Hold on, I'm writing...

“Don't hold your breath, scumbag.” Elle commented.

“You know now you're on a quest. A young girl's life depends on the successful completion of it. As you can see, she is quite beautiful and in distress. Now please listen closely, for there is one rule and this rule must be followed. The one rule is, only the members of your team may participate in the quest: Jason Gideon, Aaron Hotchner, Derek Morgan, Elle Greenaway, Spencer Reid, Jennifer Jareau, Penelope Garcia.” He listed. “A quest must be completed in the proper way or it isn't a quest, is it? That's it. One rule. Simple. Now, you will be receiving an item soon that will hold the final clue you will need to finish the quest. You will find you will also need a book which has inspired many an adventure like mine. Believe me when I tell you I truly hope to see you all soon. It will mean a successful end to this adventure for all of us.”

“This guy's got pictures of us?” Elle asked watching as they popped on the screen at the very mention of their names.

“What do we do now?” Reid questioned.

“Well, the lock of hair's being analyzed for DNA. There might be something on file.” Hotchner said.

“I'll get Video to enhance the shots of the girl.” JJ told them quickly standing up, taking the DVD out of the player and walking out of the room.

“So we're just going to play this guy's game?” Elle asked.

“Do we have a choice?” Reid said back, and from her seat in the room Y/N watched as Gideon suddenly stood up and walked out. His body expression saying the words his voice could not.

“I got it.” She told Hotchner, standing up at the same time as him. Knowing that it was more important that he kept working on the case rather than her. The agent simply nodded in agreement.

“Jason?” Y/N asked gently knocking at the door to his office. “Jason! What is it? What's wrong? Is there anything I can do to help?” She said stepping in to find him sunken in his desk chair looking quite distressed.

“I... I just have nothing left.” He said. “I needed a place where I didn't have to know what was out there. Where I could just close my eyes and not see bodies torn to pieces or hear children calling out for help. That cabin was the only thing I had left, and this guy took it away from me.”

“Jason...”

“Maybe I'm out of gas.” He said softly shaking his head. “I'd like to be alone, please.” He requested but, before she had even the time to comply, Hotchner’s figure leaned at the door.

“What's going on?” Gideon asked.

“It's the case we're working on. We just received another clue.” He answered. “A piece of paper with numbers on it. The team's got it. It's in the conference room.” He added as his colleague stood up from his desk and moved towards him.

“Sorry I disturbed the only moment of solitude you had.” Y/N said apologetically to Gideon as she followed him out the door.

“It’s alright, come with us.” He responded placing a hand on her shoulder and taking the young woman with them to the conference room.

“Are you positive, I should take part in any of this…?” She asked entering the room where the other agents were already trying to figure out their new clue. “I mean his rule was that-“

“Since when are you one to follow the rules?” The older man questioned with a one-sided smile on his face.

“Since someone else’s life’s in danger?”

“She’ll be okay.” He told her. “And we’ll get to her faster if you help us.”

“My eyes are so heavy I can barely see it.” Elle said leaning on the table and rubbing her eyes after staring at the set of numbers right in front of her.

“I think it's a coded message of some sort.” Reid commented. “The unsub said we needed a book, didn't he?”

“Yeah. ‘A book that inspired many an adventure.’ " Derek said quoting the unsub.

“So it's a book code.” Y/N stated standing right beside him and staring at the numbers.

“That’s it!” Spencer said turning to her with excitement, but awkwardly turning back towards the board immediately after.  “Each one of these sets of numbers represents a particular word. For instance, page 118, line 30, word 3. We just need to figure out what the words are and fill in the blanks.” He explained to the rest of the group.

“Yeah, but from what book?” Elle questioned.

“I don't know.” Reid answered. “The trouble is, it has to be the exact same edition of the exact same book that he used.”

“Just got a DNA hit on the lock of hair.” JJ informed walking back into the room. “Rebecca Bryant. She's been missing out of Boston for two years.”

“Two years?” Elle asked and JJ proceeded to hang the picture of the young girl on the wall.

The team already knew who the victim was and, according to the unsub, had already received every clue they could possibly need to figure out the case. And yet, here they were staring at a large piece of paper with different sets of numbers in them but no idea to what book the references belonged to.

“How are we supposed to figure out which book this code was copied out of?” Derek asked finally turning away from the paper after staring at it of far too long.

“I have no idea.” Reid told him. “But he said we have everything needed to complete the quest.”

“The answer's got to be up there somewhere.” Y/N commented turning towards the board and looking at the rest of the clues the man had sent them.

“JJ, get some reporters here as soon as possible.” Gideon ordered. “Just say we need help on a new case.” He told her.

“Press conference?” Derek questioned, but nothing else was said on the matter.

“The answer to what book we need has to be in here.” Reid said joining Y/N in analyzing the different clues.

“Yeah, but we sure as hell can't see it.” Derek commented joining them and placing himself with in between them, earning a look from Reid.

“Yet.” He said.

“Elle?” Hotchner said talking to his agent laying exhausted on the couch.

“I'm awake.” She said quickly sitting back up. Her eyes almost glued together.

“I'm sending you home.” He informed her but she refused. “You need to get some rest, and we won't do anything without you. I promise.” He told her.  “It's an order. Let's go. Come on.”

It had been a long couple of days for Elle, and as much as she did not want to go home, there was not much she could do in her state. She seemed exhausted, and Hotchner’s decision was probably for the best.

“How many books do you think are published in a year?” Y/N asked looking at Reid while thinking about their last clue.

“In the whole world? Thousands.” He answered turning to her for a moment but quickly looking away.

“Great, and all we got to do is find one.” She mumbled focusing on the paper.

“You know, I can see this unsub getting our phone numbers and addresses from the Bureau personnel files, but, come on, man. It really says in there that Gideon digs Nellie Fox?” Derek questioned dropping his body on a chair.

“Or that JJ collects butterflies?” Hotchner said walking back in after dismissing Elle.

“I didn't even know these things about us.” He said.

"Never would it be night, but always clear day to any man's sight." Reid said lost in thought as he recited the poem from the music box once again. “There's something familiar about it. I think I've heard it somewhere before.”

“I thought you had a photographic memory.” Derek commented.

“Eidetic memory. And that's primarily related to things I read. Like I said, this is something I think I've heard.” Reid told him.

“He's just another unsub.” Hotchner said. “I'll start putting together a profile. Morgan, I want you to go to South Boston and find more about our victim. Take JJ with you. Find out everything there is to know about this girl.”

“What do you want me to do?” Reid asked.

“Just keep working on this. If anybody can put it together, you can.” Gideon told him. “You too.” He added looking at Y/N before walking out.

“Yes, sir.” She mumbled. Turning back to the boards where every bit of information was placed.

“Thousands of books published every year. This is impossible.” Reid commented moving to stand side by side with Y/N.

“Every year.” She repeated, and then her eyes fell on the baseball card. "1963." She mumbled all of a sudden.

“What?” Reid questioned looking at her and then the spot she was staring at.

“1963.” She said once more. “The book has to be the right volume and the right publication date or the code won't work, right?” She asked stepping forward and picking up the card. “Now, when Gideon talked about Nellie Fox, it was in regards to the 1959 White Sox. That's the year important for him, but, for some reason, this is a 1963 card.” She said pointing out the number with her finger. “Well, I mean, maybe he just couldn't find one from '59 but…”

“No, no. It makes sense.” Reid told her, and she could almost see the gears turning inside his head.  “The pale clouded yellow butterfly mustn’t have been easy to find…”

“And neither the music box that specifically plays the Trout Quintet.”

“So it’s a book published in 1963 then.” He stated.

“It has to be.” She told him. “Well, maybe.” She added making him smile.

“C’mon.” He told her rushing out of the room.

Without asking questions, she followed his as he led her through the bullpen into one of the rooms on the other side. Not even bothering to knock he stepped inside.

A wall covered in many screens welcomed them with its lights. And Y/N could only think about how much she could use that kind of access. But the truth was she did not have it anymore. And she did not know if she would ever be able to get it back.

The sound of ferocious typing finally made her gaze look down and away from the screens. The blonde lady with the colorful outfit working hard as her eyes scanned the different screens at her eye level.

“This guy is infuriatingly good.” Penelope said angrily as she worked. “He routed his IP through major corporations, crisscrossed it through countries, bounced it off satellites...”

“I thought you already tracked the hacker.” Reid commented taking a step forward. Only then, did Garcia notice their presence in her room.

“Oh, hey guys!” She said turning around to find them. “And no, I only found what he wanted me to find, the apartment where Giles was dead. Reid, a hacker capable of getting into my systems is going to have amazingly sophisticated equipment. Did Giles' apartment have that?”

“He didn't have a couch.” He mentioned.

“Exactly.” Penelope told him. “Giles was a smoke screen I should have seen through, but now I have this glorious program I wrote tracking the hacker through his other identity. Sir Kneighf.”

“Kneighf?” Y/N questioned.

“ K-N-E-I-G-H-F? That's an odd spelling.” Reid added leaning in over Garcia’s shoulder to get a better look.

“Do you need something?” She asked him.

“Yeah, is there a database which lists all the books published in a given year?” He asked.

“Individual publishers have lists, but I don't think there's anything like a master one.” She answered. “Plus, it would depend upon the year because the further back you go, the less likely there'll be any database at all.

“1963.” Y/N told her.

“Yeah, okay, that would be an example of extremely less likely.”

“Could you do me a favor?” Reid asked her. “Type something into a search engine for me. ‘Never would it be night, but always clear day to any man's sight.’ “ He said.

“Okay, that's from a poem.” She informed them. “The Parliament of...”

“Fowls! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Chaucer. My mom used to read me that.”  .” Reid said with excitement at the sudden realization. “It's widely considered as the first Valentine's poem.”

“Your mom read you Valentine's poems? Hello, therapy.” Penelope commented and Y/N had to use one of her hands to cover the chuckle coming out of her mouth.

“Chaucer. Chaucer. Parliament of Fowls. It has to be at least 283 pages long. The poem has to be long.” He said already lost in thought. “Something published in 1963. A butterfly indigenous to Great Britain. Why?”

“Maybe it’s something born-” Y/N tried to say but he was quicker.

“Something from Great Britain! Medieval. Chaucer was Middle English.” Her kept going.

“But ‘fowls’ is spelt differently in Middle English.” Y/N said.

“ Fowles! F-O-W-L-E-S.” Reid added in agreement to what she was saying. “There was a contemporary British author, Fowles. John Fowles. Will you type it into a search engine?” He asked Garcia.

“He wrote The Magus; The French Lieutenant's Woman…”

“Anything in 1963, published in Great Britain?” He asked.

“The Collector.” She read.

“Collector. Baseball cards, skeleton keys, music boxes. These are things that are collected…”

“Reid.” She said making him stop talking as she enlarged the image she had found from the cover of the book.

Clear background with the images of a blonde lock of her, a skeleton key and a butterfly overlaid. Just like the other clues they had received from the unsub. That had to be it. It had to be the book they had been looking for. And the image rang a bell in the back of Y/N’s mind.

“Hang on. I think I’ve seen that book before.” She commented taking a closer look at the picture. “In my father’s library.” She mumbled getting a look from the other two. “He likes old books.” She shrugged.  “He… collects them.” Then added.

“Think you can get to it soon?” Reid asked her.

“I’ll see what I can do.” She answered pulling out her phone from the back of her jeans and quickly searching for her sister’s number among her contacts.

“Hotch, I spent half of the night in an interrogation room. I am not sleeping until I find this Frank Giles.” She responded.

“Frank Giles left Jamaica last night on the redeye. Flew to Florida, then got onto another flight to Virginia.” JJ informed them as she joined their conversation.

“Virginia? You mean that son of a bitch is from here?” The other woman said.

“ I don't know if he's from here, but this is where he flew to. Arlington. He's got a long criminal record. Manslaughter, robbery, rape.”

“What about the victim, Marty Harris?” Hotchner asked.

“Uh, he's a two-time convicted fetish burglar, registered child sex offender...” Y/N read from the records that showed on her new computer. The two agent who had barely noticed her now watched her with confusion.

“Sorry. Agent Y/L/N, these are Morgan and Greenaway.” Hotchner said introducing her to the other members of the team. “She’s going to work with us for a while.” He informed his colleagues, who simply nodded at her. 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you agent Y/L/N.” Morgan said giving her one brief but rather flirty smile. 

“The CSU just positively identified the head delivered to my cabin. It was his.” Gideon added turning the conversation back towards the case.

