The true version of the things that are

Everything must be in order,

Everyone plain-speaking and unambiguous

And I perfect, crass and apathetic as I should be.

But you, your lips spill your emotions effortlessly,

And like spells, they enchant me.

Your vulnerability is my weakness

But I can't show weaknesses, I must be perfect.

I do love you but,

What if you don't feel the same

And I let my guard down.

My heart will be shattered,

I can feel it,

I can feel the nostalgia of incoming heartbreak.

And I know the outcome,

I always know how it ends.

But I'll keep up the chase,

So I'll put in the effort,

Been doing so all along.

I can succeed, but I'm tired

Maybe I'm using too much effort.

Unnecessary effort!

I was wrong!

I can't do it, I know I can't .

But God can,

And learn what you truly think about me

Then I'll be able to know if I've fallen in vain

Or if possibly, finally, I'll have a happy ending

But I'm too scared to know that.

I would like to remain in oblivion

But you did it anyway

Am I to believe that you still love me

You're waiting for my anger to take your guilt away

But I'm unremorsefully blinded by my love for you to get angry

I love your honesty and apologies

"Because you chose me" I replied

My pride, self centeredness and self obsession has found me true love

I love me so much that I love you who chose me

I'll be honest, my pride has never received such a blow.

Did you really have to run

Am I that much of a monster

Perhaps you were too overwhelmed

Not for intimacy,

Nor for romance also,

Even though I haven't ever gotten one from you,

I just need to make sure you are real.

I couldn't make the same mistake twice.

So I asked the Giver and He gave me that which I asked for.

But it seems like I'm in a bigger mess than before.

I loved her very dearly better than I did myself.

Regardless of her flaws,

Despite her horns, her fangs, her claws, and her tail.

It seemed like perfection in its finest. 

Perhaps it was way too much; overly irresistible.

But I was fooled by my self-deception; 

Oh! The good memories I shared with the devil,

Now clouded with flashes of backstabbing.

She clawed at me, kicked me in the gut, stabbed me not once, and whipped me with her tail.

Though it felt like it was I who hurt her;

Always was I seen running back and begging for forgiveness .

She lived off my broken soul like a leech

Same as the previous ones.

The Giver came once again to my rescue.

He opened my eyes,

And when I looked at her again the illusion was gone.

My mental health was hanging by a thread

But I feared I still admired her; worried I was just as twisted as she was.

But I wasn't.

I was simply being utterly naive as usual

But I fought as hard as I could 

And as long as I could.

Running away from her manipulative charms.

And I escaped with many lessons learned

I cannot be treated the same as I do to others cause the world is toxic.

And I reckoned that the lessons learned were the answers to my prayer;

It's about God.

Alot of things that has been done by the so called christians don't glorify God, giving rise to atheist.

More so for Catholics,

You want people to be converted, yet you talk about non believers like they are full of sin.

Yes they are and so are you.

For all to understand, the church is and always will be full of sinners and hypocrites just like the hospital is full of sick people

We are there not because we are holy but because our nature is spiritually unhealthy

You get angry when people don't understand your religion,

When atheists paint God black,

But think about if we weren't born into the religion, we'll also have a hard time believing.

Alot of people have had bad times that made them unable to believe in God anymore

But you who believe should also understand that people will only recognize God through your own relationship with Him.

If a priest does bad things, people being humans must critize Him, God and the religion

But if Christians put in more effort in their relationship with God,

The atheist not through the gospel, nor words of the mouth but through the evidence of The glorious works of God in your life will have a change of heart.

For the atheist, not matter how hard you don't believe in the existence of God,

Your believe cannot change the fact that He exist.