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ok mood thank u emily dickinson relatable queen

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Incorrect quotes starring the basement gang. I got a little carried away.
Charles: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.
Jean: I would say infinitesimally.
Ewen: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.
Ewen: Can I borrow five dollars?
Jean: If youāre only borrowing it, does that mean youāll pay me back?
Ewen: Of course.
Ewen: Not directly, but with my love and affection.
Jean: So thatās a no.
Ewen, to the Squad: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, thatās easy. Just donāt die. Thatās it. Refuse to die. There you go.
Charles: But how-
Ewen, ignoring them: āBut howā, you may ask. Well, easy. Just donāt do it. Refuse to. Say āno thanksā.
Ewen: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.
Charles: Those are wanted posters!
Hester : Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Ewen?
Ewen: No.
Charles: I do!
Hester : I know, Charles.
Charles: Iām sad.
Hester : I know, Charles.
Ewen: If I run and leap at Charles, they will most certainly catch me in their arms.
Ewen, running towards Charles: Coming in!
Charles: No! Iām holding coffee!
Charles: *Drops coffee and catches Ewen*
Jean: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life.
Ewen: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?
Jean: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.
Charles : Edible.
Hester : I hope you have an explanation for this.
Ewen: We have three, actually!
Jean: Pick your favorite.
Charles: As a responsible adult-
Hester : *chuckles*
Charles: ⦠As a responsible adultā
Hester : If the thought of something makes any of you giggle for longer than 15 seconds, you are to assume youāre not allowed to do it.
Jean, holding in their laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what itās doing?
Hester : A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.
Jean:
Jean: Water you doing?
Charles: Can you please be serious for five minutes?
Ewen: My record is four, but I think I can do it.
Ewen: So, what, now Iām just supposed to do anything that Charles does? I mean, what if he jumped off a cliff?
Hester: If Charles were to jump off a cliff, he wouldāve done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Charles jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.
Ewen: You jump off a cliff!
Hester: Gladly. Provided Charles did first.
Ewen: Charles and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's-
Charles: Sentences.
Ewen: Don't interrupt me.
Charles: Jean, can I talk to you for a second?
Jean: Yeah, whatās up? Lemme guess. You and Ewen are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?
Charles: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I've read books.
Charles: Isnāt it weird that we pay money to see other people?
Hester: Plane tickets?
Jean: Concert tickets?
Ewen: Prostitution?
Charles, holding his broken frames: Glasses.
mince texts
operation mincemeat but they're on taskmaster
Monty
he is so overconfident it goes from being hilarious to being kind of sad and pitiful but in a funny way
keeps trying to bribe alex
also keeps cheating at every task
sometimes its even on purpose
theres at least one task that takes everybody else 5-10 minutes and takes monty an hour
he would win a lot of prize tasks just for his ability to sell whatever it is he brought
everyone else with their antique/painstakingly handcrafted/expensive prizes vs. monty with his bag of gummy worms that he bought at a gas station while he was driving to the studio, and monty gets the full 5 points
he was really really hoping to get put on a team with charles but no such luck. he's paired with bevan
for the tasks he will be dressed to the nines in a full 2-piece suit no matter how impractical it is
and it is incredibly impractical
Jean
ania magliano but on steroids basically
just. so incredibly intense about this whole game
she will physically fight alex and/or greg if she has to
or if she doesnt have to
she is the shortest one here and the youngest one here and she is full of righteous fury
she is here to either win or kill everyone else and become the new taskmaster. nobody is sure which one it is
the most absurd unhinged prize tasks you have ever seen. just absolute batshit insanity. there is no corner of her soul or her wallet or her free time that she will not turn over to the world for points
she reads the task once and only once and if she misread or misinterpreted any part of it thats a problem for future jean, not her
has a swiss army knife, a keychain flashlight, a set of lock picks, and some fishing line in her pockets just in case
always correctly predicts when the tasks have second parts, never prepares herself in any way for the second part
yelling. just so so so much yelling
she never talks at a normal volume
during the team tasks she just starts screaming at her teammates almost immediately
Hester
definitely uses the prize tasks to unload some random things she doesnt use anymore
at no point in the entire series does she ever outwardly panic during a task
she also does not shout
the worst thing she does is tell alex "that was quite rude" while radiating a kind of quiet fury that has ended civilizations
refuses to wear anything that looks silly or eat anything weird no matter how many points it could get her
the task could literally just be to put on a hat shaped like a hamburger and automatically get 10 points, and she would politely decline and offer the hat to alex to wear instead
