i don't lose

“You two could at least say hello,” Wymack said, somewhat aggrieved. 

“There’s no point,” Kevin said. “All they are is a distraction.“ 

“It’s called a support network. Look it up.“ 

"Thea is watching from South tonight,” Kevin said, looking to the elevated VIP box. It was too far away and too high up for Neil to make out any faces, but there was a small crowd gathered at the windowed walls already. Knowing the Court was here to watch them play sent a chill through Neil’s veins. Kevin dragged his stare back to Wymack’s face and said, “and my father comes to all of my games. That is enough." 

On Wymack’s other side, Abby’s gaze softened. Wymack’s jaw worked for a moment before he could say in an even tone, "Your mother would be proud of you." 

"Not just of me,” Kevin said in a rare bout of humanity.

-The King’s Men (All for the Game Book 3) by Nora Sakavic

                                     ❝ go inside and leave me alone. ❞

step 1. you don’t quite remember how it feels to feel but theres an echo in your chest that you think might be curiosity. or maybe its just heartburn.

step 2. theres something different about the way that he moves, like the earth is a chessboard and every step is a potential loss, another way to be taken from the game.

step 3. you promise protection because it is all you can offer. what else could he want? your fingers were only made to hurt and tear and bruise. you hold violence the same way others hold hands.

step 4. the first time you see him without medication twisting your brain you think ‘this could be a problem.’ you try to ignore that it already is, that is has been for a while now.

step 5. he vanishes into the night and with him he takes your ability to breathe, leaving a gap in the universe, a vacuum sucking the air from your lungs and for the first time in forever you feel fear.

step 6. every bruise on his body is another reason to walk away but you passed the point where you could leave long ago. now your hands try to learn how to hold and to stroke, how to soothe burns and bruises. They re-learn how to be hands instead of just another weapon to wield against life.

step 7. you told yourself that love was a lie because there was no other way to survive your demons. you put everything you had left behind a door made of sulphur and steel, but this boy, who saw more than the monster they created, who would fight the sun if you’d let him, opened your heart by knocking instead of forcing the lock.

I FORGOT TO POST THIS