AGAIN?!

“Leave me alone captain cook.” I muttered, waving my middle finger around. “I’m not feeling good. Didn’t think looking like death was a good look to sell the goods.”

“it’s not. But that still don’t explain to me what’s up.” I peaked out from under the covers to see Jesse squatting down next to me. He moved the blankets and frowned. “You don’t look good at all.”

“no shit Sherlock.” I groaned as I sat up, the movement making my cramps worse. “Get me those painkillers. The legal ones.” I gave Jesse a pointed look as I motioned towards the chair in the corner.

“What you need this for?” He asked as he passed them over. I grabbed the water bottle next to me and took some.

“cramps. The kind you get when you got blood coming out of you.” I winced as I moved to stand up. Jesse reached for my arm and helped me up. “Fuck I hate this. Every fucking month man.”

“oh.” Jesse mumbled as he watched me shuffle down the hall. I turned back toward him.

“oh?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I forget you do that.” He muttered, looking away. He rubbed the back of his head. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Not make me go out is a start.” I said as I started back to the kitchen. Jesse’s hoodie hung on me, making me push up the sleeves so I could grab something to eat. “I don’t know. Maybe drag the mattress out here so we can watch tv or something.” I turned to the fridge to grab something to drink and found Jesse gone. I could hear him struggling with the mattress. When he finally got it into the room, I stared at him. He gestured to it and smiled.

“got it. What’s next?” He asked. I looked between him and the mattress.

“you didn’t have to do that right now.” I said, voice low. Jesse shrugged. “Uh…I got Jane to run and grab me some stuff earlier. Can you check if she left it by the door when I was passed out?” Jesse nodded and I started to eat. He brought the stuff in and headed straight to the bathroom with the bags. “Huh.” I muttered to myself as I watched him.

“alright. What’s next?” He asked when he got back, leaning against the counter.

“When did you turn into a damn golden retriever?” I asked, putting my dishes in the sink.

“I ain’t no dog yo.” Jesse shot back. I raised an eyebrow at him as I moved closer to him.

“no? Then why you asking how high when I say jump?” I asked, wrapping my arms around his neck. Jesse chuckled.

“cuz you’re in pain. And I wasn’t the nicest earlier.” He whispered, leaning down to ghost his lips over mine. “I wanna make you feel better. Make up for being an ass.” I hummed as I kissed him.

“well this is a good start.” I responded as his hands came up to my waist. “Make it up to me more?”

“course.” He smiled. “Anything.”

“cuddle with me.” I said, pulling him down onto the bed. Jesse groaned as he let me curl up against him.

“the shit I do for you.” He sighed. “Don’t let no one know about this shit. I got a reputation to protect.”

Jesse falls very hard and very fast for you. At first you're both just messing around. You think he's cute and a massive doofus, he loves making you laugh and goofing off with you. And of course you're like, super pretty too. But that's just like…whatever, right? You're friends who sometimes get high and makeout and touch each other over the clothes. It's casual and fun until he starts to feel the strings of something deeper tug on his heart.

He finds himself making up excuses to keep you around. He'll visit you at work and bring you snacks on rough days. He's always revisiting photos of you from nights out. It's your smile and the way he feels your warmth through the poorly lit, low-res images. He keeps it on the down low for as long as he can (because he can't risk his street cred by getting all in his feelings).

It isn't until things get a little too casual for his liking that he starts to express any kind of frustration. You'll be grinding on someone at a house party. In retaliation he'll accept a lap dance from another girl. It'll just keep escalating until one of you pisses the other off enough.

After a massive blowup he'll admit he was acting like a little bit of a dick. "A little bit?" you'll say. He'll laugh and insist you were also being kind of a dick too. Which you probably were. But somehow you can tell it doesn't really matter that much to him anyway. He just gives you the most adoring look with his baby blues and every other thought in your brain just evaporates.

Cue the most intense honeymoon phase. Jesse loves going on dates that last multiple days. You'll go to a museum or a park or something, pick up some cheesy looking actions movies at a video store, raid a liquor store, and watch said movies all night until you're both so worn out you can't stay awake.

In the morning you grab breakfast from a Waffle House. Just like everything else, Jesse eats messy. He makes conversation with his mouth full and tends to mix eggs, bacon, hash browns, and biscuits and gravy on his plate. He can also take down like half a dozen pancakes like it's nothing. If anything about your order is wrong, he's the type to say something about it and get it fixed if you're too embarrassed to ask yourself.

If he's feeling romantic and broke, he'll make you breakfast. Which can be hit or miss. We're talking the occasional shell in your eggs, frozen potatoes that aren't quite cooked all the way, and toast that he scrapes the burnt bits off of.

