I think it’s easy to get lost in the weight of all this. Of everything that’s been building up over this past month or two. Or more.. In the anxiety, the concern, the worry… because we love him, and the terrible symptom of loving is a desperate want to protect him from harm.

But that’s the pain point. What he’s going through is his own journey. It’s his own path to clear, and only his footsteps will lead him through the correct doors. All we can do is send our energy, and our support sealed with best wishes, in some vain hope that it reaches him.

You know who does reach him, though?

You know. ☀️

I’ll say this outright. I don’t know when the last time Hudson saw Connor is. I understand why a lot of people believe he saw him recently, and the energy suggests that. There was a rise of currents between them right after the Awards that was.. a lot. But in my view? I think that was the longing of someone that missed his soulmate, and needed his attention - I believe he sent enough love and frustration and raw emotions through the phone for us to feel it.

I believe he’s been missing Connor ever since. I’ve seen a couple readings on him that point towards the same picture: I love you, I miss you.

I believe he mentioned Connor so many times at the Crave event because he missed him desperately. I believe he thought of him all day, and the silent sorrow we’ve noticed since is the bitter acceptance from someone walking a difficult path alone.

But he’s not actually alone. You know that, right?

I want to talk about the energy i’ve been perceiving for a minute. Briefly.

Usually, Hudson gives me pretty strong emotions. He thinks loudly, so he gives me a sense of how much tension he’s carrying. For a while now. But lately it’s been.. different. When I try to listen, it’s just the sharp buzz of a moving current. And a pressure, like he’s trying to run forward, despite some weight holding him back. But where is he trying to run to? What is he trying to reach?

Then I went to study other readings, for more perspective. And I thought of Connor’s evasive silence. Of how he’s hiding something behind his work, behind his busy schedule, behind other feelings to distract me, with a giant Do Not Disturb sign to block the door.

Ah. So we know where Hudson is going. To where he always returns. To someone who’s drawing him in and saying, Come hide here.

I don’t believe they’re physically together. I think that’s the ache a lot us feel. I think they’re trying to reach each other, but there’s obstacles in the way. Things to be done, situations to navigate carefully. There’s a pattern in nearly every reading on them for this month - and it matches my feelings as well. They are apart, but they are moving in tandem. They are communicating and bridging the distance the same way they always do - with truth, support and unconditional love.

I know a lot of people question, “Where is Connor?” because we don’t see him. We don’t hear from him. “Does he even care?” But.. he doesn’t need to appear for us. He doesn’t need to prove anything to us.

He’s there, always, for Hudson. He’s been there the entire time. He’s in his mind, in his heart, on the phone, sending his love and protection and strength, like a mountain. He’s planted his feet in the ground, for Hudson to lean on him.

Of this I have no doubt. None.

If you follow tarot in any capacity, you’ve seen it. Connor’s presence in Hudson’s cards. Hudson’s presence in Connor’s cards. Even when they are apart, their energies connect. They communicate. They love, and love, and love.

Hudson is going through a lot right now. He’s asking big questions and staring down a road that seems to wind for miles in unpredictable directions. But significant change is inherently painful. To become someone anew, the old one must die. Metamorphosis.

Connor is inextricably involved in what Hudson is going through. I have no doubt of that either. I have my theories, but this post isn’t about that.

My point of this post is simply.. this.

I know it looks like Hudson has no one in his corner. I know it’s frustrating to see him call out for someone that’s not at his side. But that’s my point.

He is.

In his heart, in his mind, in his decisions, in their conversations and future plans. Connor is a central thread running through the entire picture.

As I’ve said before… This could be easier. This could be simpler. At any time, Hudson could have decided, “we’re not doing this. I’m not doing this,” and fallen in line. And yet… Here we are.

I don’t think we’re waiting on him to decide much of anything. I think he’s chosen.

Just as I don’t think we’re waiting for Connor to wake up and go to him. He’s there.