"Don't waste time on the first victims. They were unrepentant, bad men. They only got what they deserved." Hotchner murmured, thinking out loud.

“What is that?”

“I got a phone call last night before you called from Jamaica.” He said.

“Any mention of a ‘her’?”

"Yeah, you must help him save her." Hotchner replied.

“Oh, so there's a ‘him’ now, too?” Greenaway questioned rolling her eyes.

“I think he means Reid.” He commented.

“Reid?” She asked and he nodded.

“So, clearly we have a psychopath intent on drawing us into his game.”

“Playing with us.” Gideon added.

“He kept telling us repeatedly to save her. What ‘her’?” Morgan asked taking a seat in one of the chairs.

“The items he's sent must be some kind of clues. I got a Nellie Fox baseball card from 1963 and a head in a box.” Gideon said as they put the pieces of the puzzle the unsub had created on the board.

“I got a rare butterfly in a shadow box.” JJ added.

“And repeated messages to ‘save her.’ " Hotchner said.

“Reid called from Nevada. He's on the way back here with a skeleton key and a note he got, too.” Gideon told them.

“Okay, but wait a minute. UnSubs- they don't contact us this way. I mean, they might taunt us, dare us to catch them, but they don't drag us into their fantasy. I mean, taunting us is a show of power, but making us the object is... I don't know what the hell that is.” Morgan said.

“There's something else about the baseball card too.” Gideon said staring at it from the distance. “Nellie Fox was one of the stars of the 1959 White Sox. I went to almost every game with my father that year. Fox was my hero. So, is it a coincidence that he sends this to me, or does he know how I feel about him?”

“I collected butterflies when I was a little girl. That's how I knew what butterfly was in the box.” JJ added to what he was trying to say.

“So, then he knows us?” Morgan asked. “He knew exactly where we were. Hotel in Jamaica, Gideon at the cabin, Reid in Vegas, you at your home.”

“He got that from the Bureau computers.” Penelope told him. “Your locations are always in there so they can find you if they need you. And I checked the log. The hacker was definitely in the personnel folders. There were room numbers to the hotel in Jamaica, the address of Gideon's cabin... There's a lot of information in those databases.”

“Have you figured out how he was able to get into the Bureau's computers?” Hotchner asked.

“I'm still working on that.” She answered nervously. Her voice breaking ever so slightly.

“Garcia, if you know something...”

“No, it's, um... It's just... I... I was playing a game yesterday. An online game.” Penelope said and Y/N unconsciously scrunched her face. 

“A game?” Gideon questioned.

“Not on the Bureau computers, sir. On my own personal laptop.” She said rather quickly in her defense.

“Oh, no.” Y/N mumbled this time.

“I don't understand.” Hotchner said looking between both girls, but ending up with his gaze locked on Y/N.

“Wireless Internet.” She said as an explanation. “By wirelessly hooking into the Net here to get online, the hacker could have gotten into her computer first, she could have far less protection on her personal laptop.”

“And he could have gotten into the entire Bureau computer system this way?”

“It is possible.”

“Playing a game?” Gideon questioned. “How could you be that stupid? Information, files. You have a responsibility.”

“I know, sir. I'm so sorry. But I found him.” Penelope said. “I know who he is, the hacker. His name is Giles. Frank Giles. He lives in Arlington, Virginia, four miles from here. I have his address.” 

Without another word, the group stood up and walked out room ready to pay Frank Giles a visit. With a hand on her shoulder, Gideon invited Y/N to go with them. After being suspended and later transferred, she was still rather unsure what her task on her new team was. In fact, it had been a while since the last time she had been out there on the field. Usually her work mostly developed behind a screen. Or a couple screens.

On her way out, Y/N could not help but turn back and offer Penelope one last look. The poor girl looked sad and embarrassed, but as their gazes met Y/N offered her a warm smile. It was only one small gesture, but Penelope smiled back with appreciation.

“Ready to get back on field?” Gideon asked Y/N on their way out.

“I sure hope so.” She replied with a tiny smile, but the adrenaline was rushing through her veins like never before. It was as if that were the very first case of her career and that day her first on the field. Many memories came to her mind, landing one on top of the other. Older ones portraying a younger version of herself. And a younger version of Jason Gideon tutoring her through the cases. And others far more recent, like the case she was supposed to resolve if she wanted to keep her job and her freedom. 

In less than fifteen minutes, the team had already reached Frank Giles’ home. Making their way straight to his door, someone yelled making themselves known to whoever was inside. When nobody answered, it was Morgan who took matters into his own hands kicking it open.

“Hotch! Gideon! I think you're going to want to see this.” He said from inside the room.

Stepping in after her superiors, the view presented before her took Y/N by surprise. The infamous Frank Giles laid on his back on top of a mattress with a sword piercing through his chest. On the wall before them, written in blood it read:  “HERE THY QUEST DOTH TRULY BEGIN”

“He's definitely playing with us.” Hotchner said.

“His identification checks out. That's Frank Giles.” Elle commented.

“There's a big old bag of money sitting right here on the dresser.” Morgan said searching through a blue colored bag.

“So Giles took Harris to Jamaica to kill him and then the unsub killed Giles.” Hotchner reasoned.

“Yeah, but he paid him first.”

“And left the cash?” Elle questioned.

“Well, he's apparently well-funded.”

“He said these were ‘unrepentant, bad men.’ Are we looking for some kind of vigilante?” Hotchner asked Gideon analyzing the situation, but he looked at Y/N asking her to answer.

“I don’t think so.” She said. “These bodies are nothing but a way to get you interested. They're game pieces. The killings are secondary to him.”

“Well, this guy likes to write things in blood on walls.” Elle commented analyzing the text. "Thy? Doth? Quest? I mean, why start phrasing things like this now?”

“Yeah, all the other messages were in modern English.” Hotchner said.

“Maybe this is the first one the unsub actually wrote.” Morgan suggested.

“So we're looking for Shakespeare?” Elle questioned.

Taking a couple steps forward, Y/N moved around the corpse laid before them. Observing it carefully, trying to find some new clue. Anything. Kneeling by its side, something in the sword suddenly caught her eye.

“There's something etched on the blade.” She announced to the rest of the team. "To learn of what should next be done, leave the blade till the hour be none." She read.

"Hour be none?" Elle questioned stepping close enough to try take a look.

"Elle, move for a second. Move to your left.” Hotchner asked. “The bed's in the middle of the room.”

“Which isn't by chance.” Y/N added slowly starting to feel more comfortable within the team. “Maybe the light from here casts a shadow and points to something?”

"The hour be none." Hotchner said thinking out loud.

“Well, midnight is 0000 hours in 24-hour time. Would that be none?” Morgan asked.

“Midnight wouldn't cast a shadow.” Hotchner stated.

"Hour be none."

“3:00 p.m.” A tall guy said walking into the room and joining them. “Hey, guys. Garcia told me where to find you.” He added with one small smile.

“Medieval intervals…” Y/N said standing back up without tearing her eyes away from the blade. Only then did the new guy notice her presence in the room. After looking at her with bewilderment for less than a second he continued.

“Exactly.” He said. “Days used to be broken into hourly intervals, the canonical hours of the breviary. Prime, 6:00 a.m., terce, 9:00 a.m., sext, 12:00 noon, none, 3:00 p.m., and vespers, 6:00 p.m.”

“Reid, do not ever go away again.” Elle told him visibly happy to see him. And in her mind, Y/N made the connection; he was the ‘him’ they had been talking about before.

“Medieval. That's why the language changed.” Gideon commented. “Everything this guy does is a clue.”

“Okay, but, guys, it's 4:35. What do we do? Leave the blade in till 3:00 p.m. tomorrow?” Morgan asked.

“Or we could block that window out.” Y/N proposed.

“Do you have any spotlights in your car?” Reid asked one of the other officers in the room.

“Sure.” She said. “I’ll be right back.”

As they waited for the girl to return, Reid took the opportunity to stand right by where the sword was.

His gaze slowly analyzing where the light would probably come from at said hour.

“Sorry, I don’t think we’ve met before.” He said straightening his posture and turning slightly towards Y/N.  “I’m Dr. Spencer Reid.” He said with a slight nod. “But, you don’t need to call me doctor… Just Spencer is fine… or Reid.” He added nervously seconds later.

“Relax, boy genius.” Morgan whispered in his ear, before positioning himself on the other side of the bed.

“Y/N.” She said introducing herself.

“Agent Y/L/N is going to work with us for some time.” Gideon informed him handing the young man the flashlight Gina had just given him.

“Well then, welcome!” He told her slightly cheerfully while turning on the light.

“Thanks.”

“Alright, Morgan, follow the shadow as I move the light higher.” He told his colleague.

“Okay, and do what?”

“Tap.” He replied.

“It's hollow.” Morgan said doing as he had been told. “Feels like the wallpaper's been replaced.”

“Tear it open.” Hotchner ordered.

Punching the wall with much strength, Morgan was able to break through the paper-thin wall. His hands easily ripping it apart to reveal a dark box.

“It's locked.” He said pulling it out. “You want me to break it?”

“No, we should process it first.” Hotchner told him.

"The youngest holds the key." Gideon mumbled trying to find some clue hidden in those words. Winning him to it, Reid reached for his slacks and from the front pocket he took out the skeleton key he had received in Las Vegas.

With the key in his hand, Reid stepped forward and opened the box. A music box it was, and from inside it a soft melody began to play.

“Schubert. The Trout Quintet.” Gideon mentioned recognizing the song.

From inside the box, Reid pulled a brand new note from the unsub. ‘Never would it be night, but always clear day to any man's sight.’ It read. Yet another riddle for them to solve.

“Breakfast.” Her sister answered turning around with two white mugs filled with coffee. One, she offered to her. The other, she placed in front of herself. “Your phone rang this morning. Who was it?” She asked.

“Just some- insurance Company.” She replied taking one small sip from the mug, only to regret it immediately after.

“At five in the morning?” Layla questioned raising one of his eyebrows. “They didn’t sound very nice over the phone. It sounded more like they were threatening you.”

“I’ll deal with it; you don’t have to worry.” Y/N assured her placing her mug back on the table and getting rid of the towel so that she could brush her hair.

“Was it about that case you were working on?” She pursued with worry written all over her.

“Let’s not talk about it, yeah?” She replied in hopes to put an end to the subject but it did not seem to work.

“Y/N, you know how dangerous that is.” Layla said looking straight into her eyes. “But I guess trying to stop you, is like trying to force a train from its tracks, isn’t it?” She sighed.

“Please Layla, you don’t have worry.” She said reaching out to grab her hand from across the table.

“I don’t have to worry?” She said pulling her hand away from her sister’s. “What would you do in my position?” Layla asked.

“Everything will be ok.” She guaranteed. “You just have to trust me.”

“I only want you to be safe.” She said locking her gaze on her sister’s. “But I can’t protect you from yourself.”

“I’ll deal with it soon, okay? I promise.” Y/N assured her.

The ringing sound from an incoming call interrupted their conversation before Layla could say another word. Pulling it out of the back pocket of her jeans, Y/N rolled her eyes at the sight of the caller’s ID. Of course, it would be her mother. Who else could be calling her at this time in the morning? And God only knew what she could possibly want.

“Your mother’s calling me.” She told her sister pointing at her with her phone.

“Hey, she’s your mother too.” Layla stated making her chuckle.

“You’re right.” Y/N agreed clicking her tongue. “I’ll take this on the way, otherwise I’ll be late. Lock the door on your way out?” She asked before walking out the door herself.

The phone kept ringing nonstop until Y/N finally connected it to the Bluetooth system of her car. Her mother’s voice suddenly coming through the speakers.

“Y/N, what’s going on?” Were the first words her she said to her.

“No hellos I see.” She replied pulling out of her driveway. “What are you talking about?”

“Were you fired?” Her mother asked in that high pitched voice she often used when she was angry.

“No, I was simply transferred into a different unit.” Y/n explained slowly as if she were talking to a child.

“Two federal agents came to our house today. They were asking all kinds of questions about you. For two hours!” Her mother informed her. Y/N could easily picture her pacing around and exaggeratedly moving her hands in the air.

“What did you tell them?” She asked rubbing her eyes as she stopped at a traffic light.

“What could I possibly tell those men? You never tell me anything anymore!” She shrieked.

“I just hope they don’t consider questioning Layla too.” Y/N said now talking to herself.

