That's probably wrong...

Druck S6 (2021) / Pluto (2024)

Planetarium dates 🪐

I saw a documentary where they said Jupiter is responsible that the Earth has developed so well. Because it protects the Earth from asteroids. I think it’s crazy that everything happened the way it did.

What I have come to see after watching Ep 7 a couple of times now, and thinking about Sam and Sam's history and what we've seen on the show, is that Sam, absolutely, 100%, thinks she needs to solve everything by herself because it is her responsibility to make everything work, and that she will absolutely keep it all to herself and close down, oftentimes to her own detriment.

Her company and how she runs it is a big example of this. Sam barely asks Kirk for his opinion on how to save Diversity, and when he does answer that something needs to change, she doesn't ask how. Instead, she walks away from him, comes up with her own idea by herself, and tells her company what's happening the next day. Then, whenever Kirk brings up getting outside help, or bringing in a partner, she's so focused on it being her company, on her being the one to control it into being a success, and that she wants none of it to stop being hers, that she doesn't tolerate discussing giving any of it up.

In fact, one could even say that why she fires her employees also falls under this responsibility. When Sam sees a problem with her personnel, that someone breaks her rule, she doesn't talk to them - she takes on cutting out the problem and firing the person or persons to remove them because her company needs to run how she needs her company to be run to be her company how it needs to be run. (Yes, I wrote that sentence exactly how I wanted it.)

Sam needs to save her company because it is hers. She is responsible for it because she created it. It is her source of happiness, and if she does well with it, Sam believes she will earn her grandmother's approval, and push back her marriage with Kirk even further. And how she deals with that stress and taking it all on herself is... She swallows it down and keeps it all to herself.

(Side note, I actually think the only way her grandmother agreed to letting her have her company in the first place was because she created it with Kirk as her business partner, and that is the only reason he runs it with her.)

You see this struggle with Sam keeping everything inside in other areas, too.

When Sam needs to learn the dance for Jim's wedding, she doesn't ask for help or her friends' time, instead on insisting that she will learn it by herself and that Kade 'won't win'. Mon didn't even know she was learning the dance, either, and she was spending most nights and a lot of time with her, because Sam kept it to herself.

Even the proposal from Kirk falls under being a problem Sam needs to solve by herself, and indeed keep to herself. She doesn't talk to him. Instead, Sam leaves from the proposal before saying yes or no after Mon, and then tells him she needs time, and... That's it. It doesn't appear she talks with him afterwards. It's also made clear she hasn't talked to anyone else about what he did and how she didn't answer him, either, and she also doesn't take the opportunity to talk about it when Jim brings him up after Sam has agreed to be Mon's girlfriend. After all, she doesn't talk about it because Kirk is her responsibility she will figure out.

Sam also doesn't talk to her friends about Mon, about her feelings and how she wants to date her. Tee, Kade, and Jim say it several times that they know because they see it on Sam's face, and in her eyes, but make it very clear Sam didn't turn to them for help or discussion and kept it to herself. Though it would have been nice to see, this isn't surprising. This follows Sam's M.O.

After all, Sam has seen what has happened with her sisters when they spoke out, when they revealed what they were and who they wanted, and how it conflicted with their grandmother's wishes. Sam is the last granddaughter, the last hope. She's all alone. All the pressure and responsibility - yes, I will talk about Sam's self-enforced responsibility again - is hers. She can only rely on herself, and that's how she's grown up and been shaped.

So this brings me to Sam's actions in the beginning two thirds of Ep 7.

Sam's 'problem' of falling for Mon, of getting the reality of how she feels for her threatened by Kirk's proposal, and her one rule at the office being an obstacle... The more I think about this, the more I am unsurprised Sam takes all of it and all of those things on herself to solve all her stress and her wants and feelings and buries all of that under the one conclusion she can make that will let her keep her company, let her move Mon away from the pain she knows seeing her with Kirk causes her, and let her move forward and date Mon - all without repealing the one rule for her company she has lived by and enforced for years.

So she solves her problems, by herself. She can't open up to anyone to help her, or tell Mon what is happening while it's still happening because it doesn't even occur to her that she can. She keeps it all to herself because she only knows that it is her responsibility to make everything work.

Her responsibility.

Her responsibility to be her grandmother's last granddaughter to carry on the family legacy.

Her responsibility to marry Kirk and become a stay at home mother.

Her responsibility to make her company successful.

...

Which conflicts with her desire to be with Mon.

Her desire to have something and someone she's never had before.

Her desire to have something and someone not attached to her grandmother or her legacy at all.

Her desire to have something for herself.

...

So what does Sam do?

Sam has to take two days, staying away from work and everyone else, to think. To fight through all her overwhelming conflicting insecurities and stress and obligations and wants and needs and guilt and hurt and pain and push it all down like she always does to get something that will let her continue on.

