I'm Trying My Best

The reasons why she’s consumed with regret”

- Sean Solomon (Shooting Star 💫)

Good riddance 2025…

I hate most of what I went through but I also learned a lot…

I was “too much” for some people so I decided to be less

Hopefully 2026 is a better year… Things HAVE to get better. I’m so tired of constantly being in survival mode…

I don’t wanna be “too much” anymore…

What if I just stop taking my meds and let the sky have me…

The meds keep me alive and healthy… If I stop taking them the seizures come back…

I only have them at night… it wouldnt be so bad if I just let my brain permanently shut off in my sleep…

This world has exhausted me and I really dont want to be alive anymore…

I dont even care who I hurt with my absence anymore…

Im not strong enough to keep going so Ive been considering it…

If I leave this Earth, I wouldnt send goodbye paragraphs to anyone… thatd just be a warning of what’s to come…

But I hope they understand I tried my hardest… I hope they know they kept me here longer… I hope they know I love them but I cant keep going…

I hope when they look up at the sky they know… Im up there making it look beautiful for them

I vowed to be nеvermore

Too trusting and loving, depending, and kind.

Behind every kiss is a jaw that could bite,

And maybe that's why I feel safe with bad guys.

Because when they hurt me

I won't be surprised”

~ Nauseous 🥀 (Conan Gray)

Then I would be yours and you would be mine

But not in this life, it's not the right time

It's not you and I

If all of the pieces fell into place

We'd make it all work through time and through space

We know it's too late, know we can't wait

It's better this way”

~ Hayd (If All Of The Stars✨)

I deserve it! 🌹

Im hungry

But…

As soon as it’s near me,

I feel unwell

Peace is unfamiliar… kinda scary…

But

I deserve peace

I deserve to have the love i show reciprocated

I deserve happiness

I deserve all the best things in life and MORE…

I just have to believe it…

I am special…

I just have to believe it…

I am beautiful…

Im starting to believe it…

I just wish things were easier.

I am spiritual…

So universe… if youre listening…

Im putting positivity out there from now on…

Im attracting nothing but amazing things for myself…

After everything… the strength ive shown in pulling through…

I deserve it. I know i deserve it…

I have been my own obstacle to overcome for so long… it’s time i simply live.

I wish i could control everything…

But

I need to just let things happen…

I need to just let them do what they want…

I deserve and manifest nothing but good things for me and everyone i love 💕

No you dont

YES I DO

No you dont

I deserve love

Success…

And good health

No…

There’s more important stuff to think about, I know.

But in the back of my mind… I can’t help but think about how I’ve never been the only one.

There’s always been someone else…

They called me their love but I wasn’t the one they preferred… I was nowhere near being their person…

I’m so tired of being a place holder, it makes me wonder what’s wrong with me…

Am I the problem?