“My hands are still shaking.” Her mother commented, still on the other end of the line.

“Mom calm down, don’t worry about it. Okay?” She told her trying to get the woman to relax.

“Please, just talk to your father. He’s a lawyer. He’s got contacts. I’m sure he can help you.”  Her mother recommended. Y/n simply shook her head even though her mother could not see it.

“He’s the last person I would turn to for help.” Y/N stated. “I’m sorry mom, I’ve got to go.” She said hanging up the call. The doors to her new office standing twenty meters in front of her.

Taking one deep breath, Y/N observed every detail from it. But the building wasn’t important, what truly mattered was what it held inside. Work. She had deeply missed doing her job. The time lost during her suspension almost driving her crazy. She desperately needed to get back on the case and solve it as soon as possible.

“Y/N.” Her former boss said approaching her as soon as she walked through the door.

“Captain Pierce.” Y/N replied in a serious tone.

“Look, I know that you’re mad at me but, transferring you to another unit was the only solution I could find.” He said walking her towards the elevator. 

“You were just covering your ass.” She stated.

“They suspect that you’re responsible for hacking our database.” He told her pressing a button and closing the doors. “What else could I do?”

“I didn’t do it.” She said turning her frame to face him.

“Then you only have to prove it to the feds.” He told her.

“So, you don’t believe me either.” Y/N said now facing the metallic doors right in front of her.

“No, I believe you. That’s why I transferred you instead of just firing you.” He explained as the doors finally opened.

“Oh, such a sacrifice.” Y/N simply rolled her eyes and walked past him.

“The feds took your computer.” He mumbled so only she could hear. “Can’t you understand that you’re not just risking your career here. You’re also risking your freedom.” Pierce told her holding onto her forearm.

“You think I don’t understand that?” She questioned pulling her arm away.

“Captain Pierce.” A middle-aged man greeted them shaking Pierce’s hand. “Detective Y/L/N, welcome to our unit.” He added.  

“Special Agent Gideon, I’m glad to see you’re back on the job.” Y/N said greeting him back with a slight nod of her head.

They had met before, under different circumstances of course. Many years ago, when Y/N was only a rookie. Back then, before becoming section chief, he had been a great leader for her squad, and an influence for her.

“Come, I’ll show you to your desk.” He informed and, after excusing themselves from Captain Pierce, she followed him through the bullpen.

The place was not as big as her former office, but Y/N could work with whatever he was given. She always had. All she needed was a good computer and now a couple colleagues with access to the database.

“Let me introduce you to the rest of the team. At least the ones that are here.” Gideon said once they had reached her desk. “Ladies, this is Agent Y/L/N. Detective and cybersecurity specialist. She’ll be working here for a while.” He informed them.

“Hi, I’m Jennifer.” One of the agents greeted offering her hand for her to shake. “You can call me JJ.”

“Nice to meet you.” Y/N replied.

“I’m Penelope.” The other said introducing herself with a cheerful smile. Her colorful outfit making her stand out from the rest.

“It’s nice to meet you both.” She told them with a tight smile.

Taking all in, Y/N sat on her desk, letting all air out of her lungs. Both hands crossed over her lap as she stared back at the two women in front of her. Profilers, she thought. And suddenly the idea of them over analyzing her posture crossed her mind making her sigh again.

“Are the rumors about your transfer true?” Penelope asked with curiosity leaning against the side of a desk on the right side of the aisle. The others simply looked at her, but their gazes were not enough to prevent her from speaking any further.

“Depends on what you’ve heard.” Y/N said crossing her arms and leaning back on her chair unsure whether or not she should disclose anything.

“What did actually happen then?” She questioned again, giving her all the attention and Y/N sighed while thinking her answer through.

“Guys, we have a case.” A much more formal-looking agent announced walking towards one of the rooms carrying a couple brown folders in his hands.

Unfortunately, her answer would have to wait now that duty had called. Standing up, the group followed him into what Y/N could only assume was a briefing room or a conference room. And with a sign, Gideon invited her to join them.

“You must be agent Y/L/N.” The man in the suit said welcoming her. “I’m Aaron Hotchner.” He informed while handing her one of the folders.

“Pleased to meet you, agent. I heard a lot about you.” She said accepting the folder, and moving towards one of the few available seats around the table.

“What do we have here?” Jennifer spoke opening her folder.

“Someone sent a package straight from Jamaica.” Hotchner announced. “A head.”

“Whoever sent it, sent it to my cabin.” Gideon said. “But nobody was supposed to know that I was there.”

“Morgan and Elle are in Jamaica right now. There was a murder.” JJ said. “The body found was headless, and Elle’s been arrested for it.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I’m heading down there after this meeting. I have some Bureau lawyers and a crime scene unit ready.”

“Were the baseball card and envelope attached to the box?” Penelope questioned looking into the file.

“Yes. And we’ve already processed them but there’s nothing. We’re still working on identifying the head. I’ll talk to the Montego Bay Police as soon as I get there, maybe they can help us identify the victim.”

“It appears so.” You replied lowly. Quickly turning back to her, not wanting him to notice you staring. You knew he was close friends with the groom, but it still surprised you he had attended the event.

“Wow, he’s gotten a lot hotter since senior year.” She whispered unable to take her eyes off of him.

“Kate!” You whisper-yelled. A grin spreading across your face.

“What? He is!” She explained. “Shit! He’s looking our way. Act cool.” She told you, loudly laughing as she pretended you had just told her the funniest thing.

“You really are something, aren’t you?” You said giggling. Lightly shaking your head as your eyes unconsciously searched for his.

Finding them staring back at you did nothing but cause your breath to get caught in your throat. Afraid that maybe, if you let it out, it's slight breeze would erase his figure mixing it with the wind.

A timid smile on your end was enough for him to mirror it broadly. Like you had just given him a boost of confidence as he walked through the group of people anxiously waiting for the ceremony to start. Luckily for you, someone else stood on his way. Diverting him into conversation and allowing you to finally breath again.

Henry desperately wanted to get to you. To talk to you, to hear your voice again after all this years. He wondered if your hair still smelled like it used to; if your eyes still held that spark he would often get lost on. But he was too polite to ignore whomever had interrupted him.

It would only be a few more minutes, he was still determined to get to you.

“Hmm, I see…” Kate said bursting the bubble you were floating on.

“See what?” You questioned, but your friend only looked back at you with amusement. “See what?” You repeated.

“I have to… uhm… I’m gonna… I’ll save us some seats.” She said quickly walking away.

“What?” You asked confused watching her get lost amongst the other guests.

“Y/N?” You heard a man say. And you didn’t have to turn around to know who it was, you’d recognize that voice anywhere.

“Henry…” You said in a breath, turning to face him. A nervous smile dancing on your lips. “How did you…”

“I’d recognize you anywhere.” He stated. “You look exactly the same.” He added with a warm smile. A smile you hadn’t seen in ages. In person at least.

“I thought I’d never see you again.” You confessed. “I can’t believe you’re taller than me now.” You added before he could say anything.

“It’s been more than ten years and that’s all you have to say?” He questioned, raising one of his eyebrows.

“…I hate that you’re taller than me.” You jokingly added, as you both laughed.

“I’ve spent forever thinking about what I’d say to you when I saw you again. And now that you’re here in front of me, I can’t seem to find any words.” He commented, nervously playing with his suit’s rim.

“You thought of me Cavill? I’m flattered.” You joked. Your heart filled with nostalgia. It was back. Your flirtatious friendship was back, and it felt like you’d never been apart. You just hoped it wasn’t making him uncomfortable. “How about ‘Y/N, long time no see! Let me buy you a drink’?” You proposed, trying to bring the conversation back to a neutral state.

“We’re at a wedding ceremony…” He replied his face gleaming with amusement.

“Right.” You said exaggerating your thinking expression. “How about, ‘let me buy you a drink during the reception’ then?”

“I think it’s an open bar.” Henry pointed out.

“You’re not making this any easy Henry. I’m starting to get the feeling you don’t really wanna talk to me.” You said. And saw his eyes lighting up at some thought he quickly shook off.

“Can I buy you a drink once the ceremony is over?” He asked, a playful smile on his lips.

“Sure.” You agreed.

“Sorry to interrupt guys,” One of the bride’s aunts said, joining you. “I’m only here to let you know the ceremony will start in five.” She announced before walking away.

“Shit.” You said. Your hands sliding into your pockets, desperately searching for the ring you were supposed to keep safe.

“What?” Henry asked, concerned by the sudden worry on your features.

“Shit. I lost the ring!” You looking up to meet his eyes. “I can’t believe I lost it! I mean it can be too far from here… But where the hell is it?” You rumbled trying hard not to freak out. The bride was going to kill you if you didn’t find it in the next five minutes.

“C’mon, I’ll help you find it.” He said struggling to keep a straight face.

“You think it’s funny?” You asked him. “I’m gonna be dead in the next four minutes if we don’t find that ring!”

“Of course, you’re right. Sorry, let’s go find that ring.” He stated gently placing his hand on your lower back and guiding you away from the crowd. “We should trace back your steps…” He thought out loud.

“The garden!” You realized. “I was there earlier for some pictures…” You mentioned. “It has to be there….”

“Let’s go then.” He stated, before following you suit.

The pictures had been taken amongst some flower arrangements. If the ring had fallen out your pocket then, finding it was not going to be an easy task.

“Where is it, where is it?” You said looking up and down for that ring. “I can’t believe I lost it.” You mumbled. “I didn’t lose it, did I?”

“Do you have it?” He asked.

“No.”

“Well, I think that means you did.” He replied. “Umm by the way, did by any chance, the ring you were looking for look anything like this?” He said going down on one knee and holding the ring out for you. Making you gasp with relief.

It was just a joke, but it made Henry realize he had been right. A confirmation of what he had known all along.

“Yes, yes! A thousand times yes!” You joyfully joked, putting your hand out. “Wait, no!” You said suddenly stopping him as he slid the ring on. “It might get stuck if you push it any deepr.” You added, then heard a snort escape from his lips. “I heard it. Very unfortunate phrasing.” You chuckled. “C’mon, let’s make some people happy today.” You said. It was time to rush back to the ceremony before the bride had any time to worry.

***

"Do you think things would be different?” Henry asked stirring the drink on his hand

“Different how?” You questioned back, putting your own down.

“If I had never left.” He said.

“I guess…” You answered still thinking about it. A wave of silence crashing down at your shore as you both remained deep in thought. Pondering on what could’ve been.

“Do you wanna dance?” You asked in unison, bursting into laughter at the coincidence.

Standing up first, he reached his hand out for you to hold onto as he helped you up. With his hand still holding yours tightly, Henry brought you to the dancefloor. Steve Perry’s voice singing for you in the background.

Finding a nice spot, Henry stopped and turned his body around. His free arm swiftly wrapping around your waist. Stepping closer, you placed your hand on his shoulder. Fingers wrapping softly around his suit’s fabric. Filling your lungs with air you started moving to the rhythm of the beautiful melody playing through the speakers.

“Anyone’s ever told you you’ve got the prettiest eyes in the world?” He commented. His eyes glued to yours. Hypnotizing and hypnotized.

“Henry!” You said looking down for a second, hoping the low lighting would cover your flushed cheeks. Looking back up, you found him still staring, a soft smile on his face.

“Still haven’t learned how to take a compliment I see.” He chuckled. You simply shrugged. He was right, you never knew what to do when someone would say something nice to you. Even more specifically if Henry was the one giving the compliments.

“You know, people always say the past is in the past, and that we need to move on to see the future.” Henry said mindlessly, his hand on your back applying a little more pressure. Trying to get you closer to him. His chin carefully resting on top of your head as he inhaled the sweet smell of shampoo on your hair. You closed your eyes, diving-in in the moment. Feeling his scent wrapping around you, his warmth surrounding you. “But now that your hand is in mine, I feel like the luckiest man to walk the earth.” He said as you swung to the music. Your grip unconsciously tightening around his hand.

“Why should I move on when our past is the only thing I want in the future?” He added, making you stop to process his words. Leaning your upper body back, your looked him in the face searching for clues. A sign that showed you he meant what you thought he meant. “You’re the only person I’ve ever actually wanted to be with. Even after all this years, you’re still on my mind. You’re the first person I think of when I receive good news, and I wonder how happy you’d be for me. You also are the first person that crosses my mind whenever I’m having a bad day, and think you’d effortlessly make it all better. You're the one I always want to share things with, but now we don’t talk anymore. And I wonder how everything would be if maybe I would’ve done things differently.” He said. “You know what I regret most about the past?” He asked.

