GlamBelle

Hollanov Social Media Fics

This is an ongoing list that will be updated as I read more !!

🏒 Thirst Tweets: Centaurs Edition | 1.0k

centaurs read thirst tweets

🏒 you go down (while the world watches) | 1.4k

Or, the one where hockeytwt reacts to Shane Hollander’s injury during the Metros x Raiders game and Ilya Rozanov’s reaction to it.

🏒 It's Time to Tell the World (I've Loved You for 12 Summers Now, Honey) | 1.7k

Shane and Ilya make their relationship timeline public on twitter.

🏒 You’re Giving Me Gray Hairs | 1.8k

the young Centaurs players have made it a goal in life to stress Ilya and Shane out at all times.

🏒 Ilya Rozanov Exposé | 1.8k

Viral: Married "gay" hockey star Ilya Rozanov caught IN PUBLIC sexting mystery woman. WITH RECEIPTS!

🏒 The Crowell Tapes | 2.0k

NHL Commissioner Roger Crowell under fire after audio of him reprimanding @OttawaCentaurs players Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander over controversial coming out leaks online

🏒 Ilya vs Omegaverse | 2.2k

Ilya discovers the omegaverse and makes the idea of a pregnant Shane everyone's problem

🏒 20 Questions | 2.5k

Harris ask Hollanov questions for Valentine’s day social media.

🏒 Ilya’s Ipad Baby | 2.8k

Ilya is an online menace much to everyone's dismay

🏒 Shaydengate | 2.8k

Twitter user @ShaneHollanderNHL accidentally interacts with ship art.

🏒 Project Kill Pike | 2.9k

hayden's birthday post to shane causes a stir online. ilya doesn't stay silenced

🏒 Got Me Puck-ed Up | 3.1k

it’s February 14, and the Ottawa Centaurs’ question of the day comes in the form of custom-made Valentine’s cards for the players (some good, some not so much).

🏒 Home Alone | 3.1k

Ilya Rozanov, home alone.

🏒 You Will Murder Me? | 3.9k

Ilya's reaction every time Shane does a new sponsor deal and photoshoot (no, he is not okay).

🏒 What’s Wrong With Them (Affectionate) | 3.9k

What if Shane and Ilya decide to explode the internet by letting their friends post about their wedding, before anyone knows they're together. A chaotic way to come out if they could do it on their own terms.

🏒 they have no idea (about me and you) | 4.1k

Or, the one where some fans on hockeytwt get FanMails from Hayden Pike with a little Hollanov sprinkled throughout them so they form a private group with the agreement to not leak those videos. But then Brad happens.

🏒 The Low Road | 6.2k

Hollanov has gone public, Harris is permanently exhausted, and Troy just wants to get through one dinner without having to hear about Ilya fucking Rozanov.

🏒 Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov Break the Internet | 6.2k

Hollanov slowly coming out through social media posts.

🏒 There Lived A Certain Man In Russia Long Ago | 7.7k

Shane's ever-growing list of songs he has banned because Ilya does not know how to behave himself

🏒 Say Something Batshit Crazy (I’ll Do It, Don’t You Make Me) | 8.3k

Ilya joins stan twitter

🏒 I Beg You, Don’t Embarrass Me (Motherfucker) | 8.7k

Ilya refuses to desactive his stan account

🏒 I’ll Drive You Home (You Drive Me Crazy) | 10.5k

Competing in the Olympic games doesn't stop Ilya from terrorizing stan Twitter

🏒 I Just Want You To Know Who I Am (From the Cottage) | 15.0k

Shane and Ilya finally get the chance to tell their story the way they want to.

🏒 Twitter SMAU

where shane gets added to the ottawa WAGs group chat and they all find out that polite shane hollander is secretly a freak

No additional comments here just my little (little-ahhah-funny) obsession with Hollanov and "Wolfbird" by @opal-apparition (ao3)

Someone clips it and it goes viral.

Over the next few days, Shane and Ilya's mentions start to get flooded with pictures. Mostly it's screenshots from various games they played against each other, meticulously picked through by dedicated fans to find every moment Shane and Ilya looked at each other on the ice.

Some screenshots get shared by hundreds of different people because they stand out so obviously: Shane and Ilya meeting each other's eyes during a face off; Ilya looking at Shane while his back is turned, naked longing visible on his face; Shane chasing after Ilya with a small but delighted grin.

There are also pictures from press events, award ceremonies, behind the scenes at All Stars. Seemingly any time Shane and Ilya got captured in the same frame gets dug up and shared.

Finally, a couple of weeks later, the director of Shane and Ilya's CCM commercial posts outtakes from their shoot. It's captioned 'Took a bit of digging but I knew I still had these somewhere! I had to make my contribution to the #HollanovArchives even though this must have been a while before they got together. These kids had crazy chemistry, right from the start!'

Shane hasn't responded to the onslaught yet, too overwhelmed by the (slightly terrifying) dedication of their fans as well as the fact that he now has dozens of pictures clearly displaying his and Ilya's love for each other during a time in their lives when it was so desperately hidden.

He does respond now, sharing the director's post with a sincere (and publicist-approved) caption thanking him and the fans.

