noahjirachi

i hope nobody finds this account. i need a place to talk to myself with the ever so slight risk of someone i know seeing

it stings, i flinch, i still want more

if you saw my tears, would you touch me?

begging my Self to stop is really a new one for me

do you want me to be your victim?

i've got an interactive sick & twisted imagination, and that's gotta count for something

Getting myself worked up about wanting to have sex with strangers not for my own enjoyment but because i think being physically violated in that way would help me ignore the ways i have been violated in the past I don't know please don't touch me

i got all these terrible things in my head

i think when im feeling my worst i start leaning into some hypersexuality shit and that is concerning #concerning

the next time things get really bad for me i'm afraid i'm gonna post my address and hope someone comes into my room to fuck me

come watch me be someone i'm not

i have such complicated feelings about my life . i had the best childhood and the worst childhood and i dont really think i had a childhood. i think they made a woman out of me by the time i started remembering and i think theyve been trying to kill me ever since. but it's fine and everyone i know has it ten times worse . but do they, really? why are they so in shock when i tell them about my grandmother? what did my grandmother do to me, really? was that what it was? or was it something worse? the details blur together into something that almost looks normal until you tilt your head a certain way and then its so clear. the only thing i can say about my normal childhood was that it was about as normal as a childhood can be. i don't know anything better. this is fine. this is all fine. i've never lived before.