My Mini Me's

So I really like scrolling the 90s nostalgia tag on tiktok and the like backrooms/dreamscape/liminal spaces kinda ones, usually with that "aquatic ambience" sound cause it just... it feels more like home than my own memories do sometimes...

So much is blocked out for me, and so much just doesn't feel like me. But the vibe is there. And I want to be able to go back home. Back to when I wasn't stuck in a grown adult body with adult problems and responsibilities.

Although something else that I've realized... I felt safest in my childhood when I was alone.

I see the images of kids playing with other kids or just sitting watching the old Disney logo opening with other kids or at a playground with parents. And like... that was all well a fun, but it was in a kind of exhilarating and exciting way. In an unpredictable adrenaline rush way. Because I never felt safe. I never knew when the person I'm with might turn on me and the fun time turn into a nightmare. Whether they would suddenly hate me or I do something to make them change their mind or anything could happen making the whole thing change in a snap. Even when I was happy, I was scared. I was waiting.

I only ever felt safe when I was alone. Thats why my happiest memories are quiet, peaceful moments where it was just me. I was the only one I could trust or rely on.

But I feel like stirring the shit pot should be allowed. Like I'm not even suggesting we do anything illegal. I just want her to know what a shit mom she's been. It's not even our mom I wanna say it to! I mean sure that's where my true anger lies lol, but mannnnn would I love to let her be the punching bag and take out all my mommy issues on her ahahaha. I mean from what our friend said (her daughter) she's shit enough to deserve it.

I could take out a few mommy issues on her actually.... thinking about our spawn's dead beat birth mother could certainly inspire some extra rage too.

Ughh I just hate that we don't get to start any shit, even when it falls directly into our lap. Like she messaged us trying to start shit! I hate this turn the other cheek bullshit.

Not to mention people would know not to start things if I could actually build us a reputation. I know that's half of the reason why I don't get to do shit tho, cause the body has an image and is known and expected to be a certain way. I just really fucking wish I could have it my way too. My own body. My own person. My own reputation. So people would know not to start shit with me that they can't finish.

Like has anyone ever actually had the balls to tell her to her face what a useless unwanted cunt she is??? She clearly is super fucking insecure but has anyone ever looked her in the eye and actually told her her worst fears are true and nobody loves her cause she treats people like shit??? She can dish it out but I guarantee she couldn't take the heat. And nobody should even be daring to dish it out to me or my people. And sure this "friend" hasn't really been a friend to me exactly, but she's friends with the others in the system, so that makes her good enough to be in my protection too.