Grandma poison water SNAPPED
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@datgarbagebin
Grandma poison water SNAPPED

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KICK THE CAN!
Letβs play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.
To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.
the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13Β½ years now
And yet somehow this is my first time kicking it!
I think a lot of writers might benefit from giving themselves permission to get weird with format.
Use second person, drop classic rising action and climax format, write backwards, just sit in a moment, tell all you want and refuse to show, make an entire book thatβs just one run on sentence, reject tropes, use all tropes, cliche yourself to death, produce something thatβs completely gibberish. Break all the rules of marketability. Become ungovernable.
Write a story that just takes place inside one pathetic little personβs head. Do it. Itβs enrichment in your enclosure.
Do the writerβs equivalent of playing with finger paints. Do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it
Itβs the middle of the night and I should be sleeping but listen. Listen. Just get weird with it. Open your soul up a little bit. Like actually donβt worry about it being palatable. Iβm serious. Get weirder. Get weirder right now. Iβm demanding that you get weirder right now. Itβs not your responsibility to make your reader feel good. Itβs your job to make art, goddamnit. Make art. Make weird art. Open up your third eye and eat an entire cheesecake.
Teens orufrey π₯°
And Olly's goatee origin story:
I... I don't think the patient's weight got entered correctly. Just a hunch
please, my dog, he is sick
Every single note and comment is comedy gold and I'm wheezing from laughing so hard

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it's crazy how plausible all the shit the corporations do in the murderbot diaries is. that one scene when murderbot was talking to those humans who had signed a 20 year corporate work contract and it asked them if the contract specified 20 years by the standard local calendar or by a proprietary calendar created by the company was downright unsettling π¬ if the ceos of modern earth companies read these books they would probably start crying because the government won't let them do most of this in real life.
hey fun fact this has absolutely happened before. part of the push to standardize time/timezones was because factory employers had clocks set to the pace of their machinery. meaning of the workers were not doing enough, time would run slower until they had reached their goal. there is historical precedent.
I think it's important to remember that every single religion can be twisted for violence and oppression and abuse and control. Yes, including the one that you think can't be. But quickly, before anti-theists start saying that religion is an inherently evil violence accelerant, remember that this is true for any ideology, including anti-theism. Violence and oppression and abuse and control happens wherever there are people who think that those things will help them get what they want.
Every day I handle more money than I will ever make. Every day.
At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and itβs not to watch the shoppers. See, we canβt actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.
At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didnβt exist in my household. Itβs normal now. Here is something that is not for me.
βWhat the hell, Iβll take another,β says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.
The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.
I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. Heβs not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. Heβs not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadnβt spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldnβt have spent any. I go home. I donβt own a watch.
I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.
I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht.Β
Iβm not worth the cost of a watch.
i wrote this while i was working at orlandoβs walt disney world parks.
i was part of their college program. i moved to the state for it. they legally owned the building i was living in and still charged me rent. i ostensibly was being charged to work for them. it was a 2 bedroom apartment and they placed 6 adult women in it in forced triples.
as many as one in ten disney employees have experienced homelessness while working for the company. despite huge efforts to unionize, strike, or otherwise demand fair treatment; disney has refused to increase employee quality of life.
disney admits publicly that a good portion of their success is because the employees (βcast membersβ) are dedicated, passionate, and selfless. this is never reflected in pay. even βfaceβ characters (ie those that are princesses etc) make barely above a minimum wage.
at the time that i worked there, i made $8.50 an hour. at one point i was asked to create a human shield around a bag because a bomb dog had alerted to it. for eight fucking dollars an hour.
i now work a very cushy office job. i have bought the salmon and cooked it all four ways.
i go to the store. i am nice to the person behind the counter. she looks up at the camera while she counts out my change. there is nothing fundamentally different about her and i.
we are both worth more than the watch, anyway.
no more historic events this decade that is ENOUGH, iβm putting my foot down
History is not done with us yet my friend
I have received all manner of threat, up to and beyond βI will play a flute carved from your femur,β and yet this is the first time Iβve felt truly threatened
i knew posting this in 2022 was risky but holy fucking shit
The way that most of Conan Doyleβs Sherlock Holmes storiesβ most horrible villains are rich dudes that are abusive to women, in a time such as the 1880βs, compels me.
Thereβs a whole subset of Sherlock Holmes stories that could be labeled Asshole Guys Try to Control Womenβs Money.
Yup, thereβs a huge number of times where Sherlock Holmes is the ONLY person to take a young womanβs complaint or worry seriously and finds out someone is up to some serious evil.Β Holmes also shows a lot of compassion and empathy with the victims over and over again.Β (This is why I find βSecretly a womanβ or βTransβ Holmes headcanons much more convincing than βsociopathβ Holmes.)
I am never going to shut up about how much I specifically love The Adventure of The Copper Beeches because it is literally Sherlock Holmes listening to a young lady he does not know except as a potential client, agreeing with her that a potential job she has interviewed for that she thinks is SUPER SKETCHY is, indeed, sketchy as fuck and when she says sheβs probably gonna take the job anyways because the money is good and she needs it going βOKAY I GUESS but for the love of god please write to us so we know youβre okay we will literally drop everything and jump on a train if you want us toβ.
The job turns out to indeed be sketchy as fuck, she writes to them, Holmes and Watson drop everything and jump on a train when she asks them to. I read this story for the first time when I was twelve and it made a HUGE impression.
This is also the basis for a lot of speculation about Holmesβ family life.Β The idea that he has been a victim of abuse, or his mother was abused (or even murdered by his father.)Β Thereβs definitely SOMETHING that makes him very aware of how dangerous isolated families can be, and the dark things that can happen behind closed doors.Β Plus, of course, the motivation to devote himself to stopping crime.Β And yes, so much of it is of the personal type.Β
dude see this is one aspect of the original books i NEVER understand why modern remakes (cough cough) donβt go all in on. Like, in the 21th c we HAVE all the dumb forensic shit that made Victorian Holmes stand out, but we STILL DONβT HAVE uhβ¦.you know, compassion for women and minorities, or the willingness to believe them, adequate community support for domestic violence or hate crimes, etc. etc. which youβd think is exactly where a renegade consulting detective would come in handy. A good modern day Sherlock Holmes remake, instead of trying to convince us that Holmes is some super genius for being better than fingerprint analysis or whatever, could have him just beβ¦a good person who helps out people the police canβt and wonβt help. There you go. Thatβs how to write a relevant modern Holmes.
One thing that annoys me is how much the BBC version of Sherlock (and the fandom around it) focus on police cases or cold cases.Β In the stories, Holmesβ bread and butter cases had fuck-all to do with the police and in a few stories, he actively works around/against them, or outright lies to them.Β Of the many, many things I wish that show had done differently, this is one is particularly obnoxious since itβs such a gimme.
There were very few actual murder cases in the Canon, and Holmes handled them either one of two ways:
Option one: The murder victim was innocent while the killer was an abusive bastard, see Speckled Band. Conclusion, arrest and have the killer charged (Or in the case of Speckled Band, indirectly murder him yourself then shrug and go home)
Option two: The victim was murdered to protect someone that the victim was abusing, or for vengeance, see Boscombe Valley, Devilβs Foot, Abbey Grange. Conclusion, Oops, I donβt know who the killer is, I am suddenly incompetent, oh look a pheasant.
#my favorite murder in holmes canon#is when they straight up witness a lady murder her blackmailer#do nothing except destroy his other blackmail material#and then straight up lie to lestrade about it#sherlock holmes#more of this in modern adaptations pls (via @cactusspatz )
Letβs not forget the time Holmes helps a young woman whoβs being catfished by her own stepfather to steal her inheritance, and when the villain sneers that the law canβt touch him, Holmes grabs a horsewhip out of sheerest chivalry.
So, the most canon-accurate iteration of Sherlock Holmes in the last few decades is actually Benoit Blancβ¦.
I think itβs also important to note, and complicates our ideas about what the highly patriarchal/misogynistic society of 19th century England looked like, that these stories SOLD
they were POPULAR
the Victorians LIKED reading about women who won out over shitty men in their lives, even when that plotline reaffirmed a womanβs power and agency or put an active sexist in his place (ie Irene Adler besting Holmes)
which is fascinating in light of. you know. [gestures broadly at all of Victorian gender dynamics, laws, etc.]
So yes, Benoit Blanc is the best modern Sherlock.

