Juan Day At A Time

Normalcy and clarity step in as my mother makes her way back home to us Who knew these two would be making an appearance so quickly after the upheaval of life? Yet here they are and what welcomed visitors they are Life is beginning to find its cadence and rhythm, even though we’ve lost a key member of the orchestra It feels good to feel good It feels even better to hear the soundtrack of my…

When does it set in? Sleep eludes me It’s been running away from me for days An hour here, an hour there A nap while watching TV Nothing is particularly keeping me up Nothing is stopping me from sleep It just does not come in long spurts where rest is allowed I look in the mirror and see an older man Worn, wrinkled, at times pale and a smile missing from his visage I wonder if this is…

Friday The fifth day after Sunday One hundred plus hours since the ‘event’ This week is going by much too quick and much too slow Seconds become minutes but minutes take their time to become hours Impulsive laughter leads to silent tears The silence ends with noise, the noise of my own emotions finding their rhythm Everything is a product of this uncontrollable sadness that I thought I’d…

se que me escuchas y esto no es una oración tres días han pasado desde que te vi partir   en un viaje de sombras hacia el eterno existir   pero en el susurro de tu débil corazón yo siento   que tu espíritu volaba, libre por fin en el viento   la demencia, esa cobarde ladróna, había robado lo más primordial de tu ser   igualmente borro los bordes del dolor y del ayer   mientras tu mente se…

My mother forgot so much at the end of her days, even her love for dolls As I walk into her empty room this morning, I see her Betty Boop is watching from the corner In the back of her room she appears from the side of the bed Her big head and diminutive body popping out from under the frame She must have fallen to the floor recently She’s one of many Bettys that I got from an infamous claw…

I laughed yesterday Real, loud, full of emotion uncontrollable, inappropriate laughter The type of chuckles where you struggle for breath and tears come It was an ill-timed reaction because it came from a scary place of reality and conformance, resignation of the strongest kind holding my hand I was in a hospital room I was with my wife, my sister and my niece And I was watching my mother,…

Shadows and noise slam the door of reason The hit comes unexpectedly and close to home For seconds, minutes, maybe more, that question of whether this is the end appears What is the necessity for destiny to put this challenge on the path? Many will say this is part of His plan but truly who needs to conform to pain and discomfort and the possible uncertainty of standing up to…

Detachment comes easy Absence does not make the heart grow fonder It challenges every rule we are supposed to follow Yet the path seems clear and right We are left with no room for second guessing This is a series of firsts for us because we are so inclined to always be number two Never out of humility but rather out of necessity There is a quiet grace in the virtues of unselfishness Just…

Normalcy arrives expectant as morning coffee is to routine The first morning of the weekend arrives without fanfare or expectation Activity is on the back burner and options are plentiful A quick glance at email and a walk to the brewer Light roast with a shot of espresso, a little evaporated milk and sweetener I haven’t had a cup like this in a while The dance of the java and its steps is…

Goodbye It is a simple word We are parting ways until the next time Hello It is a simple word Here is my greet to you as we meet today These two words have been bedazzled with challenge of late The energy required to utter them and the actions associated with them are draining and have rendered my smile gone There is a silent chisel that is sculpting the new me who is embracing this…

today was destined to come with its dirty deed on this quiet sunday night, beneath a fading dash of sunlight   i cradle my martini close, my solace in my solitary flight the vodka cascades like torrent waves, a slow and steady stream   echoing the weekend’s rumblings, a steadfast moment almost like a dream   the shaker sings its lullaby, ice and spirit ready for the pour they blend   as i…

As tomorrow awaits in the twilight’s embrace where soft shadows blend,   A son stands on the brink, grappling with what feels like a devastating end,   The heart, seemingly unbreakable, shows cracks in its seams,   As faded memories whisper of cherished, misplaced and oft tossed dreams… Tomorrow’s horizon looms heavy with change,   And amidst all the worry, the heart feels so remarkably…

Days of doubt line the calendar Big decisions come quickly without warning What must be done, must be done Leading with resolve sounds easy until the moment of truth is knocking at the door It is a deliberate act and one that cannot be minimized No matter the spin, this is merely an act of mercy For her, for ourselves and for the sanity of our days I’ve never felt more sure and more…

Reading this over a few days later after I wrote it So much can change in just a few days She’s walking, somewhat, again But I recall when… …she woke up weak and confused More than usual By mid day she had no balance Using walls as leverage An acrobat on a tightrope near the ground With no ability to walk on her own, she couldn’t send smoke signals easily Life changed in one…

It’s like a drip of water, one slow drop at a time, springing from a leaky faucet I hear it and I see it and I can’t do anything about it Drip, drip, drip Why can’t the pipe just burst and we deal with the deluge all at once? Turn the water off and stop the drip Alas, I am not a plumber Drip, drip, drip The more I wipe away the water, the more it returns It’s like the perpetual winter my…

Landscapes of barren energy oft times prevail The art of being human tempers our patience and outlines our limits Rest assured and embrace with all certainty this personal adage of mine Nothing anyone says will ever change me unless I want to be changed Nothing anyone does will impact me unless I allow it to Nothing anyone feels will alter my feelings unless I already feel that way I can…

What happens when honesty and sincerity are misinterpreted? Truth takes on a disguise of sorts and while it is not dressed as a lie, it is seen as such Lies that are not lies are the worst imposters They take people down rabbit holes of supposition and creative elaboration A thought or idea on wings of fancy can lead to poor decisions and questionable judgement Somebody can be convicted of a…