The whole team settles in with rapt attention, ready to roast the shit out of Roz over it via group chat, only to see. Well. It's a series of interview clips over the years. It's made up exclusively of three things. One, clips of Hollander "stealing" linguistically challenging questions that the whole team knows Rozanov hates. Two, clips of Rozanov derailing questions that are about Hollander's "representation of his community," which gossip on the street says makes Hollander uncomfortable. Three, Hollander and Rozanov commenting individually on the rivalry, with vicious comments such as. "He's of course a great player, but he'll find us difficult to beat." Such fire in Rozanov's comments are especially damning, given his whole chirp-king-schtick. The video editor, with all the obsession and perception of a true fangirl, makes sure to circle every instance where you can see the shadow of Hollander and Rozanov pressing their feet together - and in one instance holding hands - beneath the interview table. (You wouldn't see it unless you're looking for it - or unless someone circles it in red for you.)

The video finishes, and the team sits in a kind of shocked silence as the next video auto-plays. This one is a compilation of Rozanov chirping Hollander on the ice. Here, the editor has helpfully drawn an arrow to Hollander's face whenever he blushes. The editor has also inserted text overlays with comments like. "Look at how fiercely Rozanov insults his rival." And then puts smaller arrows pointing to Roz's body language, with helpful texts like "excited wiggle indicating absolute fury," and "besotted grin indicating deep hatred." The sarcasm is distressingly accurate in its point.

(Listen, the whole team knows what Roz looks like when he's chirping someone. This - this is not it. This is not it at all. This is him when he's being silly with people he really likes. What is going on.)

The video finishes, and this time someone has the presence of mind to stop the auto-play before another mind-breaking thing comes up.

Someone else, trying to lighten the silence with a joke, and maybe dismiss it all as a fever dream, says, "Montreal Jane? More like Montreal Shane, am I right?"

And. Well.

Once it's out there, there's no coming back from it.

The crew shows up totally unsure of what to expect, charmed but surprised when it's Ilya opening the door in a tank and sweats and dramatically sighing, "Is meal prep day."

They spend hours filming the couple navigating the kitchen, arguing over how much salt to put in their egg cups, talking about how they learned to cook together when they first made a real go of their relationship.

Shane keeps his hands busy and his eyes focused on his prep work, and that makes it easier to talk about the murky grey area between healthy food choices and disordered eating. Ilya just rubs his back and mocks how he's dicing the bell peppers and keeps calling what he's wearing his "unlucky sweatpants" until Shane hits him in the face with a spatula while mumbling something about tuna melts.

Surprising exactly no one, the video goes viral when it drops on YouTube. It explodes on socials, with thousands of people stitching together Ilya saying "is meal prep day" with videos of their own meal prep, their healthy habits, sharing their own journey to loving food and treating it as fuel and not punishment. They use the tag #eatlikehollanov and it trends immediately.

Ilya's favorite part is when fans start to battle over #eatlikehollanov - the food posts get overtaken with videos and photos of them out at social events, serving cunt and generally looking like top designers battle it out for who gets repped by The Gay Wonder Twins of Hockey (which they do, and stop calling us that, we're married you perverts).

Then Shane and Ilya are spotted at a bar making out in a dark corner and everyone remembers these two probably spend 30% of their waking hours eating each other alive, and suddenly it's #eatlikehollanov munch munch munch yum yum yum.

The Centaurs jump on the trend, sharing their own food prep videos with increasing innuendo. Luca Haas turning bright red while eating a glazed donut gets 3 million views, but Troy really breaks the internet by eating a banana while maintaining eye contact with the camera the whole time. Harris threatens to replace the Kiss Cam at games with #eatlikehollanov and Shane tries his hardest to crawl into a corner and die because he just wanted to share how he protein loads, you guys, why did you have to make it so weird.

Series: Hit Post

A series of social media/epistolary fic exploring the world Shane and Ilya live in post The Long Game.

The Crowell Tapes (2k)

Summary:

ESPN ✅ @espn

NHL Commissioner Roger Crowell under fire after audio of him reprimanding @OttawaCentaurs players Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander over controversial coming out leaks online

The Andrei Rozanov Files (2.1k)

Summary:

New York Post ✅ @nypost

Andrei Rozanov blasts NHL-superstar brother Ilya: “Shocking lack of respect for real family"

The Ilya Rozanov Exposé (1.8k)

Summary:

Perez Hilton ✅ @PerezHilton

Viral: Married "gay" hockey star Ilya Rozanov caught IN PUBLIC sexting mystery woman. WITH RECEIPTS!

The Montréal Voyageurs Report (3.4k)

Summary:

ESPN ✅ @espn

With a new #24, the Montreal Voyageurs are finally ready to forget Shane Hollander

The Gilbert Comeau Dossier (2.9k)

Summary:

ESPN ✅ @ESPN

Ottawa’s Ilya Rozanov has been fined $5000, the maximum allowable under the CBA, for slashing Montreal’s Gilbert Comeau.

The NHL Edict (2.8k)

Summary:

The Athletic NHL ✅ @TheAthleticNHL