free jon

I haven't updated this in a while so hi again. At the pool today, i tried a dolphin kick for the 374728286th time. I finally finally did it. I was able to dolphin kick underwater halfway down the pool. Since i was swimming across lanes, during a public "free swim", that was about 7m. Holy shit!!! i was like no way, this has to be a fluke. so i went underwater again, tried it again, and did it AGAIN! NO WAY! 7m doesn't sound like a lot but it was the first time i felt propulsion!

I guess it finally clicked. My dolphin kick is pretty bad though but I think it'll get better from here.

holy crap today in swim class, we were told to swim the length of the 25m pool. alright, cool. easy enough, then after, swim back. again, cool. then do it again.

does that mean I swam 100m freestyle if i swam the length 4 times? It felt tiring. Then we were told to do it but backstroke.

now, my backstroke sucks but i did it and it wasn't difficult but it wasn't easy. My kicking becomes messy right at the end when i'm tired.

I've been itching to try swimming 25m again for weeks because usually when I go to pools for leisure swims, I swim "across" lanes which is shorter. 

So this week, when I had class, we all went to the deep end. From there, I was able to swim the entire 25m again freestyle. This time I did it "properly" and didn't die! It was still a bit exhausting. 

I actually asked my classmates to do it with me which they agreed to, but when I got to the end, everyone was behind me watching me because they gave up halfway. The other class, which was a lower level, was also watching me too. My classmates all said my technique was “smooth like an Olympian” and my instructor said I was good. I wonder if I inspired everyone watching, the same way better swimmers inspire me.

so last week during class, i started doing backstroke. not sure how. it just magically “clicked”. now when i had class before, i could never get backstroke down, but somehow this time, i just “did it”. it was really weird. on top of that, my flutter kicking on my back actually gets me somewhere now? what? how did that happen? i’m so confused!

anyways i swam about 5x last week. 4 of those were me practicing backstroke and my kicking. i can’t believe it! i’m actually doing it! my coach says my backstroke is getting there and i need to “relax more”. also i was at another pool on friday, and this lady was like “i see you here every week and you get better each time” and i was genuinely surprised.

As of lately, I’ve been swimming up to three times a week anywhere I can. Swimming helps me forget about the greyness of winter. Also if I’m in a terrible mood and I notice the pool is open, jumping in for 30 minutes seems to give me a crazy mood boost. I’ve also been reading Bonnie Tsui’s Why We Swim which has helped me articulate the way I feel about swimming.

I’ve finally gained confidence to visit public leisure swims. The pools in my city are so nice! Every pool has its own quirks and set of people.

I went swimming today to try to work more on my kicking and breathing. The pool was divided into lanes because apparently everyone felt that would be fun. The lifeguard on duty explained it to me and was like “that’s democracy!”

Anyways I swam my freestyle up to 15m, then from there I was on my tippy toes. Usually when I’m in these deeper areas, I try to stay in the surface, but then I was like “why not just go down?” I remembered a while ago my instructor saying I could “launch” myself off the floor. So instead of trying to stay up, I should just let myself fall because the floor isn’t even that deep. Well I did that and it kinda worked. I went down but my body just went right back up. I tried.

So next I decided to start exhaling. Then slowly, I started to sink. It was really really interesting to be down there. I just sat on the floor. I don’t know how to describe the feeling. Everywhere I looked up, there were people above me. It was a strange sensation. People were flying. I had to be careful though because I was holding on to whatever breath I had left. Naturally, my body wants to go up, so going up is not an issue. Holding myself down was a bit challenging. 

I decided to just swim underwater. It’s definitely different. As I approached the shallow water, I found myself back on the surface. So next, I tried to “launch” myself from the floor. I’m not entirely sure how to do that but I just pushed myself off the same way I do from the wall and up I went. I assume this is some terrible “breakout” form. 

Woke up at 8:30am today and went to the pool at 10am. On Monday, my substitute said they would be there today so I thought to myself “why not go!”

When I got to the pool deck, they saw me and said “I thought you weren’t coming today!” and I was like “well I thought I might as well!” Surrounded by a bunch of old ladies, I practiced kicking on my back. The cool thing was it felt like they were coaching me one-on-one even though they were acting as lifeguard for everyone else. “Watch your knees”, “kick with your hips”, “point your toes” were all things I heard.

