gladiatorgrl

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out – we don’t serve your type.”

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar – fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony

and my english teacher circled the paragraph where I’d connected the candle to the money and wrote “this kind of close reading is what literary analysis is all about” in the margin. he used purple pen. i remember what his handwriting looked like in that margin. because it was like I’d cracked this secret code, and my english teacher understood me, we were speaking the secret language together! 

plain tortilla chips eaten with nothing on them

eating cereal by the handful, straight out of the box

cold, 4-day old leftovers

peanut butter straight out of the jar

“Konaha School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: Year One” a series by Chinese artist 肥羊kdl (Chubby Sheep), reposted with permission, link in source

I will also be translating at least one short comic set in this universe soon, so look forward to that! Isn’t this art amazing? I could not believe she has only a few hundred followers on Weibo!

Edit: I misread 肥 as 胖 when I initially posted this. Ooooooops! Thankfully the original artist very graciously pointed out my mistake!!! It should be “Fei Yang” not “Pang Yang”.

It’s gonna happen if you refresh the internet or not, so put your phone down and do something else for a while

Keep hydrated

Take your god damn pills

If you can’t sleep at least close your eyes in a dark room for a while

Eat. Anything. I personally reccomend vegan freezer burritos but as long as it puts calories into your body eat it.

Please remember to VOTE tomorrow! 

You can register to vote on Election Day in the following states:

Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Hawaii, Indiana, Illinois, Idaho, Maryland, Maine, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Utah, Vermont, Washington, Wisconsin, Wyoming, and Washington, D.C.!

Vote like this country depends on it, because it does!