“No...” You said softly, shaking your head because words would not come out of your mouth.

“I regret not kissing you when I had the chance.” He stated. “When we were nothing but you, the wonderful you and her best friend ‘fat Cavill’.”

“Please tell me those are the last ones.” You begged throwing your head back at the sight of Scott walking once again into the kitchen. A tray filled with dirty dishes swinging on his hand as he pretended to be waiter.

“Careful with that!” His mother scolded him like a child, taking the tray away from his hands.

“Sorry love.” He said shaking his head. A tight lipped smile plastered on his lips. “Chris was filling the last one.” He added comfortably throwing himself on one of the stools. And as if on cue, the man himself walked in. A tray even fuller than the previous one in his hands.

“This would be it…” He said putting it down on the quite overloaded isle. “Need any help there?” He asked already rolling up his sleeves.

“Why don’t you take my place here while I go tidy up out there?” Lisa suggested handing her son a dish towel and heading out the door, dragging Scott with her on her way out.

If you asked either of your daughters which was their favorite day of the year, their birthday would probably be the answer. With Christmas as a very close second. Which they would often switch to depending on what date was nearer.

Both were great answers. What was not so great was having to clean and tidy everything up after said days were over. When all you wanted to do, after spending the day trying to make everyone feel comfortable and at home, was to get yourself comfortable and relax.

“I still can’t believe she’s already eight…” Chris said opening the dishwasher’s door and taking every thing out, only for it to be refilled once again after that.

“I know. They really do grow up very fast.” You added putting away what Chris handed you straight from the dishwasher. Nostalgically remembering how not long ago they were just learning how to walk.

“So, you’ve got any new projects in line?” Chris asked unable to bear the silence that had fallen upon you.

“Yes, actually. I was meaning to talk to you about it, I just didn’t find the right time.” You answered, still focusing on the white plates as you placed them on the cupboard. Watching him straighten up from your peripheral vision, you turned to face him. Seeing you had his full attention you continued. “I’ve been called in for a role in Jon’s new movie…”

“The one he’ll be directing in Boston?” Chris asked taking a few steps back so he was leaning against the counter. His arms crossed over his chest.

“Yeah.” You nodded. “I know it’s…”

“It’s great!” He stated taking you by surprise.

“It is?”

“Yeah! Jon called me too. Said he had a character he had thought of me for and offered me an audition.” He stated. “If I get the role, neither of us would have to be away from the girls during filming, and I’m sure ma would be happy to help looking after them.”

“I don’t…” You said but stopped for a second to rethink your words. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” You asked. “I mean, I know we are good at co-parenting but co-working? That’s a whole other thing. I’m surprised Jon would even ask.”

“We’ve done it once.” Chris shrugged. “What could go wrong?”

A lot, you thought. You and Chris had met on set exactly twelve years ago. It was your first time playing the leading role in a movie and to say you were nervous was an understatement. You were absolutely terrified. But every inch of fear left your body the moment you met your co-star. Instead, it was replaced with an unexplainable calmness.

In no time, the man playing your character’s counterpart became your best friend. And not long after you were done filming he had asked you out on a date completely unaware that soon after you’d be tying the knot. A few years later your eldest daughter would come along, bringing a new kind of love to your life. And two years later, her little sister joining her in an adventure of a lifetime.

But some things got lost along the way. Blame it on the routine, or blame it on two busy working schedules. Maybe the lack of sleep, stress or miscommunication. You spent more time arguing than enjoying the very little time you had for yourselves.

“I can’t.” You said softly. Your voice almost a whisper.

“You can’t what?” Chris asked as exasperated as you. His voice dropping down with a heavy sigh.

“I can’t do this anymore.” You said defeated, shaking your head ever so slightly. Your voice breaking, exposing the sound your heart would have made as it shattered on the floor.

Every ounce of anger and frustration fleeting Chris’ face, as he stood still in front of you. His mouth agape. The fire in his eyes now replaced with regret.

Your head tilted to the side as your tears fell freely. Your eyes focused on his, only to find your own heartbreak reflected on them. You had said it. And you hated that you had. But it needed to be said.

“I don’t want our girls to grow hearing us arguing like this.” You said biting down hard on your lip. If only that helped keep the tears from falling down your face.

“I know.” He whispered back, unable to find his voice again. The ocean in his eyes slowly flowing down his face. “I know.” He mouthed, taking a few strides towards you. “I know.” He repeated, desperately wrapping his arms around you. Scared that you’ll fade into thin air.

Your arms wrapped around his waist, holding for dear life onto his shirt. A sob escaping from your lips before you could help it. Your throat burned from hard you had been fighting it. Chris held onto you even tighter than you thought possible.

“I don’t wanna let go.” He mumbled. The sound muffled against your neck.

Slowly pulling back your stared into his swollen eyes. Lifting your right hand up, you wiped a fresh tear that had dropped down his cheek. “I’m sorry.” You struggled to say.

“No.” He whispered. His hand reaching up to hold yours and carefully bring it to his lips. Closing his eyes he rested his forehead on yours. “Don’t say that.”

Without overthinking it much, your hand reached for his cheek once again. This time no to wipe away tears, but to guide yourself with closed eyes onto his lips. Lips that welcomed yours without complaint.

His arms wrapped firmly around your body, holding you right where you were. Not wanting to let you go, not wanting that last kiss to end.

“Mom!” One of your girls yelled from their room. Pulling away you stared into each other’s eyes wishing you could say something that would revert things, but words failed to fell out of either of your lips. “Momma!” She yelled again. Swallowing hard, you took one step back. You hand slowly sliding down his chest. With one last deep sigh you turned around. Your hands flying straight to your face as you quickly tried to fix yourself.

“Coming!”

“Everything done there.” Scott said walking in, a bright pink cupcake in his hand.

“Great! Thank you. We’re almost done here as well.” You replied drying one of the last plates and putting it away.

“I can’t believe you made these!” Your former brother in law exclaimed with pleasure taking a generous bite from the homemade pastry.

“Why not?” You questioned with a light chuckle. “I think you’re starting to forget how great of a cook I can be.” You joked.

“I might. I mean, when was the last time you had me over for dinner?” He said finishing the whole thing. “You might’ve divorced my brother,” He commented. “but let me tell you, you won’t get rid of me that easily.” He stated.

“Well, I might not be getting rid of him that easily either.” You joked, covering one side of your mouth with your hand like that could stop Chris from hearing what you were saying.

“We’re not divorced yet.” Chris corrected Scott busy drying the last glass.

“See what I mean.” You joked again.

Since your split had been amicably, neither of you felt the need to rush the divorce. Sure, you now lived in separated houses but, legally, you were still married. It didn’t bother him, and it didn’t bother you.

In all the time you had been apart, you had only been on a date once. A date one of your friends had almost had to drag you on. The guy was very good-looking and nothing but a gentleman during the date, but unfortunately he didn’t get a second. You just didn’t want to see anyone at the time.

You didn’t know if Chris had been seeing anyone, and weren’t sure you wanted to know about it either. The split had been very private and not many people knew about it. The general public, for instance, hadn’t found out about it yet. Something you were actually thankful for. Break ups were already hard enough; there was no need for outsiders to put in their two cents on the matter.

“Alright,” You said grabbing the glass Chris had just handed you, and putting it away you added: “if we’re done here, I better go check on the girls and make sure they get ready to go home. It’s quite late already.” It was still strange to call some place else home. Even more if that place didn’t involve Chris in it. He held his breath at the words coming out of your mouth, but you were just too tired to notice.

“Speaking of late. You might be right. They’ve all fallen asleep in the girl’s room. Ma was reading them a story but none of the kids made it through.” Scott said chuckling.

“Oh…” You mumbled. “Then, I’m just going to kiss them goodnight before I leave.” You stated. “Is it okay if I pick them up tomorrow?” You asked Chris, even if you already knew the answer.

“Of course.” He said. He also wanted to let you know you could stay too. He wanted you to stay, but he didn’t say it. And without another word he watched you walk out. Taking the warmth out of the kitchen with you as you went. Scott only rolled his eyes at his brother’s cowardice.

***

“Cut!” You heard Jon yell on the other side of the lot.

“What’s going on?” You wondered looking at one of the assistants standing a couple feet away from you. The woman simply shrugged, shaking her head as she handed you two sugar packets.

It was the tenth time Jon had yelled cut in the last twenty minutes. Each time coming out more stressed than the previous one. And it was only the second day of filming.

Since your character wasn’t part of the scene they were shooting you had no idea what it was about. You just hoped they could get it right soon. Shooting the same scene over and over again was no fun, and even less if the director started to get pissed.

Deciding there was nothing you could do about it, you opted to simply sit and enjoy your coffee while lightly chatting with whomever popped up for one too. A couple minutes later, a very frustrated Chris walked by, not even bothering to lift his face to look at anyone on the way to his trailer. Okay, maybe there was something you could do to help. Taking a deep sigh you finished your coffee and stood up. You already knew that walk all to well, and it was now even clearer who your daughters had gotten it from. Maybe you could use on their father the same technique you used on them. Bidding the person sitting beside you a smile goodbye, you made your way after the grumpy man. Not without taking a quick trip to the catering table first.

Knocking three times on his door, you patiently waited for Chris to answer. The door bluntly opened a second later, startling you for a moment. Chris’ expression suddenly changing at the sight of you.

“Hey, can I come in?” You asked calmly. Chris moved to the side, his lower lip caught between his teeth. Eyes glued to the floor. “Are you alright?” You questioned. His eyes meeting yours for a moment before quickly turning away. “I brought you something…” You said lifting the chocolate cookie up and bringing it close to your face. A playful smile showing on your lips. The resemblance was uncanny, you could see your daughters’ eyes reflected on his. Chris looked at you, mirroring your expression.

“Thank you.” He said taking it from your hand, and inviting you to sit down.

“So…” You said and heard him sigh making you chuckle.

“It’s been rough.” He said taking a piece of the cookie and giving it to you.

“It’s only been two days.”

“I know.” He replied taking a bite. “But there’s just…. No chemistry.” He added. “And I just keep messing up the takes because I‘m uncomfortable. And so I get anxious, and if I get anxious I can’t focus. And if I can’t focus, I can’t memorize my lines. And… well, you get the idea… ” He said rubbing a hand all over his face.

“Is there any reason for that lack of chemistry?” You questioned. “Maybe you could just…”

“Nope.” Chris said. “It’s just not there.” He shrugged.

“Well I can’t do much about the chemistry but, I can help you go over your lines if you’d like…” You offered.

“Really?”

“Yeah! I already know mine, I’m a professional.” You said throwing you hair back bantering.

“Oh yeah?” He asked looking at you with amusement.

“Yup.”

“Let me go grab the script.” He said chuckling before disappearing into the back of his trailer.

“Alright…” He sighed, returning. The couch sinking beside you once again. “Here.” He pointed after flicking through the pages. “Let’s start with this one.”

“Ok.” You agreed taking the script with both hands. Reading the first lines you set the scene.

“Are you serious?” You questioned, he only nodded.

“Oh, so that’s it?” Chris asked saying his lines. “You’re just not gonna talk to me?” He said. You stared at him blankly, while working hard to keep yourself from laughing. He had chosen a scene in which the character you were portraying to help him didn’t speak. “Fine! Don’t say a word then.” He went on. You rolled your eyes at him and turned your face. A faint smile starting to show on your lips as you struggled to keep it at bay.

Noticing Chris didn’t continue with his lines, you moved your eyes to the side trying to catch a glimpse of what was he doing. “What?” You asked turning you face to find him staring at you with a soft smile on his lips. He simple shook his head, biting down his lip in order to hide a much bigger smile.

“Maybe we should try a different scene…” He said, his arm reaching for the scrip, but not before you could slide it away from him.

“Nope. I like this one. I already know my lines!” You joked, your eyes browsing through the page. “Oh.” You mumbled reaching towards the end of the scene.

“Yup.” Chris said with a tight lipped smile. He already knew how the scene ended. At some point the character you were portraying would start talking back at his, but he would end up shutting her up with a kiss. Not without first mentioning something about how cute she looked when she was mad.

“Oh.” You repeated reading more carefully each sentence. “I like this part though.” You pointed out. The character you portrayed was supposed to slap him across the face.

“Okay, but If we do the slap, we’ll have to do the part that leads to it too.” He tried to negotiate.

