You just had a stressful phone call and want to slap me and bruise me? Use me.

This might make some people uncomfortable, and that’s okay. It’s not for them. But for me? My peace, purpose, and deepest joy come from one thing: being beneath the man I belong to.

Not figuratively. Literally. In our home, in our dynamic, in our life - he is above me. I am his. And I am less.

There. I said it.

Not “equal in different ways.” Not “partners with differing roles.” I am inferior to him in our chosen lifestyle. Willingly. Proudly. With full knowledge and full submission. I gave up my power, and in doing so, I found peace.

Modern culture tells women like me that we should fight to be on top. Or at the very least, to never be less than anyone. We’re supposed to demand equality, keep score, share every burden, lead just as much, assert constantly. And I tried that. I lived that life.

And I was miserable.

Because deep down, I didn’t want to fight for control. I didn’t want to lead. I didn’t want balance. I wanted hierarchy. I wanted to kneel. I wanted to serve. I wanted to surrender completely, not because I’m weak, but because my strength was never meant to be used to dominate—it was meant to be poured into devotion, obedience, care, and loyalty.

So I gave him everything. My choices. My voice. My body. My rules. My freedom.

And what I got in return was structure, safety, protection, purpose. A love that wraps around my soul like a blanket fresh out of the dryer. Warm. Complete. Anchored.

He is above me in every way that matters in our dynamic - his word outweighs mine, his comfort comes before mine, his judgment overrules mine, and his needs always outrank mine. My role is to serve. To obey. To please. Not as a performative thing, but as my actual identity. It’s who I am, every minute of the day.

And strangely, that kind of complete surrender brings freedom. Because I don’t have to be in charge. I don’t have to lead. I don’t have to split everything 50/50. I don’t have to carry the weight of the world alone. I get to kneel in my rightful place and just be. Small. Soft. Humble. His.

It’s not popular to say, and I don’t need it to be. This isn’t for the world to understand, it’s for me to live. And I live it joyfully.