Zach was always eager for PT with Alex, he used it mostly as an excuse to be with the one nice guy who hung out with his group of friends. Of course the exercise was nice, and helping Alex get better was also a huge bonus.
However things got, well awkward to say the least, at the last PT and neither boys particularly discussed it. It was easier to sweep it under the rug and dismiss it as a one time thing, Alex was just stressed and he couldn’t control the way his body responded to physical contact. It was an in the moment thing, and nothing to be ashamed of; and somehow it was this thing hanging heavy in the air between them when they hung out.
Once or twice the jock tried to bring it up and ask about it, but two things stopped him every time. The first thing is how do you ask your bestfriend about how they felt about the accidental boner they got while trying to fight you, and the second was that he didn’t fully understand how he felt about the situation himself. Was it weird? Ohh, definitely yes. If it had been any other of his friends he’d probably be more than a little disgusted and try and avoid him, but because it was Alex it was different. Zach didn’t know why it was different but it just was.
The second part he was trying to work out as he lied on his bed staring at his ceiling fan spin around and around. He didn’t mind that his friend got an erection while he was pressed up against his body, why didn’t he mind? He always understood that sexuality was more complicated than just one answer or another but he never had the time to think about his. He knew he liked girls, hell he even loved Hannah at one point, but the thought about being with a guy didn’t turn him off. The thought of being with Alex specifically sort of made his heart flutter, was this what it was like to have a crush on a guy? Zach wouldn’t know its never happened before, and hanging out with the hyper masculine gross guys on the baseball team didn’t exactly leave the conversations open to talking about the possibility of liking other dudes.
And the only other guy he felt like he could talk about this with, was the one he maybe had a crush on, and that’d just be stupid. Maybe this whole situation was stupid, he shouldn’t have a crush on his bestfriend, specially when his bestfriend was depending on him fof recovery. Zach should just let this stupid crush thing go, while no one was going to get hurt by it, while he wouldn’t get hurt by it. He was just thinking too hard about the situation was all, he didn’t like Alex he was just used to the toxic hyper masculine culture that didn’t leave any wiggle room for platonic affection between two males.
If the jock didn’t have a crush on Alex then what was this sinking feeling in his chest at the sight of his name popping up on his cellphone. The icon next to his name made Zach’s cheeks warm, maybe he should talk to Alex about this, he could just be vague about the possible crush on some mystery dude. Alex would understand right?
Z: Have you ever, like, I dunno…
Have you ever liled a dude before?
Sorry thats a dumb question.
A: uhh, no thats, thats not a dumb question. i mean
yeah before i transferred here i had a boyfriend.
do you have a crush on a guy at school?
Z: Man, I don’t know. I don’t know what its like to like
a guy. There’s not a whole lot of room in the locker
room for that kind of talk.
A: well, how does he make you feel
I guess happy? But not like ‘Hey I’m hanging with
a bro.’ kind of happy. Like my face gets stupid
warm sometimes, and my hands get all clamy.
A: sounds like you got it bad my dude.
The next weekend Zach was over at Alex’s playing video games in his room, he tried not to address the overhanging silence between the two but after 16 minutes of an awful videogame he decided he had had enough.
“Why- Why are you so quiet Alex? I know you and you never shut up dude.” The baseball player asked chuckling softly as he looked at the other boy, he decided that Alex’s hair looks better pushed out of his face. Even if he could see the scar from the bullet.
“Well, I want to help you with your boy issues. But I wasn’t sure how to bring it up.” Alex said laughing softly, Zach wasn’t aware he was holding his breath until he took a sharp breath in. Of course sweet Alex would want to help him with his boy issue, and of course sweet Alex would be his boy issue.
“Ohh.” Zach said, his cheeks getting oddly warm at having to talk about this. “Y- Yeah we could talk about that.”
“So-” Zach’s heart nearly stopped at the downright adorable smile on the red head’s face, he hadn’t seen it in a while. “-Does this boy know you like him?”
“N-No I don’t think so.” Zach said laughing softly, he tried to have this conversation while playing the game, so he’d have a distraction and not have to focus on his dumb, cute face. “I didn’t know I liked him til maybe a week ago.” Zach said trying to bury the feelings of butterflies.
“Ohh. So he probably doesn’t know then. Is he on the baseball team?” Alex asked before pausing the game to have an actual real conversation with his bestfriend.
“Ohh god no, fuck no man. I mean I’m new to the whole possibly.. liking dudes scenario. But I wouldn’t be so dumb as to start liking a dude I knew was hopelessly straight.” Zach said laughing softly, little did he know he showed too much of his hand.
