Dancer Maria M. Fraguas Joverâs Process in Preparing for âInveterate LoveâÂ
For the first time since I joined H+ and performed with â ââ âmÂŽ {Theatre Of ThE MindÂŽ} I have a protagonist role in our repertory piece, "Inveterate Love". I embody a woman torn by grief that spills out of her calm exterior like water bursting out of a ruptured hose. Inside, her mind is racing, screaming, crying, but outwardly she attempts to remain calm.Â
I have to be honest, at first I didnât want to be her. I didnât want to be vulnerable in front of anyone. Embodying a cold, unfeeling character is so much easier for me. But real, repressed emotions? It made me feel sick to my stomach just to think about it.Â
 In The Thomas Acting TechniqueÂŽ, (Safi Thomas 1995) which is what we study at H+, we arenât putting on a character like we would don a robe, displaying emotion on our body. Instead, we take the guidelines given by the Artistic Director and convey emotion through our body to the audience; thus, the audience memberâs experience becomes one with ours, where they can feel what we are feeling.Â
Inside the studio I become a canvas for the Artistic Director and choreographer to paint on. They can paint and paint, but if Iâm not open, the paint will slip right off; thatâs what my struggle has been from this characterâs inception. Itâs my openness that allows the Artistic Directorâs vision to seep into my pores and live in my body and in my mind, so Iâve been working on that openness.Â
Itâs so easy to âdisplayâ and so difficult to embody. Because in embodying we are forced to face all those memories and instances in life where we have felt the same emotions. It makes me think, if Iâve truly reconciled them, why am I so afraid to go there again? Why am I so afraid to feel? Because I havenât truly moved forward and Iâm afraid of pain. Moving forward is not about closing the book and putting it away, but being able to visit that book whenever we want and fully understand everything that happened and why.Â
So as I re-enter this process, opening up old wounds, experiencing old pain, I remember Jim Morrisonâs words, âexpose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.âIâm cultivating freedom as a person and a performer by going through this process of learning how to embody different characters. To embrace, empathize, and yes, become them. No matter what theyâve done, they all deserve to be listened to, and my character has a message for you.Â
Do you want to hear my character's message? Sheâll be live for you on Saturday, April 4th at 5:30PM in the Tishman Auditorium of The New School University. Reserve your free tickets at www.hdcny.org/inveteratelove !
Looking forward to seeing you there. :-)
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