“Fine.” You said turning your to face him. Chris licked his lips shifting around on his seat. “Pick another one.” You added pressing the scrip against his chest. Making him burst into laughter.

“Thank you.” Chris said after a moment of silence.

“Hmm?”

“Thank you for today.” He repeated letting his body slide down on the couch. “I was having and awful day. You made it better.”

“It’s no problem.” You said sliding down too, reaching his eye level. His ocean eyes staring dearly into yours. Before you could fall for them, you closed your own and inhaled deeply, turning away. “In fact, I think I might have an idea of something that’ll make your day a whole lot better… What do you say we go see out little girls now?” You proposed.

“Sounds like a plan.” He agreed jumping up and extending his hand to help you up.

***

The week went off sooner rather than later. Rehearsing; hair and makeup; shooting; going through lines with Chris; endless cups of coffee; spending time with your girls; hotel room; trailer; Lisa’s home; late nights and early mornings. All of it over and over again.

Things between Chris and his co-star had slowly begun going smoother. What used to take them thirty takes to get done, they now did in fifteen. Chris liked to think it was thanks to you. And maybe the fact that he thought of you whenever he was playing his role. But he wouldn’t tell you that, he didn’t want to make things weird.

“Y/N!” Chris yelled happy to finally see you walking into the set.

“A minute of peace, please!” You joked, tiredly throwing your head back. “Is that too much to ask for?” You chuckled walking towards him. “Whatcha need boy?”

“There’s this scene coming up.” He began. “I know it might be a bit much to ask for because, well… you know.” He said lowering his voice towards the end of the sentence.

“But…”

“But, I really think it’d help me if I practiced it with you first.” He said lightly scrunching his nose.

“Practiced as in rehearsing your lines?” You asked, but he shook his head.

“Practiced as in full on acting.” He responded. “It’s quite the scene, and I know there’s a certain confidence between us that I don’t share with anyone else. It’s totally cool if you don’t want to tough. I understand.” He said.

“Can I read it first?” You asked.

“Sure!” He replied handing you the script that was lying on the set table.

“Umm.” You mumbled reading the scene. It was a though scene. Raw feelings, mind blur, fogged thoughts, love, need. All of it mashed up in a five minute scene. And it all hit way too close to home. But you were both professionals, right? Yeah! Right?

You inhaled deeply, taking in every word, every action. Trying to memorize them in the short amount of time you had been given. It was supposed to have very choreographed movements, but you guessed a bit of improvisation would do. But first…

“I wouldn’t want to blur any… line between us. You know?” You pointed out, exposing the little doubt growing on the back of your mind.

“I know.” He replied with an imperceptible sigh. “It’s just a hundred percent professional.” He promised. “Nothing more.” He added, a thread of disappointment in his voice.

“Okay.” You replied. “Let’s do this before Jon comes in.”

“Thank you.” Chris said, feelings mixing on his chest. He was strangely relax and nervous at the same time.

“Give me a minute to get there emotionally.” You asked before encouraging him to begin.

“Ready?” He asked, watching you nod. Taking a deep breath he placed himself in his spot.

“Liz…” He whispered. Lifting you watery eyes, you met his teary ones.

“What?” You said. You voice barely audible, as it was supposed to be. “What do you have to say now?” You asked. Your voiced filled with anger now.

“Listen to me…” He said taking a step towards you. Taking one step back your body met the fake counter right behind you.

“No.” You said fervently shaking your head. “I am done crying for you.” You said, the salty tear rolling down your face contradicting your words. “I promised myself I wasn’t gonna waste any of my time on you since then… and banished every memory you and I had ever made!”

“You wouldn’t….” He said shaking his head, as if he refused to believe the words that came out of your mouth. “There were moments of gold. Even on our darkest nights there were flashes of light.”

“Moments of gold? All there were was a bunch of empty threats and hollow lies!” You yelled.

“I know there’re things we'd never do again,” He spoke. “but they seemed right at the time...” He sighed.

“Are you kidding? Whenever you tried to hurt me I’d just hurt you even worse and so much deeper.” You said. “Our fights went from minutes, to hours, to days… what seems right about any of that?”

“We’d always talk things through in the end. We’d spent hours talking about our feelings. Listening. Understanding each other. We just…” He said running a hand through his hair. “ We lost that along the way.” He stated. “Things went downhill the moment we stopped communicating.”

“Oh really? You mean each time I saw you slam the door on your way out of the apartment as you cowardly escaped any argument, taking with you the promises you couldn’t keep?” You yelled, ‘Liz’ offended by the thought of Chris’ character trying so nonchalantly to share the blame.

“I did.” He said lowering his voice, knowing she was right. “I didn’t want to argue.” Chris confessed. “I didn’t want us to fight, because I knew…. I knew where that would lead to.” He explained. “And the idea of you leaving me hunted me every time. I didn’t want that to happen.”

“Well look where that left us!” You said. Your voice breaking at the end of the sentence.

“I lost you…” He said in a soft whisper. Afraid those words would hurt even more if he said them out loud. A group of tears streaming down his face.

“You didn’t lose me. You left!” You corrected. “Like you always did! You were so scared I might hurt you by leaving, that you went ahead and did it yourself…” You said breaking into tears. “You tried so hard to escape from your own scratches that you didn’t stop for a second to realize that in the process you were ripping me into pieces.” You said shaking your head.

“Liz…” Chris whispered cupping your left cheek with his hand. His eyes searching for yours. The words ‘you didn’t lose me’ being a key for his character. Once you made eye contact, Chris licked his lips before looking down at yours, his character debating whether to kiss her or not. And before you knew it Chris’ lips had crashed into yours.

His sudden movement had caught you by surprise, but it was the way ‘Liz’ was supposed to react as well, so you went with it. Closing your eyes, you reached for his hair with your right hand. Tangling your fingers between his silky locks and bringing him closer in order deepen the kiss. Always following the script of course. It had nothing to do with the erratic heart trying to jump out of your chest. Definitely.

Chris’ free hand smoothly made it’s way towards your waist. Desperately lifting you up to sit you on top the counter. With your legs opened he stood between them, getting impossibly closer to your body. You had no idea how much he had missed having that kind of contact with you and Chris was dying to show you.

“Yes!” Jon yelled with excitement, clapping his hands loudly. Bringing you both back to reality, and the realization that you had were on set, and that you had just been rehearsing a scene. Sadly, none of that had been real. “That’s exactly what I mean when I say I want to see fire in the scene. That was it! That’s the passion I want you to show me!” He said joyfully. “I think I’m gonna need you to coach Chris more often if this is what I get as a result…” He told you, having a sip of his coffee as he went through some papers. Too busy to notice the amount of blood that had rushed it’s way into your face. Feeling your lungs with air, you gave Chris a tight lipped smile as you jumped off the counter.

“Here!” Jon said as you walked past him, handing you a worn out block of paper. A script. “I want you to have it.” He told you. “I’d heard you’d been helping Chris out with his lines, but now that I’ve seen just how much rehearsing them with you helps him, I think it’d be good for you to have your own.” He added with a smile. “Man, I wish I would have casted you as Liz…”He mumbled organizing the papers he was going to need for the day.

Looking down at the papers with a small mouth shrug, you slapped the pages against your other hand. “I better head to the hair and make up trailer now… Ava must be waiting for me.” You mumbled to yourself, ready to leave all that awkwardness behind.

***

“Hey.” Chris mouthed once you had seen him approaching your trailer.

“Hey.” You mouthed back, sitting at the top of the stairs.

After spending most of your day inside a set filled with artificial lightning, the little bit of sunlight that was left of the day was all you wanted. The golden hour was called that for a reason. It’s soft lighting diffusing amongst every thing it touched. Golden tones creating a warm sensation. Sometimes quite nostalgic even.

Noticing Chris was -in fact- walking towards your trailer and not past it, you moved the side leaving a space for him to sit on. Without saying a word, he turned around and with a loud sigh parked his butt right beside you. Sharing a moment in silence as you witnessed the green leaves turn a bright shade of orange.

“About earlier...” He said, his voice as soft as silk.

“Did it help?” You asked genuinely curious. But mostly wanting to avoid the conversation taking a different turn.

“You could say that…”

“That doesn’t sound very promising.” You responded. And even thought Chris wasn’t staring at you, he could hear the smile on your voice.

“Y/N?” He said turning to you.

“Mhm?” You replied facing him as well.

His eyes locked with yours for a moment. Searching for something. Even the slightest sign. Anything that’d let him know you had felt at least a glimpse of what he had felt during that kiss. Some kind of proof that not everything was lost and that maybe… just maybe, there was still a remaining spark from the fire that had once burned between you.

“Listen…” He said filling his lungs with a suddenly much heavier air. “I know we said that we’d-“ He began, but you stopped him before he could continue.

“HeEy yOu!” Bucky said loosely pointing his finger at her as they walked towards where she was. Standing in front of her, Bucky simply gasped, making Sam stop his march. “WoW.” He whispered, a cotton ball falling out of his mouth. “You are b-e-a-utiful.” He stated staring at her with amusement.

“How high is he right now?” Y/N asked Sam trying to contain the chuckle wanting to escape her lips.

“Crazy high.” He answered handing the anesthetized man to his girlfriend. “Did you know? Super soldiers need a much higher dose of anesthesia than the regular civilian, apparently.” He added walking towards the fridge and grabbing a water bottle.

“Sounds reasonable.” Y/N commented struggling to get a hold on the man standing in front of her.

“Your hair is pretty.” Bucky whispered holding a loose strand between his fingers.

“Thanks… Take a sit here, would you?” She replied leading him to sit down on one of the kitchen stools. She wasn’t as strong as Sam, and Bucky was quite heavier a weight than she could handle. “How are you feeling?” She asked using her right hand to move away the hairs laying on top of his forehead.

“With you beside me? Better than ever, doll.” He said stretching the last word. “But,” He added with a brief pause. His index finger up in the air as he seemed to be arranging his next words in his head. “…if you wanna play doctor with me I’m more than willing to…” He finished bluntly with a wink. A swollen smug smile playing on his face.

“Bucky!” She scolded trying hard not to laugh.

“What?” He questioned truly confused, before gasping once again. “Is he your boyfriend?” He asked in a not-so-low whisper. Pointing towards Sam, making Wilson cough out the water he had inside his mouth at the moment.

“No?” Y/N replied staring at Bucky, trying to figure out if he was truly that high on anesthesia or just playing with her. “And that reaction, really?” She asked Sam, shaking her head with feigned indignation.

“You’re single then.” Bucky stated winking again. His eyebrows wiggling in what Barnes though would be a sexy way, but that Y/N had to bite down on her lip to not laugh at him.

“Nope.” She replied shaking her head.

“Oh man!” He groaned throwing his head back slightly.

“Can I let you in on a secret though?” She asked him.

“Sure.” He said reluctantly.

“You are my boyfriend Buck.” Y/N whispered in his ear, making him gasp for the millionth time that day.

“Really?” He asked grinning like a child.

“Mhm.” Y/N nodded, and as a result Bucky started laughing like a crazy person. But his fit of laughter abruptly stopped after a couple seconds.

“You know what?” He asked. “I’m gonna marry you!” He stated whisper-yelling. “You heard that?!” He asked Sam, this time actually yelling. “I- am gonna marry her, sucker!” He told him laughing. “So no funny business.” Bucky warned him, before turning back towards Y/N with one dreamy smile.

“You okay pal?” She asked him chuckling.

“Marvelous.” He stated, longingly staring at her like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on.

“Ight.” Sam said jumping off the counter. “Imma head out before things get weird.”

“No! Sam! Wait! How am I supposed to” She yelled watching him walk out of the room. “…move him.” She finished in a low voice, her face turning back to Bucky.

“Hey you!” He said with another wink, his hand swiftly moving to her hips, pulling her towards him. “Alone as last.” He commented, his hands now traveling to her butt.

“Barnes!” Y/N whisper-yelled, her hands pressing against his chest.

“That’s my name.” He smiled. “And lucky for you, I’m not selfish at all. I’d gladly share it with you if you’d take it.” He confidently stated.

“Ask me again once you’re back to being yourself and I might consider it.” She joked, carefully planting a soft kiss on his lips.

“Nope. But mine is on top of my nightstand, you can borrow it if you’d like to.” He said pretty much settling the conversation. Surely you’d find yours once you aren’t looking for it.

This wasn’t the first time something had randomly gone missing and then randomly found some place else in your new home. In fact, it had become a regular thing lately.