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You listen to music regularly? Why? Have you even tried quitting? Could you quit? You get music stuck in your head? Wow. You're so ruined and music brained. I bet you make your partners listen to music with you when you have sex. Music addiction has really ruined a whole generation. You know it's not realistic to expect reverb in real life, right? You're probably so desensitized that you don't even feel anything anymore when you hear a bird singing that it wants some fuck.
I don't have a problem with people listening to music per se, but I do have a problem with the music industry exploiting & mistreating artists.
Personally, I abstain from all music in order to keep my hands clean but really music should just be illegal outright to protect musicians from abuse.
holy shit this person in the notes
You're so insufferable. Yaoi brained misogynistic weirdo. Stop pushing your stupid ship down everyone's throat and sexualizing every jrwi woman in sight. Disgusting.
seems like this image is evergreen lol
honestly theyβre putting me to death via hanging because I kept meowing during the court hearings
the judge has decided to kill me personally despite my parking ticket being erroneously administered.
In her defense I was meowing a lot
person typing into google search bar: obfuscate meaning
google ai overview: Understood! From now on, all meaning will be hidden from you, and you'll be forced to wade through the dreary vastness. Whether it's things you've always held dear, or new ideas you've yet to discover, nothing will make sense or appear to have any real value. This could be the beginning of a fascinating journey!
I genuinely forgot that some people really dont like horror visuals and was so confused as to why i was seeing posts about dreading the manhwa. Sorry guys, you're basically kim soleums irl twins

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everyone shut da fuck up this is the only thing that matters
Oh My God Damn
Bro didnt even MENTION hullabaloo