Rate the Crunch of my Bones

TWIN PEAKS: PILOT

BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK sorry i couldn’t hear you over the sound of me putting a fictional man in a slutty apron and calling him mommy. sorry. i was too busy hand-feeding him strawberries and then writing 12k of emotional devastation and domestic porn. sorry i gendered him like a little fucked up doll in a victorian nursery.

YES. HE’S A WOMAN TO ME. HE’S A HOUSEWIFE. HE’S A HIGH-FEM BRAT. HE’S A PRETTY LITTLE THING WHO GETS RAWED IN THE MOONLIGHT AND MAKES SOFT WHIMPERS AND BAKES BREAD TO COPE. AND I DO NOT CARE IF IT MAKES SENSE.

HE IS MADE OF TROPES. HE IS MADE OF VIBES. HE IS MADE OF GLITTER AND TEARS AND POST-WAR PTSD. HE IS WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT. HE IS NOT A MAN. HE IS NOT A WOMAN. HE IS A TRAGEDY IN LACE.

you’re talking about “misogyny” like i didn’t just write a fic where he gets folded in half by a feral beast of a love interest and then cries because he’s “too used to not being touched gently.” BABE. THERE IS NO DIGNITY HERE. ONLY CATHARSIS.

your academic thinkpiece cannot survive the heat of my horny little monkey brain. you want to talk about gender roles?? I WANT TO PUT HIM IN A COLLAR. I WANT TO GIVE HIM A GENDERCRISIS VIA DICK. I WANT TO MAKE HIM THE MAID AND THE MUSE AND THE MADONNA.

and also? sometimes i call him a manwhore for getting railed twice in one chapter and still being emotionally unavailable. because HE DESERVES IT. because I SAID SO. because it’s FUNNY and UNHINGED and that’s the POINT.

As a 19-year-old sophomore at Stanford, Elizabeth Holmes decided to transform diagnostic medicine so she dropped out of college and used her tuition money to start her own company, Theranos. Ten years later, Holmes, pictured here holding a micro-vial, is on the cutting edge of medical technology — her new blood testing method allows hundreds of tests to be run using only a few drops of blood. And, Holmes’ methods are cheaper, faster, more accurate, and less invasive than conventional methods which often require a separate vial of blood for every test. As Holmes told Wired.com earlier this year, “I started this company because I wanted to spend my life changing our health care system. When someone you love gets really sick, most of the time when you find out, it’s too late to be able to do something about it. It’s heartbreaking… We wanted to make actionable health information accessible to people everywhere at the time it matters most. That means two things: being able to detect conditions in time to do something about them and providing access to information that can empower people to improve their lives.”

She is featured as Forbes’ youngest self-made woman billionaire.

Her tests will revolutionize the public health world as we know it; Making diagnostic testing accessible and affordable for more people (and potentially saving Medicare and Medicaid ~$100 billion each over the next decade). (x)

She is a coauthor on 82 US and 189 foreign patent applications. (x)