At some point you had even begun to joke around about how some entity might have been the responsible for rearranging your stuff while you weren’t paying attention.

“I guess our friend Casper has been playing around with my keys again.” Chris commented one day. He was running late for work and his set of keys where nowhere to be found.

“Stop saying that!” You said chuckling at who Chris was now blaming for the object disappearance. “Here, take mine.” You told your husband, handing him your keys. “I’ll keep looking for yours…”

“Thanks. I love you.” He said planting a kiss on your lips before rushing out the door.

And it wasn’t only chargers or keys. Brushes, pens, Dodger’s toys, you name it; they were all found someplace other that where you were sure you had put them down. But all of them were things one would usually lose around the house so you’d just always assume the other had taken it and therefore not given much thought to it.

“You know how I always joke about Casper being the one moving things around?” Chris commented getting in bed one night. “Well… I think that might not be too far from the truth.”

“What?” You questioned finally lifting your eyes from the book in your hands.

“Yes…” He said turning to lay on his side. “I’m beginning to think someone, or something, else is living here with us.”

“Chris!” You said laughing it off.

“I’m serious, doll.” He said. His facial expression letting you know he meant it.

“Honey, those things happen!” You told him. “Keys get lost the same way hair ties mysteriously disappear. It’s normal.”

“I know that, but…”

“But what?”

“I’ve seen it.”

“Seen what?” You asked, and no matter how much you tried to contain it, a light chuckle escaped your lips.

“Promise me you won’t laugh.” He asked.

“I promise.”

“She said while laughing…”

“Ok, ok. I’m sorry.” You said getting serious this time. “I promise.”

“The other day, while you were at work, I heard some noises coming from the kitchen.” He told you. His voice small, as if he weren’t sure he should speak about the matter. “I saw one of the cabinet doors open by itself.” He explained. “And no, it wasn’t the wind. Or anything else for that matter.”

“And you thought bed time was the best time to tell me about it?” You questioned and Chris simply shrugged.

“I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. I needed to tell you…” He said. “That way you won’t push me away if I hug you while we sleep…” He joked.

***

The alarm clock lights shined 3:05 when you opened your eyes. The sensation of someone staring at you suddenly waking you up. It wasn’t something strange though, during your relationship, Chris had developed the habit of watching you sleep whenever he couldn’t sleep himself.

Turning around to snuggle up with him, which often helped him sleep, your eyes caught something standing at the door. And you had to do a double take because you couldn’t believe your eyes. Quickly blinking the sleep away, your heart started stopping as the image became clearer.

The figure wasn’t very tall, in fact it barely reached the door knob’s height. Dressed in what seemed to be some really old clothes, a little boy stared back at you in silence. His fingers slowing tapping his short’s material. His face, expressionless as he stared blankly in your direction.

“Chris.” You whispered fervently patting on his chest. Your heart racing inside your own.

“I see it too.” He whispered back. His body stiffening right beside you.

Slowly moving his free hand, Chris reached up and turned his night light on. The figure instantly banishing as the light made it way towards the door, covering the room with it’s warm tones.

“Oh, hell no. Uh-uh. Nope.” You said swiftly freeing yourself from the covers. “I’m out!” You told Chris, putting your shoes on.

“Oh, so you believe me now!” He commented replicating your every move.

“When did I not believe you?” You asked zipping up your hoodie.

“A few hours ago, while you laughed?”

“Yeah, nope. I don’t remember any of that.” You denied grabbing your phone from your night stand. “Ready to head out?” You asked him.

“Absolutely.” He said putting his own on his pocket. “But I’m not sure I feel that confident crossing the threshold whatever that thing was was standing on…”

“Why would you mention that?!” You asked. “Now I don’t want to walk through there either!”

“Sorry.”

“We do it together?” You proposed.

“Great idea.” He replied holding onto both your shoulders.

“You’re not using me as a human shield, are you?”

A timid smile suddenly showed up on her lips exposing that left dimple he loved so much. And Chris could’ve sworn he caught Y/N holding her breath. Or maybe it was just him; him and his desire for her to feel the same as he did. To get that fluttery feeling in her stomach, and her chest burning just like his was at the moment.

If it weren’t for both their publicists moving them along, Chris was sure they could’ve spent the rest of the night standing there, lost in each other’s eyes as the rest of the world slowly disappeared.

***

After parties weren’t really her scene and yet, here she was. Sitting down by the bar, tracing with her fingers the rim of a glass of a cocktail she wasn’t gonna drink. It had been a long night and all Y/N had wanted to do was to be able to sit down for five minutes.

Chris eyes found her figure as soon as he was able to get away from anyone trying to engage in conversation with him. It didn't take him long. It never did. He’d always find his way to her, just like the earth finds it’s way around the sun.

“Hey…” He mumbled making himself some room next to her. His left forearm pressed on top of the bar supporting his weight.

“Hey.” She replied with surprise, but instantly recognizing who that voice belonged to. Those blue eyes digging into her soul for the second time that night.

Her social battery had run out about half an hour ago, they both knew that well, but she’d always have the energy to talk to him.

“Congratulations on the award!” Chris said trying to make conversation but not sure how.

“You too Chris.” She replied with a warm smile. The sound of his name on her lips bringing back that heart-warming feeling he missed so much. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Hey, uhm… you wanna get out of here?” Chris asked. Her eyes widened as she stared back at him with both eyebrows raised. “No! I don’t… that’s not…” He started nervously babbling. “I just want to talk.” He explained with a sigh. “You know, like we used to…”

“Okay.” Y/N said releasing the air she did not know she had been holding in her lungs. It hadn't been difficult to convince her. After all, she also missed their conversations. She missed being able to talk to him with the ease they used to, before taking another step in their relationship, when they were still best friends.

“Great!” Chris said straightening his posture. With a brand new gleam in his eyes and a smile that he had reserved only for her to see. Or that maybe she was the only one who managed to get out of him. A power she held but did not know.

Nervously fixing his suit, he took a second to think what his next move should be. Extending his hand out to help her stand up, Chris waited for Y/N to take it. She just looked at it with half a smile on her face and then shook her head ‘no’. Standing up on her own, and after fixing her dress, she took a step closer to him and leaned.

“Meet me in the terrace in ten minutes.” She whispered in his right ear. “We don’t wanna get people talking about something that’s not really there.” She added walking away.

Her last words resounded inside Chris’ head as he stood frozen in place. Had she really meant that? Was there nothing there? And his face must have changed colors because his brother approached him right away.

“Hey, everything alright?” He asked him.

“Yeah, just…” Chris replied still not paying full attention to his brother. “I was just thinking.” He added turning towards Scott.

“Thinking ‘bout what?”

“What if it’s too late now?” He questioned. “What if just because I chickened out before, I lost her? What if I blew the only chance of a happy ending I had?”

“Chris, don’t overthink about it.” Scott said almost scolding his older brother. “Did you talk to her about it?”

“Not yet,” He answered. “but we’re meeting at the rooftop in ten minutes.” He said. “I don’t know what to do…” He confessed. Every ounce of confidence he had minutes ago, now long gone.

“Listen, calm down. She agreed to meet and talk, that’s a good sign. It has to be.” Scott told him.

“It has to be.” Chris repeated. “It has to, hasn’t it?”

“Go now!” Scott ordered him trying not to laugh at how lost his brother looked. “You don’t wanna be late to your meeting.” He said wiggling his eyebrows.

“Right…” Chris said pushing away the thoughts that were clouding his mind. “Wish me luck.”

“You don’t need it.” Scott had to whisper to himself because his brother had already left.

The elevator ride to the top of the building was faster than Chris would’ve wanted. Only a few seconds were not enough for him to clear his mind and think about what he should say. But then again, a year wouldn’t be long enough either.

Standing by the railing, her figure looked over the city lights. It’s warm colors reflecting onto her shiny dress and glowing skin. The dark night sky a perfect background for her beautiful profile.

Taking his coat off, Chris walked towards her. Surprising Y/N by covering her cold shoulders with it.

“Chris!” Y/N whispered with a sudden shiver. “You almost gave me a heart attack!” She told him trying not to laugh. “You scared me…” She added shaking her head. One hand holding the coat, the other holding onto the railing. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure.” He replied

“So…How’ve you been?” Y/N asked. “How’s Dodger?”

“Oh, he’s great!” Chris replied. “He’s back in Boston right now. My ma is taking care of him while I’m here.”

“I bet he misses you.”

“I miss him too.” Chris said before falling into an awkward silence.

“So…” He said after a brief pause, but then closed his mouth again.

“What?” She asked with a light chuckle. A notoriously nervous Chris was not something one came across often.

“Have you ever thought… about us?” He asked. The seriousness in his tone swiping away her smile.

“Uhm…”

“I mean, have you ever thought about what could have been for us? If I hadn’t been an idiot…”

“Chris… Don’t say that.” She told him. “I thought you wanted to talk as friends.” She said.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“But yeah.” She admitted, capturing his full attention.

“You have?”

“Yeah.” She confirmed, this time a sad smile on her face. “I always thought our love would resist anything. I guess I failed to consider the fact that you're a runner.” She joked, but Chris didn’t laugh. Instead, his eyes stared down at his shoes.

“And I drank my luck in forced gulps.” He commented biting inside his cheeks. “I don’t know what I was thinking about.” He said. “I focused on the wrong thing. Trying to be the man everyone else wanted me to be. Attempting to fulfill everyone else’s expectations, I forgot to fulfill my own.”

“Well, it’s never too late to turn things back around.” Y/N told him. “Are you doing what you want now?” She asked.

“Not really.” He answered. “In fact, I’m trying to contain myself from doing it.”

“Why?”

“Cause I don’t want to scare you away.” He confessed, emptying his lungs with a deep sigh. “Seeing empty your side of my bed was brutal. And my pillow still holds the tear-stained memories of what could’ve been. I made shores out of the seconds I spent without you, and in none of them my feet reached the ground. Days would last so long that I’d still be waiting to hear your keys through the wall.”

“Chris…”

“Tell me what am I supposed to do now? How do I live my life if I get lost in every story I make up of what could’ve been? If every ‘I love you’ sounds fake coming from someone else. If hugs are tasteless unless they’re yours.” He continued.

“Chris…”

“I know I tend to run, but now I’ve found the courage to forget all my doubts. I don’t want to run. I want to learn how to love you again. To whisper in your ear that I can. I can give you time to think about it, if that’s what you want. I could wait for as long as you asked me to, because I believe I owe you so much. I don’t want to protect myself from your destiny. Not anymore.” He confessed, but Y/N only sighed.

“I don’t know.”

“Please.” He begged. “Let me hold your hand tightly and turn this into an endless summer. Let’s play hide and seek, and kiss every time we find each other. Undress me, and then we’ll see what has to come. Let’s steal the time we lost from time itself. Let’s make our love not depend on how many times we say ‘I love you’.” Chris said holding her hands on his. “It won’t be hard. It’s just looking into each other’s eyes and feel there’s something. It's to shake on each step we take as we get closer.” He said taking the remaining steps towards her and pressing his forehead on top of hers. “There’s nothing I want more than to melt in your lips the same way a pianist’s fingers melt on each key.” He whispered ever so softly, making her heart stop for a second. Her breath getting caught on her throat as she intended not to show his effect on her.

“What if it doesn’t work? Again.” She whispered, her voice a light thread. Her eyes tightly closed, her mind focusing only on their touch, their voices.

“What if it does?” Chris questioned.

“I need to know you’re sure about this. That you’re committed to this.” She told him. His right hand quickly moved to hold the left side of her face. Carefully lifting her head up.

“Open your eyes.” He said. “Look into my eyes and you’ll know.” He told her. “You always do.” He said, and patiently waited for her to gather the courage to do as requested. “What do they say?” He asked.

“That we don’t lose anything by trying.” She replied staring into his deep blue eyes.

“Why don’t you do what you want now?” She asked in a small voice after a brief pause.

“There’s too many people in here.” He said referring to the people at the party. Whispering just for her to hear, even though they were the only ones in the terrace. “I know you’re not a big fan of exhibitionism…”

“Christopher!” She chuckled throwing her head back and pressing her hands against his chest in order to push him, which did absolutely not work.

“But I can start by doing this…” He added wrapping on arm around her waist and bringing her close enough that their noses where touching. Their breath grazing each others lips.

“This is painful, you know that?” She commented when nothing happened. After a few seconds of waiting for his lips to finally collide onto hers.

