i no longer itch

Din has been tossing and turning for what felt like hours. He can’t sleep. 

Too many thoughts have been flooding his head, he’s been so stressed about the kid, he hasn’t seen Grogu since the Jedi Master took him. “Does he think I abandoned him?” he asked, so soft you almost missed it. 

You hummed, “Is that why you’re rocking the whole ship? I was wondering what was going on.” 

“I’m being serious.” 

“So am I.” You sit up, “I think he knows you did what was best for him. You wouldn’t have let him go if you had any doubt.” 

Din shifts, laying his head onto your lap, “What if—” 

“You can’t think about that, he’s getting the training he needs. Soon enough he’ll be able to do anything with that freaky little mind of his. You miss him, I do too.” 

You run your fingers through his hair, “We’ll see him again.” you promised. 

He whispers your name, “Thank you, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

You smile, “You’d be keeping some other poor soul up in the middle of the night.” You pat his head, signaling him to get up, “Maybe we should plan a little vacation somewhere.” 

He waited til you got comfortable before he pressed himself against you and held you close. “What planet do you have in mind?” 

The first time Steve saw you; you were trapped under some debris after a fight with someone he couldn’t remember, all he remembers was how you were so scared and thankful he came to your rescue. The second time he saw you was when you were walking around the tower passing coffee out to the workers in it, you guys became friends. In his mind he’s always loved you, as a friend and colleague. Maybe it was the way you smiled at him every time you saw him, or the way you always made time to show him something new in this crazy time period he woke up in. Steve doesn’t really know when exactly he realized that he loved you.

It was a big feeling that’s for sure, it was a normal day but to Steve you looked extra pretty and your eyes shone twice as bright when you were trying to explain to him how a touchscreen works. The sound of you laughing as he pressed too hard on the screen was music to his ears. His heart skipped a beat when your soft skin took a hold of his hand as you tried to guide him through it. He’ll gladly play dumb if it meant you’d touch him again. 

Steve has never really thought of another woman like that since Peggy, she was the first girl to ever give him the time of day and willingly hung out with him. Now here you were, running up to him whenever you saw him with a list of things you wanted to show him. You were so beautiful to him. 

As you continued on with your list, he sat there hanging onto every word. He already knew half the stuff you were explaining to him but he purposely said he didn’t know just so he could spend time with you. He could listen to you talk forever. 

The ship was quiet.

Minus the sound of you suppressing your moans by biting the hem of your shirt.

An hour ago, you were up in the cockpit with Din and Grogu, watching the stars pass by when Din noticed you were dozing off.

"Take the bed tonight." He had said.

You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and nodded. You wanted to argue but the idea of sleeping in a somewhat real bed sounded real nice. You said your goodnights and made your way down the ladder.

You don't know exactly how you ended up touching yourself. Maybe it was the smell of Din that filled the small room, it was on his hard pillow that seemed extra soft tonight. Or maybe it was just the thought of you sleeping in his spot. You wondered how he fit on this bed, then wondered if you'd fit on here with him, then wondered if you guys could ever fuck on it.

The thought made you warm all over.

You hand slowly made its way down your pants as you thought about it. Would you have to ride him? Would he be able to bend you over? Would he be soft or rough? Passionate or bruising?

You kicked your pants off, not wanting to be uncomfortable while touching yourself, thinking about all the times he had brushed against you in tight places, guiding you through cities with his hand on your lower back. The times you two subtilty flirting with each other.

You were so caught up in your fantasy that you didn't notice the small blinking red light that was in the corner of the bunk.

~~~

He didn't mean to watch, he just wanted to make sure you didn't pass out on the way down, you were so tired. He set Grogu down in his own makeshift bed in one of the seats before checking in.

Din swears he was only meant to check but there you were, in all your glory, spread out on his bed. Touching yourself. The sound of your quiet moans and wetness had him glued to the screen. His eyes roamed over your body, from your breasts all the way down to your folds. Fuck, you were perfect in every way to him.

He knew this was wrong. He knew deep down this was a complete invasion of your privacy but he couldn't stop. He wondered what or who you were thinking about.

Din watched as you added another finger inside and heard the needy moan you let out. Maker, he wanted to fill you up with something more satisfying than your fingers. He felt himself get harder with every passing second. His cock was aching for you, wishing he could touch you. The furthest he's ever gotten was accidentally brushing against your nipple when trying to get out of a tight alleyway.

As if Maker themself heard his prayers, you moaned his name.

"Din"

That was all the confirmation he needed.