Then I asked them again if they really thought I should go for the next swim level and they said yes. Turns out, they’re the instructor for the next level. In other words, they recommended me to their level. What a coincidence!

Later, I went to the deep end and did the front crawl again, out of their suggestion. The breathing is kinda difficult for me still, but I think I just need more practice. After the swim, I went to the front desk to switch my swim level and they told me to go upstairs to the aquatics office. 

So I went up and entered the office. Sitting there was my current instructor and the substitute. We had a small discussion and the sub was telling the instructor how they wouldn’t want to see me do a repeat because they think I’m good enough to move on. To be honest, I’m quite shocked because I don’t really know how “good” I am.

I'm now 2 months in since I started swimming. Yesterday at swim class, we had a substitute because the replacement got sick. Hilarious, I know.

The substitute had us work on kicking on our backs, which I suck at! Nevertheless, they said I improved a bit, even though I still don’t move.

We then moved over to the deep end. The first thing we did was jumping into the water. That was fun! Then we worked on treading. I was the only one who could tread for 45 seconds. A win! 

After that, we started doing sillier things, like trying to pick up stuff off the ground. Sounds easy? Well no, not for me apparently! I keep floating up!! Then we decided it would be fun to try somersaults. Again, not so easy to get it right. While I was upside down, I saw the underside of the surface of the water and it was beautiful. The light shining through this barrier between both sides. I felt for a moment I was in a different world.

Finally, the freestyle. The sub said I had a good freestyle, but I should kick more. Oh the kicking… it’s always the kicking. I swam from the deep end to the shallow side, but stopped before I reached there. They said I was doing good and asked why I stopped, and so I said “forgot to breathe!” 

I stayed an extra 15 minutes after class to practice with the substitute. They always tell us to come to the pool to practice whenever we can. I love the supportive environment. After that, the pool was starting to close, and I heard someone in the next lane say "but I don't wanna get out of the pool". Same.

This is going to be lengthy, but today I reached 25m for the very first time. I started from the deep end and swam all the way to the shallow end. But when I attempted it a second time, I only made it halfway. I forgot to breathe!!!! My instructor was like "yeah a lot of people forget to breathe" which was oddly comforting I guess? I think my issue is really rotating enough to get that breath in.

Although I'm very proud of myself for tasting that sweet 25m, I think I need to improve my technique and breathing to make it last. My second attempt felt like a wake-up call in a way, because I was still in the deeper end of the pool when I realized I wasn't able to get my breaths in. So it quickly felt like I wasn't able to keep going, but I knew I wasn't able to stop because the water was still too deep. I powered my way through it, then I sort of collapsed. And by collapsed, I mean I just had to stop and let my head out the water. Being in the deeper end meant I couldn't stand up without tippy-toeing!

Swimming makes me feel like I'm flying (even though I can't do the butterfly yet), so that second attempt felt sort of like a plane taking off and losing both engines right after takeoff, kinda like US Airways flight 1549. Getting to a safer spot meant powering through without panic, but it felt a bit terrifying. Okay maybe this comparison is a bit absurd.

In other news, we learned the backstroke. I still can't get this kicking down. I thought adding the arms in would help me on my back but I'll need more practice. My instructor was like "you need to get your hips higher" and I was like "so I should try to get my ass out of the water?" and they laughed and was like "exactly!" We also practiced treading again but treading isn't so hard really, it just makes you tired.

Alright I reached 15m in class today. It's exhausting!!!

So we got a new replacement instructor finally. I was showing them my front crawl progress. They said my breathing was the best in the class, but my breathing is still pretty terrible, but they told me I was basically the closest to getting it "correct". So that's good I think.

We also started treading which I kinda got down. The instructor gave everyone a pool noodle as a floating aid but for me, they were like "do you wanna do it without it?" and I was like "alright y'all, who wants to see me drown" and they were like "ok! that's why I'm here! You'll be fine." Treading makes me exhausted!!