He had buried every reminder of them there. Every letter, every photograph. Her smile was hidden amongst the tear stained papers he hadn’t gather the courage to get rid of.

His fingers softly traced the lid’s rim, mentally preparing himself for what could happen next. The fragility his heart was feeling at the moment being translated on the way he slowly lifted it up. Carefully placing it on top of his bed.

Inside the box, her playful eyes stared back at him. Silver tinsel wrapped around her shoulders bringing back the memories of the last Christmas they had spent together. Polaroids of loud nights out in the city; dance parties for two when they knew no one was watching; steamy cups of coffee that would never be finished, because they were too busy loving each other; snowball fights in the cold Bostonian winter; walks around the block with Dodger. Unscripted moments that played over and over again in his brain whenever he tried to sleep. Her sweet laughter still echoing through his bedroom walls, shattering the deafening silence loneliness had brought him. But s faint memory was not enough. He wanted the real thing. He missed it. And he missed her. Everything about her.

Loving each other had been resounding. And even though they both were aware of what they could lose, Chris knew neither of them thought their relationship would be so ephemeral. But how can someone carry on when the whole world is watching, giving unwanted opinions and commenting on how your relationship should or should not be? On how wrong it is to be dating someone younger or older, or on how you are just using each other? On how you did not belong together.

“Maybe she’s not for you, love…” Lisa had told him.

So he let her go.

“So this is it?” She had asked him, her eyes tear-filled like and overflowing sink.

“It’s for the best.” He told her, his voice betraying him, breaking up as he spoke.

“Why?” Y/N questioned, her hand reaching up to wipe a tear from his cheek, his hand instinctively wrapping around hers. Keeping it close.

“You don’t deserve this pain.” He said planting a soft kiss on her knuckles.

“I can deal with it.”

“You shouldn’t have to…”

“Chris…” She said, her tone almost begging.

“Please.” He said, his lips now pressed against her forehead. “You know I lo-“

“Please don’t-” Y/N asked him, her fingers gently pressed against his lips. “Please don’t say it.” She begged. “Just don’t say it.” She whispered, her eyes closed. Her senses focused on his warmth, his scent, his strong arms wrapped around her body.

“I do too.” She said after a moment of silence. “I just…” She added with frustration, but the words got stuck on her tongue. And just like someone who writes a text only to erase it before being able to send it, she re-wrote her response. “Okay.” She whispered looking down at her feet. A single tear falling in slow motion, landing on the white toe cap of her right Converse. Her voice coming out fragile and soft. It was not what she wanted, but if that was what Chris wanted she would accept that. Even if she didn’t understand why; even if his reasons weren’t enough for her, they seemed to be enough for him. If walking away was what he wanted she would take it.

“It’s for the best.” Chris repeated in a small voice. Trying somehow to convince himself those words were true. Even if he knew they were not. Thinking maybe if he left, if they weren’t together, things would get better.

But things never did. The calm after the storm never arrived, and it’s absence cut deeper than any thing the world could have ever said. Her absence. It was her absence what ripped his heart in two. And one of the halves she had taken with her.

Their spell had failed, and now they were dealing with a story ended way too early.

Loving her had been an adventure, and there was nothing Chris loved more than that. Y/N had taken him over the moon, and now the vertigo wouldn’t let him stand up of the floor.

But sometimes love was not enough.

“If she’s not for me, then why do I feel like this?” He had asked his mom, whom he’d always go to for advice. “Why does it hurt so much?”

“Maybe Y/N was the right person, but the timing just wasn’t right.” She said. “If she’s right for you, I’m sure you’ll find your way back to each other.” She told him. And there was nothing else Chris wanted more than that, but destiny didn’t always work on his favor. He just hoped this time it did.

CHRIS EVANS' TAG LIST:

“I’m not being ridiculous, you are!” Bucky argued walking right behind you, almost tearing the swinging door off as he followed you into the kitchen.

Had there been an inconvenience during the mission you had just returned from? Yes. Had it been your fault? Not at all. Did you have to engage in combat to get out of the situation that tiny error had led to? Sure. Did you turn out injured? Well… it wasn’t that bad. I mean, who wouldn’t get hurt when the bad guys are ten times more than your team?

“You should have seen how they turned out…” You had told Bucky, but it didn’t seem to change his mood. From the minute you had landed your feet back on the compound he had been by your side. Complaining about how you should be more careful, or how you shouldn’t be put on that kind of missions; or how you should take some time off from field work all together.

“I can’t believe you sometimes!” You commented grabbing two water bottles from the fridge and placing one of them in front of Bucky.

“You can’t believe me? I can’t believe YOU!” He responded pushing the bottle hard enough to slide it across the counter. Your eyes following the object’s trail to the other end, stopping at the rim. Filling your lungs with air, you exhaled loudly turning your gaze back to him.

“Listen,” You calmly told him. “I’m fine, ok?” You assured. “Nothing happened.” You added taking a few steps towards him.

“Your definition of 'nothing happened' seems to differ from mine.” Bucky told you. “And the bloodstains on your face do nothing but agree with me.” He added with complete seriousness.

“Buck… C’mon.” You pleaded standing in front of him. Your hand reaching up to touch his face, but his own stopping it midway.

“Have you never thought about how I’d feel if anything were to happen to you?” He wondered softly, his hand holding tightly onto yours. His steel blue eyes filled with worry and a thin layer of water threatening to set free, but that he struggled to bottle up.

“Bucky…” You tried to say something, feeling your chest a lot heavier than you had moments ago on the snow-covered mountains of the Alps during your mission.

“You’re all I have left, you know that?” He told you.

“James… do not play that card on me.” You asked him. “You know what this job involves. It’s not like you’re an outsider to this.” You said motioning towards your surroundings. “I mean, c’mon we do the same thing!”

“I know we do but it’s… different.” Bucky said, almost mumbling his last word.

“Oh really? And how is it any different?” You questioned suddenly feeling hurt. Your cheeks burning red with anger.

“You can get hurt.” He said.

“And you can’t?” You asked in disbelief. “You think I don’t worry about you too? You think that while you and Sam are out there on missions, I’m just here having the time of my life? Cause that’s not the case at all Barnes.” You told him crossing your arms over your chest, his eyes widening at the sound of his last name coming out of your lips.

“It’s not that. It’s just… I’m more prepared.” He said.

“You did not just say that.”

“Am I lying?”

“Listen. I know you’ve been through a lot. Trust me, I know. But just because you have more experience than me doesn’t make me any less capable of doing my job just as well.”

“That’s not what I said….”

“Then what did you say? Cause all I’m hearing from you is that I’m not enough.”

“Y/N, I…” He said.

“Y/N?” Your name was pronounced again, except this time it didn’t come from Bucky’s lips. Turning back to face the door, he huffed at the sight of the man standing there, half his body still outside.

“Yes, Joaquin?” You said wondering what he needed.

“Sam wants us to meet him in the conference room…” He told you.

“Great.” You mumbled under your breath. “Just great.” You repeated rolling your eyes as you walked around Bucky and towards the door.

“Bucky.” Joaquin said lightly bowing his head, greeting the grumpy looking man.

“It’s Barnes for you.” James told him sternly, taking Torres by surprise. They didn’t have the most friendly relationship, and Joaquin knew Bucky wasn’t very fond of him from the beginning. Torres had an obvious crush on the woman he loved after all, but Bucky had never had much trouble with Joaquin calling him that.

“Don’t worry about him.” You told Torres walking out of the kitchen.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized to Bucky. He had been the one to mess up the mission, and understood why Barnes was potentially thinking of ways to murder him. “Sorry.” He apologized again, before quickly getting out of there before the white wolf could jump him in the neck.

***

If getting scolded by your best friend wasn’t bad enough, just imagine getting scolded by your boss too. And Sam was surely not one to hold back. Hence the past hour had been quite intense.

“I promise we’ll make up for it.” Joaquin assured Sam.

“I’m sure you will.” He replied. “Just not on this mission.” He informed them.

“Sam…”

“Y/N…” Sam warned, stopping you before you could say another word. “We’ll take it from here. You guys have done enough.” He stated. “Now please, go clean yourselves up, you look like crap.” He told you walking out of the room.

“Sorry.” Joaquin said for the millionth time.

“It’s alright.” You reassured him with a small smile. “It could’ve happen to anyone.” You said standing up and patting his shoulder on your way out.

***

Pacing from one side to the other, you anxiously waited in the hangar for the quinjet to arrive. Suddenly taking it forever to cross the damn sky. What was taking them so long?

A few hours earlier Bucky had come by your door to say goodbye before going off on the second part of the mission, as he always did. It was kind of an unspoken pact between you two. There was no time where any of you left without saying goodbye to the other first. And no matter how busy, tired or mad you were, you would always say your goodbyes. But this time had been different, being the stubborn person you where when you when pissed, you didn’t open the door opting to simply ignore him. A decision you very much regretted now.

Your phone had ringed less than ten minutes ago, putting your systems on alert as Sam’s name shined brightly on the screen.

“We’re on out way back.” Where the first words he said, but you instantly knew something was off. A knot suddenly building up at the pit of your stomach. “I need you to gather the medical team, make sure they are ready for our arrival.” He had ordered.

“Who’s hurt?” You asked him. The question escaping your lips without permission.

“Bucky.” He replied after a rather long pause, and the mere sound of his name had been enough to make you feel as if the walls around you closed in. You knew he had been debating on his head whether letting you know was the best idea or not, and you needed to prove to him that it had been. You needed to keep your composure, because Bucky needed you to. “Just make sure everything is ready, ok?” He had asked, the exhaustion clear on his voice.

“I will.” You told him, quickly hanging up and doing as you’ve been asked.

And even though that phone call had happened only a few minutes ago, it felt like hours.

You sighed with relief at the sight of medical team arriving, prepared for anything. Sam hadn’t given you much detail about what had happened or how badly injured your best friend was, so they had to be ready to do anything.

Turning your gaze back to the night sky, you were glad to finally find that metallic object you had engraved in you memory flying towards the compound and landing before your eyes.

The first person to get down was Sam who quickly moved towards you as he gave indications to the doctors.

“What are you doing here?” He asked standing in front of you. Preventing you from moving.

“Did you really expect me not to be here?” You asked back.

“Right.” He mumbled, grabbing you by the shoulders. “We need to let the doctors do their job.” He told you.

“What do you mean? How bad is it?” You asked worried. Trying to look past the man in front of you as the doctor put Bucky on a stretcher and moved him into the building.

“It’ll be ok. He’s just a little unconscious.” Sam told you.

“A little?!” You questioned. “Sam!” You said escaping his grasp and walking behind the medical team as they took his to the medical wing.

“Wait!” He said catching up with you, making you stop. “They’re not gonna let you in.” He told you.

“They will if you tell them to.” You reasoned.

“C’mon, let them do their thing.” Sam said wrapping his arm around your shoulders and walking with you. “That old man is not giving up anytime soon. He has lots of plans for the future.” He added lightly squeezing your left shoulder.

***

The moment the doctor said you could see him, you didn’t miss a beat. Did Sam want to see him first? You didn’t care. It was your right, wasn’t it? Yeah. A best friend right. And the right said you had to be the first to see him. And since rules are rules, you quickly made your way to the room the doctors had left him in to rest while they took care of him.

“Hey.” Bucky said with a hoarse voice, watching you enter the room. His eyes lighting up immediately.

“So much for me getting hurt, huh?” You said looking at him with one raised eyebrow, making Bucky release a painful chuckle. “But I get the point. You didn’t have to get yourself almost killed to get you point across.” You commented taking a seat on the chair placed beside the bed and looking at him. “How are you feeling?” You asked, taking a hold of his right hand.

“Better.” He answered, a smile playing on his lips. A smile you knew well and had grown to love. A smile you had noticed was often directed to you, and you alone.

“That’s good news…” You told him. “It means I can scold you just as much as you did to me now.” You said. “More even!” You joked.

“I just worry about you…” He said, his eyes glued to yours. Wanting you to know how much he meant it.

“I know.” You said understanding. “Sorry I didn’t open the door earlier. Maybe I…”

“I love you.” He said abruptly.

“I love you too.” You replied with a smile. Bucky smiled too, but shook his head lightly.

“I love you love you.” He stated.

“I love you too dude, it’s not a competition!” You said, making him chuckle and shake his head once again.

Leaning closer and through the pain, his metallic hand reached up to touch your face. And before your mind could process anything else, the next thing you felt where his lips pressed against your own. And, in contrast to the cold feeling of his left hand pressed against you cheek, a wildfire spread across your body.