~~~

You almost had a heart attack when you heard the bunker door open.

It was dark but you still made a poor attempt to cover yourself, but warm hands tore the thin blanket away from you.

Wait, hands?

"D-Din?" you asked, trembling from your almost achieved orgasm, "What-"

"Did you think I wouldn't hear you?" You could hear the sound of arousal in his voice. Maybe you died and had gone to the afterlife.

"I'm sorry, I should've been quieter." You apologized, "How did you..?"

You trailed off as you caught a glimpse of the camera, the one that was somehow perfectly directed at you. You basically just gave the man a show...and you didn't want to stop now. Might as well finish what you started, right?

Suddenly your demeaner changed, gaining confidence. "Did you come for a front row seat?"

He froze.

You laid back down on your back and spread your legs, wanting to continue where you had left off. "All you had to do was ask, silly."

You didn't get the chance to finger yourself before Din had you flipped over onto your stomach. You heard the sound of what you could assume was his helmet hitting the ground because you felt his breath on the back of your neck after.

"You dare tease me, girl? Do you know the mess you caused?" He growled in your ear before taking a nip at it, "Or is this what you wanted? Me to hear you say my name, to watch you play with yourself, knowing you wish it was my hand instead of yours?"

Maker, you were so wet. Was this actually happening? It didn't click until you felt one of his fingers press against your folds.

"Yes, fuck! Yes!" You squirmed, his were much thicker than yours, he instantly filled you up with just one. So, imagine the bliss when he added a second finger. You couldn't help but wonder how his cock would feel if this were how you get after two fingers.

Din bit down onto your shoulder, instantly leaving a mark. You didn't care though.

"Good girl, and to think I almost left you to finish by yourself." He was so entranced with you. He loved the way he had you quite literally wrapped around his finger, the way you kept repeating his name as if it were the only word you knew.

"Fuck-Please, Din-" You begged.

"Please, what?"

He knew what you wanted; he wanted it too.

"I need it-you! Please, don't make me wait!" You cried out, arching your ass into the air. His fingers were great and all, but you wanted the real thing.

He wasted no time after that, you didn't realize he was naked until his chest was pressed against the curve of your back as he lined himself up to you. Din could feel your heat on his tip, and he almost had to cum right there.

You finally felt him press into you, inch by inch. It burned so good. Way more filling than his fingers. 

By the time he bottomed out he was already touching your sweet spot, making you a moaning mess. Din started thrusting, his balls slapping against you each time. You had never felt such bliss as you had now. 

“Oh, oh, fuck. Din!” You tried reaching for his leg, to tell him to slow down but he grabbed your hand and pressed it against your back, holding it in place. You didn't care if it hurt.

“You’ll take what I give you, sweet girl.” He grunted, using his other hand to pull your hair, “That’s right, I’ll ruin you for anyone else. You’ll never clench this tight around any other man.” 

“Yours, all yours!” You squealed out before he pushed your head back into the pillow, his hand never letting go of your arm or hair. 

“As beautiful as the sounds you make are, we don’t want to wake the kid.” 

You could feel the orgasm deep in your core and before you knew it, you let go with a muffled scream. 

Din followed you after a few more thrusts, pumping his load right into you. He let go of his release on you, keeping his cock inside to make sure every last drop stayed in. 

Sometimes you feel bad for getting upset but boy does it hurt your heart when he doesn’t show up to anything you guys planned to do because apparently Spider-Man just needs to be everywhere. You thought you’d feel proud because he was willing to drop everything to help but why wasn’t he willing to drop anything for you? 