After that, since we were in the deeper side of the pool, but not at the deep end, they were like "let's swim the 15m back to the shallow end." If we were in the deep end, it would've been 25m. They said we can do whatever we want for those 15m. In other words, freestyle it, which to me means front crawl.

Since we're all in the deeper side, but not the deep end, that means there was no wall to kick off of, which basically means I had to literally do the whole 15m without gliding, or as I like to call it, "cheating". So that's what I did and wow the feeling of it is so awesome! After we each did it, we were talking about how exhausting it feels, but then I was like "wait hold on can we do that AGAIN?" and everyone looked at me like I was insane.

Swimming always makes me so happy afterwards. It's such a fun sport. It's seriously tough and exhausting but it feels so good. I wonder if I should visit that other community centre on Friday again.

I went to a public pool by myself for the first time today. There were so many people there and from various backgrounds and ages! I think it's awesome seeing people swim or just messing around in the water.

I practiced my front crawl some more and used a lane pool. It's a little tough, but I can sort of feel this sensation of ease even though it really just feels rough right now. I think I need to work on my breathing and pacing some more.

At times, I sort of felt like my body was sinking but then I would continue the front crawl and somehow find myself propelled back up. What a cool feeling! Earlier this week, I reached a measly 10m in my freestyle, but I'm almost certain I did more than that today.

On Monday, we had another new substitute instructor. We mainly worked on the front crawl. The sub showed us how to use our arms for the front crawl. Then they told us when to breathe. So I did it. I freestyled 10m and it felt magical. It felt so effortless! I was so happy! 10m is almost halfway to 25m!! 

Something I wasn’t quite expecting was that the sub told me I was the best in the class, so they kept asking me to try harder things. Although now that I think about it, wherever any instructor asks us to do something, everyone just stares at me to go first, even when I yell out “not going first!” as a joke. I’m glad I guess. I’m also happy that my classmates think I’m approachable and trustworthy enough for them to open up to about their challenges. Can’t take that for granted!

On a Friday evening, in a pool occupied by old ladies and some kids, here I am with my friend from swim class. Watching some of these kids do the butterfly and speeding through freestyle is insane to me.

I can't seem to get my kicking down. No matter what I try, I just don't really move. My classmate moves easily though. Is this my first road block? I'm sure I can get over this. There must be something I'm missing.

I also have a swim cap now, but whenever I go underwater, I float right back up. Is my cap a giant balloon? I definitely look like a swimmer now, which makes me feel kinda cool because I look just like the pros I see in videos. Now I just need to perform.

Naturally, my mind is thinking "this is too difficult" and "give up" but obviously I can't. I need to see this through. But also, I can't let go of the feeling of swimming. I want to do it more, confidently.

Worked on my front crawl in class today. Doing it "properly" takes a lot of work. The breathing, the kicking, the hips, so many things to keep track of! It's all worth it to me, that feeling of gliding through the water is something I don't know how to describe yet.

I got invited back on Friday to practice more. I think I made a new friend too because they were like "let's come back and practice together" and I was like sure. We had a short chat about swimming afterwards and both agreed there is a vulnerability in swimming, but it's also very liberating.

There's also another person in class I had a small chat with who's still afraid of the water. Before class, we were watching other people swim, and I was pointing out the different strokes people were doing in front of us and telling them how beautiful I thought it was. The beauty of it is something that motivates me and fuels my desire to improve. I really hope I was able to encourage them more. When they finally got the front glide down, I started clapping for them, and everyone joined in too. The instructor pointed out to them that we were cheering them on.

As I write this after privately practicing my swimming for the past two days at a hotel, it's been one month now since I started swimming again. I love floating on my back and just paddling myself around. The feeling of falling back and having the water catch me feels so freeing. I also saw an old lady doing laps which is impressive.

From what I can tell, my fear of the water is massively reduced now. Although, underwater still feels uncomfortable and slightly scary but I guess I'll have to face it to get to where I want to be. I get pretty much excited thinking about swimming, and before and after I swim. I swam until the hotel pool closed at 11pm, then went right back at 9am the next day. Just thinking about the pool got me up early! And yes, after having breakfast, I went right back and swam until my 2pm checkout.

