#145th honami mochizuki fan

After visiting this breathtaking natural wonder, what destination should be next?

🎨: Yenkoes(@yenkoes)

i fell in love from far, far away! 🪐🛸

regardless of if they use the word or not (which, in all honesty, i don't think they will — remember, a corporation is still a corporation at the end of the day. even if the writers or TLs *want* to use the word, it doesn't necessarily mean that the corp will allow that), mizuki is canonically transgender. mizuki is canonically transgender, and her plotline is *excellently* written. mizuki is transgender, and everyone involved put genuine love and care into writing her.

i think tomorrow should be a day of celebration. in a world which is so hostile to trans people — especially transfemmes — representation like mizuki akiyama is so very important. representation that is well written, fleshed out, and ultimately isn't treated as a joke, isn't very common in today's day and age — especially in a game like a GACHA game?

pov he blows up ur house and immediately hits some crazy aegyo.. do u forgive him

first of all, let's talk about the build up. because we, the audience, have also been waiting a long time, just like ena, and we have watched mizuki get ready little by little, we find ourselves perfectly positioned to empathise fully with both girls this event. we know the stakes and we feel them because real time has passed in the real world. over 3 years since ena's promise (around 1 in game). this build up felt as strong to us as it did to these two. we spend the whole event watching mizuki hype herself up – her hands are shaking, she can’t decide whether to message ena or not, she spends the whole festival smiling and enjoying it thinking it might be the last time she gets to laugh with niigo (and props to satohina’s voice acting because i could hear the anxiety in her voice the whole time). but you see, that’s exactly the issue. she even voices it, clearly, in her conversation with rui.

despite the fact that she is recognising that niigo probably won't reject her, she voices not only that she is scared of things changing, but also of being a burden.

"if i end up making them accept me"

"if i force them to talk to me in a certain way."

if you're trans, you know this fear. that people are humoring your identity out of politeness, rather than because they actually see you as who you are. for mizuki, this is coupled with the fear of losing her safe space where she's just one of the girls - they hang out and swap clothes and shop together and are so close. would things feel awkward if they knew she isn't cis? what if it's a burden on the rest of niigo, to be friends with someone like her? and mizuki hates being a burden, and this issue of hers gets discussed more in depth in ena5. because mizuki herself doesn't even recognise what she is saying rn as a major issue in this whole situation. she doesn't see that even if she gets to come out and it goes well, she'll still spiral. because meanwhile, this is ena:

the whole day, she's been watching over mizuki. miss "oblivious-as-all-hell-except-when-it-comes-to-this-pink-thing" has been worried all day, catching glimpses of mizuki's anxiety but shoving her worries aside in favor of trusting in mizuki and waiting until the end of the day as promised. she wants to do it right. she is ready to hear mizuki's confession, whatever it may be, and react the "right" way.

and see, here is why what happened, albeit horrifying, actually set them on a healing path much quicker than if mizuki had gotten the chance to come out to ena herself. because ena would have tried her best to react "well". and mizuki would have felt like she was "forcing" ena to accept her for who she is. that ena is only being kind, but things will never be the same. in time, the doubt would have eaten away at mizuki, and she would have tried to distance herself again and ena's efforts to pull her back would have taken much longer. the two of them would have needed to sit down and have a real, vulnerable heart-to-heart. from a storytelling standpoint, it would have been a nightmare to write right, and would have dragged on this arc for so much longer.

instead, we get this tragedy. mizuki doesn't get to come out, ena doesn't get to react the "right" way. mizuki sees her looking shocked (at the realisation that mizuki's coming out was robbed from them) and interprets her expression to mean that everything's changed. ena doesn't get to stop mizuki from leaving. they both suffer in between mizu5 and ena5. both of them unable to confide in anyone, all they have is remuneration. which is a net good for ena. she gets to get used to the idea, and to reflect on everything that happened. ena, always impulsive, gets the chance to sit with her feelings, unable to do much, for weeks. it's good for ena, as a character, to have failed in stopping mizuki at the festival. as a person, ena is terrified of failure, but she also always managed to pick herself up and improve herself afterwards (with her art, and in this situation too). failing in reaching mizuki at the festival, ena gets the opportunity to reflect on what she could have done better, and why mizuki felt the way she did. and when she finds mizuki, she finally gets to see her unguarded. mizuki, the girl who is always smiling and brushing everything off. in the confrontation at the end of ena5, mizuki, hurt by what happened at the school festival and weeks of isolation, gets to be completely, utterly vulnerable in front of ena for the first time. she voices all her fears: of things changing, of niigo walking on eggshells around her not to offend her, of people talking behind ena's back if they see them together. she doesn't want to be a burden. she just wants to be. and the doubt that she's just a burden on her friends will always eat away at her so what's the point? and ena is angry, ena (the bleeding heart of the group) tells her none of that matters. all that matters is that she loves mizuki. that she cares about their friendship. that nothing would hurt more than losing her. that friends aren't burdens. you don't "deserve" to be friends you just are. and what she's learnt about mizuki changes nothing. and she doesn't care if mizuki is uncomfortable with the idea, if she says something that hurts her, ena wants to know because she wants to do better because that's what friends do! and it's only because mizuki has experienced weeks without ena and the rest of niigo, and because ena is so hurt and has run so much she can't stand anymore, that mizuki manages to allow ena to break through the last of her walls. she falls to her knees, and cries.