“Hey, Peter, sorry for calling so many times. I thought you’d like to know that I’m just gonna go home. I’ll see you later…bye.” You fought against the tears as you hung up, finally standing up from your seat at some cheesy little restaurant you didn’t remember the name of and headed home. 

How cliche is it that it started to rain on your short walk back? 

You opened the door to your shared apartment and threw your wet coat onto the couch and took a seat.

Your roommate was in the kitchen and greeted you, “How was the date?” Michelle asked, taking one look at your face, “He didn’t show up? Again?” 

She walked out of the kitchen with two plates, “Is it sad to say I expected it? I even made your favorite.” She said, setting the plate down in front of you. 

“I just don’t understand, am I not important?” You choked, finally letting the tears roll down your cheeks, “Does he not love me anymore?” 

MJ put her own plate down and hugged you as tight as she could. She knew about Peter being Spider-Man and she also knew that he was the dumbest person ever. She let you cry it all out and boy did you cry. 

~~~

Peter fucked up, he fucked up real bad. 

He looked at the missed calls on his phone as he stood outside the closed restaurant he was supposed to be at 3 hours ago. The flowers in his hand were soaked and ruined by the rain along with his apology. 

He was going to be there on time, he even watched you from across the street as you entered the doors but before he could call out to you his spidey senses went off and he had to go. He wanted to call you, text you even, but the fight was with the Lizard who escaped the R.A.F.T.. 

“Hey, Peter, sorry for calling so many times. I thought you’d like to know that I’m just gonna go home. I’ll see you later…bye.

He heard the pain in your voice, the disappointment in him. You didn’t say the usual ‘I love you’ before you hung up. Could he blame you though? He’s lost count on how many times he’s abandoned you and how many times you’ve forgiven him, but recently he’s noticed you were getting tired of it. Peter knows this could be the last straw. When you guys first started dating it was in highschool, things were easier then. There were no big bad guys to fight and he never missed a date unless he really needed to. He remembered how understanding and forgiving you were then. Now, he prays you still are.

He swung to your place as fast as he could, thinking of a million ways to make it up to you. He’d do anything if it meant you’d forgive him. 

He made it to your kitchen window and overheard Michelle say she was going to grab ‘break-up’ snacks from the store down the block. 

Break-up? 

No no no. 

He waited for the girl to leave before knocking on the window. 

~~~

Your heart dropped. Peter looked at you with the saddest look and you dare felt pity for him. He didn’t wait for an answer and slid the window open, “Hey.” 

You sniffed, “Hey.” 

Peter made his way to you, soaking the floor with every step and with his arms stretched out, “Look, YU, I didn’t–” 

You took a step back, “No, please Peter, no. You’re the last person I want to see right now.” 

Ouch, that hurt. 

Peter’s eyes were getting glossy as he put his arms down. “Did she mean it? Are you breaking up with me?” He choked, “I’ll do–be better. I promise.” 

“You make that promise every time, Pete.” You sniffled, your eyes burning from all the crying, “I’m so tired of feeling unimportant to you.” 

Peter felt like the biggest asshole on the planet, he never wanted to make you feel like this. You’re everything to him. 

“I’ll do anything to make it up to you babe–” 

“Don’t call me that! You’ve lost every right to call me anything other than my name! Do you know how many times you’ve left me waiting for you? How many places I refuse to go to because they’ll know me as the girl who waited hours for a guy that never showed up?” You snapped, the anger pouring out of you all at once, ”The first few times when we were in highschool were okay, we were trying to figure it out. Now? It’s embarrassing. I hate the way you make me feel.” You stared at the ground, “I hate it.”

Your words dug their way into his heart, piercing it with every word. He never knew it was hurting you this bad, and by the time you looked back up at him, he was crying. 

“Bab–YU, I–I didn’t know. I’ll stop right now. I’ll hang up the suit.” 

You sighed, “I don’t want it to feel like it’s a choice between me and Spider-Man. The city isn’t your girlfriend, I am. Why can’t you drop everything and come to me sometimes? I understand you like to help but the NYPD is more than capable of stopping petty thefts without you. You’ve missed my birthday twice, our anniversary, and a family wedding because you chose to stop someone from jaywalking or something stupid.” 