she does not apologize for breaking things
in fact it seems like she might even enjoy breaking things
but she always cleans it up afterwards no matter how much it adds to her time
on a team with jean and charles and she is the only thing keeping that team together
jean gets intense and panicky and starts making mistakes and charles keeps wandering off and hester is stuck trying to get them both in the same place so they can actually do the task correctly
Charles
he does not like the idea that he is being Perceived by people watching television but he does like solving puzzles
except when he's being timed
being timed makes him have a nervous breakdown
hes very competitive and genuinely wants to win but he doesnt really show it
he never has the Rage that the rest of the competitors have
he has pure unfiltered anxiety or intense focus, nothing in between
although he occasionally gets completely distracted from the task if he sees a bug
also if a task requires him to talk to a stranger he will lose every single time
theres at least one task that he just casually completes without even thinking about it while he infodumps about fish
if he sees a loophole in a task he asks for permission before he exploits the loophole
keeps forgetting that the point of team tasks is to do the task together so he just wanders off to do the task by himself, leaving jean and hester to find him and drag him back so he can help them
half their final time for team tasks is time they had to spend wrangling charles
Bevan
he had never heard of taskmaster before being invited
he wants to win taskmaster more than anything else in the world
he also hates taskmaster so so so much
its a fun combination
hes genuinely giving it his all in every task but he cant predict any of the twists and ends up screwing himself over every single time
he starts out very calm and composed and slowly descends into an undying rage the likes of which has never been seen before or since
for the last few tasks hes just muttering under his breath "this is better than going to war, this is better than going to war, this is better than going to war"
(in my head bevan is a veteran no matter what universe hes in and that includes taskmaster)
he and monty do not win a single team task
literally not even one
if they are required to get along and not yell at each other they will fail spectacularly
alex has to break up a literal fistfight at one point

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Itās Miss, actually. Is it really? Wow.
š„:Ā @mttztrading
Operation Mincemeat Dashboard Simulator 2: Cruise Control
šļø queenjean
we're all sloshed at a holiday party rn and my married coworker (drunk on his own personal supply of wine ofc) has just decided that it would be a good idea to a) flirt with his other coworker/friend b) then flirt with a creepy guy who doesn't even work here c) then flirt with his BOSS d) THEN FLIRT WITH ME. ALL IN THE SPAN OF 5 MIN. like you cannot make this up. and he was so bad at it too
šļø queenjean
regret to inform you that this is indeed the same guy
šļø queenjean
update: hes now crying in the corner of the room
[1,433 notes]
š¬š§ ewen-montagu-offical
gona find someone to make ourt w tonihgt :)
šŗš² american-pilot-stories
Did you succeed OP???
š¬š§ ewen-montagu-offical
existence is meaningles šš i need more Wine
[239 notes]
𦩠masterofman
chat what do i do. the lady i'm into is obsessed with writing an awful bloody spy novel
𦩠masterofman
no seriously what do i do
dump him
snog him during festive musical number
⨠je-suis-prezzo
him?? thought you said she was a lady š
𦩠masterofman
shut up
[36 notes]
š©¶ Liked by red-wine-fizzy-pop
šŗš² american-pilot-stories
OMG YOU GUYS I LOVE SANGRIA! WHY DON'T WE HAVE THIS STUFF BACK IN AMERICA
#like it's such a genius idea #ik technically I'm on duty and shouldn't be drinking but WHOO BABY that's good booze #no spain no gain #tales from the cockpit
[29 notes]
š¤µāāļø parttimespy
Looking for a thrilling, highly realistic read? Look no further than MI5's own published* author Ian Fleming and his new novel, Casino Royale! Join famous spy hero James** this summer*** as he dons a swanky tuxedo and takes on foes beyond your wildest imagination!!!
*nearly **last name TBD ***give or take several years
#james #the name's james #ian fleming #spy novels #spy #writers on tumblr #writeblr #new novel #great novel #bestseller #up and coming novel #mi5 #thrilling fiction #realism
[3,409 notes]
š¦ deadinthewater22
sometimes I think everything is fine and then I remember The Horrors that await me in the garden
š¦ deadinthewater22
this is a post about bees. why does it have so many non-bee notes is everything ok
[22.4k notes]
š¬ ping-pong-diplomacy
look all I'm saying is that no matter how expensive your gruyere is you'll never be able to surpass the creamy deliciousness of a nice havarti
š¬š§ ewen-montagu-offical
look all I'm saying is that you need to go kill yourself
#how dare you say that about my girl gruyĆØre #and you forgot the accent aigu too. disrespect #gruyĆØre #turophiles of tumblr
[332 notes]
š¦ insect-a-day
Rove Beetle (Platydracus stercorarius)
#insect a day #daily insects #rove beetle #platydracus stercorarius #genus platydracus #entomology
[92 notes]
š ciao-bella-xoxo
god all I want is a nice woman is that too much to ask
š© coronerofmyeye
You'll have to be more specific, love. Measurements? Time post-mortem? Other physical specifications?
