Mana Drake | Artist

Boy this one is a crazy one to write.

I intended to start the year off strong, as everyone tends to do at the start of the new year, and then time got away from me. Well that’s an understatement really. It’s not that time got away from me it’s that the universe had other plans for my start of 2024.

I got sick in late February which lasted until May 1 in which I finally found the culprit to my illness: Cancer.

It was a big shock, still is really, with there being no history of cancer on either side of my family and for me to get such a rare form of it I’m still trying to process it all while going through recovery while also prepping mentally to under go chemo. I am incredibly lucky that we caught it early, that I listened to myself that this wasn’t normal, that my doctor listened to me, and that things moved so quickly to help me start on the path of getting it removed so I can go into the next phase.

I’ve been home for a little over a week now, spent almost three weeks in the hospital getting surgery + getting healthier, and it’s been going well all things considered. With all of this going on I have had an unexpected amount of free time on my hands which means the mind tends to wander a lot (many things I’ll be unpacking with my therapist) but all of this happening was probably the biggest wake up call from the universe. I’ve spent so much of my time focused on my day job, putting all of my energy into that and I wasn’t spending the necessary time on things that bring me joy.

Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do for work because I get to utilize my creativity in a different way but I leaned in too hard in a direction that looking back was just unhealthy. I have had such a long list of things I want to accomplish for myself and my creative journey that I kept putting on the back burner but no more. Life is too short to be giving 100% of yourself to something that isn’t your own.

So while I’m in recovery I’ve been spending some time getting back into drawing, cross stitching, and all of my creative pursuits and I’m looking forward to sharing more of that with you. But all in all I wanted to give an update on whats been going on with me and to remind you that prioritizing yourself is never a bad thing and you should honestly do it more often.

I feel like I just need to get all of this out of my head for my own sanity. Life has felt a little bit like a spiral and not in a fun “let’s ride Tea Cups” kind of spiral but more like a whirl pool that I just don’t know how to escape from. But really I have to ask myself more honestly, why can’t I escape? What is actually stopping me? We’ve gotten out of stuff like this before when our life was going down a road we didn’t want to follow, granted things were different back then and you didn’t have the support you really needed to make it truly succeed in the way you hoped but you got out of it. So what is exactly stopping us now?

It can’t be the fear of the unknown, we deal with that every day we wake up not knowing what notifications we will have, what work thing is gonna come out of left field, or even what our day will be like in general. When I look at things deep down I know it’s that I’m scared of what I am capable of. Other people see it, no matter how hard I try and hide it, but they SEE me in a way that makes me feel exposed. And truly I have been, I am exposed for dimming my light, for lowering myself to not make others feel small, to not chase my dreams because doing so would mean I’d have to really lean all the way in to who I know I am meant to be and THAT scares me.

But why? Have I become so comfortable in being mediocre? This isn’t what I wanted for my life. I know things change over time but THIS is not what I pictured for myself. I am settling in every sense of the word. I want to lean in to my creative pursuits. I want to show people that there is more to life than staying in a space you are unhappy in, that it is possible to create something that celebrates all of your interests, that we are more than the 1s and 0s that have been attributed to us by algorithms and companies.

I no longer want to keep saying “One Day”, from here on out it will be “Day One” and inching towards what I want to do. That means taking things seriously, planning out my time, blocking out time on my work cal so I don’t get random meetings throughout the week. actually shooting content, making time to draw every day no matter how big or small, reading something every day, spending time on my phone less, working out at least 3 times a week (until I build up my stamina but in four months I want to be working out every day), meal prepping to eat out less because my body deserves to be treated properly, spending more time with friends and loved ones, and no longer letting myself waste away.

Wanted to share my latest drawing of Princess Tiana from Princess and the Frog 🐸 👑

Below are some bonus images of the inks and sketch phase 💚

Throughout the month of May our internet was down for multiple days at a time which meant I couldn’t play my usual “live service” games so I ended up diving into Ratchet and Clank: A Rift Apart. I haven’t touched the game since it initially released in 2021, not even kidding I only played up to the first 10mins of the game, and I decided to just jump right in and I am SO HAPPY I did. I ended up finishing it after 3 nights, a full 100% including collectibles, and as the credits rolled I sat there and just thought — holy cow, I forgot what its like to play something that has an actual ending.

For some context, the last time I completed a game with a definitive “end” was Assassin’s Creed 2 which was during a play through I was doing on my stream and that was back in 2013 just before I moved to California. Yep you caught that, it’s been TEN YEARS since I completed a single player game. I have realized that since I started working in the video game industry, particularly with live service products, I would feel compelled to spend time only those games - I mean I work on them so I should prioritize them right? Well in doing so I’ve inadvertently taken away a bit of joy from myself in playing and exploring a world that has a defined “end” to it.

That’s not to say all live service games are bad but I’ve come to a point in my life where the places I spend my time (and money) is starting to matter even more to me than it did ten years ago and so thanks to losing internet (repeatedly btw but four days straight has been the longest without it) I have started diving back into more single play experiences. What currently has my attention:

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Very late to the party I know BUT this was another casualty to me getting distracted and forgetting. I had tried to play in 2017 - got distracted - picked it up again with a new save in 2020…got distracted 10mins in…and now we are back at it! I l am much further along than I was before and I just finished unlocking the entire map so I can more freely explore, I’m so excited!

Spyro The Dragon Remastered Trilogy

I love this cute purple dragon so much. I was working on a play through on stream of the original Spyro before this remaster came out but picking it up fresh with the beautiful new graphics is chef’s kiss

Now me drifting back to single player games definitely doesn’t mean I am done with live service, Disney Dreamlight Valley and The Sims do exist and those who know me know I am all in on them, but it has been just really nice losing myself into some games that don’t feed into my FOMO due to limited time events.