Once upon a backspace
I never thought so reflectively about the small button on the top right of my keyboard before I experienced the impact of using it too often. The power some random things have over our lives seems unfathomable at times.
I lived in the cocoon of my thoughts, feeling afraid to reveal bits and pieces of them. I wish I were bolder, more forthcoming with my expressions. These thoughts take me back to the days when I hid naively behind the comforting backspace button. I deleted everything my heart spoke through my nimble fingers weaving magic over the keyboard of my phone.
It’s strange, isn’t it, how we find holding our thoughts back to ourselves easier than pouring it out to someone we want to? I have frequently been there, and I guess you have been there too.
That cold night is etched in my mind. I was shivering with pain, the kind you cannot see but only feel. A deep sense of worthlessness, a more profound sense of guilt was surreptitiously eating me up from the inside. So much was going on inside me. I felt like ending my life once and for all. But before I did so, I decided to give myself a chance. I picked up my phone. I vented everything out on my friend's chatbox, and then I backspaced them all. What if he thought I was insane? What if he panicked? What if he misunderstood me?
That night I chose to suffer alone even though I knew he was just a text away.
I am starting to believe we have all been in circumstances where we needed someone beside us, to approve of us, to accept us, and tell us, “I am listening. I am here.” They were probably just a text or call away from us. Instead of sharing our true feelings with them, we settled for a backspace. If you are wondering, we use backspace in real life too. We resort to silence. We settle for a compromise. Amidst all chaos, we lost so many chances of telling someone, “I am here for you. I care for you.” or, “I need you.” We resisted seeking help and telling someone, “I need you.”
Chances come scarcely but go away at the blink of an eye. We lose significant others in the process. How many opportunities do we need to lose before we make up for the silence we keep between ourselves? Tell others how you genuinely feel for them, devoid of any expectations. Express your deepest emotions, no matter the consequences. Do not let your feelings fizz inside of you because I assure you that regret weighs heavier on us than prudence.
A lonesome key on the keyboard and a single click on it (or not) can change your story. This space is dedicated to every beautiful soul full of secrets who wants to share their thoughts and emotions unabashedly. You can write to us every word you have dearly lost to the backspace.