And she does this all alone, pushing everyone away and not talking to them when they message her or text her or show up at her house because she has to be the one to solve it. She has to be the one responsible for Mon (and Kirk) and her own future. Because she can't reach out or talk to Mon (or Kirk) because it doesn't even occur to her that she can, or that she should. Even while Mon rightfully resists and pushes back in her office, Sam is still in her head and cannot deviate or let her in. (Again, I don't think it even occurs to her she can or should talk to Mon until Mon is walking away from her after quitting.)

Instead, she makes a plan, rolls it out, and waits for it to be followed through so she can move on to the next part and ask Mon out on a date.

Step one. Step two. Step three.

Firing Mon and ignoring everything else is her solution to her problem, solved like how she solved every problem before, and in her head, Sam most likely honestly cannot understand it is not going to work.

But I am not saying that her plan would have or should have ever worked. Instead, it is an absolutely terrible, selfish plan that is made even worse during it by Sam's learned traits of doing everything herself and closing down and keeping everything in.

(I almost want to say something here about how Tee derailing her plan by implying that Sam firing Mon would mean she would work with her and that Tee would then start pursuing Mon wasn't exactly the best plan either, and how I don't think that threat worked exactly on Sam as Tee, Jim, and Kade thought it would and instead made her reactionary actions a lot more cold in response when Mon visited her in her office before quitting, but this post is already plenty long enough, and it doesn't quite fit my point, I think, so I'm moving on.)

So.

Sam has never been perfect. We've known that from Ep 1. She is selfish, blunt, oftentimes emotionally stunted, and some of her actions with Mon shows some immaturity when it comes to romance and her dealing with her jealousy. But what I had been enjoying seeing as the episodes were going on was Sam slowly opening up, Mon helping her grow and being able to call her out when she needed to.

And then Ep 7 came out. And I get it. The struggle to work through Sam's actions. That's what this post is, really.

I'm not condoning Sam's actions, or excusing them. I wish the show hadn't made Tee interrupt Sam before she could answer Mon why she didn't tell her why she was firing her, or that she wanted to date her, because I think everyone would have benefitted with some more acknowledgment of wrongdoing.

Because Sam was wrong. Was wrong, and was in the wrong. I also think Mon has a really low self esteem, which doesn't help with her fully demanding answers or apologies from Sam like she sometimes should. But I get this is a show (that is based on a book I haven't read) that can't show us everything we want to see, so we sometimes have to put pieces together ourselves. (Which can be a lot of fun, honestly! Just... Maybe not as much this time, for this reason.)

Anyway. What I'm saying - what all of this long post has been leading down to - is that, from the character the show GAP the Series has given us, I don't excuse Sam, but I do understand why she acted the way she did, and that it did not come out of nowhere.

A character cannot change as quickly as we'd like them to, and everyone has times and moments where they back slide and shut down and hurt others. Where they are selfish and cold and act far out of line because they are overwhelmed and stuck in their heads. Sam's actions weren't okay, but I get why she did them. I'm hoping the show will give us some more self awareness and growth and the healthy kind of responsibility from Sam as it continues on, and let her unlearn the traits I talked about in here. Because I like Sam. I empathize a lot with her, and if I can work on making myself a better person, so can she.

shauna’s dad leaving makes her resentful of jackie’s seemingly perfect nuclear family, including a doting dad whom she doesn’t realize put a lot of pressure for jackie to succeed. or she couldn’t bring herself to sympathize bc at least jackie has a dad who cares about her achievements and grades. jackie’s mom being distant makes her feel as though shauna is her only home and her main source of support; even if her family keeps shelving more expectations on her, shauna is supposed to be her one constant

shauna has definitely faced countless small moments of embarrassment from living in jackie’s shadow that accumulated to an inevitable, simmering betrayal. whenever boys she liked ask about jackie, whenever she was pushed to play soccer when she would rather be reading, whenever she was encouraged to wear makeup like jackie as they were getting into their early teens, etc. all the little things that make her think that fucking jeff is the ultimate equivalent to years of being viewed as lesser

you just know that shauna grappled with both fondness and resentment when jackie was made captain (after all, shauna had better footwork). a strong part of her felt like jackie didn’t deserve it, but a bigger part knew that jackie was of course fated to be a star, so everything turned out the way it was supposed to. shauna told herself that she would flail in the spotlight anyway, and plastered a loving grin as she hugged jackie. it wasn’t a total lie; she couldn’t help but love jackie, it was written in her blood

shauna takes on the burden of jackie’s highs and lows. even when jackie does outshine her shauna still feels so excited to be near her light, still feels special and relieved that jackie sees through the crowds and always always always chooses her. jackie cares about popularity and conventional markers of status but she really only cares about what shauna thinks, and she’s never had to deal with the stakes of that need until she finds out about the cheating and her growing bond with tai