Messy

 Star: “It’s okay, Michael. You’re just overreacting.”

Michael: “Oh, really? So I’m a half-vampire, and I’m overreacting?”

 David: “Look at me. Look at me and tell me you don’t love it.”

 Sam: “Wow, Grandpa, you really didn’t want us to move in, huh?”

Grandpa: “Did the deer heads not give that away?”

 The Frog Brothers: “Relax. We have a plan.”

Michael: “Your last plan ended with the bathtub exploding!”

 Alan Frog: “And did you die? No? You’re welcome.”

Laddie: “I’m hungry.”

 Paul: “Hi, Hungry. I’m Paul.”

 Dwayne: “Can we not do this? We’re about to hunt someone.”

Lucy: “Does anybody need anything?”

 David: “Yeah. We need you to stop worrying so much.”

Grandpa: “And to stop bringing dates home who try to kill your kids.”

Max: “…Awkward.”

 Sam Emerson: “Why is there blood in the fridge?”

The Frog Brothers (together): “We’re decorating.”

 Paul: “I’m not great at the advice.”

Marko: “But can we interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

Dwayne: “Or a snack?”

 Y/n: “You drank my blood!”

 David: “I’m sorry, I thought it was a metaphor.”

 Star: “Are you guys drinking blood again?”

 Paul: “Nooo…”

 Dwayne: “…Maybe.”

 Marko: “It’s medicinal!”

Sam Emerson: “This is madness!”

 The Frog Brothers: “This. Is. Santa Carla.”

Grandpa: “I’m telling you right now, if you kids turn me into a vampire, I’m grounding everyone.”

 Michael: “So no one told you death was gonna be this way…” (claps slowly)

 David, Marko, Dwayne, Paul: (clap clap clap clap)

Lucy: “Michael, you’re young, you’ll find someone else.”

Michael: “…I don’t think you understand. She floats.”

 David: “Welcome to the family, Michael.” (smiles creepily) “Now drink this.”

 Michael: “Oh God, it’s happening.”

Grandpa: “I may not know much about vampires…”

 Sam: “You literally have stakes in your Jeep.”

Grandpa: “...Fine. I know a little.”

David: “If you could have any superpower, what would it be?” Michael: “Invisibilit.” Marko: “Telekinesis.” Paul: “The ability to fit my whole fist in my mouth.” Everyone: *staring* Paul: “What? It’s a talent.”

Sam: “Why are you dressed like that?” Edgar:Like what?” Sam: “Like you’re about to fight Dracula in a Denny’s parking lot.”

Max: “I think we need to have a serious conversation about your life choices.”

Star: “You first. You dated my bossy vampire boyfriend’s mom”

Max: “ …Fair”

Grandpa: “ I don’t have to explain myself.” Lucy: “You literally do. That’s what “parenting” is.”

Laddie: “I’m hungry.” David: * hands him a juice box* Laddie: “This tastes weird.” Paul: “Oh, sorry, that’s blood.” Laddie: *spits it out* David: “..Paul.” Paul: “What? It’s organic.”

Michael: “I’m going to do something stupid.” Sam: “No, you’re going to do something brave.” Michael: “It might be stupid and brave.” Sam: “That’s called “being a Gallagher.”” Michael: “…Wrong universe, Sam.”

everyone: *stares at camera*

Alan: “How do vampires even exist?” Edgar: “It’s California.” Alan: “Fair point.”

Star: “Are you flirting with me?” David: “ I have literally kidnapped you.” Star: “Okay but like…subtly.”

Paul: “ Why are you glaring at me?” Marko: “Because you told Laddie he was a “tiny blood burrito.” Paul: “…He is.”

Sam: “Grandpa, there are vampires in this town!” Grandpa: * loading fence posts into his truck* Sam: “Why do you look excited?” Grandpa: “It’s been a boring decade.”

Lucy: “Max, you’re acting suspicious.” Max: “Suspicious? Me? I’m just a humble video store owner.” Alan : “—With a Dracula cape Max: “It’s a bathrobe.” Edgar: “It has a collar.”

Michael: “I’m not afraid of you.” David: “You will be.” Michael: “…Did you just quote Star Wars at me?”

Sam: “I can’t believe I’m related to you.” Michael: “You’re just jealous of my cheekbones.” Sam: “I’m jealous of your common sense leaving the building.”

Dwayne: “What do you call it when you kill a vampire?” Marko: “Tuesday.” Paul: “A felony.” Edgar: “A hobby.” Alan: “An occupational hazard.”

David: *smirking* “Welcome to the night, Michael.” Michael: “No thanks, I have a curfew.”