Hello, I'm returned. i love you bloggers

I am living this day like I want to be visited by a spirit

it's one thing to talk about supporting someone with bouts of deep sometimes interminable sadness. But it is another to live it. To actually be able to witness my partners mood and not attach myself to the spiral and go down with him. If I wake up and feel ok it's difficult not to feel dissapointed when he is feeling like shit beside me. I want it to be possible to experience his sadness without needing to change it or being changed by it myself. Dog give me strength

I said just give up. but then I kept on going.

My friend just said, the more toxic the wog the better the tomatoes. 

how do you get the grease off an iron skillet if you can’t use soap

I get flavours and I love smells. But perfume sort of covers up the good smell of a person. But maybe that is the point. Trying on something else. Being not yourself but a flower or a wood, or like a candied leaf.

i don’t understand perfume. I just want to smell like smoke

alcohol is the worst drug. First it stops me from feeling anxious. Then i feel low. And the next day I’m without a brain until tuesday. why do I keep on doing it? am I really that desperate to feel like everyone else? 

I feel love for my housemate when I see her sitting alone in her car, rolling her cigarette before she starts the engine and goes on her way.

I am so emotional about moving house again. I’ve done it so many times, maybe 20 or 30, I’ve lost count. But this time feels destabilising. Maybe because we’ve been at home so much this year. And the house is like my dream house, black wooden floors, and a stony wild garden. It feels like we are in the country but we are just in an outer suburb. With everything you need close by. I keep on repeating to myself, change is good, change is good. But it hasnt really kicked in yet. I’m just squeezing my eyes shut and hoping they open the borders soon so I can get to the beach and hug my Mum.

eating a huge bowl of pasta and feeling fine, nay dare i say it even happy is something I would not have believed 3 years ago. some things that change are good and this is one of them.

I love crying at the plight of a character in a book or movie. Its such a nice change from crying because I feel sorry for myself. 

I do yoga and moisturize now. fuck, I must be old. 

ok I have to accept that print is lost forever. 

middleclass people in this city love cosplaying being rich. Some of them will be very rich when their parents die. Coke is so boring. it’s kind of their aspiration bridge to LA or something. They can pretend to be in New York whilst actually living in a pretty easy city in australia. i don’t get it.