You’d lie if you said you hadn’t fantasized of this moment. Of course you had. You just never thought it could ever come to happen. But man, it was better than you had ever dreamed of.

“You love me love me.” You babbled out of words, biting on her lower lip.

“That’s what I said.” Bucky simply replied, letting his back rest against the pillow again. The goofiest smile you had ever seen was painted on his lips.

“Sam said you got the beating of your life.” You commented. “A few broken ribs even. That must have hurt.” You pointed out, suddenly worried about the effort he had just made.

“Totally worth it.” He stated closing his eyes and replaying the moment on his mind.

“And it was not the beating of my life.” He complained a few seconds later. “You should have seen how the other guys ended.” He added, making you roll your eyes.

“Oh!” Chris said turning away from the coffee machine to look at what his girlfriend had just pointed towards. “My pottery courses are finally paying off. Don’t you think?” He commented.

“I can’t take my eyes off of it. This belongs to the Guggenheim museum.” She told him lifting the rather ugly looking piggy bank with both hands.

“Tell me I’m not wasting money on these courses.” He asked leaning against the counter with his cup of coffee in hand.

“Not my money at least.” Y/N replied putting the object back down.

“We can call her Money-ca.” Chris said approaching it. “There’s a chance I’ll be offered tenure at the University.” He subtly commented after clearing his throat and before taking a sip from his warm beverage.

“You never told me you wanted it.” Y/N said stopping her search to look at him for a second. “A tenure? That… could tie us to this city.” She added thinking out loud.

“It’s peaceful here.” Chris commented taking another sip. “A lot of good schools for the kids too…”

“Hold on.” Y/N said finally finding her keys under some files, and turning once again to look back at him with her eyebrows furrowed. “All of a sudden, I have a place where I’m gonna spend my entire life, and a couple children to go with it?” She questioned.

“What’s wrong with me thinking about our future?” He questioned back, making her stop again wishing she had just bitten her tongue.

“Nothing is wrong with you.” She sighed, the last thing she wanted was to argue with him. “It’s just… me.” She explained.

“I’m just thinking out loud.” He said ending the conversation with a deep sigh, putting the empty mug on the sink. “Don’t worry.” He said placing a kiss on top of her head before walking out. “I have to go run some errands, get some stuff for tonight. I gotta go. Merry Christmas, I love you!” He shouted from the front door.

Resting both hands on the counter and with her head hung low, Y/N closed her eyes and sighed. She had never really had a great example of what love was supposed to look like, but she wasn’t sure this was it. It was comfortable, sure, they were used to being together. They had for a while now. And It hadn’t always been like this, but right now things didn’t feel right.

Her phone ringing in her hand brought her attention back to reality and out of the debacle in her mind. Holly. Seeing her name on her screen brought a rush of adrenaline to her as she quickly slid her finger answering the phone.

“Y/N, I’m scared.” Were the first words that came out of her mouth. “They are threatening me.”

“Can we meet?” She calmly asked her.

“I moved in with my brother.” Holly kept talking, the panic evident in her voice. “My friend came by my apartment to check if everything was ok. She found a mess. They destroyed everything!”

“Only you can put an end to it.” Y/N told her. “Let’s meet and talk.”

“They have money and connections. They are going to find me.” Holly said anxiously and Y/N could hear her pacing through the phone.

“I can talk to the prosecutor to get you into the witness protection program. It’s the only way. I will arrange everything.” She told Holly trying to get her to calm down. “Stay calm, ok? It’ll keep you up with the news.” She said before they both hung up.

Without looking away from her phone, Y/N automatically searched through her contacts for one in specific. Bringing the phone back to her ear, she listened expectantly at the tone. One. Two. Three. Nothing. Again, one. Two. Three.

“Hello?”

“Good afternoon, I’m sorry to disturb you.” Y/N said instantly after hearing his voice.

“Oh, It’s fine. I’m always happy to help if it’s within my power.” The prosecutor said.

“Thank you, I know I can count on you. I’m contacting you about the FNIC case. We already talked about it earlier.” She told him.

“I like people that get straight to business.” He replied. “Do you have any news?”

“Do you remember how I told you about a girl named Laura? The girl that can provide us with evidence.”

“Yes, I recall you talking about her.”

“She’s is hiding now.” Y/N informed him. “She needs to be put in the witness protection program.”

“I will take care of it.” He told her. “Send me all the information, please.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s still too early to thank me.” He said. “Have a nice day.”

***

The office was as empty as she liked it when Y/N arrived. Early mornings were never easy on that kind of weather. The snow making moving around the city even harder.

“Morning.” She said confused to find Henry already sitting behind his desk. “Did you fell off the bed?” She joked.

“Morning to you too.” He replied watching her walk towards him. “Merry Christmas.”

“Lucky guy, Jesus. More than a billion people still remember his birthday after two thousand years.”

“What are your plans for today? Go home and celebrate with Chris?” He asked looking down at his papers to seem unbothered.

“And his parents apparently. You?” She asked.

“I’ll probably be at the bar.” Henry said.

“Alone?” Y/N questioned.

“Will you come if I invite you?” He questioned back, his eyes staring right into hers.

“I can’t.” She responded avoiding his gaze for a moment.

“You can’t but you want to.” Henry said closing the file in his hands.

“It’s not so simple.” She told him.

“What a convenient answer.” Henry said putting the file aside. “You’re constantly working on weekends... Even I’m starting to feel sorry for this guy. He thinks that introducing you to his parents will help him keep you.”

“Why don’t we focus on the job as we should?” She told him. “Which reminds me, we need to talk.” She said throwing herself on the chair in front of him.

“What are you up to?” He asked raising one eyebrow.

“I don’t feel right asking about it-”

“Y/N, you can skip the intro speech.” He said cutting her off. And Y/N had to use every bit of her strength to stop the smile threatening to show on her lips. A gesture that didn’t escape Henry’s eyes.

“Someone is threatening Holly. The prosecutor promised to help, but I’m afraid that everything will be stuck in a swamp of bureaucracy.” She told him.

“And what do you want to do?”

“I know all the evidence from Meredith’s case is missing. I want to try to get access to my old boss’ email account.”

“Let me guess. More breaking and entering?”

“It’s quite simple actually. We’ll both go to my old office and say that I’ve forgotten some things there...” Y/N explained.

“Sounds harmless for now.”

“We’ll meet Ryan, he’s the system administrator. He’s had his eyes on me for a long time. We’ll have a chat. Then you leave the room to get some water or whatever. You’ll see a small office near the bathroom. Captain Pierce’s room in to the left of the entrance. You need to turn on his computer and put my flash drive in for five seconds as usual.”

“You’re forgetting the possibility of me getting caught.”

“We’ll go there after six p.m. It’s Christmas, no one will be there.”

“Let’s say that someone is.”

“I wouldn’t be asking you if I wasn’t sure.” She told him. “What do you say? Are you with me?”

“Why do I find it so hard to say no to you?” He wondered.

“You are not one to back down, and you like taking a risk yourself?” She said trying to guess.

“There’s a third thing I’m afraid.”

“And what would that be?” Y/N asked.

“It doesn’t matter.” He replied standing up and walking out of the room, only to come back a minute later with a cup of coffee in hand.

“Did you go through Wilson’s files?” He questioned before taking a sip and groaning with disgust. “This is terrible!”

“And yet you take another sip.” She related, making him shrug.

“Was there anything on Regina Jones?”

“Those damn dice again.” Y/N responded throwing the pictures she had brought on the table. “What about Smith?” She asked.

“They found his hair in Regina Jones’s apartment.” Henry told her. “He says he just brought her some lecture notes. The forensics report is not ready yet.”

“He’ll be out on bail in no time.” She said.

“You can laugh, but I’m actually thinking about going feed his rabbits.” Henry commented throwing the now empty paper cup on the bin.

“Don’t forget to catch some butterflies on the way.” She joked.

***

Ryan was a nice guy, too innocent if you ask. Y/N didn’t feel right using his infatuation for her benefit, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

The moment he saw her entering the precinct a smile showed on his face. He Had thought he would never see her face again. Ryan knew once someone was transferred, they hardly ever returned. He did not know the reason why she was there. And he did not care either, he was just happy to see her.

“Y/N! How are you? Didn’t think I’ll see you here again…” He said as soon as she was close to him.

“Ryan! Nice seeing you too. Just came by to get some stuff I left at my former office.” She told him with a small smile. “Oh, hold on…” She said picking up her phone and taking a few steps back.

“Hey, where are you?” She said nicely as if she were talking to a friend, she was actually pissed he was late.

“I’m in the hallway.” Henry replied confused by her tone, but using it to mock her. “What did you do to the poor boy? Such awe and fascination in his innocent eyes when he looks at you.” He wondered.

“Did you read too much Byron?” She questioned.

“There you are!” Henry said walking towards them. Phone in hand.

“Sorry, Ryan, this is Henry. Henry, this is Ryan.” She introduced them. “Henry is here to help me carry the boxes.” She explained and Ryan simply nodded his head. His eyes fixed on Henry.

“I can help too.” He offered.

“Oh, don’t worry.” She dismissed him. “Why don’t you go ahead and I’ll met you in a minute. I’d like to catch up with Ryan for a bit.” She told Henry.

“Sure, where should I go?” He asked.

“Go straight, then turn left. There will be a door to the right.” Y/N indicated, and Henry walked out.

“So, tell me…” She said bringing her focus back to Ryan, ready to engage in some empty conversation. A conversation that lasted no longer than five minutes. “I better go check on Henry. I hope he didn’t get lost on the way.” She joked.

“I’ll go with you.” He offered, and Y/N couldn’t say no again.

“Is this all?” Henry asked piling a few boxes on top of her former desk. Y/N stared at him with eyebrows furrowed for half a second before agreeing.

“Yup, I think that’s all.” She replied looking around the empty office.

“Great.” He said using his strength to lift the boxed with both hands. “We’re good to go then.” He added walking towards Ryan and her standing at the door.

“It was nice seeing you again, Ryan.” She told him placing a hand on top of his shoulder.

“It was nice seeing you too…” He responded watching them leave.

“Did you get it?” Y/N asked Henry as the walk through the door and into the cold winter breeze.

“Did you ever doubt me?” He questioned acting hurt.

“Well….” She said earning herself a look from the man walking right beside her. “I’m joking!” She told him. “What’s with those boxes tough? What did you steal?”

“Nothing.” He said throwing them in the backseat of his car.

“They’re empty?” She asked bursting into laughter. “I can’t believe you pretended to carry some heavy stuff inside them.”

“Well, what can I say?” He replied, a smile playing on his lips at the sight of her laughing face. She seemed relaxed, and with her nose red from the cold she looked nothing but cute.

“Thank you.” She said calming her laughter. Her eyes locked on his to show him she meant it.

“Anytime.” He replied, replicating her gestures.

“Hey, umm, are you sure you don’t wanna come to the bar?”

“I… I guess one drink won’t hurt.” She replied. “People call it liquid courage after all. I could use some of that.” She added.

***

“Y/N? Where are you? My parents are already here.” The message read on her phone screen. The words becoming more and more blurry the longer she stared at them.

She wasn’t sure how, or when, but at some point of the night that single drink became two and those two became four. And so on, until she couldn’t count anymore. Or think anymore. So when the phone in her hand started ringing she absentmindedly picked it up.

“Y/N!” A worried Chris said on the other end of the line, glad to finally get in contact with his girlfriend.

“I’m sorry…” Y/N said, before anything else. “I can’t force myself to come.” She added, the words stumbling in his tongue, making a terrible job coming out of her lips.

“Where are you?” Chris asked. “Are you drunk?”

“Maybe.” She replied in a sigh. “I’m in my old apartment.”

“I guess I’m putting too much pressure on you.” Chris said sadly. A sadness that shattered Y/N heart into pieces. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you like this?” She asked him, both elbows pressed on top of her knees, her head hung low in between them.

“Like what?” He asked back.

“You are always tolerating my behavior and forgiving me when I act like this…” She said.

“Maybe you subconsciously want me to leave you?” He wondered.

“You’re so much better than me. You deserve…”

“No.” He said before letting her finish her sentence. “I just love you.” He told her. “I’m sorry for putting too much pressure on you.”

“Why are you not mad at me?” She questioned. “Even I am mad at myself.”

“Come home.” He softly requested. “It’ll just be us.”

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