Tangled within wir3s

That's like... literally all this blog is

It's kind of interesting that the only way i got comfortable with the idea of being married with an f/o even was by framing it as arranged. Even though it turned romantic. I just... cannot get myself to have that happen due to bearing my heart out. And I don't know how I feel about the concept of my f/os proposing to me. It feels off character to most of the hardest ones I like. But I really want them to be mine, to claim them in this way, have them wear something for me that they don't for other people.

Hm.. now I'm thinking about it though. Me and bill married. Not because I presented it as a deal and he took it or vice versa, but because he just proposed to me...

No... no, I don't think I like that. It's too easy. How many has he done that to before and is going to after? If I bind him down by a contract we both agree to, it must be exclusive to me. He has to tie himself to me and actually be held up to it because it's more than just a promise. Not to say someone couldn't have done a deal likr that with him before, bt I'm sure it'd be less than all the beings he has simply "promised" himself to.

Not that I'd mind him fooling with other people. Not that I'd mind him even fawning over someone else, he does, I know he does.

But that Bill is mine, at the end of the day. Yk? Tied to ME. Not just by a promise but something heavier. More... pragmatic. I like pragmatic

I think we're similar. Far too similar, in fact. Pessimistic about love. Realistic about "love" as I'd like to believe. I don't like to trust. He doesn't like to trust. We're in mutual agreement of not trusting eachother. But there's still a want and a need.

So we cage eachother to one another. Flexing at the binds and yanking them tighter around one another, glaring at eachother waiting, daring for one to just TRY and get away. They CAN'T. We've made sure of that.

And then we don't. Neither of us do. We'll keep on betting it, hands sweating as we hold on that bind and the other just sits there. Maybe pushing every once in a while, testing it out, but always settling.

And we're like

"...huh"

But we still keep toto them

Because without that security, it feels far too dangerous and we'd rather keep our hands from burning all together.

And we understand that, both of us. It makes sense to us why the other is like that. We agree. Why would you trust me outside of this bind? It's logical of you to do that. I get it. I don't think you should trust me. Why would you if I've given nothing to prove I won't leave?

I like you too much to give you advice I don't believe in and claim that it's better for you to simply believe. Empty words or not, how would you truly know? I don't believe myself. Believing isn't for us. even if it was genuine they could change their mind. How would I know they wouldn't start feeling differently?

Give me something objective. Give me something you can't take back. If I'm going to let myself be burned, I need you stuck on that rope too and TIGHT.

Let's get in the love cage together and take the key apart to less than molecules, mutually.

You're not escaping me and I'm not escaping you. Let's write it down on agonizingly specific terms and conditions that leaves nothing to loops and shake on it with a spell that'll hurt us both gravely if we misstep.

And then I can kiss and hold him.

And he can kiss and hold me.