Funnily Bookish

But now, as an adult? There’s something very. I don’t know. When I was a kid, I assumed all those mysteries were beyond comprehension, or more convoluted than could be easily explained. Now that I’m an adult, I watch this and all these mysteries are explained and truths revealed and none of them were as complicated or strange as I might have expected. Things are simpler than me as a child imagined. That just… seems right. You grow up, and things you thought were complicated are actually more simple than they seemed, and somehow, that simplicity can be worse, because that’s how the world works. Sometimes, horrible things happen over squabbles that shouldn’t have blown up the way they did. Esme wanted to keep her sugar bowl because she’s petty and that thing belonged to her. It blew up because people are… people. I’m not sure I would have understood that then. 

I think, when you’re a kid, a bleak or ambiguous ending seems sort of powerful, because you’re a kid, and you’re used to reading stories where everything is okay in the end, but kids sometimes need to know that that isn’t how the story goes. As an adult? I need to be reminded, often, that the world isn’t as bleak as I think it is, that sometimes there are happy endings, that sometimes things break down just because people are simple and petty and human. I need to be reminded that people find their way home, that broken pieces and come together to make something new and whole.

I don’t know. I think that the show simplified some of the things the kids faced and decisions and mistakes a bit, and I wish they hadn’t done that. But as a long time viewer, and someone who grew from childhood to adulthood in the interim, there is something about the show that feels like completion. We still don’t have all the answers. Probably won’t ever. I firmly believe that the show and the books are meant to be taken as companion stories where neither has the whole truth and both have some things wrong, but as far as themes go, the show feels to me like an excellent capping to the story, and just another pointer to the cyclical nature of most things. That being said, though, you can always muster a chapter 14 in a story that’s otherwise been unlucky, and that’s part of the cycle, too. Maybe one day we’ll get another telling of this story, made for another time and a different group of people and we’ll glimpse more of the truth in the muddy reality of the story being told. Still not all of it, of course, but some. 

push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.

get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.

stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.

buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.

buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.

strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.

organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.

have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.

push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.

message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.

think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.

become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.