“It’s not stupid, YU. Today I had to lock Lizard back up–” 

“And what about last time? Huh? You just had to stop someone from shoplifting? Or the time before that when you didn’t show up because you thought someone was breaking and entering when really they just lost their keys?” You huffed, “Seems like you just don’t want to hangout with me. I don’t understand why you can’t ask one of your Avengers buddies to cover for you for one night.” 

Now Peter was just as mad as you were. You basically just said what he does is stupid. Deep down you knew he just likes to help but you just wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt you. 

“So now everything I do as Spider-Man means nothing? The Avengers have more important things to deal with, I can’t just ask them to do what I do.” He bit back, “Everything I do is to help the city as much as I can and here you are mad because I missed dinner.” 

“I’m mad because you don’t care!” 

Ding

You looked down at your phone and saw a message from Michelle. 

Let me know when to come back, unless you want me to kick him out.

Great. If she can hear you then your neighbors could too. 

He ran his fingers through his hair, “I do care! I just, I don’t know–.” 

You cut him off, “You care about the city more.” 

Please, make him leave.

The door swung open, an angry Michelle came walking in. 

Peter scoffed, “Are you serious? You send in backup instead of having a conversation with me?” 

Michelle set the bags down and rolled her sleeves up, “I don’t care if you have superpowers or not. This is my home and I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” 

“No problem, I’ll see myself out.” Peter huffed, heading towards the door, “So this is it? This is really how it’s going to end?” 

“I guess so.” 

He gave you the saddest eyes you have ever seen, “I love you.” 

~~~

It’s been three months since that night. Three months since you’ve broken up with Peter. 

Over the days you had boxed up his things and made the trip to his apartment to drop them off. You always went when you knew he wouldn’t be there, when Ned was just there. 

“Y’know, he misses you.” He would say and every time you’d reply with a simple, “I know.” 

There would be times when Peter would try to text you or call you. He’s even tried coming to your place but Michelle would always be the one to answer the door and shooed him away. 

Then you had your moments when you wanted to unblock him and tell him you missed him, that you just wanted him to hold you and tell you that everything would be okay. You started biting your nails, wondering if you’ve made the right choice. Maybe you guys could've worked something out, you guys could have fixed things.

On the nights you had to walk home because MJ had to borrow your car you knew he was watching over you, and you prayed he would swing down to talk to you. He never did. 

One night, Liz invited you and MJ to her 23rd birthday party. You begged your friend to go with you and after successfully persuading her you finally had a reason to dress nice and enjoy yourself. You tried to get Michelle to dress up but she told you that you’re lucky she’s even going.

“I can’t believe we have a friend this loaded.”, Michelle said once you guys made it to the front steps of Liz’s Mansion of a house, “Almost makes you forget her dad was the literal Vulture.” 

You laughed, “Yeah. Good times.” 

Not really. You remembered that night. Peter had left you at Prom because of Adrien Toomes. It was actually the first time he had ditched you. On your way home you saw him coughing up blood and trying to hide his wounds in an alleyway, that’s when you found out he was Spider-Man. You felt bad for being so upset with him.

“You guys made it!” Liz exclaimed, bringing you back to reality, “Drinks are in the kitchen and there’s games in the backyard!” 

You and MJ made your way inside and saw a sea of 20-something year olds absolutely wasted, and a familiar mop of hair. Why was he here? He never liked parties. 

Your breath hitched and MJ noticed, “We can go.” She offered.

“No, like hell he’s going to ruin this for me.” You replied, making your way over to the drinks. 

~~~

Peter almost declined Liz’s invitation until Ned said it would be nice to try and let loose and get out of the apartment. He was hesitant but ended up going anyway, not wanting to make his friend worry more than he was. 

“Holy shit…is that YU?” 

Peter had never turned his head as quickly as he had when Ned exclaimed he saw you. “Where?” 

Ned pointed over to the kitchen, “Do you not hear everyone cheering her on? It’s impossible to miss.” 

“YU! YU! YU!” 

Sure enough there you were at a pop-up table taking shot after shot. It burned your throat in the greatest way possible and the cheers of everyone around you added onto it. 