š ciao-bella-xoxo
a living one nitwit
#london corpse trade #<- prev IM SORRY THE WHAT
[11 notes]
š¬š§ ewen-montagu-offical
You celebrate the holidays every year by dressing up as Father Christmas because you enjoy celebrating Christmas. I celebrate the holidays every year by dressing up as Father Christmas just to annoy the ever living hell out of my coworkers. we are not the same
#happy hanukkah
[866 notes]
š„ hester-leggatt
My love asked the other day 'what a Tumblr is'. After an hour of scrolling, he has declared that he refuses to join Tumblr because there is, and I quote, 'too much figurative language, incorrect grammar, and incomprehensible humour' and that it is 'utterly littered with people that should not be allowed to work in military intelligence, or any other type of intelligence, for that matter, because they haven't got any'. I love him to pieces.
[76 notes]
You've heard of monty monday and chumly chewsday, now get ready for jean jwendsday
(feat bonus montybevan)
Operation Mincemeat Dashboard Simulator
šļø queenjean
makin my way downtown, walking fast
š„ hester-leggatt
Why are you posting on social media, Miss Leslie, when you're fifteen minutes late to work?
šļø queenjean
walking faster
[41 notes]
š josĆ©-osƩƩƩƩƩƩƩ
Ā”FELIZ CUMPLEAĆOS A MI COLEGA PREFERIDO! šš
āļø donjuan678
DIOS MĆO GRACIAS š„³
š josĆ©-osƩƩƩƩƩƩƩ
DE NADA quieres un poco de pastel mƔs tarde
āļø donjuan678
CLARO QUE SĆ
[9 notes]
š¬š§ ewen-montagu-offical
at the bar striaght up "destrying it." and by it haha well lets jusr say. charles anxiity
š¬š§ ewen-montagu-offical
everyone ive evre loved is gong to die :/ which sucks ig BUT the dr,nks are so goood
#drimk #pholisophy
[135 notes]
š¦ deadinthewater22
coworker called me a genius today and I'm walking on air! finally feels like I'm worth something to these people after all
š¦ deadinthewater22
I can't believe this
[32 notes]
š¬š§ ewen-montagu-offical
I was the head of Operation Mincemeat at MI5 and authored the beloved book and movie about it! AMA
#ewen montagu #the man who never was #operation mincemeat
[6,517 notes]
š¦ insect-a-day
Glasswing Butterfly (Greta oto)
#insect a day #daily insects #glasswing butterfly #greta oto #entomology
[106 notes]
š¬š§ ewen-montagu-offical
I am the real Ewen Montagu?????? why does no one believe me
š¬š§ ewen-montagu-offical
everyone's a critic it seems. unfair :(
š¬š§ ewen-montagu-offical
tf is the officalverse
#monty answers
[483 notes]
š© coronerofmyeye
Does anyone in the greater London area have need of an extra human leg (left, female, middle-aged, lightly rotted, minimal hair)?
ā east-end-girl
me
š© coronerofmyeye
DM me ;)
#london corpse trade
[4 notes]
šŗš² american-pilot-stories
First flight over the Bay of Cadiz today!!! Wish me luck :)
šŗš² american-pilot-stories
GEEEZ LOIUSE
šŗš² american-pilot-stories
Ok so update? I'm feelin fineee dw but I did crash lol and now I'm in some Spanish morgue trying to identify this one dead body? I don't know him I think he's a Brit or sth
#whew can't believe I survived that #tales from the cockpit
[29 notes]
š col-john-bevan
I am a terrible and completely senseless person with no brain in his head. I delight in ordering others about because of my complete incompetency to get anything done myself. Also I slander my subordinates and wish I could bloody kill them all. Please sack me. I should not be leading any military operations.
šļø queenjean
oh my god
š„ hester-leggatt
Sir, are you feeling all right?
