Everything feels wrong

Discoholic 🪩

tannertan36
ojovivo
almost home
hello vonnie

PR's Tumblrdome

⁂
dirt enthusiast
noise dept.
Game of Thrones Daily

#extradirty
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

JVL

Kaledo Art
Three Goblin Art

titsay

JBB: An Artblog!
Jules of Nature

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Türkiye
seen from Netherlands
seen from Malaysia
seen from Bulgaria

seen from Türkiye

seen from Italy

seen from Germany

seen from United States
seen from Germany

seen from Bulgaria

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Netherlands
seen from Israel
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Egypt
@moonlight-raez
Everything feels wrong

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Lately I feel like I'm on a tiny little island just off the coast of the world, and it's been drifting away little by little. And I've only just noticed how far I really am from the rest of the world, and I'm starting to worry that I won't be able to make it back even if I try.
---------
I keep trying to tell my husband how lonely I am but every time I do he sees it as a personal attack on him and claims that I want to use him as my only source of "entertainment." I give him his space when he asks for it, but the more I try to respect his boundaries the more it seems that I get left behind and forgotten by him. I've told him this, and we've talked about it so many times but nothing ever changes. A few days of him giving me attention, and then right back to how things were.
Nothing is ever going to change and things will never get better. I don't know how to tell him that I can't share a life with someone who sees me as nothing more than a roommate most days, without giving him some sort of ultimatum. I don't really want to leave him, I just don't want to exist anymore if I have to spend every waking moment of my life in crippling sadness and isolation.
I recently came out as trans... My husband seems pretty supportive but I'm worried that it won't last. My friends were very nonchalant about it, saying they support me and love me, but it feels like they don't really care. I know we're all old and doing our own things now so it's hard to stay invested in each other's lives, but I feel just so alone right now. My husband makes an effort to use my new name and pronouns as much as possible, but since he's the only person I interact with every day it still feels weird and foreign to me. I wish I could just talk to my therapist, but I don't see her for another week. Once a month appointments aren't cutting it for me 😞 idk how to get seen more frequently, it seems like this is all that's available but idk if it's gonna be much help when I go so long without someone to talk to.
Non-stop panic attacks today. I've finally asked my husband to help me call the mental health office at my health insurance, since every time I try to do it I freeze up and/or break down.
On that note, why don't they have an online option?? Why are you forced to call, it seems like people with anxiety might have trouble doing in-person or over the phone stuff don't you think 😤
When I was a kid growing up my favorite color was blue. As a teenager, it was red, everything had to be red and black, and nothing else. As an adult now, it's been purple and grey...

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Having an extra glass of wine to make sure I get my calories in for the day 🥂
Foggy Sea by John Towner
I'd like to be 🎶
Under the sea 🎶
Under the sea
Ų̵̮̄͊̈́̋̆̈́͝n̷̢͔̥̱̞̤̲̳͉̓͝d̶̡͙̘̱͈̦̏͋̒̈́̆̈́̇̇e̴̢̱̝̼̣͕͙̬̤͋̀͜ŗ̷̫͍͎͉̞̱̟̝̀̉̐̊̔̈́͒̈́̕͠ ̴̦͙̬́̎̈́t̶̺͎̽͌̅̽͛̏͋̉͑h̶̰̗̖͙̦̳̱̤̮͐̎͗̔̃͛͘͝͠e̵̛̠͠ ̵̫̫̪̞͖̬̳̰̓̂͆͐s̶̳͈̝̬̘̾̏̈́̾́e̶̢̡̡̬̬̝͎̥̤̿̐ā̸͎͍̯̠̫̘͜
Sitting in the car on the cliffside by the beach, just letting the wind shake me while I stare out at the black ocean. Thinking about staying the night here, if not just a few hours...
Nobody tells you how much mental illness fucks with your perception of time. How you can’t place memories right. How you can’t distinguish if something happened a month ago or a year ago. How you lose entire chunks. Weeks, months of memories just get brushed away somewhere. What you do remember just ebbs and flows together. You’re never really in the moment so you can’t ever really hang onto it.
And you just start randomly remembering shit that happened to you over a decade ago and so your brain hyper fixates on those thoughts instead of focusing on the present. Meanwhile, you can't remember if you took your meds 5 minutes after taking them or that you've been trying to go to the bathroom for the last 20 minutes but haven't left your seat.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Current Mood ☠️ but with color
☠️ Current Mood ☠️
My brain really said F you tonight. Literally sitting on the toilet tryna pee and my brain goes "(to my husband) everything you do is for us, and everything I do is for me" and I fucking exploded in tears... ON THE TOILET. Can I have a moment of peace!

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
TW: Trauma, abuse
Unlocking a memory is such an insane feeling.
My partner was being cute by pinching my nose while I had my head on his lap and it gave me this intense feeling of panic. He barely pinched my nose for a second so I thought 'why did that give me such intense anxiety?' and suddenly I remembered all the times when my older sister would hold me down when we were kids, and pinch my nose while covering my mouth so I couldn't breathe. I would kick and scream trying to get away and she would laugh like it was a game, and then chastise me for crying once she let me go saying I was overreacting and being a baby.
It's hard to imagine all the things we just forget as we get older, and it terrifies me to think about the thing that I don't remember.
I have good days, sometimes really good days, and during those days I stop and think to myself "why can't I just feel this way all the time?" Not even overly jubilant, just your average good. And on those days I can't even imagine how I could possibly feel as low as I do the rest of the time, especially on the really bad days. How is it possible that I can go from one to the other literally overnight?