“Ohh so you know he likes dudes too huh?” Alex said with a little smirk on his face, he could see the small terror and panic on his face. “Well that narrows it down to like three dudes at our school and thats including me.” He teased a little, and saw all the colour fade from his friend’s face. “Jesus fucking Christ Zach, learn to hold your cards if you want this guy to be anonymous. God you must be terrible at poker.” Alex said with a smile, his eyes dancing in the light.
“Yeah, I’ve always been awful.” Zach said laughing softly, even with girls he was god awful at keeping crushes secret, even Hannah could see right through his shit. He was playing a dangerous game, talking about his crush with his crush. “God, I’m sorry can, can we uhm talk about something else.” He asked as he tried to hold his cards like Alex said to.
“Zach, if we can talk about me putting a bullet through my head all summer, can we for the love of god talk about this mysterious crush?” Alex said, he sounded slightly agitated. “Listen, we’ve been talking about my shit, and how I’m feeling, and am I taking my meds, and have I remembered anything new recently all summer long. For once for the love of god can we talk about your shit?” The redheaded man asked before biting his lip nervously. “Its just nice to talk about something and someone else for once.”
“Ohh, okay. I didn’t know that. Uhm yeah, sure we can talk about my boy issues.” He let out a nervous laugh as he put the controller on the bed next to him and folded his hands nervously in his laps. “Okay so, if I wanted to kiss him, how would I do it?” Zach knew the question was stupid as soon as it fell from his lips.
“Like how you kiss girls.” Alex teased as he let out a hesitant chuckle. “I get it kissing anyone for the first time can be scary, specially if you haven’t kissed another boy before.” The redheaded man smiled up at his bestfriend, a shy tick pulling at the corner of his mouth. “You- You can uhm, you can practice kissing me if you want, it doesn’t have to mean anything.” Here Alex was, completely undoing Zach without even knowing it. Or maybe he did know it, and he was torturing him.
“Y-Yeah.” Zach said trying not to choke on his own spit, was this something out of some bizarro dream of his? Was he gonna wake up right as their lips were going to connect? Zach decided to take the chance and nervously closed his eyes, he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands; god he was horrible at this. He put his hand on his friend’s cheek and felt his face go warm at how perfectly his cheek fit in his hand. The black haired man fluttered his eyes open a little, the way Alex looked nearly killed him. So to prevent that he closed his eyes just as they’re lips brushed, Zach could have sworn that Alex took a sharp breath inand it had him swimming in his head and intoxicated with the thought that Alex was just as nervous as him. It felt like they stayed this way for eternities. Maybe it was Alex who closed the gap, maybe it was Zach, but god it was amazing, it sent electric sparks through the jock’s body. When the redheaded boy pulled away a little, Zach showed his cards again by chasing after his lips to steal another kiss from him and he was successful. The way Alex’s soft lips felt against his made his brain melt and all he wanted to do was feel those lips against his always, if he wasn’t sure about the crush before he was sure now.
It was a few more minutes of ferverent kissing before Alex pulled away to catch some air, his lips red and swollen and his eyes wide open.
“Did you like that?” He asked with a small smile on his lips, and Zach almost thought for a second that maybe he didn’t get that he liked him.
“Yeah, I did.” Zach said smiling sweetly and nervously, if it were up to him he’d still be kissing him; but Alex was his friend and like he said, the kiss didnt have to mean anything.
“Did you like it cause I was a boy, or because you like me?” The redheaded male asked, it sent Zach into a mini panic, like Alex said; he was awful at this stuff.
“Both?” Zach said looking down at the floor below him, feeling his cheeks burn bright red.
“Both is good.” Alex said, he did his best to position himself closer and facing his friend more but his physical limitations made it way less smooth than he intended. He ended up just falling on top of him as he kissed the taller man, he pushed one arm against Zach’s chest and the other against the mattress to steady himself as he lazily kissed the man under him. He stayed like this as long as he could til his arms got tired, he pulled away and rolled over on his back so he wasn’t deadweight on the other man’s body. “Sorry, but my arms got tired. Plus full on making out is something I usually save for the fourth date.”
“Date? You wanna be my… you wanna be my boyfriend?” Zach asked with a dumb dopey smile on his face, his face crinkling up in the process. Alex Standall wanted to be his boyfriend. Cute Alex Standall wanted to go on a date with him and do lame couple shit like go to dances and see Zach’s baseball games.
“Hell yeah man, I didn’t say shit cause I thought you were some tragically hetero alpha male like all your friends. And hey, I understand if you want to keep things private. Having a cripple boyfriend would damage your image.” Alex stated, he was lighthearted and laughing about what he said and Zach couldn’t understand why. The jock propped himself up and leaned over and on top of his /boyfriend/ to press a gentle kiss on his lips.
“Nope, as soon as Monday morning comes I’m parading you and our untragically homo relationshio around to anyone who will listen about how I get to hold cute Alex Standall’s hand, full homo.”
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