You had no idea how deep you were in but you felt as if you needed more. MJ got dragged off by Liz who insisted on teaching her how to play some drinking game you couldn’t remember. 

You were so caught up in the moment that you didn’t even feel the arm that wrapped around your waist, “Hey pretty girl.” The stench of someone's hot breath kills your vibe instantly. 

“Get-Get off of me.” You slurred, trying to swat the stranger away from you, “I–”

“She has a boyfriend,” That voice, that sweet, beautiful voice, “I suggest you back off.” 

The stranger held his hands up, “Alright man, geez.” 

You looked up at Peter’s clenched jaw as he lead you to get some fresh air outside, his eyes looking at everything but you

“I-I didn’t ne-need your help, punk.” You squint your eyes as menacing as you could, “I-You’re not my bo-boyfriend.” 

“Yeah, but I didn’t like how he thought he could be touchy.” 

“What-What if I wanted to?” You mumbled. 

Darn Peter’s super hearing. 

“You’re saying you wanted to sleep with him? Really?” He sneered, “You don’t mean it.” 

You crossed your arms, “He gave m-me more attention th-than you had in-in three years.” 

Peter pinched his eyes, “I haven’t stopped thinking about our fight and here you are, getting wasted and hooking up with men.” 

“Hav-Haven’t slept wit-with anyone, missed you too much.” The alcohol was turning against you, “ ‘m sorry, Pete.” You were crying now, a blubbering and boogery mess.

“No, I’m sorry,” He sighs and he attempts to wipe your tears away, “I shouldn’t have made you feel like you were less important than Spider-Man. I’d do anything to make it up to you, there hasn’t been a day that went by where I didn’t think about you.” 

“Y-You mean it?” You sobbed, “Can-Can we go? My car–keys in my pocket.” 

Before he could grab the keys he saw Liz and MJ make their way to the backseat of your car. 

