Stuff

I ask myself, to remind myself, what is your favorite colour or what did the smile on your face look like when you saw me? Some days, I forget what you did,  just so I can seem happy.  Other days,  the darkness swallows me, whole.  I ask myself,  to remind myself,  how good did you feel in my hands,  how good did we feel together? Did you feel just as good to her? To them? Some days, I forget the details and names.  Other days,  the weight of the description crushes me.  I ask myself,  to remind myself,  what did I do, to deserve this treatment? What did I do wrong? Some days, I blame you.  Other days,  I cannot help what I've done to myself in hatred.  I ask myself,  to remind myself,  how am I not supposed to question myself when you went for them? How can I not feel at  fault for your actions? Some days,  I ask what I could do better.  Other days,  I ask if I am worthy of life.  I ask myself,  to remind myself,  why?

the dark thoughts in my head say “kill yourself,

They cry, they roar for anguish sore,  and gnaw their tongues for horrour. But get away without delay,  Christ pitties not your cry: Depart to Hell, there may you yell, and roar Eternally.

You asked me how i could love you more than you love me