š cracker-beryl
with all due respect miss leggatt there is no chance in hell col bevan wrote this. i think @ewen-montagu-offical is blowing off steam again
š col-john-bevan
no i'm not
š col-john-bevan
I mean no he's not
[398 notes]
š¦ insect-a-day
is it normal to want your coworker to grab you by the tie and push you into a wall
š¦ insect-a-day
wrong blog
šļø queenjean
ok so we can agree that insect-a-day is run by @deadinthewater22 right
#right??? #like I knew he was gay but omg
[209 notes]
šŖš¦ red-wine-fizzy-pop
I'm in Spain :D
š¬š§ ewen-montagu-offical
thank you captain obvious
šŖš¦ red-wine-fizzy-pop
You're welcome :D
š© coronerofmyeye
but are you in Spain without the A and N?
šŖš¦ red-wine-fizzy-pop
Where is Spi is that near Huelva
#genuinely confused? I've never heard of this place :( #spain #british consulate in spain
[19 notes]
š¬š§ ewen-montagu-offical
@ping-pong-diplomacy turn off anon I know it's you
#monty answers
[635 notes]
šļø queenjean
"average agent buys three cocktails per mission with MI5's money" factoid actually just statistical error. average agent buys zero cocktails per mission with MI5's money. Bar Crawls Monty, who uses government funds to buy seven cocktails every night, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
[3,562 notes]
š„ hester-leggatt
Bridge players of Tumblr, do any of you have any advice for catching a player cheating? There's this heinous woman who is constantly defeating me during Bridge Night at my local library, and I'm nearly certain that she has extra cards up her sleeve somehow, but I haven't yet been able to prove it.
ā£ļø sue-the-bridge-champ
skill issue
[52 notes]
hey can everyone tell me your favourite bird. preferably in the replies or a reblog pls and thank u <3
the list so far.. in addition to any suggestions i also just scrolled through the wikipedia list of birds and added any names that caught my eye lol [and some are ofc just off the top of my head]

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ābits to use in everyday conversationsā
Yet another new study debunked the basis for the anti-trans sports bans. It was never about sports but for creating legal avenues for exclusion and abjection. This is one of the largest analyses ever conducted, involving 52 studies and 6,485 trans people. Read the study here.
sounds very similar to a radio story i heard in 2014 ago about credit card debt. the debt got sold to a collection company and a couple received a court summons. they knew they had taken on debt, but they were confused about who this new company was and where specifically the number they were supposed to owe came from.
they show up in court and just ask the lawyer for the collection company: can you prove where this number comes from? Do you have a contract showing that you purchased our debt? probably luckily for them, a reporter researching a book on the topic showed up and asked the same questions.
10 minutes later they get in front of the judge and the collection company drops the whole case and theyre free to go. story is below, it has a transcript in the link too
Ira talks to reporter Jake Halpern about a scene he saw take place in a Georgia courtroom where a couple uttered some magic words that seeme
https://twitter.com/BrianManookian/status/1674963884703088642
Link to the twitter thread for accessibility!
Alert citizen of Bitch Nation @sobekcrocodile brought this to our attention and we're sharing, but with a caveat:
WE HAVE NOT YET LOOKED INTO THIS.
... but holy shit it's worth pursuing if you're drowning in debt and these are your circumstances. I'll definitely be adding this to the Big List of Future BGR Topics. Here's more of our advice on debt:
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about How to Pay off Debt
Our Final Word on Student Loan ForgivenessĀ
sdxfcgvzdxfcgvhzdxfcgvhbjnkmlcgvhbjnk science
#the reason that lab safety regulations are the way they are is because literally all chemists are like this #as in 100% of them #no exceptions (via @prokopetz)
My grade 7 science teacher told a dazzling tale of how his friend in university stole a chunk of one of those pyrophoric metalsāpotassium? Magnesium?āfrom the lab, wrapped it up in brown paper towels, and made out like a bandit.
And then went to gloat over his acquisition and opened up the towels. Which had absorbed enough of the oil the metal was stored in to prevent it from reacting with any spare oxygen in the air.
So it started to react and my teacher's friend freaked out and realized he was going to get caught and get in trouble. And in a panic, he ran to the bathroom and flushed it down a toilet. A brilliant strategy, is it not, for disposing of a chemical that reacts somewhat to air, but whose characteristic interaction with water is generally described as "violent"?
Anyway, if you don't want to get caught stealing lab supplies, go off-campus so you don't blow up one of your own university's toilets. Connecting the dots there is not an insurmountable challenge.
How many of these have you read?

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sexism in medicine kills people. racism in medicine kills people. fatphobia in medicine kills people. queerphobia in medicine kills people. classism in medicine kills people. ableism in medicine kills people.
do not downplay peopleās fears about being mistreated because they are a part of a marginalised group. it is a matter of life and death and you should be angry about it.