“How about we walk? My place isn’t too far.” 

~~~

The next morning you woke up in a familiar setting, one you haven’t been in for awhile. 

The smell of Peter’s cologne filled your senses as you tried to pull a blanket over your head to block out the sun. Wait…Peter? You sat up so quick it made your head throb, but you didn’t care. How did you end up in Peter’s bed? In his shirt? 

The memories of last night came flooding in, even the part where you had told him you missed him. 

“Hey! You’re up!” 

You looked up and saw Peter standing in his bedroom doorway, “Before you say anything, no, we didn’t sleep together. I slept on the couch.” 

You pulled at the hem of the shirt you were wearing, “Then how..?” 

“I got you dressed, you complained that your clothes were suffocating and you were struggling to get them off. I promise though, I was respectful and didn’t attempt anything.” He chuckled, “You were pretty wasted.” 

You could cry, you broke up with him and said hurtful things and yet here he was taking care of you.

Peter stiffened, “Hey…why are you crying? Did I do something?”

You smiled and tried to wipe your tears away, “No, I did. I made you feel like trash because I was so hurt and I know you’re a hero. I didn’t mean to make you feel like what you do was stupid. I’m stupid.” 

He rushed to your side and held you close, “No, YU, you’re not stupid. I should’ve made time for you, I was a bad boyfriend.” 

“Can we start over?” you asked. 

“How about we start where we left off? Dinner tonight, for sure. I’ll ask Mr. Stark if someone can cover for me.” 

Your eyes lit up with hope, “You mean it?” 

I've been holding my breath, I've been counting to ten, over something you said

“So uh, what do ya say? Wanna give it a shot?” Please say yes please say yes please say yes-

“I’m sorry, I really am, but I’m gonna have to say no.”

No. He said no.

It took you months to work up the courage to finally tell him how you felt, ironically you told yourself the worst he could say was no. Fuck, it hurt.

You were crushed. “Oh uh, that's okay. We can just stay friends.” It’s not okay, you don’t want to be friends. Well, you do. You also wanted-no, hoped- for something more.

He smiled, god you loved that smile. It never failed to make your heart skip a beat, even breaking it at the same time.  “Glad this won’t change our friendship. I care about you a lot.” He says, you can hear the pity in his voice.

He cared, just not in the way you wanted.

I've been holding back tears, while you're throwing back beers, I'm alone in bed

You were always told rejection hurt but you didn’t think it’d be this painful. Peter went out while you were sulking in your bed. There’s more fish in the sea, right? You shouldn’t have fallen for him, everyone told you not to, and yet here you are.

How could you be so stupid?

Of course he didn’t like you.

You were nothing compared to her.

You didn't have the perfect teeth, the perfect hair, the perfect skin, the perfect...anything. You were just you.

You stupidly thought that it would be enough for him, she didn't even remember him, but you made new memories with him.

You know I, I'm afraid of change. Guess that's why we stay the same

You two were fighting now. It's your fault anyways. You lashed out on him just because he hadn’t reached out to you since that day. He's ignored your texts, calls, hell you even tried an email for the fun of it. He stilled ignored you.

The day you confessed really fucked things up.

You decided to be the bigger person and show up at his door. He would've known you were going over if he read your messages.

“I thought we agreed that wouldn’t change us. You said you wanted to be friends so why are you being such a dick?”

 “I’m being a dick? Oh, that’s real funny coming from you. I have a life full of other people, not just you. I don’t see why I have to be the one to do everything.”

You bit your lip and looked at the ground, embarrassed that you were acting childish, “No, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

So, tell me to leave, I'll pack my bags, get on the road

Peter let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair, the soft hair you used to play with during the times you'd study together. “I think you should go. I can’t handle this—you—right now.”

You refused to cry in front of him. “Yeah, okay.” You grabbed your bag and slammed the door shut on your way out. You fucked everything up, didn’t you?

Find someone that loves you better than I do, darling, I know

A week went by, and he finally texted you, asking you to go over and talk it out. In the end you were still his best friend, and he didn't want to lose you.

You picked up a photo that was in a beautiful golden frame on the coffee table, you knew who the woman was, Peter talked about her all the time, and it killed you. You thought he was over her.

 “What are you doing with that?” He grabbed the framed photo from your hands as if it were the most precious thing in the world.

You blinked back the tears that were threatening to come out, “It was just sitting here, she’s pretty. Really pretty.”

Peter smiled, “Yeah, she was. The greatest too.”

‘Cause you remind me everyday, I’m not enough but I still stay

You two sat in uncomfortable silence. He wanted to make up, wanted things to be normal again, but you had other plans. You wanted answers. “What does she have that I don’t? What’s so different?”

He groaned. “Please, don’t start this right now.”

You stood up from the couch, “No! I want to know why you’re after someone who moved on. Someone who doesn't even rem-“

“She was the only one there for me through all of it! She helped me from beginning to end! I ruined everything just to make sure she got into the school she worked so hard for!" His voice went soft, he couldn't hold back the tears that went streaming down his face. His brown eyes were hardly visible through them, "She was all I had. She was the only girl that ever looked my way and actually liked me.”

Then what am I?

I've done a lot of things wrong, Loving you being one. But I can't move on

“What?”

“Then what am I?”, you repeated deep down you knew you were being a little selfish, but he had no right to say you didn't care, “I’ve been there for you. I’ve laughed with you, cried with you, I even fought with you and you’re still tossing me aside?”

“Listen-“

“No! You listen to me! I’ve done nothing but love and care about you but clearly that’s not enough! Nothing is ever enough for you! I-I’m not enough.”

Peter stood to hug you. To tell you that you was more than enough. To tell you he was just afraid of being more than what you were now.

If you want me to leave, then tell me to leave, and baby, I'll go

You moved away from his attempted hug. How dare he cry when it was him who was hurting you? “N-No, you don’t get-get to cry.” you choked out through your own tears.

“I’m sorry please just understand.” He begged.

“Tell me to leave. Tell me you don't want to see me again and I’ll stop. I’ll leave you alone just like you want.” That’s not what he wanted, not at all. He wouldn't know what to do with himself if you left him too.

“That’s not-I want you to stay.”

You remind me every day, I'm not enough, but I still stay