Dropped Threads

Take some time to be still today. Take some time to wander around and smile today. Take some time to take in everything worth fighting for. And then fight for it.

Gorgeous dog walk today. I love snow.

In other news, hit over 10,000 steps for the first time in a couple of weeks because my legs are finally interested in more than sleeping.

Hi from me and this great twitter filter that I'm shamelessly sharing.

and i don’t know if i want an app, a book, or to just revert to tumblr. do you guys use anything? i tend to be too private for a paper journal (my husband would never read it in a trillion years but...theres just something more private about my phone?) Any recommendations or good apps? I want to track my daily activity ( do have a fitbit, but not really anywhere where i’m like, oh heres a photo from today that i like, and this is what i ate and i feel kind gross, or we had so much fun today.). Maybe a journaling app i can have on my phone and computer, co-ordinate the two. The years are blurring by and I can feel myself remembering things a bit less, and I think it would be fun to look back on. I guess paper is the way to go. Or maybe I want to start fresh with a new tumblr? or something? who’s here?

Brain fog - emotional distress. And I mean distress...I lose it over nothing. Fits. Pretty uncharacteristic. I start having tingling in my face - nose and lips. Then fingers and toes, and then some neck pain. This lasts a couple of days until one day when I can't move very well - and this can last a day, or two, or two weeks, or three. During this time I sleep a lot, I have rare hours or two where I feel like I can take the dogs for a shuffle around the block, or go to a yoga class. Going out for dinner exhausts me and overwhelms me, I cry in public. Sound and light feel toxic. My husband scoops me up and takes me home where I nest for 10 days. In the corner of the couch, clutching my phone - my lifeline - keeping up. After a few weeks the fog lifts, medication has sometimes worked, sometimes it hasn't, but always the fog lifts. Slightly at first. The first few steps feel like I'm on pegs, feeling legs that aren't mine. Knots in my back, burning in my tailbone. Is this just me? Am I broken? Breakdown. Depression. Anxiety. I don't leave the house even when I can because of fear of an episode. This takes a few weeks to get over. All in all, two months of confusion and pain. Almost cyclical, every 6 months or so. That's a lot of life. During the better periods I scramble to make-the-most, and I feel sick again.

Decorated the tree, painted a wood thing for 🎄, looked up for snow.