Kitsune

The man was a menace. An absolute, utter menace. Of course, he meant to be one, he made that incredibly clear. But you just found it absolutely amazing how you couldn’t go even five seconds without the feeling of Jack’s hand on your ass. Not even in a cute, endearing way. He wasn’t roaming his hands around your body, caressing your curves because he couldn’t get enough of you. No, he was just outright giving you a little smack. Whenever, and wherever, he wanted to. 

It was bad enough when you would be at his ranch, taking a walk throughout the serene gardens with your fingers interlocked. A perfectly peaceful, romantic scene with the sun setting overhead. Completely, utterly, ruined by a sharp smacking sound filling the air as his hand connected with your backside. 

Of course, you were alone here. You had all the free range you could ever possibly need to have in order to try and tackle him to the ground. It was absolutely childish, both of you running after each other and hiding in bushes - even climbing up a tree at one point - to win the play fight. But it was also invigorating, like bringing out your inner child as you both just ended up rolling onto the grass with you in a fit of laughter. In those moments, you could forget why you had decided that you wanted to tackle him onto the ground in the first place.

But it only got worse from there.

Because there were times when you would go to the store for groceries. The two of you would just be looking around, picking up things for something that one of you wanted to make. But what always seemed to trigger him was when he passed by the baking aisle. You could always see the joke coming from a mile away, the second a box of cake entered your line of vision you knew you were a goner. 

He could never just say something normal like “Hey babe, wanna make some dessert tonight?”. Of course it was always more like, “That cake looks great, but I see an even better piece right here.” And then smack your ass in front of anyone who just happened to walk by. 

If you didn’t love him so much it would be embarrassing for you, but it wasn’t. In fact, the dirty looks that people gave you both for doing something like that, something so classless, in a public area just made you laugh. And when you laughed about it, that just so happened to give Jack the okay to laugh about it too. So long as you thought it was funny, he had no reason to be worried. 

Those things were bad enough. But when it came to work? This just had to be your last straw. 

“Whiskey, do you have your eyes on the target?” Ginger filled both of your ears as you glanced around the ballroom. The man you were looking for was supposed to stand out with bright red hair. It should be too difficult to find him had you both not been previously enraptured by ‘keeping up appearances’. The thing about being the only couple in Kingsman was that Ginger always figured out how to get you both sent on missions that required people to act like they’re in a relationship. It’s  just ‘more natural’ to her. 

“I’ve got him.” You answered, nudging Whiskey in the direction of the tall man. He was older than both of you, his red hair stuck out like a sore thumb when you could so obviously tell that it was dyed from a snowy white color. 

“Draw his attention to you both, you just need to keep him talking long enough for Tequila to grab the device from his table.” 

“Got it, Ginger.”

Both of you turned your audio down a bit, enough that you could hear the all-clear when it came, but still quiet enough that there was no chance anyone else would be able to hear it when he got close enough. 

“May I have this dance, honey?” 

“Yes you may darlin’.” You let Jack take your hand, gliding you closer to him as you let your bodies sway together. Though you knew that you were here on a job, there was still something so lovely about being able to hold him close in a room like this. 

This room was one of the nicer ones you’d seen, and you’d seen pretty extravagant rooms. But this party had a starry night theme, and the entire room was lit with brilliant blues and glittering ‘stars’. It felt like something out of a movie, but you were sure that a kingpin like the man you were investigating where the kinds of people that thought movie setpieces were juvenile to the things that life affords them. 

Still, it felt romantic enough that you were comfortable resting your head on his chest. Comfortable letting him loosen his grip on one of your hands to place his hand over your waist. You felt at peace for just a moment, but that peace was interrupted when you felt Jack’s hand leave your hip, and out of absolutely nowhere give you a light smack on the ass. 

“Seriously? Here?!” You pulled back, despite pulling away from the dance you let your free hand stay interlocked with his. 

“Anytime-” He cut off, an award winning smile covering his face as he turned you around to face the man of the hour. Just the man you had been looking for. 

“I remember those days, back when my wife and I first met.” Despite the criminal activities the man before you had committed, the reason for sending a couple was due to his own personal weakness. He loved his wife, and he loved romance. He had a soft spot for love and people in it, so of course he would come over to the couple he hadn’t been given the chance to speak to before. “The names Mark, but I’m sure you know that since you’re at my party.” 

His laugh was false, so were yours and Jack’s. But he was none the wiser as Jack held his hand out, “Tony and Bella-”

“Oh! The two new people I was warned about! I’ve been looking forward to meeting any new names on the list. I heard you made a pretty sizable donation to my foundation.” 

Jack pulled his hand back, allowing you to shake the man’s hand. “Oh, we don’t worry about the numbers. It’s the least we can do.” 

The thing was, ‘Tony and Bella’ were two people who were actually meant to attend this party but fled the country the day prior when the Kingsman caught up to them. It should’ve been a perfect plan, but the only thing on your mind was exacting your revenge on Jack for deciding to do his weird hobby in front of a bunch of wealthy strangers. 

“Now I’m very interested, are the two of you married?” 

“Yes, we just got back from our honeymoon two weeks ago. Isn’t that right?” This time you didn’t hold back, your hand slipping behind him to place a firm smack against his backside. 

Jack looked beyond embarrassed, and if he hadn’t done the same to you earlier you might’ve felt bad about it. “Oh I can tell, I miss that.” Mark let out another insincere laugh, the sound of a bell ringing in your ears altered you that the job was done. “I better get going, though, the ceremony is about to begin.” 

While Mark rushed up to the stage and everyone else fought to find a seat, you and Jack used the chaos to escape without being noticed. The moment you were outside, waiting for Tequila, you felt him grab your arm so you would face him. He tugged you against his chest, his lips ghosting over the shell of your ear. 

“What was that all about?” His accent was thick in your ear, and you couldn’t fight the shivers that ran up your spine as you leaned into his touch.

“You like smacking my ass so much, thought it must be pretty fun.” You said, watching him pull away from you with a smile growing on his face.

“Was it?” 

“Very. Let me show you-”

As you went to reach around him he pulled your hand into his, his fingers wrapping around yours. Your other hand was placed against his chest, and you would really rather not move it if you didn’t have to. 

As a pout started to form on your face you felt his lips against you, distracting you from what you had been trying to do in the first place as you kissed him back. Despite the tickle of his mustache, his lips were rather soft. He tasted sweet to you, but he also tasted like home. 

“Hey, lovebirds! It’s time to go!” Tequila was parked in front of you both, head popped out of the car as you pulled away from each other. Just as you went to head to the car, you reached around to place one final smack against his backside, Jack turning to you like you’d grown a second head as you sprinted to the car. 

“Bold move.” Tequila stated, sitting down in the driver’s seat as Jack slid in next to you. 

“Yeah, well, I was just returning the favor.” You said, turning to face him with an innocent smile. Despite his attempt to look annoyed, Jack couldn’t help but smile over at you. 

That smile faded, however, the moment Tequila was distracted driving the car down the road. Jack leaned over, his mouth beside your ear as he brushed your hair out of the way. “Hope you’re not too tired, because you’re in for a long night now sweetheart.”