From what I can tell, I seriously have to work on my front crawl. When I feel myself moving through the water, it’s exhilarating, but my technique, breathing and endurance are terrible right now. I think when I reach a measly 25m, I'll be quite happy. Then I'll keep going until I reach 50m, then 100m! Something I want to tackle eventually is the dolphin kick, the butterfly, and of course, speed. Watching videos of other swimmers—they make it look so easy, so graceful, so effortless, and it’s beautiful. I want to swim more freely.

I've told a few people that I’ve been swimming, but others have been guessing what I've been up to. They've guessed oddly specific things like pickleball, squash and bowling. Swimming just doesn't come to mind it seems.

Swim class again today and the instructor was out again, so we had another substitute.

I think I've locked down floating this week, and I'm confident I can float now. The substitute gave everyone these foam aquatic dumbbells that helped with floating, but looked at me and was like "do you need them?" and I was like "hmm perhaps not!" We also tried a fun floating exercise where we flipped from front to back. That was really fun.

Something I'm pretty bad at it gliding on my back. I can't seem to get it down, and kicking doesn't seem to help me move. Front gliding isn't so bad though. I love that feeling.

We also jumped into the deep end. The water went up my nose but I think I'm used to this nose-burning sensation now. When I look down at the water before jumping in, it makes me feel like I can actually dive in and swim the whole length of the 25m pool, but I don't have any confidence to try that yet. After jumping in a few times, we were instructed to swim back to the shallow side. What I don't really understand is how they assumed we could do that.

So I attempted a front crawl, from what I remembered learning on YouTube. I wasn't expecting it to be easy but was surprised it wasn't difficult at all. I tried this some more while waiting for everyone to catch up. I think this was the first time I attempted an actual stroke. It was very satisfying and the only thing that came to my mind was "hey look, maybe I can do this!", a direct contrast to how I felt before I started swimming again. It feels really cool to move in the water, but I'm not sure I can do 25m yet. And as I looked to my left, kids doing the butterfly... alright.

I didn't have swim class last week due to a holiday but I did today. My swim instructor got a concussion while swimming apparently so a substitute came in. The sub gave me so much confidence. To begin, they told us to dunk ourselves underwater. Then they were like "wait don't forget to breathe out your nose." Whoops, but when I did it again later, it felt way better.

Now usually, when we practice floating, the instructor sort of holds onto us and lets go, but the sub didn't do that. Instead, they encouraged us to just go for it, and we did, and like that, we floated. Insane. Now I'm certain I can float. What! To be fair, I think I was able to do it because I watched a bunch of YouTube videos on floating so I just played back what I learned in my head, and did that.

We also worked on flutter kicks and it was quite fun. I'm pretty terrible on my back though because my legs keep sinking. The sub had a very hands-off approach but was happy to demonstrate. They also kept reminding us to breathe through our nose, something I kept forgetting. So we kicked off the wall and flutter kicked our way for a short distance the best we could. The feeling of moving through the water... just fantastic.

Also, somehow I've become the funny one in my class. Not sure how that happened. I think I can pinpoint it to me cheering everyone on and asking silly questions. To me, I know everyone's uncomfortable so I'm trying to make it less tense. Let's remember to have fun. A classmate told me how they spent a year deciding whether or not to take on swimming, and I told them I only spent a week to decide. I told them from my perspective, I wouldn't know where I'd be in a year and would actually regret it if I pushed it off, so that's how I made my decision.

After class, I asked the sub if 100m freestyle in a year is a realistic goal. They said easy yes. Then I asked what about the butterfly. Perhaps not! We all agreed it's super difficult but stunning to watch, so I will be adding that to my goals. One of my classmates also came up to me and told me they were scared of the water, and I told them not to worry since I used to be the same. Where is this confidence coming from?! In my mind, I've accepted that the water is there and I should just flow with it instead of fighting it.

Being in the water feels so therapeutic. It's like the water washes everything away. I guess it's the endorphin, something I recently learned about.

Finally, one of my friends said I inspired them to swim again, but in my head I've been thinking "I've barely done anything yet". They then went to their local pool and started swimming at 6am. Okay that's inspiring to me.