Thee touchiest, feeliest boyfriend when it's just the two of you. When you're in the kitchen doing something he'll wrap his arms around you and tuck his chin into the crook of your shoulder. He holds your hand in the car. He'll always ask for multiple kisses before saying goodbye. He's a big softie and he is perpetually in love with you.

Jesse doesn't play around about you and his friends know it. They'll all plan to go out drinking and when they decide to move the party to a strip club, Jesse will start to yawn and stretch and say he's all partied out for the evening. Cue the guys all making fun of him for being pussy-whipped. Which he is…but he's never gonna confirm that to them.

He takes a taxi back to your place because he's kiiiiind of wasted and he doesn't want to be drunk and alone.

If you think he's handsy when he's sober…good god, he's a fucking gremlin when he's inebriated. His fingers fidget with the hem of your sleep shirt and he'll give the half-hearted excuse that his hands are cold. Except he actually is exhausted at this point and he falls asleep using your chest as his pillow.

Don't worry, the cracks in the relationship will become more apparent as time goes on.

Lies to you about little shit. You'll ask if you can come over to his place after work and he'll tell you he's working overtime. You find out later through Badger that he invited all the guys over to play video games and smoke.

When you call, he'll try and talk his way out of it, tell you that he got let go early and he totally forgot you wanted to hang out. You tell him that's complete bullshit, Jesse, and you know it, before hanging up on him abruptly.

You ignore his calls for a few days and even though he misses you way too fucking much, he resolves to give you your space. Like, fine, if you don't want to see him, you won't see him!! Cut to him wallowing in self-pity for the rest of the week until you ask if he wants to get coffee with you and talk about things. He waited for about ten minutes to text back saying he'd meet you (just to prove that he's totally chill about it).

You tell him that you don't mind him hanging out with his friends, you just wish he wouldn't lie about it. I wish you wouldn't lie about a lot of things, is what you say exactly. And he knows you're talking about the drugs. It isn't exactly a secret. Hell, you've probably smoked weed with him a couple of times. But the meth? He doesn't really enjoy letting you see that side of his life.

He promises to quit (he doesn't) and he promises there won't be any more lies (there will be).

You talk about how talented and sweet you think he is all the time. You'll lay with him at night, running your fingers through his dirty blonde hair, mumbling all sorts of quiet wishes for your future together. And Jesse wants to believe in it. Maybe someday he'll be more than a sleazy meth cook. Somewhere between now and that distant future, he'll figure something out.

When he's certain that he really loves you, he makes you a wooden jewelry box. Because you deserve more than cheap flowers and gas station teddy bears. And besides, you make him feel the way he does when he's woodworking: creative, useful, and wanted.

He means to give it to you on your birthday but it ends up being delayed for a few days afterwards. It's because he overthinks the finish and the little carvings he made on the front.

But he probably spent almost all of the money he had on him for the wood and the proper tools. And he'd rather be the boyfriend that gives you a silly box for your birthday than the boyfriend who gets you nothing. He figures he'll take the loss. You'll open it up, have a little laugh and he'll get all embarrassed and then distract you with the best birthday sex of your life. It's foolproof!!

On it's own, the box is probably the prettiest thing you've ever received in your life. There's a heart carved into the center of the lid and wobbly flowers in the corners with vines that flourish on each side. But when you pick it up, it feels a little heavier than it should be.

When you flip the little locking latch on the front and open it up, you realize that he's filled it with little momentos and trinkets. There's a receipt from that one time he took you to a fancy ass dinner (and nearly got kicked out because who would've thought that his tuxedo printed t-shirt wouldn't qualify as formal wear). Then there's a strawberry shooter because one of the first times you and him really talked at a party, it was over a shitty party pack of fruit flavored shooters. There's pressed pennies from some of the different places you two have been together. There's also a very sappy birthday letter he wrote in there that he tells you to read on your own time because he'd probably throw himself into oncoming traffic if you read it in front of him.

Needless to say, Jesse is genuinely surprised when you tell him you love his gift. He's not really used to having his efforts appreciated in that way. It really makes him believe that he could have a real future with you. One where he can actually take care of you.

It's one of his biggest anxieties; ending up a deadbeat and disappointing you. As much as you believe in him, he can't quite believe in himself. He's not book smart and he's not very good at following rules. But he can cook. And he'll use whatever means he has at his disposal to create some kind of stability for you and him.

Then he loses practically his entire operation in a DEA raid. Any hopes of being able to prove his worth to you have been dashed. And then there's his old chemistry teacher, threatening to blackmail him. But he presents an opportunity. Even though it's shitty and unlikely to go anywhere, it's his last ditch attempt to do something with his life. He doesn't know that agreeing to this arrangement with Mr. White is what ensures he's on the path to losing you for good.

Thank you for reading!! If you enjoyed, please consider commenting or reblogging. I really love hearing back from you all!! Have a great day!!