Andromeda Tonks, who hears the wireless announce her husbandâs death just moments after sheâs stepped into the kitchen with the cold tea tray.Â
Andromeda Tonks, whose world has been upended, who can no longer hear anything but a strange buzz in her ears and the crash of the china as she slams into a nearby counter.
Andromeda, who thinks that somethingâs not right, somethingâs wrong because Lee Jordan is a nice boy who wouldnât lie about this, wouldnât lie about things like this, but he must be because Ted canâtâŚhe canât haveâ
Then the buzzing stops and thereâs a strange wailing sound coming from the parlourâŚNymphadora, Nymphadora.
Andromeda Tonks, who runs on unsteady legs back to the living room to catch her daughter before she falls to the ground, her tears hot and heavy and splashing against her motherâs arms.
Andromeda Tonks, who sinks to the ground and holds her sobbing daughter to her chest and rocks her as she stares unseeingly at the floral wallpaper Ted had always detested.
Andromeda Tonks, who has to keep it together for her daughterâs sakeâfor her grandsonâs sakeâeven as her hands are shaking and her mind is numbing and her heart is breaking.
Andromeda Tonks, no, Andromeda Black now, who comforts her Dora until Remus Apparates to their door and all three of them hold each other until Doraâs all but cried herself to sleep.
Andromeda, who feels only cold and numb but touches Remusâ rough cheek in thanks when he cleans up the kitchen and brings Dora up to bed.
Andromeda, whose wall of dignity and grace from years and years of Black upbringing finally collapses and she falls heavily on the couch because itâs the middle of the night now but she canât she canât go back up to the bedroom full of his things or the study that still smells like him or even the kitchen because heâd bloody bought that tea set
Andromeda, who can no longer stop the tears and the screams she tries to muffle by shoving her fists against her mouth and the agony is too much and she can be there for her daughter and her son-in-law tomorrow because it is too much right now and sheâs panicking and gasping because she canât remember Teddyâs voice she canât remember she canât rememberâÂ
Itâs many hours later before Andromedaâs throat grows hoarse and closes up and she just stares across the dark room with tears still sliding down her face and Teddyâs grin burned into the backs of her eyes.
Andromeda Black, who can hear many things: the cars passing on the street outside, Teddyâs whoop of delight when he jumped into the lake that afternoon in their fifth year, branches tapping the windowpane, Teddy telling her he loves her in a voice thatâs raw and low and brittle as ice, a neighbourâs dog barking at nothing, Teddy laughing laughing laughing
Andromeda Black, who finally gets up from her sleepless dark eternity on the sofa at six in the morning with tear tracks on her sticky face and teeth marks on her fingers, who goes to the loo and washes her face and fixes her hair, who rebuilds that wall of strength and quiet courage and no, sheâs not Andromeda Black, sheâs bloody Andromeda Tonks and Ted Tonks will always be her husband and their lives arenât over yet.
Andromeda Tonks, who marches onward for her daughter and her grandson and herself, who helps Dora give birth to a healthy baby boy, who squeezes her daughter and son-in-lawâs hands when she hears her grandsonâs name.
Andromeda Tonks, who goes back to that bedroom and that studyâeventuallyâand tidies it up but just a little, even if just to remember the exasperated chuckle Teddy always used to make when she cleaned up after him.
Andromeda Tonks, who watches Remus Lupin come and go with more bruises and scratches and shadows under his eyes, and who then (after weeks of arguments) tentatively lets Dora back out because she trusts Remus to bring Dora back and trusts Dora to bring Remus back and they trust her to care for their son, their Teddy Lupin.Â
Until one day, that horrible day in May, where they go and they donât come back.
And Andromeda Tonks, who thinks sheâs been here before, been in this suspended state of buzzing and silence and horrible clarity, feels as though the ground is swallowing her whole as she stares at Doraâs Lupin and her Dora, her beautiful beautiful baby girl, her darlingdearestdeaâ
Andromeda Tonks, whose legs refuse to let her fall even as she gazes at her daughterâs peaceful face and thinks about how sheâs failed Dora, failed Ted, failed the baby sleeping in the other room that has Doraâs mouth and Tedâs ears andâ
Andromeda Tonks, who sees only blurs, who accepts condolences without listening, who returns stiffly to the house that once held everything and is now empty and silent and cold.
Andromeda Tonks, who no longer has any more strength to give, who no longer has any more tears to cry, who no longer feels anything except the throbbing throbbing pain in her chest that'sâ never really gone away and is now threatening to crack her open because none of this was supposed to happen because being a Muggle-born wasnât ever supposed to be a bad thing and this war wasnât ever supposed to last this long and her sister wasnât ever supposed to kill her own niece and she wasnât ever supposed to have to outlive her own daughter, her own NymphadoraâŚ
Andromeda Tonks, who finds that there are always more tears to cry, and this time when she collapses sheâs scared she wonât ever be able to get back up again because all the walls of poise and dignity are down crumbling disintegrating and she wonât bother building them back up againâshe doesnât want to because it was that family that built them in the first place scorching them into her like a brand and that family that helped start this bloody war and that family that took away her entire world
Andromeda Tonks, who this time is silent in her grief, Andromeda Tonks, who is drowning in the feeling of her chest caving in and her mind screaming and her heart a writhing living broken flame burning and burning andâÂ
Andromeda, who through the tunneling blackness her existence has now become hears the wails of the one person, one thing she cannot abandon, because her health and spirit and sanity would fail before she dared to fail him; her grandson, her Teddy, her Doraâs pride and joy.Â
Andromeda Tonks, who claws her way out of the empty chasm with no answer and furiously shakes away the numbness, who pulls herself up on her shaking legs and can almost hear Dora and Ted telling her to get up get up get up
Andromeda Tonks, who makes it to her grandson and scoops him up and holds him to her chest and sinks to the parlor floor where sheâd held her devastated daughter once upon a time, cooing and fussing and crying alongside him for a mother who wonât ever return.
Andromeda Tonks, who remembers everything: Ted raising Dora above his head in the sunlight, the feel of his stubble in the morning, Doraâs giggles as she turns her hair pink blue green, those canary yellow sneakers she adored, licking the ice cream off Doraâs cheeks, Tedâs horrible singing when they stargazed on the Quidditch pitch in seventh year, Doraâs cartoons in the margins of her letters home, the three of them all together and hugging and laughingâand she knows she can be strong for Teddy and herself because sheâs Andromeda Black and Andromeda Tonks and she will be the very best of both because this is her daughterâs son in her arms and their lives arenât over yet.
Andromeda Tonks, who has risen and fallen and risen again and who will keep on rising for herself and for this boy, her grandson, her Teddy Lupin, and remind him all the rest of their days just how much his mummy and daddy and grandpa Ted and grandma Dromeda would always love him and love him and love him.