You can't change your main blog so I'm stuck

Times are hard at the cafe so they only got Something bagels

i bring a sort of "this character is canonically malnourished and would gain at least a couple pounds during their hypothetical healing arc wherein they get better" vibe to the function that people dont really like

the other day all my coworkers were talking about the various wack diets they're on and I went "nahhhh I'm on the Seafood Diet" and the lady next to me goes "oh, what's that?" and i was so shocked by actually getting a chance to deliver the punchline on that ancient gag that i barely even remembered to say it

my thrall told me it wanted to be more independent so i imprisoned its soul in a necklace. how's that for in de pendant you little shit

penultimate is such a good word. its like....maybe the second best word

sex is some naked bullshit and food is some crap they found on the ground but online poker is forever

Ahh what the hell, gimme another unnamed layer! I ain't driving!

*covered in blood* I'm literally fine guys. im still funny. Would you like to hear a joke Im going to tell you a joke

It's funny that the USSR literally outlawed the celebration of Christmas and then peacefully dissolved itself as a government on December 25th 1991. Brief intrusion of TV Christmas movie logic into our reality.

Statistically speaking I have more or less never seen a movie in my life

Flubber?

I've never seen flubber.

Asshole